This Diary belongs to: Princess Santana Maria Isabel Elenora Lopez
1:
I have to say that being a princess is really not all that its cracked up to be. Sure, I can get anything I want given to me at any time. I have servants, who have their own servants. I can eat whenever I want, and I have never gone hungry. I have more dresses and shoes than I know what to do with! However, I was not born to be a princess. I've always felt it in my bones. I was born to be so much more than a princess, and I yearn for the day where I can be free from my parents and be on my own. But is there really any way for a princess to be free?
I guess I should introduce myself: I'm Santana Maria Isabel Elenora Lopez. I am a princess of Elismere, and the eldest daughter of King Miguel the second and Queen Elenora. Though I have been given everything material I have ever wanted or asked for, I never received the love of my parents. My parents do not know me, and do not bother getting to know me. My twin brother Santiago and I were raised by nursemaids, and my mother refused to even see us until we were weaned. Most of the time, my parents communicate to Iago and I by my eldest brother Miguel. Miguel is the crown prince, and next in line to take the throne. Iago and I are not even fit to be addressed by my parents, or at least I'm not. You see, my parents have several other children, who they don't bother trying to hide their love for. Handsome serious Miguel, who is Captain of the Army, and is brave and strong. Clever, intelligent Daniel, who is a scholar and a well known writer. Even Santiago, who is witty and generous, and charming enough to call the birds down from the trees. And lastly, my beautiful perfect little sister Elena, who is the apple of mother's eye. When they have so many beautiful, perfect children, why would they acknowledge me?
My mother told me when I was six years old that I have been nothing but trouble since the minute I was born. Santiago and I were my mother's most difficult pregnancy, and she was bedridden for most of it. When we were born, I was the one who gave my mother the most trouble, and it almost killed her birthing us. Santiago was an easy baby, who rarely cried, and was plump and healthy. I was not an easy baby; I cried all the time, and was sickly and thin. The nursemaids who raised us began calling us "angel" and "demon", because of how we acted, and I was often neglected because of my temperament and attitude. Santiago is much loved by most people that he meets, whereas I am much hated. The nursemaids who raised Iago and I still have tea with Iago, and call him angel. They have not invited me, even once. Iago apologizes, but I know its more to do with how I am then with how he is. It's easy to see how friendly and sweet Iago is when he is placed beside me. Being called demon used to hurt me, especially when I was little, but its gotten to the point where I barely hear it anymore.
I've always been a sort of outcast in my family. My parents have given up on me, and long ago told me that I was a disappointment and a failure as princess. Miguel took it a step further and told me that I was a disgrace to the family name. Daniel wrote me out of the ledgers he is writing about our families history. Elena takes great steps to torment me and look down on me at every opportunity.
My only real ally in my family is Santiago. He has always been my best friend, and is the only one who can deal with my sharp tongue and temper. While we are identical to each other in appearance, we are exactly opposite in temperament. Iago is charming, patient, gentle and even tempered. I am stubborn, rude, impatient and bad tempered. Iago tempers my bad qualities and almost has a taming effect on me. I can never stay mad at Iago long, and when I do get mad at him, he makes me laugh so I won't stay mad. Iago has none of the responsibility of my older brothers, because he knows he will never be king. Miguel's son Thomas is in line after his father, and we are no where near the top of the list. This allows Iago to pursue different paths than Miguel, or even quiet shy Daniel. Iago's favorite place to be in the world is in the stables. He would love nothing more than to stay all day amongst the hay and the horses. He once told me that he didn't know what home was until he went into the stables. While Iago is always happy, he is always at his happiest when he is in the stables with his favorite horses. My parents allow his pastime because he is not the crown prince, however they refuse to allow him to work in the stables, which he would love more than anything. Instead, Iago works alongside the stable hands, and simply does not take pay. But his talent lies in breeding horses. Iago has an eye for which horses would make a fine foal, and he's proven it again and again. My father noticed this early on, and allowed it to progress, and now Elismere is known as one of the finest kingdoms for horseflesh.
Iago gave me my other best friend when we turned 16. He bred his favorite Stallion Wind-chaser and his most spirited mare Rain-dancer, and a beautiful, all black filly was produced. I fell in love with her the moment I lay eyes on her, and Iago promptly gave her to me. I gave her the same name that the servants called me- Diablo. She was a beautiful leggy thing, so spirited and wild. Iago refused to call her Diablo, even with her temper, and instead called her Dia. The name stuck, and I only refer to her as Diablo when I introduce her to someone new. Dia is really my best friend, because she knows all my secrets, even the ones that I don't tell Iago. She listens and loves me no matter what I do or say, and snaps at me when I get angry at her.
Dia knows everything, and is always there for me. Last year, my parents found a suitor for me. His name was Noah, and he was the prince of Lennox, the neighboring kingdom of Elismere. Lennox was a small, poor kingdom, and when Noah came seeking Elena's hand, my parents refused. They had bigger plans for my sister than Noah, and instead they thought of me. Since I could create an alliance without forgoing their favorite daughter, they thought it the perfect plan. However, I did not like their plan. I have no intention of marrying, especially not a impolite, handsy prince from a poor nation. After several attempts to get me to kiss him, he pinned me up against Dia's stall and tried to kiss me. Dia must have sensed my anxiety, because she reached over her door, and bit Noah hard on the face. She took off a chunk of his skin, and would have done more damage if he had not fallen down. Noah was rushed to the doctors, and then went straight home, calling off the betrothal and enraging my parents. The only reason I came out of that one was Iago. He rushed to my side and told my parents that he would take responsibility for me at his fief. He had a small landholding that was his because of his title, and he lived there during the warm months. By taking responsibility for me, it made my parents no longer have to see to my needs or betrothals. Iago became responsible for me.
Iago knows that I have no intention to marry, and I am indebted to him for taking me in because he knows it'll be a lifetime commitment. Iago knows I simply am uninterested in men. I have entertained a couple of men, with petting and kisses, but I grow bored quickly. Men, in my opinion are boring, and not worth my time. Iago knows all this, but he doesn't know my deepest, scariest secret, one that only Dia knows.
I do not like men, because I like women. I love watching them, seeing their faces, and studying their lips. I love watching them as they walk, and hearing their hushed soft voices. They are everything that men are not, and I love them for it. I have long desired to kiss a woman to see how it fares to kissing a man. I find myself having dreams about petting other women, and feeling their hands on me. I have tried everything to make these feelings go away, but they have not, and I don't think they will. I know if I told anyone, even Iago, that he would say that it's sinful to think this way, and that I am a demon, just like the nursemaids said. So I hide it away in the dark places of my heart and tell only Dia, because I know she'll never tell.