Just One Moment, an ouran high school host club fanfic

Disclaimer: Ouran High School Host Club does not belong to me blah blah blah.

Notes: I've had writer's block and this hasn't been edited too much. I'm afraid if I did, I'd just want to delete it and writing five thousand words? Too much work to throw away. The song was written for the challenge 10crongfics. in which you take strange songs and make songfics out of them. The song is Dance Hall Drug by Boys Like Girls. Also, this is in the anime universe.

Everybody always talked about how Kaoru was obviously the selfless twin. How he would probably do anything in order for Hikaru to be happy. They were right, of course. Kaoru had done a lot just for the sake of Hikaru. From little things such as eating the food he didn't want to eat. Other things such as doing something first, testing out the water for his older brother. If he ever stopped to think about it, which he did a little too much, everything was for Hikaru. His happiness, sadness, anger, health, everything. And when Kaoru thought a little more about it, love was sacrifice. And not the nice brotherly kind either. But the kind he probably would have been disowned for.

So just before they turned sixteen, Kaoru told Hikaru it was high time they tried harder to be separate entities. They were still HikaruKaoru. No and in there. That was a problem. Hikaru needed space. Hikaru needed a nice, pretty girlfriend that he'd marry and have beautiful kids with. He didn't need his hopelessly in love twin trailing around after him.

"Kaoru! That's--!"

"The best thing to do. You don't need me anymore, right? We're almost all grown up. We're not kids anymore. We shouldn't running to each other so much. It gives off the wrong idea."

"Since when has that mattered?!"

"Since more and more girls are looking at you."

"Us. And can't we have girlfriends and still be like this at the same time?"

Hikaru was so innocent and Kaoru loved him for it. He was also stubborn and it took Kaoru a week until Hikaru finally agreed. It had broken his heart just a little when a week after, Hikaru had found himself a girlfriend. But the younger twin knew that was completely hypocritical. He had asked for such a change and so he needed to face the consequences.

Except his heart ached. Hikaru let his emotions show, Kaoru hid his. He had read somewhere that that was bad. It caused stress or something on your heart. But a stressed heart seemed a much better prospect than a worrying and saddened Hikaru. So when he laid in his bed at night, Kaoru tried to stop himself from crying. He hated crying. It made him feel weak. Hikaru cried but it didn't make him weak, it made him more human and Kaoru thought that was beautiful in some deep, metaphorical way.

When rumors began about Hikaru getting all the way with his girlfriend--what did it matter what her name was? Kaoru didn't care. He seemed happy so that was all that mattered--Kaoru knew he had to move on. There was no point in harboring melodramatic feelings over your twin brother who would never return them.

He dyed his hair some blondish-reddish color and took advantage of the innocence he supposedly held. Finding a girl to try to take his mind of Hikaru hadn't been much of a problem.

Grown up

She just turned sixteen

The problem with the girl was that she was too shy. Every time Kaoru kissed her, her entire face turned red and it wasn't even cute. Hikaru wouldn't have blushed like that. Every time he tried to do anything farther than kissing, she would start shaking and act like he was about to rape her even though she had told him before she wanted him to take her virginity away. Hikaru wouldn't have been such a hypocrite.

He broke up with that girl only after three days. Hikaru had commented that she'd been cute and that Kaoru evidently had bad taste for breaking up with her. Kaoru felt his heart break a little more.

The next girl Kaoru tried was a little more assertive. She didn't blush like mad every time he kissed her, she moved into his touches but Kaoru couldn't stand the way she did her hair. It looked like dread locks. He broke up with her too. Hikaru said he was too picky. Him and his girlfriend had been going on a month strong.

Stuck in the moment

Dead at the scene

Girl after girl, he found some problem with each of them. Maybe the problem wasn't he was picky at all. Maybe he was gay. Maybe Hikaru was the only one for him. Maybe he was just a narcissist. Who knew. Kaoru tried a guy next.

