Tearing Myself Apart

Chapter One: Nightmares

"Sakura..." His lips trembled as he stared at the sight before him. There stood Sasuke with that very girl under his blade. She turned to look at the boy with pleading eyes.

"Naruto, Help me." Gentle drop streaked down her face.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk Naruto you're already too late." Sasuke smiled and his sword pierced Sakura's chest. Naruto watched in horror as the love of his life was murdered in front of him. Sasuke pulled his blade from Sakura's body.

"Naru..." Sakura went limp and fell to the ground. Naruto ran to her as fast as he could screaming out her name. He fell to his knees as he reached her lifeless body. He raised his hands shakily as he caressed her face searching for some kind of life.

"Why?" He looked up at Sasuke with tears streaming down his face. "WHY!?"

Sasuke looked at him oddly and said "Why? Because you are weak. Naruto, you're pathetic. You couldn't even save the person you love most."

"Shut up."

"There's no escaping the truth. You're a dobe and always will be. You're not even worth killing." Sasuke merely turned his back and walked on.

"Sasuke! Come back here!" He sobbed aloud. Naruto watched his figure disappear and then turned back to Sakura. "You didn't deserve this. You weren't suppose to die. I... I love you Sakura-chan." He wished this weren't real. He wanted to get away from everything. Naruto didn't want the responsibility of having a Jinchuuriki. The lone boy slouched over and grasped his head.

He screamed for...

Naruto rose from his sleep, coughing. He keeled over his bed and vomited the contents of his stomach onto the floor. The blond boy wipe his mouth and sighed.

The blond boy rose from his bed with an large headache. Throughout the boy's mind was a hollow laughter riveting through his mind. He fell to his knees and grunted from the intense pain coursing through his head. His blue eyes squeezed shut trying to ignore the pain. Then a sensation of relief washed over him and he gasped for air as the pain lifted.

'What's wrong boy? Having some bad dreams?" The fox in his head laughed mockingly.

Naruto ignored the demonic voice and propped himself up by the nearest wall. He hadn't slept properly in a few weeks. He would often wake up from these horrid nightmares. On occasion, everyone has a nightmare, but these seemed to plague him with an undying fervor. They were always so lucid and realistic. The thing that they all had in common, and what scared him the most, was that they were all about Sakura's death.

"Hmph!" Sakura had not seen Naruto in a couple of weeks. She had checked Ichiraku, but they said he hadn't been there the last couple of days. The odd thing was that Sakura had bumped into him on the street at the market...

Flashback

"Forehead! C'mon get up. You promised me you help me pick out some dresses damn it and you're going to!" Ino banged at her front door.

"Alright, alright! Calm down Ino-Pig."

"Cheer up, Sakura. It's your day off. Try to have some fun!" Ino spoke as she grabbed Sakura's arm and sped off.

Once they reached the market Sakura had lost track of Ino. She seemed a bit crazed as she went on a shopping spree from hell. Sakura caught sight of the blond in the distance at a rather expensive looking store. Sakura would have to put the blond haired girl down before she ran her self into the ground. Financially, of course.

"Ino! In... Ugh!" Sakura groaned as her bottom hit the floor. She looked up to see her teammate.

"Naruto?" Their eyes met and he stared at her with his mouth agape. Sakura stood up and dusted herself off. She returned her gaze to her teammate and noticed that he look somewhat scared, like he had seen a ghost. "Naruto are you..."

"I'm so sorry, Sakura." Naruto cut her off. He averted his eyes from her own. "I should have been looking where I was going."

"Don't worry, I'm fine, but are..."

"Sakura, I um... I... I... really gotta go." He cut her off once again with a meek whisper and began running into the distance.

"Okay..." Sakura stared at his disappearing figure.

"Forehead! Hello? You there?" Sakura jumped at the somewhat loud voice of her boisterous friend. "Jeez. What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." She responded, still gazing at the direction Naruto took off in.

Flashback end

'I hope he's okay...' Sakura tilted her head to the side and thought of any other places he could be.

"Baa-chan?" Tsunade looked up to see, what looked like, a rather fragile Naruto. The golden tanned skin the boy once donned was now rather pale. His eyes seemed to be in a different place. His body structure itself seemed to lacking some mass. He looked weak and faint.

"Naruto, my god, what has happened to you?" She rose from her desk and walk towards the boy, placing her hands on his shoulders. Naruto looked down and started to cry.

