Author's Note: I am on a roll! Lol, I've never uploaded so many stories in so little time. I think I'm officially a mainly BTR based author. Yep, that's right. I'm switching sides. I feel like a traitor, but that's okay. It's more fun on the dark side…plus, I hear they have cookies :D So here I am, at 5:38AM, suddenly struck with deep inspiration for this baby. This one was really fun to write…don't know if it's any good though…it's 5:38 for crying out loud! IT really got to me while I was writing this one. This one is more out of personal experience, not exactly this, but something close. I hope you guys enjoy it.

Warning: Angst (I think that's it)

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush…it'd be amazing if I did though, right?

Soft scraping sounds were produced as Logan moved the food around on his plate with the fork loosely held between his fingertips. He looked down at his uneaten breakfast with a look of slight disgust. He hadn't been eating much in the past couple of weeks, and he had acquired a disdain towards anything that could cause his body any harm. Logan didn't mind being hungry all the time. The lack of nutrients in his body allowed him to shed a few pounds. Ten to be exact, a personal accomplishment of his. The brunet continued to flick pieces of scrambled eggs from one side the large white plate to the other nonchalantly as his friends around him continued to practically inhale their food as if they hadn't eaten in weeks. The table was quiet. No one spoke. The only sounds heard were loud swallows, deep intakes of breaths, and the scraping of metal on Logan's plate.

"Logie, are you going to eat that?"

Logan tiredly turned his head to the side to see Carlos hungrily eyeing the contents on his plate. A small smile formed on Logan's lips at his friend's childish behavior. He looked down at his unwanted breakfast one more time and scrunched his nose before shaking his head and pushing it away towards Carlos.

"No Carlos. You can have the rest if you want. I'm not really-,"

"Okay Logan, thanks," the Hispanic interrupted him rudely as he grabbed the platter and began scarfing down the food. Logan's small smile dropped from his face and was replaced with a tight line as he nodded his head and looked down at his lap. It's okay. He didn't mind being interrupted sometimes. He didn't have a strong, powerful voice like Kendall had. Or a smooth, relaxing voice that just made you want to appreciate it like James did. And he definitely didn't have the bright and loving personality that just made you stop, smile, and wait to hear what unexpected thing was about to be said like Carlos was known for. If anything, it was Logan's fault he was always getting interrupted. He just needed to speak up more. The pale boy sighed loudly as he waited for his friends to finish. James was the first to get up as he pushed his chair away from the table and took out a comb from his pocket. Logan looked up excitedly and he smiled widely at James.

"James, I was thinking maybe we could hang out today? Maybe we could go to that Cuda products sale they're having at the mall?" he asked hopefully as his eyes brightened up. The brunet turned around and began walking away without acknowledging the brunet.

"Oh. Uh…sorry Logan, but I'm actually going there right now and I'm always able to cover more ground when I'm by myself," he answered over his shoulder with a dismissive wave as he neared the door. Logan face fell, but he tried not to let it show how disappointed he was. He looked back up at James' retreating back and gave him a sad smile as if the tall teen could see it.

"O-oh…that's okay. I g-guess we can just hang out some other t-,"

The genius wasn't able to finish his sentence as a loud bang echoed through the kitchen. Once again, the teen's expression visibly saddened, but he remained quiet. He looked back down at his lap and wrung his hands distractedly as the loud breathing and scraping continued.

"Done!" Carlos exclaimed with a smile as he patted his stomach appreciatively. Logan couldn't help the minute giggle that bubbled from his throat. Maybe Carlos would want to hang out with him? Logan wasn't sure, but it was worth a try, right? With that, he shyly raised his gaze to see Carlos slowly standing up from his seat and stretching his arms and legs.

"I'm going to the carnival, I'm going to the carnival, I'm going to the carnival," the short boy began to chant happily as he tightened the straps of his helmet and began moving his hips rhythmically to his own singing. Logan perked up at the words and he could feel his heart beating anxiously in his chest. He hadn't been to a carnival in years. He didn't even know there was a carnival going on today. Why didn't Carlos tell anyone about it? Why didn't he tell him? The slightly saddened teen pushed the thought out of his head as he looked up at Carlos happily.

"A carnival? Cool, Carlos! I'll go with you. Just let me get my wallet and I'll be ri-,"

"Nah. I'm going with the Jennifers…as a date."

"What? Really? The Jennifers agreed to go on a date with you?" Logan asked unbelievingly. Carlos beamed at Logan as he shook his head in the negative.

"Not yet, but I know I can change their minds."

"I-If you want, I can h-help you."

"It's okay Logan. I don't need you," Carlos said innocently as he ran out of the apartment. Logan could feel his chest tightening with the sting of that last comment. He looked longingly at the shut door. Man, a carnival. Logan would give anything to go that. But it wouldn't be any fun if he went by himself. Then an obvious thought occurred to him. Kendall! Of course!

"Kendall!" The blond snapped his head up with his fork still in hand. His eyes were wide in surprise and his cheeks were full. He looked at Logan confusedly before speaking.

"What?" he mumbled, a few pieces of bacon flying out of his mouth. Logan blushed lightly at how eager he must have seemed. He forced himself to sound nonchalant as he tapped his foot nervously under the table.

"U-um…C-Carlos is g-going to the carnival today, and I just wanted to know if maybe we could go too?" His heart stopped for a second and everything seemed to go into slow motion as he awaited his friend's reply. It seemed like an eternity passed before the sandy-haired male swallowed his food and smiled brightly at Logan.