The guy had longish, black hair and piercing blue eyes that constantly undressed him and it made Kaoru feel a little shy. He liked the feeling. He liked hanging out with him. He liked kissing him and having him touch him in places that made him moan and beg for more. Perhaps he was acting like a whore but he was in lust and it made him forget about his heartbreak momentarily. The only problem he had was trying not to call out Hikaru's name when he was coming. But other than that, he was older, had a job, and his own place. It didn't matter if Kaoru could have had any of that easily.

"Kaoru."

Kaoru smiled at the way he said his name against his neck as his hair brushed against his neck.

"Yes, Arata?" Kaoru liked his name too. It sounded sort of poetic.

"You know you're sexy right?" He took a moment to nip at his neck and Kaoru let out some little laugh.

"And you know that compliments like that don't flatter me, right?" Kaoru quipped back, teasingly.

Arata raised his head and smiled, brushing his fingers through Kaoru's hair. "Man, I love the way you act. Though I do got a confession. If it wasn't for this hair, I totally wouldn't know the difference between you and your brother. And the fact he always has that chick hanging off him."

That made Kaoru feel like his blood went cold and he turned his head away. "Oh really? So what? You'd be this way with him too?"

Arata only laughed loudly and wrapped an arm around him, pulling Kaoru dangerously close to his lap. At least they were alone in his apartment.

"Don't act so hurt and pissed off, my little Kaoru. You know that I've only been thinking about getting into your pants lately. You're too cute for me to think about any other guy."

Kaoru didn't like being called 'my little Kaoru' but really, it was the only flaw.

"Unless your brother acts just like you. Maybe a threesome?"

Kaoru glared at him and made to stand up before Arata took his arm and pulled him back down.

"Let go of me, Arata. I have my cell phone and just one call--"

"Yes, yes. I know. You'll get the Hitachiin security guards on my ass. Are all of you rich folk so dependent on that shit or something?"

Kaoru made sure not to look at him.

"I'm joking. God, I hate when you get in that bug in that adorable ass of yours. Do you really think I'd be into that incest shit? I told you, I only want to fuck you."

That incest shit. He made it sound so dirty. Which it was but Kaoru liked to keep that fact hidden to himself.

"Arata?

"Yeah?"

Kaoru grinned, settling himself on his lap. "Do you really want to fuck me?"

The black-haired man laughed and put his hands on the younger male's hips. "No shit, Kaoru. You're a fucking tease and knowing you're a virgin? Knowing that ass of yours has been untouched and thinking about that face of yours as I fuck you? Favorite jack off material. Fuck yes I want to fuck you."

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Kaoru kissed him. His heart had begun hurting when Arata had made the incest comment. He was still a virgin. And maybe if he just fucked Arata, maybe it'd turn into something more. Maybe he'd actually get feelings for him and maybe he'd just forget about his stupid love for Hikaru.

Kaoru knew he was lying to himself but he still wanted to take the chance.

And it's on tonight

This is the life that you wanted, right?

So turn off all the lights

Dressed up just like a movie star

At all the parties they'll know who you are

Wouldn't it be great, to be fashionably late?

So why don't you wait, till you're sedated

They were on Arata's couch and Kaoru knew he'd lose his virginity there. A more romantic side of him had wished it could have at least been on a bed but he was taking what he could have.

Arata pulled away and gave Kaoru a worried look. "Are you trying to tell me you want me to fuck you? 'Cause if that's it then I'm totally fine with that but if you're not ready for this, I don't want to hurt you. Make you do something you're not ready for."

With a roll of his eyes and hips, Kaoru sighed. "I'm ready. So just fuck me."

When Arata began kissing him again, Kaoru kissed back with just as much effort that was being put in by the other male. There was some nausea in his stomach. Kaoru guessed maybe it was nervousness.

Don't it feel like something's not right in his kiss tonight?

Arata led Kaoru to lay down on the couch as their kiss deepened, their tongues exploring each other's and Arata's hand slithered its way under Kaoru's shirt, playing with the nipples. It made Kaoru wrap his legs around the other man's waist and his hand to thread its way through Arata's hair. It was thin and Kaoru took notice of the little wave it had in it.

