A/N: It's been a while. I'm still alive. I've been pretty busy with my life these days. As a news flash, I'm actually in art school now! I go to the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and the projects take me forever to do, and I spend all my days, from 9am till 4pm, in class, and it's 30 minutes getting there and 30 minutes back, and I stay late most days for projects and Japanese lessons, and on Mondays I have class till 9:00pm, meaning I get home around 9:40 or so... so I have very little time to work on my actual homework. If I get free time, I tend to do personal artwork (as compared to school artwork), though even that is rare nowadays, and I have to squeeze it into my breaks between classes if anything. When I write something, I usually need a HUGE extended period of free time without any other worries. Without that, I can't write. I need to do the whole thing in one sitting, which usually takes 7 hours for a proper 4,000+ word chapter. Tonight was an exception because I was really emotional, after having found out my parents sold my car without telling me about it, and in my state of trying to vent, I poured out this rather realistically-influenced story.

A lot of fanfictions are based in a once-upon-a-time fantasy setting with a happy ending, and to tell the truth, this story doesn't really have an ending, even when I try to imagine it. It's meant to be a moment in time in Pan's life, and it's influenced a great deal by realism. In essence, it's a Trunks-Pan fic... but it's not a get-together, at least... not in this story. They could potentially get together someday in this story's world, but the timing right now is bad, since they both have their own lives to lead until they find a common path one day.

All the dialogue is inspired by realistic speech. If I were to write this in traditional fanfiction format, I'd add all kinds of extraneous dialogue, and give them an adventure or two... but for this case, I wrote this quite candidly, and I prefer it this way. It was good to write again. Maybe a few of you may relate.

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There were few times in Pan's life when she could say she felt lonely. She usually had some form of comfort lying around, like a good book, a video game, even her teddy bear or pillow helped sometimes, though the occasion was rare. She never really let anything get to her. She rarely cried anymore, merely because she was never fazed, though she was far from feeling that degree of depression anyway. This feeling was more of one realizing her own loneliness – a sort of mind despair, knowing there was no one to really connect with, and all those with whom she could feel that chemistry were so far away, or leading their own lives.

Pan was still living at home, even during college. That year, she had been assigned to live in an all-girl's dormitory, and after two months in what she considered an unofficial brothel, she opted to come home more often, until it became a regular habit enough for her to move all her important things out of her dorm room and bring them back home.

Making friends had never really been her specialty, and it was all but impossible for her now that she commuted every day. She had a few class friends, but never really partook in any evening events. It also hurt that her friends were unable to visit, because she lived 5 hours away via car (45 minutes if she flew fast enough to just be below the super-sonic barrier that would wake every person within 20 miles if she crossed it in the morning).

The only friend she could really say she had was Trunks, though he had been undergoing a bit of cabin fever in the past few years after quitting his position as president of Capsule Corp., and usually spent his days traveling as the official voice of the company instead, while doing some freelance personal work on the side. The longer Pan spent away from him, the more she felt they were losing the connection they had before she went away to school. It wasn't that they weren't friends anymore… but rather, they didn't really talk as much anymore, so it felt more and more awkward trying to call him and understanding what was going on in his life.

Pan really missed her grandpa. Goku was the only person in her life that made everything, even a trip to the beach, an adventure. He inspired her to see the enjoyment of even the smallest things in life. He was a real inspiration, and she took most of it for granted during the year she was able to really know him. After he left, she really began to realize why he left such an imprint on everyone he met. She began to rely on her uncle Goten more as a slight replacement for her grandpa, because in some ways his cheeriness reminded her of her grandpa, and he also tended to make things fun, but the difference was that Goten and she would usually end the night fighting about petty things, and he'd want to off and meet new people, while Pan would usually keep to herself. After all, they were only relatives going out on the town every so often, and he was more than free to meet as many girls as he liked. It only increased Pan's sense of aloneness when times like that would occur, because it rubbed in even more that she didn't have someone all to herself.

She didn't really want a boyfriend, though. The truth is, she never really had one, and after realizing her lack of chemistry with most of the male population, and how things would usually end awkward by the end of the night, she somewhat lost interest with the concept of dating altogether. Plus, it was even more awkward to consider dating a boy while living at home. Sure, she could move back to her assigned single dormitory room to be around the school more often, but she really lacked that desire. There was no true motive to get her to go out of her way like that.

