Call of Duty: moderately predictable warfare 2

by Lord Michael Blackburn

back by public demand and death threats from treyarch, the 'award'-winning series by the 'award' winning writer is back! this time, captured by activiosn, blackburn is forced to do what no sane man would ever do: play the online of there newest game, but if he is going to deal with that BS, he is taking a buddy of his with him... Rated M for involving CoD, squeakers and all.

1. Chapter 1

Call of duty: moderately predictable warfare 4.1

By: Lord Michael Blackburn

Plot: as he was about to return CODBO-fuck…you know what it is…activison abducted him and made him test out the squeal-I mean, sequel, that was due for release that week. And considering that it was that or they ditch my racist ass in the black part of town after dark during a black rights gayfest (AKA cod LAN party)

So…here goes nothing (really, its COD)

Chapter 1: 2 quarians, 1 enviro-suit; 3 hours of PURE, UNCUT QUARIAN PLEASURE-wait, this isn't the porno I was writing….shit….OH WELL. (fuck and flotilla, out on (DATE REACTED), at mass effect conventions near you!)

Blackburn was flipping shit; he was doing a pissing contest on to his COD disc before he burned it, but then, these guys in furry costumes stuck a burlap bag over his head; he was never this scared in his life. But, if things were as bad as he expected, they were fudge-packing, liberal, hail Obama, equal rights for women, 8-year old squeaker, bad fanfiction writer, COD is better, Miranda is best romance in ME2, FURRY DOUCHEBAGS.

The furries stopped for a moment, and looked at Blackburn; apparently, he still did his monologue out loud, and one of the furries pulled out a whip and said "that hurts nigga….AND WE LIKE MAKING IT HURT..oh, and mirandaisbestromanceYOLO."

Blackburn looked up with the bag on his head and yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !"

(HOURS LATER….*insert nickelback music and random explosions*)(AKA a Michael bay movie)

Blackburn slowly regained vison; he must have past out.

He began to look around and saw that he was strapped in a chair that was rather copy-and-paste to most movies were someone gets abducted. He wished he had a cigar that allowed him to release his situation to the world.

A voice near the end of the room said "good your awake. We have very little time."

The stupid sparkle child from the ending of mass effect 3 walked up and untied blackburn's hands; he rubbed his wrists, then began to beat the living shit out of the sparkle child.

Much of the internet nodded in approval at that moment.

As he finished killing the little bitch, a man in a suit walked up and said "good…you past the test… you are now property of activison now.

Blackburn gave him a weird look and said "wait…what?"

The man pointed a handgun at his chest and said "to pay for you desicartaing our game, you are going to beta-test COD 76. It's the exact same game as COD 75, but 200 dollars more, and has a dual-dildo as a pre-order knife."

Blackburn shook his head "so…your saying I play the multiplayer beta which is just COD 75's with no changes."

The man nodded as he rolled a TV up and said "you could be a CEO with a attitude like that. You can invite one of your friends over xbox 720 live to join you and your testing off our beta."

The amn left the room as the main screen of COD 76 (which had 75 scratched out) and began to load multiplayer.

Blackburn saw that every weapon was unlocked, and he set up his classes; he wante dit to be a acronum about anyone who was buying COD 76 as he began building his loadout:

Rocket spam: javelin and model 1620 cluster rocket musket (description: used by Adolf Lincoln to kill space Muslim Jews.)

Anal penetration: PANCOR jackhammer (added after they copied BF3 15 games ago) with beta-mag and dragon's breath, and a quad-welded G-18 set that was akimbo'ed (for a total of 8 G-18s)(plus there drum mags and FMJ rounds that never stopped flying, and just kept going through the map until they killed someone)(lets see….the mags give a total of 200 rounds per G-18…multiply by 69…divide by 8…beat my meat to COD logic…still beating meat…its bleeding…GOT IT! 5000 ROUNDS!)

Prichard is best captain; sorry kirk: dual phasers and a BARETT .50 INTERVENTION360 SMG

Ewoks are gay assholes: a large fist, some bondage leather, and at least a gallon of cherry-flavored lube.

Assault-ing your asshole: M-16A90000000 with MOAB launcher and triple gold camo (with p-diddy's gold clock hanging on it)

Cock-blocker: the aimboterventi0n sniper rifle, and a experimental MIRV from fallout 3; the class was made to steal kills.

O I want to be a Oscar-Meyer Weiner… : combustible lemons and a frankfurter for your knife; it has a special 'kinky shit' kill if you 'cum' up from behind, if ya know what I mean *wink wink fuck fuck*

What the fuck is this? : riot shield with a backup riot shield, and flak jackoff pro, and harden cock pro, as well as the power of pro. Basically indestructible.

As he drank his tequila, he scrolled through his friend's list; apllejack002 was playing 'quarians gone wild'; a ME3 hidden mission for Rannoch, fluttercry was probably on his computer playing WoW and reading his stories, like a good slav-reader, should….

He stopped as he got down about half-way through and saw the name:

Savi0r of the earth

He was playing MW3 at the time, and it said: getting ass kicked on: semen interchange, on team derpmatch.

He sent him a invite with the code that unlocked the beta implanted in all COD games to cole, and after about 40 invites, he joined and said "what the fuck do you want, Blackburn!? And, yes, I am not getting battlefield premium…"

I interrupted and said "BF3 premium was 3 games ago for BF; I didn't ask about that...no, do you want to help me play a game of Call of duty 76: modernly douche welfare in warfare of obamacare's beta? It will be a 'fun' experience. And, if you refuse, activison will send furries to your house and abduct you. That's why I am here…where ever that is. Also, I killed the sparkle child from ME3."

Cole coughed for a minute and said "wait..wasn't COD 75 out last week? Whens this coming out!?"

"…tomorrow…"

Cole spit out his water and yelled "WHAT THE FUCK!? Oh well, I need to make more youtube videos and be a masochist with the M-16A4..also, thanks for killing the sparkle bitch…too bad ME19 came out last week."

Blackburn shook his head and said "playing as legion controlling bender from futurama was kinda weird, but I hear the critics who played did hang themselves with their own intestines!"

Cole chuckled and said "beast…oh well, send me a invite, Blackburn"

As he recived the invite, micheal said "oh, and because we are basically gods, all guns and perks in the game are unlocked. So make you kits, and tell me when your ready. Lthen, we play some shit-on and destroy, on….anal passage."

Cole perked up and said "isn't that the map based on the CEO's asshole?"

Blackburn glumly said "yes…" as Cole began his kits.

A/N: back by pop. Demand, my parodies are back! This time, I have a friend to accompany me as I go into the unkown, the world of false logic, and bullshit! The world know as cod'S online multiplayer! STAY TUNED, MY FRIENDS.

R&R –L.M.B out.