He wasn't supposed to be thinking about his hair or stupid things like that. He was supposed to be getting into this. He was losing his virginity. He was about to experience one of the greatest pleasures in life. Except his upset stomach was getting worse and worse and he felt like yelling out at him to stop.

But Kaoru knew that really wasn't an option. He had initiated this. He had wanted to forget Hikaru. Arata wasn't that bad of a guy. He needed to just have sex with Arata. Get it over with. Get his fantasies of Hikaru out of his mind.

He could feel Arata's hard-on and he noted that he wasn't even half hard. Maybe Arata knew too and that was why he began to unzip Kaoru's pants, sliding them down along with his underwear. When his hand gripped his cock, Kaoru tore from the kiss to let out some kind of squeak.

"Arata…"

He had said the right name. This night would go fine.

Yeah what I'm saying is do you, do you want to lose it all?

Cause this is more than just a dance hall drug

You can't wait to fall in love

All I'm saying is do you, do you want to learn to fly?

Then you should pack it up and say goodbye

Cause when the push comes to the shove

It's just a dance hall drug

"Mm, Kaoru. Let me get you hard, 'kay? Just leave it to me."

Kaoru moaned at that and noticed that he had hardened some and took Arata's shirt off, rubbing his back as Arata stroked at his cock. He had such a dirty mouth. Hikaru probably did too.

He frowned when his thoughts went back to his twin. This night was about him and Arata fucking. There was no room for Hikaru tonight. He wouldn't allow any thoughts of Hikaru barging in. He needed to fall for Arata, start a happy and serious relationship with him, and one day laugh about how he'd been in love with his brother.

Kaoru knew it was unlikely but he kept repeating it in his mind.

Step in and you can lock the door

The candles are lit and the clothes on the floor

You could take a chance on finding romance

Now you're holding hands

But he's got other plans

"Kaoru, listen, you want to go into my room or something? This couch isn't exactly the best place to do this. Don't want you to think back on this as something bad…"

His eyes had been closed for some reason and he opened them to look at Arata, noticing the lust that was flashing through his eyes and he smiled up at him. "You're acting like a gentleman."

"Yeah, I am. You're an awesome guy, Kaoru. I really don't want to be apart of something that'll make you hate me."

"I won't hate you. Just do it."

Perhaps terming it as 'just do it' wasn't the most romantic way of putting it but it was how he felt. He didn't love Arata, it was the truth. He was a great guy and he was fun but this wasn't an act of love. This wasn't something he had been fantasizing about. He had always thought maybe, just maybe, he'd lose it to Hikaru. Maybe they'd have some overly extravagant love confession. They'd look at each other with love in their eyes and they'd remember it as one of the best times of their lives.

To some extent, Kaoru knew he was just using Arata. It actually made him feel a little bad but it had to be done if he wanted to move on with his life.

"I need some, um, lube…there's some in my room…let's just go--"

"You're more nervous than me. You know that back pack I have? I have lotion in it. Use that."

Arata studied him carefully, stroking his cheek more affectionately than he probably should have.

"You're so blunt about this, Kaoru. You don't seem nervous at all. You don't even seem to be all into this. Do you really want me to fuck you?"

Tick-tock, the clock is turning red

"Do you want me to act more like a whore or something?" Kaoru challenged, his eyes darkening. "My pants are off and I'm telling you to go get my lotion. Should I start panting and begging like some slut?"

Arata sighed and sat up, rubbing a hand over his eyes, "I hate this. I know nothing about you."

"What does that matter? You can still have sex with me."

"You know, Kaoru, you're being really fucking insensitive about this. Can't you read all these fucking signs?"

Kaoru frowned. "What are you talking about, Arata? What signs?"

The room won't stop spinning and thoughts in your head

"It doesn't matter that the first thing we did when I met you was start making out with you. You were hot and yeah, that was basically what made me want you. I admit that. I admit that one of the top things on my mind was fucking the shit out of you. But believe it or not, you're not such a bad guy."

Kaoru had a bad feeling. He was sure this was going somewhere he didn't want it to.

