Title: Harry Potter and the Angel's Agony

Chapter: One, Tears Are Not Enough

Warnings: Child abuse, mention of child molestation, language, disturbing scenes, and strong alternative universe, original characters.

Disclaimer: I am not now, nor have I ever been J. K. Rowling.

Authoress: Stormy Llewellyn

Authoress' Rambles: A new story, everyone! I know, I know, you're probably waiting on updates for my other stories and you shall get them my dears. However, the idea for this fic hit me SO violently that I had to write it. I love Severus and Harry stories and I -gasp- am going to try to make this one a bit different. Also, I try to write about the issues discussed as well as I can. Some of them I have experienced first hand and others come solely from research which can never duplicate the emotions. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Review!

XxXxXxX

Severus Snape was nothing if not efficient. He hated novels and poetry and preferred the conciseness of potions' texts. When shopping he made an exact list of what he planned to buy, and purchased nothing except the items on the list. He was the same way with packing. However, tonight he was hurrying a bit to get his trunk packed because he wanted to spend time with his mother before he left for Hogwarts in the morning.

Though his plans were quickly changed when he heard the squeal of tires taking a corner too fast and a crashing noise outside the house. Walking briskly to the window, he kneeled on his bed a pushed aside the ratty, brown curtain. An old, familiar car had gone crashing into their fence. A man kicked open the door and stumbled over one of the broken posts, and it would have been vaguely amusing if Severus' heart wasn't pounding against his rib cage. He ran to the door and slammed it shut, quickly putting his desk chair underneath the doorhandle. Nervously, he sat down on the floor, out of sight from the door. For a few moments he sat silently, breathing raggedly and he listened for footsteps on the stairs. He heard the radio click off and his mother's light footsteps travel into the foyer (which was really a four-by-four bit of tiled floor). Suddenly there was a loud bang from downstairs as the door opened and Severus heard his mother cry out.

"Eileen! Where's the boy? I know he's here, and I know you're hiding the little monstrosity."

There were heavy footsteps coming towards the stairs, and Severus felt a shudder go through his body as he tried to make himself smaller. "Wait, wait! Tobias! Please! You're drunk, whatever you have to say, why don't you say it tomorrow? It's the day before he leaves, please just leave him alone."

"Are you trying to tell me what to do, woman?"

"No, but–."

There was the sickening sound of flesh hitting flesh, followed by a crashing noise. Severus winced as he unwillingly imagined his mother's fragile body being thrown to the ground. His father snapped angrily, "You think I won't hurt you, Eileen? Think you're special? You and your little freak?"

Shakily, Severus got to his feet and moved to the door. He couldn't just sit there and allow him to hurt his mother. She was the only one who had ever defended him. No one at Hogwarts stuck up to him, none of his so called friends, and certainly none of the rest of his family. Eileen was the only person in the world who seemed to care for this wretched little boy. Slowly, he made his way downstairs to see his father lording over his mother who was blocking the steps with her body. Hearing the creaking noise she turned away, her blue eyes looking worried and scared.

"Severus! Go back upstairs and lock your door!"

He couldn't, though. That was what he had done for the last fourteen years of his life and it hurt the way he viewed himself. Never did the taunts of "coward" ring louder in his ears than when he was hiding on the dirty floor of his bedroom. Severus walked down the rest of the steps and helped his mother to her feet. Then he turned and glared at his father, shielding his mum from any further blows.

"What? You little freak, gonna cast a spell on me? Turn me into a toad or something unnatural like that?"

"If you ever touch her again, you will regret it. And not by something as trifle as a transfiguration spell." He spoke in the same cold, silky tone that he used on Gryffindors and some Slytherins. To be honest, he knew that he would regret it, but somehow he didn't care.

Tobias' eyes widened with shock which was quickly overcame with anger, "Why, you little bastard! You think you're going to hurt me? Think you're going to hurt me? I'll show you!"

Eileen once again moved to protect her son, however, Tobias pushed her aside, sending her sprawling on the floor. He grabbed Severus by his long, slightly greasy hair and pulled him up that stairs. Although his instincts told him to run away as fast as humanly possible, his father had a death grip on his hair and whenever he tried to get away, tears sprung to his eyes from the pain. Downstairs, Eileen got to her feet and ran after them, however, they were already at the bathroom door. Tobias slammed it in her face and hit the button that locked the door, Eileen pounded on the door, shouting at her husband, her voice obviously tearful.