"I'm scared Baa-chan. I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep having these nightmares, but their so real. I feel like I'm actually there."

"Naruto everyone has dreams whether they are bad or good." Tsunade said rubbing his shoulders. She knew the situation was than a simple nightmare. The boy look like a complete wreck.

"You don't understand." He whispered.

"Then help me understand, Naruto. Tell me what's wrong."

"In every one of these dreams Sakura always dies."

Yamanaka Inoichi sighed and knocked on the door before him.

"Come in." He opened the door to see Tsunade with her hands clasped in front of her mouth. The Hokage gestured for the blond haired man to sit down.

"Yamanaka-san, this is an informal meeting and off the record. What is spoken of in this room does not leave it. Do you understand? Now how did Naruto's psychiatric evaluation go."

"Tsunade-sama, the boy is a complete mess. When I first entered his mind I could already sense foul play at hand. The demon within the boy is inducing these nightmares, but only by a partial extent."

"What do you mean 'partial'?"

"Well, it would seem that while the fox does force these dreams with information from his memories, he does nothing more. Naruto has complete reign of all actions and events that occur. Place, date, time, people who are there, and what they do is all up to him. The demon is giving him the ability to have dreams that seem so realistic it would cause symptoms like shock, sleeplessness, and fear. I witnessed some of a dream and it's extremely detailed. These type of dreams are not normal in an average human being's mind. It's like all of his greatest fears are becoming real right before his own eyes."

"Why would he re-imagine all of his fears?"

"I don't know. I mean, my guess would have to be a certain event in the past triggered the nightmares that he's forcing himself to watch. I noticed that wasn't all. Locked in the depths and recesses of his mind are extreme feelings of depression, neglect, and anger. This is years and years of torment, but not from physical pain. It's all psychological and emotional." Inoichi breathed deeply and continued. "Take his current condition, add the depression and anger from his past, and couple it with the psychosomatic illness caused by being chased by a group like Akatsuki and you have yourself an extremely self-destructive path." Inoichi sighed once again. He sharpened his gaze and stared Tsunade right in the eyes. "It's seems to me like he's trying to tear himself apart."

"Naruto does not realize that his own mentality is causing this damage."

"Yes. I believe the that all the factors that are against finally snapped his subconscious in half. Naruto's mind is trying to rid his problems by ending his own life."

"As of right now, what is our best course of action with all factors taken into account?"

"First, no strenuous situations, or any missions at all. Secondly, he should have someone to comfort him at times. Thirdly, he cannot be directly confronted with the problem at hand. It might put more strain on him, and if he were to know, the demon might take action. He has to know what he has to live for before the fox can try to prove us wrong."

"Thank you, Yamanaka-san. You may go." Inoichi rose from his seat and headed to the door. As he reached for the handle, he stopped himself. The blond man looked hesitant but spoke.

"Tsunade-sama, I know you specifically told me not to observe the dreams fully from the boys mind, but maybe if I knew more about them I could help. These dreams are most likely focused around the trigger that is causing them or at least related in some way."

"I believe I said you were dismissed." Tsunade stated firmly in tone. The man bowed and left. "Shizune! Send for Yamato."

Kakashi opened his eyes at the sound of knocking on his door. 'Damn it! What the hell could these people want. I just got out of the hospital.' The masked man walked to the door and opened it to find one of his own students. "Sakura? What are you doing here?" He questioned with a curious eye. She looked down and shuffled her feet.

"Kakashi-sensei, I can't find Naruto anywhere. I've checked all of his usual spots. Not a single clue as to where he could be. I'm a little worried." She waited a moment for a response and looked up to see the man stuck in his own world of smut. "Kakashi-sensei!"

"Hmm...? Oh, yes. Look Sakura, why don't you go ask Tsunade-sama. I have some other things to attend to." Her teacher then proceeded to close the door in her face. Sakura had to restrain herself from punching the door down and strangling him, but she too had other business to attend to.

Jiraiya jumped onto the window ledge and leaned against the frame. "Tsunade care to explain why my student is in the hospital?" He eyed her carefully as the Hokage stood and turned around to see the overview of the city.

"His psyche was checked." Tsunade raised her hands and massaged her temples.

"Good or bad?" Jiraiya asked frowning.

"Bad Jiraiya, very bad."

Yamato opened the door and bowed before the sannins. "You summoned Hokage-sama?"