"Sure Logan. Let's go right now. I'm done with breakfast."

Logan couldn't describe the immense feeling of joy that surged through him as he finally managed to convince one of his friends to spend time with him. The corners of his mouth rose drastically as he bounced up from his seat. For the first time in what seemed like forever, the dimples that showed up when he smiled his hardest made themselves noticed on his smooth, pale cheeks. His eyes brightened, contrasting with the deeply dark circles under them. He ran around the table as Kendall got up, and pulled him into a tight hug. Kendall's thick eyebrows rose in surprise, but he brought his hands up around the smaller body.

"Um…not that It's a big deal, but what's the hug for?" he asked. Logan released the other from the loving, thankful embrace and took hold of his arm.

"Sorry, I'm just happy someone finally wants to hang out with me," the brunet mumbled as he began speeding out the apartment with his hold still on Kendall's arm. The taller of the two shrugged his shoulders at what the genius said and smiled warmly down at him. They were reaching the lobby when Kendall took notice of a familiar head of blonde hair sitting by one of the chairs reading a book.

"Hey look, it's Jo! Jo!" Kendall yelled out at the girl as he abruptly stopped, almost making Logan fall down in the process. The brunet looked around the lobby curiously and spotted the seated girl as well. He smiled at Kendall and joined in on calling her over.

"Hey, Jo!"

The teen looked up from her book when she heard two familiar voices calling her name. She turned around and grinned as she spotted Kendall and Logan smiling and waving her over. She put down the book and waked over o them with the grin still on her face.

"Hey boys. Where are you two going?" Logan opened his mouth to speak, but was beat to the punch by his excited friend.

"Logan and I were just going to the carnival," he said and Logan nodded his head in jubilation. Jo's face brightened considerably at the proclamation.

"Ooh! You mean the one taking place by the mall? I was just about to go myself."

"You should come with us!" Kendall blurted out eagerly. Jo smiled at Kendall and looked to Logan for acceptance. The shorter male looked at her as he jumped up excitedly. This was sounding like more and more of a fun day already. Logan remembered how much more fun the carnival was when you have more people with you.

"Yea! Yea! Let's go! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" he begged as he continued bouncing. His actions seemed to have been unknowingly mimicking a certain energetic Latino. Kendall and Jo couldn't help but to chuckle at the display.

"Alright then, let's go," Jo offered. Kendall smiled and took hold of the girl's hand as they began walking. Logan made a move to follow when he heard Kendall distractedly suggest something over his shoulder.

"Okay Logan, I guess I'll catch up with you later? Maybe we'll also see Carlos and James there."

The pale boy's beaming smile was immediately replaced with a crushed frown. His shoulders tensed and his throat clenched. What? Catch up with you later? He thought they were all going to hang out together. Kendall said they would go. Why would he just leave him like that? He knew how excited he was for this. Why didn't he want to go with him? Why didn't anyone want to be around him?

All these questions passed by Logan's head, but they were soon replaced with a feeling of aching numbness as he stared at Kendall and Jo's retreating figure. He stayed planted in his spot as he watched them walk away. His bottom lip was caught in his teeth as he attempted to restrain the whimper he knew was going to be released. However, he couldn't do anything to hold back the rivulets of tears that began to ride down his cheeks mercilessly. They kept on walking, both caught up in their own little chatter to care about him. Suddenly, Jo turned her head laughing at something Kendall said and she met eyes with Logan. She instantly showed concern and confusion as even from far away, she could see the hurt look he was giving them. Without another thought, Logan ran away from the scene and back up the stairs to 2J, lonely, hopeless sobs following him the whole way.

He slammed the door closed and ran to the bathroom. He barely made it and toppled to his knees after closing the door behind him. His chest quaked uncontrollably and his body shook with force. His deeply dark circles were now contrasting with his pained, tired, bloodshot red eyes as he stared down at the tile floor beneath him. The hot, salty liquid drained from his eyes and splashed onto the floor as he let his emotions leak out. Alone. He felt alone. Not even his own friends wanted him. No one even cared about him. Why else would they just ignore him like this? It's not like this was the first time. Logan can't remember the last time he was happy. It felt like so long. He doesn't even remember how to pretend to be content. He was sure it was obvious how depressed he's been. He hasn't eaten anything substantial in a long time. He thought people might have been disgusted with his body, so he tried to drop a few pounds of fat. He hasn't had the energy to make it through rehearsals without tripping over his own feet or having his voice crack on a simple note. For god's sake! He can't even sleep and when he actually manages to get an hour or two in, he wakes up screaming and covered in dry sweat. How hard was it to notice it? I mean they shared rooms! Why hasn't anyone noticed? Why won't anyone help? Logan wanted help more than anything else. He just…couldn't ask them.

His body stilled and his eyes became hazy and far away. The tears were still rolling down his face, but he was now silent. Without blinking or making a sound, Logan lifted himself up off the floor and walked over to the bathtub. He laid himself down on the hard, white surface and hugged his knees to his chest.

"Why?" he whispered, his voice strangled and broken.

Why couldn't anyone hear his silent screams?

Feedback would be nice. I like to know when I do a good job, and when I do a bad job. It keeps me from feeling like I'm attacking at these things blind. So yea, you get the point: Please Review?

-Gohanrules out!