"One of the first things I knew about you was that you were in love with someone."

"I-I…"

No words could come to his mind. What could he do? Lie? Arata was evidently smarter than he seemed.

"I knew you'd be easy. You'd want to forget all about the person you love. Probably why you're wanting me to fuck you right now and maybe two weeks ago, I would have fucked you in a second. But now? Not so much. I can't do it. I can't let this be a half-hearted thing. This isn't just a fuck to me anymore." He smiled sadly and then looked to him. "I really like you, Kaoru. I don't want to fuck you. I want to actually make love to you."

And for some reason, Kaoru began to cry. He sat up and just covered his eyes and let the tears fall. This was not something he'd been expecting. He had known that all Arata had wanted in the beginning was sex but he had thought they had become friends. This would be sex between friends. Maybe they'd become more as time went on but Arata liking him so much he wanted to make love to him? It reminded him of his own dreadful situation.

And it's too late

You feel like you're making a big mistake

You should've waited

"Why are you crying for, huh?" Arata asked, hugging Kaoru to him. He still didn't stop crying. "I'm the one being turned down here, aren't I?"

"It's just that you're right, okay? I am in love with somebody else and I was about to fuck you for no real good reason. I was selfish and didn't think about you. I just wanted to forget about…the person I love."

"Can I know who this person is? That way I can feel jealous over the right person."

Kaoru laughed a little but it was ruined by a sob.

"No. You're a great guy and if I told you, you'd never think of me the same way again. We're still going to be friends, right?"

"I wouldn't judge you. No matter who it is."

Kaoru shook his head and pulled out of his grasp, wiping the tears away from his eyes. "No, you'd judge me. Trust me."

They were silent. Kaoru couldn't think of anything else to say without hurting Arata anymore. He had never even thought of Arata in the grand scheme of things. He had always just said he wanted to fuck him and so it had been so easy to assume that was all that mattered. He couldn't say anything else without sounding like some bastard. He already did.

Reaching for his discarded pants, he pulled them on and sighed. His eyes burned from the crying he'd done and he smiled at Arata.

"Call me, okay? I can't love you but…"

"Yeah, yeah. Can't love me but we'll be friends, right?" Arata said numbly, giving some empty chuckle. "Know the routine, Kaoru."

"But I am serious. I do want to be your friend. So call me."

He nodded. "So are you and your true love ever going to get together?"

"Probably not. It's pretty impossible."

"Well, whoever it is would be totally fucking insane not to love you. Hope you know that. If I was you, I'd go after them right now. Actually, I just did so really, go do the same."

Arata stood up and walked to Kaoru, placing a chaste kiss to his lips that were unlike his usual heated ones and it left Kaoru feeling a little off.

"Sorry, had to steal one. Now off you go. Go tell the person you want that you need them. You'll feel better even if they turn you down. And besides, the idea of you feeling so depressed actually depresses me too."

Kaoru only gave him one last look and grabbed his backpack and left the apartment, sighing as soon as he got outside and the slight chilly wind hitting him.

Don't it feel like something's not right in his kiss tonight?

He called a limousine to pick him up. He didn't feel like walking, not sure if his legs would even be able to carry him back to his home. The limo got there in only a few minutes and Kaoru stepped in.

As he drove to his home, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe Arata did have a point. Maybe he would feel better if he just told Hikaru everything. Just get it off of his chest. But he wasn't sure how he could keep living normally if Hikaru turned him down and called him something like a sick bastard.

But Hikaru was still his twin. Maybe he wasn't giving him enough credit. Kaoru couldn't imagine Hikaru ever hating him. If Hikaru turned him down, he'd do it gently. Hikaru was brash but still caring. He'd probably tell him they'd still be brothers anyway but still, being turned down at all, even kindly, would still hurt more than saying nothing.

Yeah what I'm saying is do you, do you want to lose it all?

Cause this is more than just a dance hall drug

You can't wait to fall in love

All I'm saying is do you, do you want to learn to fly?

