Canon Draco meets Fanon Draco on the train to Hogwarts in first year and vow to seek vengeance against the cause for the distortion of their character. Beware: Extreme Silliness Within!

Author's Note: I'm completely aware that this idea, and variations of it, have been done before. But I needed a break from all the angst and drama of my current projects—not to mention Real Life—and needed some lighthearted fun. I assure you all that my writing is not usually this bad! If you don't believe me, (insert shameless plug here) please do stop by my profile and see what else I've been working on! But with all that out of the way, I hope you have as much fun reading as I had writing!

When Draco Met Draco

By Alexa Johnson

Draco pushed his long blond hair away from his bright blue eyes, relieved that he had finally started Hogwarts. Living at home was unbearable, from the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father to the coldness of living at Malfoy Manor, and not to mention all the visits from the Dark Lord.

But he didn't have to think about that anymore, he reminded himself before he had the chance to go all angsty and hormonal, because he was on the Express now and his father couldn't hurt him. He'd suffered about one hundred Cruciatus curses from him the night before, it could've been more or less but he'd lost count—it was amazing he could walk now without showing any of the effects—and his father had broken all his bones and only healed them because heaven forbid a Malfoy walk out in public anything less than perfect.

He'd still had to suffer all night in agony, though.

Oh, here he was being emo again. He really needed to stop this.

He went to the next compartment and opened it, hoping it was empty so he could be alone with his miserable thoughts.

But it wasn't.

There was a boy sitting by the window, someone whom he didn't recognize. Without even bothering to ask if he could join the stranger, he went to the empty seat and sat down.

He glanced at the other boy, and couldn't help but feel that he looked familiar. He also had blond hair, and it seemed to Draco that they had met somewhere before.

"If you don't mind my asking," Draco began, "what is your name? I feel as though I've seen you before."

The boy looked him up and down haughtily, much like the way Lucius looked at him, Draco realized with a start, and said somewhat scornfully, "I don't remember saying you had permission to speak to me, but seeing as how you've brought it up you do look somewhat familiar. What's your name?"

"Draco Malfoy," Draco said, thinking this boy was a slimy git.

The boy blinked. "It can't be."

Draco was starting to become annoyed. It was his name, for Merlin's sake. "I would know, seeing as how it is my name. I'm the only heir to Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy."

The boy just shook his head, looking at him as though he were the idiot.

"You can't be the only heir to the Malfoys," the boy insisted, still sneering, "Because my name is Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."

Draco blinked, immediately taken aback. "You shouldn't lie about your family name."

"I'm not lying, you idiot. Besides, you have blue eyes and mine are obviously gray. And…are you wearing leather pants?"

"Well, if you're so certain you're the real Malfoy heir," Draco snapped, completely ignoring the slight to his attire (it wasn't his fault they made his ass look so good!), "let's compare, shall we?"

"Sounds good. You start," Other Draco said, waving a hand carelessly at him.

"Fine," Draco said. "My father has been grooming me for the Dark Lord since birth, but I think he's a crazy psycho and I would die or do Something Incredibly Heroic like sacrifice my life or something before joining him."

The Other Draco stared at him. "Are you completely out of your mind? The Dark Lord would give you so much power, and power is the best thing ever. My father says so. And my father always knows what is right for me, because well, he loves me."

It was Draco's turn to stare. "Lucius loves you? You mean, he doesn't curse you and abuse you for even breathing too loudly?"

"Are you kidding?" Other Draco exclaimed. "Lucius would never ever harm me. I'm his pride and joy, and we go and do Happy Things together."

"That is so…unfathomable!" Draco cried.

"What did you say?" Other Draco questioned, lifting an eyebrow imperiously.

"What?" Draco said, confused.

"That word…what was it..unfathomawhatsit?"

Draco just shook his head. "Unfathomable. It's an adjective, and means too deep to be measured or so mysterious or complicated that understanding is…"

"Yeah, whatever," Other Draco interrupted, looking bored and lazy. "You don't have to quote the dictionary at me."

"Aren't you intelligent at all?" Draco questioned, thinking this Draco—if that's who he really was—was as dumb as Crabbe and Goyle. "

"I do well enough, but I'm not into books. I spend all my time tormenting people and learning loads of Dark Curses. I learned one just today, I can practice it on you if you like…" he began, reaching for his wand.

"You don't have to, really," Draco assured him, continuing, "if you really want to join with the Dark Lord and everything."

"Of course I do, it's what I was born for and he's just so right!" Other Draco said.

Ignoring this statement, Draco asked, "So if Lucius loves you, what about Narcissa?"

"Oh, her?" Other Draco said, bored again. It seemed the only topic he was really interested was the Dark Lord. Oh. And power. "Yeah, she loves me alright. It's kind of annoying actually. She fawns all over me and always cries when I leave home for anything, even if I'll only be gone for two hours. Father wanted me to go to Durmstrang, but mother couldn't bear the thought of having me so far away. So now I have to go to Hogwarts with that Muggle lover in charge."

"This is so unfair," Emo!Draco cried. "How come everything good happens to you? Why can't I have someone love me? All I want is to be understood!"

"Those leather pants love your ass," Evil!Draco observed, smirking again.

"Well this is obviously all some big mistake. We're the same person but we're not. How could there be two of us, yet each be so different?"

"Well," Evil!Draco said slowly, as though thinking this hard were causing him a great amount of effort, "Lucius did tell me of this place, this place that was just as evil as Muggles and Mudbloods."

"Really?" Emo!Draco questioned, looking dubious.

"Yeah," Evil!Draco said. "It's this realm called Fanfiction."

"So this place has distorted my character so much that two Draco's emerged?"

"No, idiot," Evil!Draco snapped, "the people who do this thing called Fanfiction distorted my character because the girls always try to make me some Gryffindor, some hopeless pathetic loser who wants to do stupid things like try to be redeemed." He turned thoughtful. "But then, they do always give me dashing good looks and extreme amounts of intelligence, which you apparently have…"

Ignoring him once more, Emo!Draco suggested, "So it seems like the only thing to do would be to track down those responsible and make them pay for what they've done to me. Us, I mean."

"That sounds pretty good to me. One condition, though. No Gryffindor heroics allowed," Evil!Draco sneered.

"Sure," Emo!Draco conceded, "but I have another. You're not allowed to act like a mini-Dark Lord."

"I'll try, but no guarantees," Evil!Draco hedged. They sat glaring at one another while the Express pulled into the station, and as Emo!Draco hurried to leave the compartment before his Sadistic Counterpart, said Sadistic Counterpart called after him:

"Hey! Do you have an extra pair of leather pants?"

Mischief Managed
Well I hope everyone enjoyed this random bout of silliness on my part, and please do send a review along to let me know if I succeeded in trying to write something funny, since pure humor isn't my thing. And I know 'emo' isn't a real word…but I wanted to use it anyway. Haha. And I really mean no offense. I happen to like Fanon Draco to an extent, but only if he's written well and put in a somewhat believable position.

But thanks for reading, and reviewing!