I do not own Star Trek or Mean Girls or this parody. It was written by my friend Marcelle (who does not have a Fanfiction account). I have her consent to post this parody. I hope you all enjoy it. Now, without further ado, Marcelle's parody:

Uhura: "That one there, that's Carol Marcus. She's one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Bones sat next to her in med training last year."

Bones: "She asked me if teeth could turn orange."

Uhura: "That big one, that's Jim Kirk."

Bones: "He's totally famous because his dad blew up the Kelvin."

Uhura: "Jim Kirk knows everybody's business, he knows everything about everyone."

Bones: "That's why his sideburns are so big-they're full of secrets."

Uhura: "And evil takes a Vulcan form in Mr. Spock. Don't be fooled because he looks like your typical, smarty, green-blooded, pointy-eared hobgoblin, but in reality, he's so much more than that."

Jim: "Get in loser, we're going to catch Khan."

Jim: "Spock thinks he's gonna file a report and not tell me? Who does he think he is?!"

Bones: "You're right, Kirk."

Jim: "I like saved him, you know what I mean?"

Delivery Guy: "Torpedo delivery!"

Random Dude: "Alright, hurry up."

Delivery Guy: "Montgomery Scott, two for you... Keenser? Four for you Keenser, you go Keenser! And uh... James Kirk, do we have a James Kirk here?"

Jim: "It's Jim."

Delivery Guy: "Oh, Jim, here you go, one for you. And none for Khan, BYEEE!"

Bones: "Spock, I'm sorry I called you a green-blooded hobgoblin. It's not your fault you're so green-blooded."

Admiral Tyler Perry: "Where's Jim?"

Pike: "He's out."

Admiral Tyler Perry: "He's suspended!"

Pike: "Are they not supposed to be let out when they're suspended?"

Jim: "I have this theory that if you cut off all Spock's hair, he'd look like a Romulan."

Val: "Chekov, if you're from Russia, why are you so hot?"

Marcelle: "Oh my gosh, Val, you can't just ask people why they're hot!"

Bones: "Hey you're taking the Kobayashi Maru!"

Jim: "Yeah, I want to pass."

Bones: "Eww, why?"

Jim: "Because I don't believe in no-win scenarios."

Bones: "That's beautiful... this guy is deep."

Jim: "He took them back. Khan took the torpedoes back."

Spock: "Oh, no, Jim…"

Jim: "Why would he do that?"

Spock: "Because he's a life ruiner. He ruins people's lives."

Spock: "That is so logical."

Jim: "Spock, stop trying to make logic happen! It's not going to happen!"

Scotty: "On Wednesdays we wear red shirts."

Spock: "Jim Kirk...how do I begin to explain Jim Kirk?"

Uhura: "Jim Kirk is flawless."

Sulu: "I hear his jawline is insured for 10,000 dollars."

Chekov: "I hear he kills entire Klingon Patrols...on Kronos."

Scotty: "His favorite food is apples."

Bones: "One time he met Spock Prime on Delta Vega...and he told him they were friends."

Khan: "One time he punched me in the face...it was awesome."

Bones: "Why should Kirk get to fly around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get shot by his big guns? What's so great about Kirk? Hm? Bones is just as cool as Kirk. Bones is just as smart as Kirk. People totally like Bones just as much as they like Kirk. And when did it become okay for him to be the captain of the Enterprise, huh? Because that's not what Starfleet is about. We should totally just HYPO Kirk!"