A/N: Why, yes, I should be working on my Vampire fic.
But writer's block sucks.
So I wrote this to try and clear my mind. Didn't work, but oh well.
Anyways, this song, "The Brothers' Sadness", was written by the amazingly talented Maiden of the Moon, authoress of Skeletons. I was listening to the Skeletons OST while thinking of what to write, and this song inspired me. :D
-The Brother's Sadness-
Why can't I forget you, brother-mine?
Why can't I suppress your words, your smile?
Al had spent a lot of time watching his brother while he was in the armor.
He had plenty of time to do it, too. He couldn't sleep, after all.
Al loved the way Ed smiled. The blonde's golden eyes would squeeze shut as his lips spread wide, flashing all of his sparkling white teeth.
Al also loved the sound of Ed's voice. It flowed like rich velvet that seemingly wrapped Al in a warm embrace…not that he could feel, of course.
Al often wondered if this was what love felt like.
Though I know that life's no fairy-tale,
It sure seemed like one for a while.
Al remembered that night when Ed had accidentally blurted out a love confession in a heated argument. Al remembered the shock he felt as Ed had tried to bolt from the room in self-disgust.
He definitely remembered the first time Ed had pressed his lips where the armor's mouth should have been. He had run leather fingers along scarred flesh, making his brother shiver.
The fairy-tales their mother had told them as children were suddenly coming to life before his eyes.
Reflecting on years of wasted tears,
How can I have lost it all now?
Al lay in his bed at Winry's house, trying to fall asleep as he sobbed quietly, just like every night before.
Everything had been so perfect; the nights hadn't seemed quite so long with his brother sleeping next to him. But now Ed was gone, possibly never to return. He was in a place where Al couldn't reach him.
All the tears Ed had cried to keep their relationship secret had been in vain.
I'd only begun to believe
In love and in magic unseen;
But now that you're not by my side,
I'm afraid that that part of me died
The days were very hard, but the nights were even harder, and his pain was steadily growing worse.
Al felt dead inside, and nothing less than his brother's return would change that.
How can I move on, brother-mine
After seeing what you've done to me?
When Ed had accidentally blurted out his feelings for Al, he had felt disgusted with himself. Al could never feel the same, and now he had ruined the close, simply brotherly relationship they had.
But then Al had admitted he felt the same, and the two had done things brothers weren't supposed to do.
And every time they did these things, the fire that had been set in Ed's soul burned brighter. He loved Al more than anything, and that would never change.
All I'd come to know,
To want, to need,
Insists that our love cannot be.
But their love was forbidden, and Al was gone. He was at home, and Ed was here.
Inside a world that doesn't care,
Living a life that isn't fair
"Here" was Munich, Germany in 1922. "Here" was where he lived with the other Al, Alfons Heiderich, in a tiny apartment deep in the city. "Here" was a world where suspicions of homosexuality could get you hanged, or at the very least jailed, and incest…Ed shuddered at the thought of what they would do to him if they knew.
Life sucks here,
he thought as Al's doppelganger smiled at him just like his brother had as a child.I'd only begun to believe
In love and unreachable dreams
He's had a dream once- a stupid dream, really- where Al was back in his body, and they'd had a huge, lavish wedding in front of all their friends.
And even though Ed knew it could never happen, he still held onto a piece hope that maybe, just maybe, after they found the Philosopher's Stone, he would use his State grant to buy a ring, and atleast propose a promise of forever to Al, so that they could be together always.
But now that dream was unreachable.
There's too many tears I could cry;
I'm afraid that a part of me died.
Ed's cheeks were permanently stained with tears; his eyes were always bloodshot.
But he couldn't cry anymore. He felt way to dead on the inside to cry.
And though I know I must let go
Alfons Heiderich had started showing a strange attraction to Edward Elric.
Ed knew it should be easy. No matter how much Alfons looked like Al, there was no denying the fact that he wasn't Al. He wouldn't have to feel the guilt from incest with Alfons Heiderich.
But he couldn't fool himself into loving Alfons. He was so deeply in love with his brother, and he couldn't let that feeling go.
And though I know that I'll be alone
Al got up quietly in the cold, dark morning, sliding into his brother's old clothes. He started into the mirror as he pulled back his lengthening auburn hair.
Al touched the cool glass with his fingertips, staring at his reflection with dead, black eyes.
It hurt, looking in the mirror like this, because before there had always been two figures standing there.
Now there was only one.
For daring to feel the same
I've only myself to blame
Al knew it was his fault that this had happened. If only he hadn't fallen in love with his brother, Ed could have led a more-or-less normal life.
And he wouldn't have been in so much pain.
Because now, not only did he miss his brother, but he missed his lover as well.
Why?
Why did this have to happen? Why did they have to be born as brothers? Why did they have to fall in love?
Why did it have to hurt like this?
These were just some of the burning questions that constantly plagued Ed's mind.
Such cold cruel irony
That the one that I love is
The one denied to me
-Fin-
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