holy crap, i can't believe it's been more than a month since i last posted a fic. i've been really busy with my exchange program and stuff, and i've hit a bit of a writer's block when i finally got into the mood for writing. like seriously, i've been rewriting everything for like weeks until i came up with this, and i don't think i'm fully happy with it, but oh well.
now, read, ponder, and enjoy!
The stars would be so proud to learn their atoms created someone like you.
-Sierra Nichole
1.
Adjusting the lapels of the blazer, Alex pulled back the curtain and stepped out with her hands stuck in the jacket pockets and performing a deliberate catwalk for her friend. She stopped a few feet away and offered an exaggerated wink, a mischievous smile tugging on her lips.
"What about this?" she asked.
It was a Sunday, which meant the mall was teeming with people all over, even this tiny little artisanal fashion store. It wasn't branded, because lord only knew how many shifts Alex had to take to support herself with a bare minimum for a month. Her parents were already kind enough to pay for her college, but even with her scholarship, there still had to be some way to sustain her livelihood here.
Still, even with that many people around them, Alex paid them no mind. She wasn't looking for their opinions – she was looking for Sam's, the only person whose opinion mattered in the long run. And her sister, of course, but her Kara was entirely too absorbed with Lena right now to even care.
Sam looked up from the magazine she had been absentmindedly flipping and froze for a second as she stared at Alex. And then she smiled, abandoning the magazine to the side and standing up to approach the redhead. She nodded appreciatively and crossed her arms, almost like a gesture to block herself away from doing something.
"This one with the beige shirt. You'll definitely make a good impression," Sam opined, gesturing in the general direction of the fitting room Alex had just exited.
Alex hummed and checked herself out in the mirror. "Yeah, you have a point."
Sam offered an affirmative noise and then glanced down at her watch, gasping when she saw the time. She shot Alex an apologetic look as she rushed for her bag and lugged it onto one shoulder. Then her hands were on Alex's forearms, rubbing them in that way she did whenever she felt sorry about something.
"I'm sorry, but I have training. The championship's next week and I –"
"Hey." Alex stopped her by catching her hands on the taller girl's hips, gripping them reassuringly. "I get it. I forgot you have weekly training now." Sam winced and Alex narrowed her eyes, lifting a hand to pat her on the cheek in chastisement. "Seriously, no worries. Also –" The hand on Sam's cheek slithered down to the girl's bag, digging inside randomly until she found the pocket she was looking and fishing out three protein bars. "I don't want you to pass out on the field again."
"It's chess."
"Yeah, and you still managed to pass out during training for the last one. I'm not risking it again."
"Lena will look after me."
"Just take the goddamn bars," Alex snapped, smiling impatiently at her friend. She drew away from Sam and pushed her gently towards the exit. "Now go! I'll be fine!"
"Okay." Sam pressed a quick kiss onto Alex's cheeks and started stumbling towards the door, already tearing open one of the protein bars with her teeth and biting down on a portion. "You look fantastic, by the way!" she called out, gave a wink, and was gone.
At that, she had to chuckle. One hand reached up to rub at her cheek absently as she had another look at herself in the mirror. It was then when she noticed someone staring at her in the reflection. With a closer look, she realized it was a girl with whom she shared a Criminal Justice class with – they had even been partners once during last semester's class.
She offered a careful smile and turned around to face the girl. The girl smiled back and motioned at the direction Sam had just disappeared to. "Sorry, I just – you and your girlfriend, you were really cute. Sorry."
Her cheeks started to warm up. She glanced at the exit, slightly hoping that Sam would come back to rescue her, but she knew that her friend had other commitments and it was realistic. Swallowing audibly, an embarrassed smile began gracing her lips, accompanied by a shake of her head. Honestly, this wasn't the first time this had happened, but Alex always found herself blushing in situations like this.
Not that she was ashamed of Sam. She would never. Sam was intelligent, caring, and beautiful. Any sane person would be lucky to call her as a girlfriend.
Alex was just – she didn't think she would ever get used to this. Coming out had been simultaneously terrifying and freeing. Once she had come out to her sister and then her parents, she felt like there was nothing else she could lose. Except then people started congratulating her, sometimes even asked her questions that bordered on homophobic, and really, Alex just wanted to live her life and appreciate beautiful women without being objectified.
"Oh no, she's not – we're not dating," she stammered, blinking rapidly. Awkward silence ensued, breached only by the random passersby looking for cute knickknacks in the store too. Alex cleared her throat and nodded again in affirmation. "I'm gonna –"
"Oh, oh, yeah," the girl stuttered out of her reverie. Now, the two of them were embarrassed at the same time. She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I just – you were so – sorry, I shouldn't have assumed. God, you know what they always say about assuming."
"Let's pretend this never happened."
In an eager agreement, the girl nodded and turned so that her back was to Alex. Yep, pretending this never happened commenced now.
