Lena stared at the ornament. It was a year where Nathan spent Christmas eve with her and her parents, and Christmas day with his mother. They did it every year. Until the year she turned 17, the year he told her mother she was a dyke. He was 19 she told herself. Callie called her a dyke the first day, and she stilled loved her with all her heart. Brandon had said it when he was 8 and mad at her, Mike had. But... This was different. She wanted him as her brother from the time she was little. And he never was. He pushed her away.
It wasn't going to change. She knew this, unless she took the first step. She had to, if nothing else for her own sake. To prove to her son, to all of her children that half, whole, adopted, siblings are siblings.
"Merry Christmas," her mother's voice rang out.
"Merry Christmas," Lena replied, a little more subdued. As soon as she heard her mother's voice the anger came back in a wave.
"I'm so happy you called, Oh we missed you all!"
"We miss you too," Lena said quickly, to stop her from going on.
"Hold on, let me out your father on the phone," Dana said, obvious to her daughter's shortness.
"Hold on..." Lena took a breath, "Actually, can you put Nathan on the phone?"
"Just a minute." Lena could hear the confussion her her mother's voice. To be honest, she was confused too, what was she doing? The silence of the wait scared her.
"...Hi Lena." She could hear it in his voice. Confussion, worry, maybe a little annoyance?
"Hi Nathan," she said, forcing herself to be cheerful, "Merry Christmas."
"umm, Merry Christmas."
Here it goes, Lena thought to herself. She had to make conversation for this to work, "Are you enjoying your Christmas?"
"It's alright," Nathan said slowly. Lena thought quickly. She had a degree in psychology. How does she make people who don't want to talk, talk?
"Mine's been alright too. Though I burnt the dinner."
She sighed in relief when he laughed. Humor, that's what will help her.
"Sue didn't make it?" Nathan asked with a chuckle, "Maybe she should have."
"Sue?" Lena asked confused.
"Your girlfriend."
"Oh, Stef? My wife. She's worse than me. If it was up to her we'd have pizza and guacamole." Lena tried to keep it lighthearted, but her heart sank a little. She's been with Stef for 11 years. He couldn't remember her name? And Stef and insisted on sending him a wedding invite. How do you just forget your sister got married?
"That actually sounds good!" Nathan said.
"Did Emma cook a good meal?" Lena asked.
"Yes, her and Beth made amazing fajitas."
"That sounds great. Beth's 13 now, isn't she?" Lena asked.
"Yes," Nathan sounded surprised, "And Cara's 11 and Sam is 8. How many kids do you have now? Dad was saying you're about to adopt two more?"
"Yes. Brandon is 17, Callie who we're working on adopting is 17, the twins are 15 and Jude is 13."
"Wow, 5 kids? Thank god you guys aren't having any more, right?" Nathan laughed.
Lena held her tongue. He doesn't know. She reminded herself. He couldn't be that cruel, to know and say something like that, "Nope, no more," she said lightly.
"I should go," Nathan said, a little hurridly, "I promised Sam I'd help him put together his skateboard."
"Ok," Lena said, "It was good to talk to you."
"You too, and Lena?" he asked softly.
"Yeah?" she asked, a little worried.
"I care about you. Your life, it's hard for me to understand. But I care about you. I want you to know. I'm sorry about what I said, that Christmas."
"It was so long ago," Lena said, trying to make light of it.
"I know, but I've never forgotten it," Nathan said, a little sadly.
"Neither have I," Lena admitted.
"If you're ever in Ohio, Lena..."
"You too, you have a place to crash if you're ever in LA."
Lena hung up the phone. It was a start. She said to herself. They would never be like her own children are together. But she refused to let them stay where they are now.