Pan sat on the bed hugging her pillow, pretending it was someone hugging her. Perhaps that was what she was missing most – the hugs. It wasn't like she wanted someone to comfort her and kiss her, like a boyfriend would. It was that she missed feeling loved and appreciated, and hugged at random intervals besides saying hello or goodbye. She wanted to be able to walk somewhere with someone, and just stop and hug him to let him know how much she appreciated him being in her life; how much she wanted him to know how she loved him just for being there.

Images of Trunks once again tended to be the default daydream for her. She hugged her pillow tight imagining it was him, and felt a little better by the artificial comfort. It vanished however, as quickly as the door started to pound by someone knocking.

"Pan," Gohan knocked again, "You should go downstairs and say hi to Trunks."

"Huh?" Pan threw the pillow back to the headrest, "Trunks is here?"

"Yeah, he and Goten are going out. Did you want to say hi to him before they go?"

"What!" Pan's surprise turned to a sharp anger as she stood up and realized she was wearing the ugliest shirt ever, "Goten never told me he was going out!" She ran to the closet to pull out a better shirt, and ended up throwing hangers all over her bed while quickly trying to find a nice replacement.

Gohan knocked again, "You should come quick, Pan, they're leaving."

"Hold on! Hold on, tell them to hold on!" Pan tore off her shirt and tried to scramble into a white blouse, "How long has Trunks been here?"

"Pan, they're waiting for you!"

"Hold on!" Pan growled as she realized she could see her bra through the shirt, and tore off the blouse, "I'm changing."

"Just wear what you're wearing, Pan."

Pan felt more than annoyed at how men never understood women. It wasn't like she could magically find the right top to wear. But alas, she found the next best one, which was a thicker white blouse, a little wrinkled, but was good enough to throw on last-minute. "Hold on!"

After throwing the shirt on, she quickly paced to the door, and passed by her father who frowned as she passed, "What was wrong with what you had on before?"

"Is he still here?" Pan quickly ran down the steps, not bothering to look back.

"They're in the kitchen."

As Pan sprinted down the last of the stairs, she instead saw Trunk standing by the front door, saying his valedictions to Videl and Chi Chi. Pan ran over to him, and as he saw her, his grin turned into a bright smile, "Hey Pan!"

"Heeyyyy!" Pan hugged him tightly, savoring the solidness as she felt his shirt fabric rub against her cheek, feeling flushed, and for once, warm and alive, cherishing the moment as he had his arms around her, "I missed you."

Trunks pulled away and looked down at her, "You look good. How's school?"

"I've really missed you." Pan said it again as if he didn't hear it the first time, and looked away to the bookshelf as she shrugged, "It's okay. I'm doing fine in all my classes."

"What are you taking this semester again?" His smile lessened a bit to become a slight grin.

"Oh… uh, some of the basic classes, I guess," Pan tightened her lip and shifted her balance to one foot while looking down, "I still dunno what I wanna major in."

"That's fine. There's no rush, right? You still have another year or so to figure out your life." Trunks adjusted his shirt as Goten walked outside and used the remote to open the carplane.

Goten called behind him as he continued to stroll, "Come on, Trunks, we'll be late!"

"Hey, I gotta go. I'll see ya later, k?" Trunks bent down to kiss her quickly on the cheek, then nodded his head to Chi Chi, Videl, and Gohan who was coming down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Pan frowned as she watched him jog toward the vehicle in which Goten had taken the passenger seat.

"Isn't it great!" Chi Chi put her hand on Pan's shoulder, "They're trying out a dating service! I can't believe my baby is finally thinking of settling down!"

"Haha," Gohan laughed as he walked up to them, "I wouldn't get your hopes up, Mom. Remember what happened last time he came back with a girl from a dating site!"

Videl and Gohan began to laugh about some esoteric memory that Pan knew nothing about, nor did she care. She felt pangs of hurt watching the carplane take off and fly north. She walked outside, even though it was a little chilly, and kept her eyes on the plane as it got smaller above the horizon, eventually going behind some trees so she couldn't see it anymore. Everyone was laughing inside, while Pan stood out there, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling slightly colder from within than the breeze that slightly ruffled her wrinkled white blouse.

"Hey Pan!" Gohan called out to her as he held the door with his right hand, "Come back inside, Grandma and Mommy made dinner."

The crickets chirped as Pan didn't say a word and walked back to the house. Maybe she'd get to see Trunks again later, after they got back, if it wasn't too late. Until then, she tried not to think about it and instead set her mind on enjoying her Grandma's cooking while sitting with her family… And perhaps the pillow on her bed which was probably the most perpetual friend of her life.

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10/15/06