Alex scurried back into the fitting room and started changing back into the clothes she had come in, tossing the ones she didn't want into the basket and holding the rest with an arm while shouldering her bag. There was something stiff digging into her hips, but she didn't bother with it until she had finished paying the clothes and sorted them out in a bag.
Once she was done and out the store, she went to the nearest bench and removed her bag from her shoulder, rummaging in it to find the uncomfortable culprit. It didn't take her long to locate the unfamiliar bottle that she certainly didn't put into her bag earlier. When she dug it out, it turned out to be a bottle of Monster Energy with a note tacked to it.
Don't know how you drink these things, but figured you'd need it for the deadline in two days – S.A.
She smiled to herself and pried her bottle open to take her first sip. And then she fished out her phone to take a selfie with the bottle for Sam, attaching a grateful message with it. She hoped Sam would know that the gratitude wasn't just for the energy drink, but for her very own presence in Alex's life.
2.
"Hey."
Alex groaned at the muffled sound and buried her head deeper into her pillow. The bed dipped and groaned and then a hand landed on her blanket covered hip, gently stroking in a circular motion. No one really knew to do that except for one. She made a note to thank Kara for knowing what to do and also to apologize to Kara for being mean earlier.
She had never claimed to be a saint, but Alex Danvers during that time of the month was just the meanest. Literally anyone could attest to that. It was a wonder her sister still loved her this much after her first experience with Alex on her period, let alone friends. She must have done something right in her previous life and this was just the universe's way of paying her back.
"I brought your favorite," the muffled voice continued and the hand on her hip kept stroking.
Reluctantly but surely, because Alex Danvers was always the mouse to Sam Arias' Pied Piper, the redhead loosened her hold on the blanket around her head and poked her head out from beneath to see her best friend sitting beside her with an amused smile on her face. Kara was nowhere to be seen. Probably slinked off far away to avoid any more of Alex's wrath unless necessary.
"Cinnamon rolls?"
Sam chuckled and nodded in the direction of her desk, where a paper bag that was stamped with the logo of her favorite café sat. "No one would believe me if I told them that badass Alex Danvers has such a sweet tooth." She patted Alex's hip gently and removed her hand; Alex almost whined at the loss of the touch. "Now, come on, sit up. You'll feel better after this."
"It's not going to be better. I'm only on my second day," Alex complained but complied anyway, pushing herself to sit upright with a few exaggerated grunts here and there.
Everything was sore and she felt like she could poop anytime but she knew the walk to the bathroom would be waste efforts because there would be no poop. There was slight comfort in the fact that Sam was there, laying out four cinnamon rolls neatly on a huge plate and taking off the lid to the hot chocolate because that was the way Alex drank her beverages.
"And then the third day, and the fourth, and before you know it. You'll be like a fresh bread."
"That's the worst simile you could ever use."
"It's the only one I could think of off the top of my head."
"I hate having a vagina."
"You gotta have one to have kids."
"Adoption. I'm definitely going for adoption."
Sam paused in her movements for a bit. When Alex opened her eyes to narrowed slits, she could see Sam staring down at her, simultaneously tender and something else unidentifiable. And then she smiled and leaned down to press a long kiss on Alex's forehead.
"Your kids will be lucky to have you as a mother."
For the rest of the day, they spent tucked under the blanket, munching on cinnamon rolls and watching The X-Files on Netflix. She hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep until she woke up to complete darkness and Kara was closing the lid of her laptop and placing it on her desk. Sam was gone, but her warmth remained on the side of the bed she had occupied.
Alex could still smell the shampoo on her sweater. Vaguely, she felt the familiar press of gentle lips on her forehead, lingering there like a ghost, and she didn't know why but she was blushing. Thankfully, Kara couldn't see her in the dark.
"Where's Sam?" she croaked out, voice hoarse from sleep and limbs still limp from the toll that her body was still under. "And can you get me some aspirin?"
Chuckling, Kara gestured at the desk, where there was already a glass of water and aspirin pills lying. "Sam took care of it."
Eyes squeezed close in appreciation, Alex blindly reached out for the pills and the glass, feeding herself and impatient for the effects to take place.
"Are you sure you're not dating?"
She managed to open her eyes to glare at her sister, not that Kara would see it, just like how she couldn't see the way Alex was blushing right now.
"Leave me alone."
3.
Alex stepped out of the diner and laughed at a lame joke her mother had said. Behind her was Lena and Kara, absorbed in their own world as they walked out arm in arm. Next to her, Sam was adjusting her beanie and indulging the Danvers matriarch in her pun.
She had felt it earlier on. The biting chill. The sharpness of each snowflake against her skin. The relentless breeze against her neck. In response, she shoved her hands into her jacket pockets, hoping it would suffice. She was already regretting not listening to Sam earlier on about putting on more layers, but she was also not willing to give her satisfaction of being right, so she figured she could brave through the five blocks to the hotel her mother had chosen to stay in for the time being.
