Chapter 1

"I don't want it." That's exactly what Mari's long time crush had said to her. The words brutally truthful, like a spear had stabbed her. He had kicked her down into a never-ending abyss. Trampling over her once she reached the bottom just for the sadistic joy of it.

That's what his reply had been to her affections. To the love letter she had slaved away and racked her brain for weeks to write. She was a bridge. No, worse than a bridge, she was a set of stairs, stepped on and used; holding less value than a clogged toilet.

"I don't want it." Simple as that he had turned around and walked the other way. No hesitation, no backwards glance, no second thought. Everyone had seen her get rejected. The snickers from girls and guys alike as well as the pitying glances had nearly overwhelmed her. She'd worked so hard and he'd walked away from her, indifferent to her affections in front of all those people. He'd made her a laughing stock. She'd sprinted as fast as possible away from the madness of it all. She hadn't cried in front of all those people. People seemed to have a sick and perverse joy at witnessing the crushed dreams of another and she hadn't wanted to prolong the show for any of them.

At home, Mari shoved a big spoon of Chocolicious ice cream into her mouth. The rich taste of it was all that provided some reprieve from her pain-but that was then. Now all the creamy mixture tasted like was sadness, numbness, and the serial ache of rejection. Mari tossed the spoon aside and it crashed into something but she was too deep into her misery to care.

"Why would he do this to me," she sobbed into the phone as tears ran down her cheeks.

Her hair was no doubt tattered and messy, lined with caked on grim and oil; she didn't care any more. She had on her slacks and sweats and was prepared to give her "I've given up on the world" speech if necessary. Her hoodie was oversized and she'd pulled her knees into the fabric. She hadn't showered, hadn't bothered with makeup, hair or fashion in the slightest. Why should she? The only guy she ever cared to see it had rejected her.

"Even if you ask me..." Kirika murmured attempting to console her friend. Mari set her cell on speaker and fell back onto her couch. She didn't move even when her hoodie rode up uncomfortably.

"I really liked him, Kirika," Mari whined as she flopped over onto her stomach. "I really, really liked him..."

"I know you did, Mari," Kirika sighed, "but let's face the facts, okay?" Mari nodded despite the fact that Kirika couldn't see her. "Jongin is popular and intelligent, you're-"

"Less than dog food?" Mari finished the sentence.

"Don't say that. You two just have different interests." Mari rose her eyebrow and waited in her friend's silence for her to state what she was really thinking. "Okay, maybe to him you're less than dog food: possibly. That doesn't negate the fact that Jongin is a jerk and now you know where his loyalties lie. You're really a sweet girl, Mari. I'm sure there is another guy out there for you."

"I don't want another guy," Mari groaned into her pillow. Kirika sighed on the other end.

"Well, then we'll have to get him to like you... somehow," The way Kirika put it she made it sound as if it would be a chore.

"Well, don't say it like it's a chore..."

"Mari, you know I love you but if Jongin doesn't like you...you'll just have to move on and give em hell for. Let him see what he's missing and all?"

"Did you just read that off a blog?" Mari asked in an accusatory tone. Kirika squealed on the other side of the line.

"Even if I did, which I didn't, the phrase still applies. You can't make somebody love you Mari. Hearts don't feel things they won't no matter how hard you press."

"What?"

"I gotta go the parentals are calling me." And before Mari could respond Kirika had hung up the phone.

Mari sat up then and cast her troubled gaze about the room. She couldn't help but stare at all the varying colours of green and only the brightest shades of white that decorated her room. She'd always loved her room. Even as a high-schooler she still loved it despite how long ago it had been done. She'd gone for a total room makeover in grade seven and now the room had a perfect balance for her. The colours weren't quite girly but they certainly weren't tomboyish either.

Her room was one of the few things she dared love. This was because everything she loved either met a horrible fate or her and often she preferred the horrible fate over her unlucky nature. A flood of not so fond memories resurfaced and Mari sighed heavily. Momentarily she found herself wishing Jongin had perished instead of rejecting her. Not that she was cruel or anything of that sort, but it sure would've saved her the heartbreak. The odd thought made her smirk just a little. Possibly the first time she'd smiled in over a week.

In her defence he hadn't had to reject her so harshly. They'd been in the hallway at the time and she had little doubt that all his groupies were gonna make her suffer for even attempting to confess to him. Then again she'd never been lucky: ever. Not to mention it would've taken more than sheer luck for Jongin to like her back: it would've needed to be the power of a God. She sighed again and sat up before dropping her feet down off the couch. Honestly, if cupid was going to shoot someone why couldn't he shoot both parties? Or better yet, if he was gonna shoot only one person so the love was one-sided he should shoot to kill.