Snape cowered on the floor until his father grabbed him by his neck and shoved him into the wall opposite the bathtub. "Turn around, pants and underwear off, and don't make a sound." Tobias snarled at his son. Shakily, the boy complied with the order, knowing that disobedience would only make his father angrier. However, it was difficult to make yourself vulnerable to punishment. The bathroom was small, however, and there was nowhere for him to go. Severus prayed (though he didn't call it so, for neither of his parents had ever exposed him to religion) that his father would beat him barehanded. He actually flinched when he heard his father undo his belt. He hated the belt, and a shiver of fear ran through him.

The first time the belt hit him, he bit his tongue to keep himself from screaming. Then his father brought the belt down again; on the same spot. This time a scream did leave his throat, causing his father to smack the back of his head with his fist. Still, the boy refused to cry; he was not weak. He was not his mother. The beating continued until the corner of Snape's eyesight blurred and a spasm ran through his hand muscles until he lost his grip on the sink and fell, his forehead bouncing off the sink. Tobias gave him a kick to the stomach, just to be sure his spirit had been completely broken before leaving the room, slamming the bathroom door shut.

Only when his father's footsteps had descended down the steps did he curl up in a small ball and let a sob escape. His body shook violently as he cried silently. Severus cried until his stomach contents threatened to come up at which point he lurched for the toilet. All his energy was drained from him, he felt as though he could sleep for a thousand years. Slowly, he lowered himself to his stomach on the floor and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

XxXxXxX

Cool air hit him, soothing his wounds and he slowly opened his eyes to find himself still on the floor of the bathroom. His mouth was sour with his own puke and his backside was burning painfully. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the pale light of dawn outside the bathroom window. Painfully, he got to his feet and walked over to the dirty bathtub. He sat a towel on the filthy bottom to keep his feet from touching it and turned on the water to a comfortable coolness, knowing the wounds couldn't stand much heat. Careful not to touch the side of the tub, he stepped under the stream and gently began to wipe away the clotted blood. The washcloth was destroyed, stained with blood from his wounds. Severus looked around the bathtub for shampoo and found none. With a sigh he reached for the soap but found that the bar was filthy. Without soap, he did the best he could to get himself clean.

Severus stepped into the hallway and heard his father's heavy snores coming from down the hall. As quietly as possible, he padded down the hallway into his room. There he found that his trunk was gone, as were all his school supplies. His chest constricted painfully; what if his dad had gotten rid of them as he so often threatened? Suddenly, he stopped himself. Why was he being so emotional? Bad things happened to him, it was a fact, and this was the way things had been as long as he could remember. First of all, he needed to get dressed and then he could deal with whatever had happened.

In his dresser he found all his Muggle clothes. His mother had done her best with her little bit of money to keep him well clothed. Eileen encouraged him to wear more colorful clothes to lift his mood. However, as we have already established, Severus was a practical boy and stuck with black clothing. It made his escape notice and also his blood did not show up on it if his wounds got opened again from too much movement. He pulled on a pair of old white boxers, a simple long-sleeved black shirt and a pair of black jeans; all the clothes were oversized and chosen for that reason as to not hurt his wounds.

Severus made his way down the stairs, flinching each time they creaked. The downstairs was in a disarray; a chair and lamp had been broken, there was a hole in the wall, and the knickknacks on the counters and shelves had been thrown to the floor. Walking over the mess, he made his way to the front door to get some fresh air before the day's battles began. He was surprised to find his mother already seated on the porch, and to his relief she was sitting on his trunk. Eileen's black hair was pulled into a bun and she was smoking a cigarette, a filthy Muggle habit in the opinion of her son.

"Thought you quit," Severus said casually, making his way across the porch and kneeling on the porch next to her and the trunk.

Eileen was startled and was halfway through standing before she realized that it was only her son who had spoken. She took a last drag before putting the cigarette out on the old porch railing, "I did. Back before things were...so stressful."

He knew what she meant, she didn't have to say it but he did know. For some reason Severus enraged Tobias far more than his quiet mother ever could. Eileen had given up magic long ago, since it didn't seem to be helping her life very much as it was. She was no longer a threat to her husband so he mostly left her alone, aiming his anger instead at his son. Ever since he had come home at the end of his third year, things had gotten much worse.

"Do you need to see a doctor?" She asked, her way of asking if he was all right.

"No, I think I'm okay," he responded simply, gazing down the road with pensive eyes.

"Good, then let's get going."

Surprised he asked, "Already? It's early still!"

"I want to get breakfast first, so we can talk."

So they set off down the road on foot. It was a half an hour walk from their house to London, and another twenty minute walk to get to King Cross Station. His wounds were aching and the cold September air was not helping. Eileen carried the trunk, knowing that her son was still in pain and the bruises she had received were minor. They stopped for breakfast at a small Muggle diner named Geary's Grill though in Severus' opinion it just as easily could have been called Geary's Grease Trap. He said nothing though as they entered and moved over to a booth. Gently, he tried to lower himself into his seat and found that it was agonizing even on the sparsely cushioned seat. He shifted several times but finally resigned himself; at least his back didn't have to touch the seat at all and that's where the worse of his injuries was.