Then you should pack it up and say goodbye

Cause when the push comes to the shove

It's just a dance hall drug

When he saw they were home, he walked out and into his house, seeing that all the maids had gone to sleep. It didn't shock him. It was late. Hikaru was probably asleep. He didn't have a date that night.

He wouldn't tell Hikaru. Hikaru didn't have to know. It'd just bring him into the trouble that he didn't deserve. So he sighed and made his way to his room, looking sadly at the room both he and Hikaru used to share. Hikaru was sleeping in there and Kaoru found himself making his way there. His hand hovered on the door knob and he gulped.

What was he doing? Hadn't he just said he wouldn't tell Hikaru?

His body didn't listen to his mind and he turned to the door knob, peering inside.

Hikaru wasn't there. Maybe he had had a date after all. Kaoru shut the door softly and walked to his room, Opening it, he found that Hikaru was asleep in his bed. Why would he be there for?

"Hikaru," Kaoru said, shaking his brother awake. "Wake up."

Hikaru's eyes fluttered open and then widened. Obviously, he hadn't planned on getting caught sleeping in Kaoru's bed. He was still so easy to read and the thought was assuring.

"K-Kaoru! I…um….the reason I'm in your room is…uhhh…"

"What? Your bed is uncomfortable?" Kaoru teased, his lips twitching into a smile.

"No! I! I…fuck…"

Kaoru sighed and sat down next to where Hikaru's legs were. "Did your girlfriend break up with you or something and you needed your little brother to hug you and make it all better?"

Keeping things like this was so much better. They didn't need to complicate things. Hikaru didn't need anything like that.

"Actually, I broke up with her…"

Kaoru felt his own eyes grow larger and he looked to Hikaru.

"What?"

"Things…they weren't working out and I broke up with her. Then I wanted to talk to you but then I remembered you had that date with that Arata guy and just sorta…fell asleep here waiting for you. Didn't think about the fact you might stay there all night…" Hikaru wasn't looking at him anymore and even though the room was partially dark, the only light coming from the hall light from the slightly opening door, Kaoru knew there was a blush.

"Did you know you have a hickey on your neck?"

Kaoru was taken away from his thoughts and subconsciously brought a hand to his neck, covering where it was. "Oh. Yeah. I know. I forgot to cover it. Haha."

"Did you two fuck?"

Now that was something else he hadn't been expecting from his brother's mouth and he glared at him.

"I don't think that's your business."

"I think it is."

"Why?" Kaoru challenged.

"Because I'm your twin, damn it!"

"Why do you always use that excuse? Every time something happens with me or you want something, you use that same old recycled line. Well, guess what, Hikaru? It's a stupid reason. It doesn't matter if we're twins. We're friends. Whatever. My sex life is none of your business."

Hikaru was momentarily stunned, his eyes blinking once or twice. Then he glowered once again.

"I always use that excuse because we are twins and yeah, normal twins don't tell each other stuff like that but we aren't normal twins!"

"What? We're special?" Kaoru asked, sarcasm dripping from his every word.

Hikaru didn't answer back which Kaoru thought was strange. If there was a chance to get in some of his own words, Hikaru took the chance and began yelling. This time he wasn't and Kaoru was beginning to wonder if maybe his night was going to be even more hectic.

"I thought you'd tell me. Try to get the point through or something…"

"What? Hikaru, what in the world are you saying? Get what point through?"

When Kaoru took the chance to really look at Hikaru, he noticed something that scared him. Something he knew well enough and sat back down, grabbing Hikaru's hand out of instinct.

Maybe Arata had been right.

"I know the reason why you wanted us to separate was because you heard me."

"…What? Hikaru, seriously, you're not making any sense."

That was when Hikaru began crying and Kaoru began to feel like his life was never going to be sane again. Not that it ever really had been but there had always been some thread of sanity in his life. Now it felt like it was being unwoven.

"I know you heard me jacking off! I know you heard me call your name! 'Cause right after that you told me we had to stop being so close and basically avoided me! You heard me and you hate me and now you're off fucking that guy! And I'm sorry, Kaoru, but it just happened and if I could, I wouldn't be feeling this way about you and--!"

