Voyager and the Bug
Captain Janeway strode onto Voyager's bridge to start the daytime shift. One by one the senior officers appeared, with Tom Paris predictably last.
"Forty seconds early, Mr. Paris. This must be some sort of record!" grinned Chakotay, eliciting a chuckle from the Captain.
Bringing the usual banter to an end, Tuvok spoke loudly, pressing buttons on his console.
"Captain, I am detecting a spatial anomaly twenty thousand kilometres off our port bow."
"Confirmed, Captain," added Harry. "I am reading…something."
"Can you be more specific, Mr. Kim, or is it a little early in the morning?"
"It's a distortion wave, it's – wait, I'm getting something else. Something is coming out."
Janeway stood and turned to face her security officer. "What is it, Tuvok?"
"It appears to be a small craft of an unknown configuration. Its propulsion systems are off-line. Bringing it up on screen…now."
Every person on the bridge turned simultaneously towards the viewscreen. Paris laughed, pointing at the image of the ship displayed in from of him.
"Looks like a frog, or an insect or something!"
"Life signs?" asked Janeway, examining the craft closely. It was unlike any vessel they had encountered so far during their travels through the Delta Quadrant.
"I am reading three life signs, Captain. One human, one hologram and a feline humanoid."
Janeway turned to stare at Tuvok.
"Feline humanoid?" She raised her eyebrows enquiringly.
"A cat man, Captain," joked Tom.
"Hail them, Harry," ordered Janeway. There was a brief pause as Kim quickly tapped buttons.
"They are responding, Captain, audio only."
"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. Do you require assistance?"
The comm system crackled, then a man's voice spoke.
"Well, we could use some beer, and maybe…a chicken vindaloo?"
Janeway turned to Chakotay who shrugged. Janeway leaned towards him and said quietly "In all my years aboard starships that's got to be the strangest thing I've heard on making first contact."
Chakotay nodded his agreement.
"To whom am I speaking?" demanded Janeway, sitting back down in her chair to await the reply.
"Oh, sorry, Lister, Dave Lister. Listen, we're a bit confused over here – where are we, and where are you from?"
Janeway could hear a voice talking over the mysterious Mr. Lister in the background, demanding that it speak to her, and she waited.
"Ah, Captain Janeway, delighted to meet you. I am Captain Arnold J. Rimmer of the Starbug. Perhaps we could come aboard your ship and discuss our…situation?"
The Captain turned again to Tuvok. "Do you detect any threat from these people?" she asked.
"Negative, Captain. Weapons are minimal."
"Captain Rimmer, we will beam the three of you aboard. Prepare for transport."
"Wait, Captain," the first voice spoke again. "There are four of us – me, Rimmer, Cat and Kryten. He's a mechanoid, erm, he needs a few repairs though. By the way, Rimmer's not really a captain, he –"
"Lister!" A strangled hiss was all Janeway heard before communications were abruptly cut off. She rested her head on her hand and smiled, with the distinct feeling that this would be an…interesting encounter.
***********
Janeway, Tuvok and Seven-of-Nine arrived together in transporter room 2. The Captain nodded at the crewman manning the transporter, signalling him to energise. Four figures materialised on the transporter pad.
The human was dressed in what Janeway would only loosely refer to as clothing. Stained and rumpled, the man did possess a cheeky grin, and she suspected that this was the individual calling himself Dave Lister.
Next to him stood a man dressed in an all-in-one purple catsuit which reminded Janeway of Seven-of-Nine's usual attire. He was impeccably groomed with the whitest teeth she had ever seen, and as she looked closer she saw that the canines were long and pointed. 'This must be the Cat', she surmised.
To the left of the Cat was the hologram – rather obvious because of the large letter 'H' on his forehead. He looked more like an officer, wearing a blue uniform with polished shoes and a neat haircut. Then there was the mechanoid, not as human-looking as the Enterprise's Commander Data, with a square-cut face and a metallic body covering.
The four slowly stepped forward and Janeway greeted them in the usual manner, introducing Tuvok and Seven in the process. The scruffy human replied first.
"Hi, Captain, wow, what a great ship you've got. And that was some ride over here! Oh, sorry, I'm Dave Lister, this is the Cat, Rimmer and Kryten."
Cat had sidled close to Seven-of-Nine, who regarded him suspiciously.
"Can I help you?" she demanded, fixing Cat with a steely stare. Cat sniffed and grinned.
"Sure, baby, you can help me any day! What's say we take a walk, have dinner, get to know each other?!"
"All in good time, Mr Cat," interrupted Janeway. "For now, let's start with the basics. Tuvok, escort our guests to quarters, see that they get a hot meal and a bath for those who…need it. Briefing room, one hour."
"Aye, Captain. This way, please."
The visitors trooped out after Tuvok, leaving Janeway and Seven-of-Nine completely and utterly bewildered.