A disgruntled looking woman waited on them as they gave their meager orders. A coffee for Eileen and an order of grits for Severus. Eileen stared into her coffee cup for a long time, obviously lost in thought. Severus was about to ask her what was wrong when he saw the tears rolling down her face. He stood up and walked to the other side of the table, sitting down next to her.

"Mum? Are you okay?"

She let out a slightly hysterical cross between a snort and a giggle and muttered, "And he asks if I'm all right."

It was making him nervous, he wasn't used to seeing strong shows of emotion from his mother. She was shredding a napkin and crying in earnest. Finally she turned to him and said, "I can't even protect you Severus, what use am I?"

"You tried..."

Eileen let out a bark of laughter, "Trying doesn't matter if you fail, my little snake." It was a familiar saying of the Slytherin house. "I suppose that's the way it is with life, too."

Severus didn't know what to say so he simply took a bit of bite of his biscuit. He wasn't very good at this kind of thing, and never had been. Suddenly she took him in a hug; it was gentle and mindful of his injuries, but there was a lot of emotion behind it. At first he stiffened, but then he slowly allowed himself to relax and soon found himself leaning into it.

"Just know, Severus, that I love you. And that I tried, though I'm aware it doesn't mean much." He was about to ask her what she meant when she suddenly released him and said, "We need to get to the station, I assume you want to get a compartment to yourself. And honey? Don't blame yourself for anything that happens, and I apologize for anything that happens."

Severus opened his mouth to question her once again when she suddenly nudged him out of the booth and walked briskly across the street to the train station. He followed her rather like a lost puppy. They briefly said their goodbyes, Eileen placing a fierce kiss on his forehead before she allowed him to climb onto the train. She didn't stay to wave him off as other mothers did, but then again she never did. Eileen had to get the house cleaned up before his father woke up.

Walking down the aisles, he chose a small compartment at the very end of the train. He laid down on his stomach across the bench and planned on sleeping out the ride. As he drifted off the compartment suddenly slid open and an old witch popped her head in and asked, "Anything from the trolley, dear?"

Severus gave her the glare he usually reserved for Sirius Black and asked sharply, "Do I look like I want sweets?"

She looked slightly taken aback and closed the door and moved down the hall to find more likely customers. The train soon began to move and Severus found himself again drifting into sleep until he heard boisterous voices floating down the aisle and into the compartment. He'd know those voices anywhere. Quickly, he slid off the seat and under it, hating himself for hiding from them. The door slid open and there was a stampede of footfalls as all four of them entered.

"All right, Remus?"

"Just tired, Sirius, it's only two days after the full moon after all."

Severus frowned and scooted back further when two people sat in the seats above him. Suddenly, he understood and let out a gasp of surprise.

"What was that?" Potter asked.

"Do you suppose the train is haunted?" Pettigrew added.

"Don't be stupid, Wormtail, why would a ghost haunt the train? Let's see; haunt a train that only runs once a year or a magical, constantly shifting castle? Tough decision. Besides, no one has ever died on the train," Black looked under the seat and grabbed Severus' arm gruffly, "yet, anyway."

"Snape!" Potter looked furious, his eyes slanting behind black framed glasses, "How much did you hear?"

"Enough," He said smoothly, straightening himself up.

Black grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him into the wall and window behind him. Tears sprung to Severus' eyes as his wounds were hit and as the bar that separated the window and wall dug into his back.

"Certainly live up to your name, Snivellous." Black pulled him forward to slam him back again.

Snape gasped and struggled to pull away, "No, Black, please don't."

Various amounts of shock appeared on the faces of the occupants of the compartment. Severus Snape? Begging? Black grabbed his arm and twisted him around, lifting up his shirt. Severus struggled, but it was too late. There was a collective gasp and Remus Lupin muttered a word rather unbefitting to his prefect badge. He knew they all knew what the wounds were from, it didn't take a genius to figure it out.

The look of shock changed to a smirk on Sirius' face and he laughed, "Look, even his parents don't like him."

Potter glared at Black, "Shut up Sirius," he walked over to the other teen and said quietly, but with authority, "If you tell anyone about Remus'...condition, I swear the whole school will know by the next day about your secret. Do you understand me?"

Severus nodded weakly, and Potter backed off, leading his friends out of the compartment. Tears were running down Snape's face, though he tried to convince himself they weren't. Settling back on the bench, he drifted off to sleep, hoping that none of this was an omen of how the year would go.