He was sobbing now and Kaoru was reminded of all the times he had cried like that and he held Hikaru to him, smiling and resting his head on his soft, red hair. Hikaru felt the same way back. Kaoru wished he could have come up with some metaphor or poem for this moment but nothing came to mind. The only words that kept repeating were 'Hikaru loves me too'.

"Hikaru, we're both idiots."

"Huh?" He was sniffling and Kaoru laughed a little, rubbing his back in a soothing way.

"I never heard you masturbating."

"…What?"

"You heard me. I never even knew you felt that way about me. I wasn't avoiding you because of that or the way you feel about me--"

Just wait love

Show 'em what you're made of

--I was avoiding you because I love you too."

Hikaru's head popped up, knocking Kaoru's out of the way and he looked to Kaoru in that sort of deer caught in the headlights way.

"…What do you mean?"

"Hikaru, what do you think it means? We're both freaks and are in love with each other. I love you, you love me. I want to be with you forever, you want to be with me forever."

Kaoru had anticipated Hikaru to start blabbering but he surprised him again and kissed him. Though the kiss felt completely uncertain and like he was frightened. Like he was testing the waters in case he'd been lied to. Since when had Hikaru thought ahead?

Don't it feel like something's not right in his kiss tonight?

"You…me…seriously?" Hikaru asked as soon as the kiss ended.

"Yes, Hikaru. I'm harboring incestuous feelings for you."

"Kaoru!" Hikaru shouted out, seemingly embarrassed by the term Kaoru had used.

The younger of the two laughed and laid his head on his shoulder. "It's the truth. But your kiss wasn't that great. Scared or something?"

"Yeah. I am scared. I mean…holy shit, Kaoru, I'm in shock and you love me and…what the fuck are we going to do?"

Do you, do you want to lose it all?

Cause this is more than just a dance hall drug

You can't wait to fall in love

All I'm saying is do you, do you want to learn to fly?

Then you should pack it up and say goodbye

Cause when the push comes to the shove

It's just a dance hall drug

Do you, do you want to lose it all?

Cause this is more than just a dance hall drug

You can't wait to fall in love

All I'm saying is do you, do you want to learn to fly?

Then you should pack it up and say goodbye

Cause when the push comes to the shove

It's just a dance hall drug

"After all this? Be together. Forever. Aren't you sick of this moping and feeling sorry for ourselves thing? Don't you want to be together?"

"…Yeah."

Kaoru felt Hikaru lift his head up with his hand and when Kaoru looked to Hikaru, Hikaru kissed him once again. This time, no uncertainty or fright in it at all. Kaoru kissed back, feeling himself smile as he did so. A weight had been taken off of him and even though he had worried for so long and it'd all been solved so easily, Kaoru couldn't find it in himself to care. He had been concerned for too long about it and he just wanted to relax. He had all he needed now. There'd be questions to ask later but not now.

"Things won't be the same," Hikaru stated after their kiss ended, acting as if he was bringing up some fact that hadn't been obvious.

Kaoru nodded. "You're right. When we start this relationship, we'll have to hide it because if anybody finds out, we might get lynched. Incest is supposed to be one of the most disgusting things around but we'll be committing it but do you really want to think about that right now? Haven't we already thought about it for too long?" He moved to lay down next to Hikaru, pulling him down so he'd lay down too. "Let's just be happy for right now. I don't want to worry anymore."

"Yeah, me neither," Hikaru agreed, smiling.

When he felt Hikaru wrap an arm around him, bringing him closer so he could hold him, Kaoru knew he'd have to worry again sometime. He'd have to feel anxious and wonder what might happen to them in the future. But when he heard Hikaru's breathing come to a peaceful rhythm, Kaoru knew they also needed just this moment of peace. They'd have too much to think about later.

He closed his eyes and smiled to himself, cuddling closer to his twin.

"I love you, Hikaru."

"Love you too."

More notes: I hate the ending. Also, nobody can date Arata. He's mine. I call dibs.