The 5th Hokage turned around and stared straight at the team leader. "Yamato, between the time of the return of Uzumaki Naruto and now, I need all mission reports within that time period. We are going to review each one, personally. I want to know each and every detail of each mission starting with the latest mission." She announced with a stern face.

"Hai! Hokage-sama." Yamato obeyed and left to retrieve the reports.

"You gonna tell me what exactly is going on?" Jiraiya questioned with a somewhat frightened curiosity.

"That has to be it. Nothing else makes sense." Tsunade spoke as her eyes scanned over the report.

"Yes, it seems so. I guess I shouldn't have told him." Yamato nodded his head in agreement.

"The fox almost killed her at the Tenchi bridge, and Naruto loves the girl, so it makes sense that it would take this kind of toll on him." Jiraiya said.

"Well, now the fox is trying to kill him." Tsunade turned her head to Jiraiya.

"Do you remember when I told you of the second time I almost died?"

"Yes." The others responded in unison.

"I don't believe I ever told you the whole story..."

Flashback

"Jiraiya-domo... Where are you?" The Kyuubi growled out in sarcasm. He slowly walked through the surrounding trees looking for the sannin. Jiraiya clutched his stomach in pain as blood continued to leak past his hands. The white haired man leaned against a tree fighting back grunts of pain. "C'mon Jiraiya you're not mad at me for making your student kill himself right?" The fox yelled out in a sinister laugh.

"Look where you are now, Kyuubi! Locked in a boy you most likely loathe and despair. You will die, Kyuubi." Jiraiya faintly laughed aloud, but soon regretted as pain shot throughout his body.

"SHOW YOURSELF YOU MORTAL!" The fox roared in fury, cutting down trees in a rage. He came to a slow halt and laughed. "No matter. This boy's will is withering."

"Naruto's stronger than you'll ever be mentally and physically." Jiraiya yelled.

"Oh, but Jiraiya you don't know him like I do. You don't see the visions that I see. There are moments that make me proud to be put in a human with such hatred. His perception of life is bleak and obscured." The Kyuubi paused and grinned. "Shit, he's almost as demented as me."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Jiraiya whispered with a heavy voice.

"Jiraiya-baka, I live in the boy. I think I do. The number of times I've felt him want to rip that Uchiha limb from limb, but he always holds back. That damn girl is the reason he is weak." The Kyuubi sniffed the air as it was thick with the smell of blood. "Found you, Jiraiya." He raised his claw and swung. An explosion boomed through and as the dust settled all surrounding trees of the sannin were gone.

The fox walked up to the sannin and leaned down towards the man's face. "Death is at your door, Jiraiya-san." The sannin slowly raised his arm and merely slapped the demon's forehead.

"Ha! What the hell was that old man?"The Kyuubi laughed aloud.

"Seal..." Jiraiya faintly whispered and opened his palm to reveal a piece of paper containing a seal.

The demon fell to his knees and roared aloud. "Just you wait Jiraiya! This boy is mine." Naruto fell to the floor with a thud.

Flashback End

"The Kyuubi was just waiting for the perfect moment. I truly thought it was all just threats." Jiraiya rubbed the back of his head as he looked down.

"It doesn't matter. What's done is done. Inoichi recommended we get someone who can check his psyche. The person most likely should be at least an acquaintance."

"His daughter, Yamanaka Ino." The sannins turned their heads to the team leader with a questioning look. "From what I know they're already acquainted with each other and she can perform the evaluations."

I breathed in the air and it was stale and warm. The sounds of dripping water entered my ears. There was a strong breeze that flowed through. I listened for anything else, but there was just dripping water. It was dark, warm and stuffy. Then it went silent. There were no sounds, no lights.

Nothing

"Hello, Boy." A voice bellowed out.

I opened my eyes.

Author's Note: So, yeah, there it is. Chapter One. The timeline is I'd say around 1 month after the Tenchi Bridge incident where Naruto(4 tailed) and Oro fight.

It feels like a lot of dialogue, and it probably is considering that part with Inoichi. I think it will become a little bit more action and less dialogue. I don't know, I'm kinda winging it here. It's all in thoughts not paper. Also, how Jiraiya escapes the Kyuubi's clutches seems a bit lame and makeshift, but he also seems conceited enough to where he wouldn't see it coming. Maybe it's just me.

I'm a bit rusty, but don't worry I'm shaking it off. I can already feel and see some of my problems I just have to work on them now. Any help would be much appreciated. Constructive Criticism is always welcome here.

This is to be a NaruSaku.