As soon as Mari stood she stumbled and she fell. Her knee slammed hard into her coffee table and sent a wild surge of pain ricocheting up her nerves. What was worse still was that her arms flailed and the ice cream she'd been eating spilled over the wooden floors of her room. She fought down a dying whale noise and calmed herself as the dessert leaked over the floor. She would've stayed perfectly calm had that been her ice cream to eat in the first place. The frozen treat had actually been her mothers favourite kind and had been completely and utterly off limits to her.

Despite that she'd snuck downstairs and snatched it. The feeling had been justified to her because the need to ebb the pain of rejection outweighed her mother's need for a diet she never followed anyway. She wondered if Jongin ever experienced rejection despite his good looks. In all honestly, if the roles could've been switched she would've rejected him in the worst way. She'd have completely shattered his heart to pieces like he'd done to her. When melted ice cream leaked past her she remembered the initial problem at hand and snatched up the tub. It was completely empty now, and emptier still because it hadn't been intended for her in the first place.

Things could be cool though, there was no need to freak out. All she had to do was run to the store and replace it. She had the time and the money after all. Rushing into her bathroom she wet a towel and for the time being tossed it onto the spill assuring herself she'd clean it up later but right now replacing the ice cream before her mom went for it after finishing dinner was the main issue.

Each step was heavy as she rushed about. She tossed the empty tub into a plastic bag, which she tied and placed in her shoulder bag. She then grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, trudging downstairs and called to her mom who was in the kitchen that she was going out. It was not like her folks would particularly miss her after all, she was just stepping out for a moment. Nothing too bad would happen in the span of a few minutes.

The second Mari was outside she opened the garbage bin at the side of the house and swiftly tossed the empty tub in the bag inside it. She'd probably be condemned for not recycling but the thought was the least of her worries compared to everything else.

It was a clear night out. One of those nights you could lay in the grass and stare up at the stars in the hand of another. The stars were bright and ever so luminous. The air wasn't too crisp and the signs of approaching autumn were everywhere. The leaves were beginning to fall from their trees and crunch with decay on the ground. The perfect night to lay in the arms of a boyfriend . . . a boyfriend she didn't have. Not for the first time Mari cursed happy couples the same way some couples cursed those who were single. If that weren't enough it also happened to nearing the season of autumn, the very season of cuddles and other relationship activities. It wouldn't be long before the sickening of couples holidays like Halloween parties, Christmas, New years, and the worst holiday of them all, Valentine's Day would be coming back around.

As Mari walked in the direction of the corner store leaves crunched under her feet. In a way she felt as if the universe was making fun of her. Everything about her was odd after all, and it wasn't paranoia when she reckoned the universe had always had it out for her. Kim Jongin, who had rejected her also happened to live on the same street as her. She'd have to walk past his house everyday, get a glimpse of him and feel like a fool everyday for the rest of her life until either he died or she went off to college. She would prefer the earlier thought but since he'd already horrifically rejected her he wouldn't die anytime soon.

Besides, wasn't the saying that the wicked never died early?

When she finally arrived at the corner store she went straight for the ice cream. Lucky enough for her they had Chocolicious ice cream in stock and she wouldn't have to walk farther tonight than necessary. Which was a good thing, she wasn't in any mood to stay outside for extended periods of time. She approached the register and the cashier mindlessly scanned her item. She heard the tinkle of the store bell as another customer walked into the establishment. That sound was followed by the brief sound of the fire truck siren wailing away before the door closed again and all was silent.

Upon paying for her items Mari exited the store and began her walk home again. She knew she shouldn't be so hung up on one guy, obviously she deserved better. Someone who would no doubt put her first in everything there was. She shouldn't have to be someone's second choice after all. She was worth more than that! She was Mari Kakori after all!...If only that title held a little more vigour and meaning... Mari sighed again heavily. Maybe she was just boring. She wasn't the prettiest either...so maybe, just maybe if she tried a little harder Jongin would actually like her. She wouldn't exactly be changing herself or anything, they were just improvements.

"Ma'am, you can't go near here," a voice broke into her thoughts and a hand stopped her.

"What?" Mari said quizzically. "Why can't I? I'm heading hom-"

But when Mari looked up a house was blazing. The same house she had passed, the same house she would've had to walk past everyday: the same house that was Jongin's. All that was left of the once extravagant residential home was a blazing inferno where their house had been: her jaw dropped. And standing not too far away were not only her parents but they were accompanied by the Kim family.

When Mari saw them she felt sick; sick to her stomach. She was sure she'd gone absolutely pale and that sickness must have transferred to her face because the officer asked if something was wrong. Yes, everything was wrong because not only was his family over there, they had a few belongings and were talking to her parents like they were old chums. Jongin and his family from this day...as much as she wanted to deny it...would most likely be moving in with her.