And then they were passing her favorite café and Alex couldn't help but inhale a whiff of the caffeine lingering in the air and relish in the marginal warmth she felt as the door opened for an existing customer. She huddled deeper into her jacket and complained, "I'm cold."
"What?" Before Kara could react, before Eliza could chastise her for not listening earlier, before Lena could laugh in her face, Sam was already by her side, unfurling her own scarf from around her own neck to put it around Alex's. "I told you to wear more layers, but you wouldn't listen. And now –" She reached into her backpack and suddenly came out with two heat packs, shoving both into Alex's jacket pockets and firmly wrapping the girl's fingers around the objects. "– I have to make sure you don't freeze to fucking death. You're so goddamn stubborn. Honestly, what did I expect?" She looked around and, without even asking, snatched Lena's beanie and put it on top of Alex's head, ignoring the other girl's unhappy yelp. "How long have you been cold?" She made sure to tuck the redhead's ears under the beanie and patted her head for good measure. "You should have said something sooner."
At the end of the diatribe, Alex went from freezing in a leather jacket to almost overheating in bundles of jacket, heat packs, beanie, and scarf. She blinked a few times, uncertain as to how she ought to react.
"We're only one block away from the hotel, Sam," she managed to say.
Sam rolled her eyes and clasped her over Alex's arm, starting to drag her down the street. "Let's go. I don't want you to die of frostbite or something."
"I'm not sure you know how frostbites work," Alex said, but followed anyway. Really, at this point, she would follow the girl anywhere.
Still, despite the distance between them and their companions, Alex was still close enough to hear her mother say, "I can't wait for those two to get married."
"Eliza, they're not dating."
"What?"
4.
Airports sucked. Anything related to having to be stuck in a metal tin can in the middle of the sky sucked – that included airports. She didn't really know what she was doing here, occupying the window seat and staring out at the darkness, save for the blinking indicator lights and the distant wakefulness of the airport building. Her flight ticket was tucked into the inside pocket of her jacket, which was clad over her lap, providing some sort of meager and imagined protection.
Well, actually, she did know. She just didn't want to admit it, because admitting it would be admitting to something else. And she had already had her heart broken once, and her relationship with Maggie – what she felt for Maggie – couldn't even hold a candle to her…whatever with Sam at the moment.
It was two days after Christmas and Alex was supposed to stay in Midvale with her family for another three days before flying back to National City for her final semester. But then one night, in the middle of a Home Alone marathon, Sam rang her, lingering on the edge of asthmatic and incoherent. The only thing Alex could hear clearly was a plea for Alex to be there.
Without even bothering to learn the full context, Alex had simply booked a red-eye flight out to DC and packed her bags. Her parents and sister were surprised at her quick departure, but didn't even blink when she cited Sam as the reason. No doubt they were getting ideas in their heads but she didn't have time to explain to them that it wasn't like that. It would have to wait until she found out what was going on with Sam.
She tried to call the girl again but she didn't pick up, which had only gotten her more worried. Her last resort was Lena, and just as she was about to text Lena, the girl had called her to explain things.
Lena herself had arranged a private jet to DC. Sam's grandmother had passed away. The grandmother who had been more of a mother to Sam than Patricia Arias.
"I don't think I've ever seen anyone look like that before getting on a plane before." She lifted her eyes to see that a blonde girl was seated next to her. "Sorry. I just – you don't look too good."
"Oh," Alex breathed, blinking and realizing that her phone had become uncharacteriscally warm in her palms. "No, it's fine." She cleared her throat, hand still wrapped around her phone, and asked, "What look?"
"Are you scared of flying?"
"Yeah, I –" Alex cleared her throat, uncertain as to why she was even talking to the girl in the first place. But her sister wasn't here, and she wasn't sure if Kara even knew what was going on right now. Lena had probably filled her in. Sam wasn't picking up. And she couldn't be more worried about the girl if she tried. "It's just – my friend's in DC. Someone close to her just passed away. And I am very worried. I'm not scared of flying. I just don't like it."
The girl stared at her for a moment, eyes narrowed, almost whimsical in a way. "You sure she's a friend?"
Alex frowned. "What do you mean?"
The blonde snorted and shrugged. "I've seen that look in the mirror a few times. My girlfriend isn't really…the most stable kind of person." Alex couldn't help the way her eyes widened at the mention of a girlfriend, but the other girl paid her no mind and continued, "I mean, I love her. I do. I really do. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna marry her one day, but honestly, she makes me so worried like 70% of the time." Tilting her head, Alex kept quiet. The blonde laughed a little and shrugged again. "One doesn't look like that –" she made a circling motion near Alex's face "– if they're not half in love. I would know."
"I'm not – we're not – there's nothing –"
"Regardless –" she was cut off as the blonde proceeded to unfurl her portable pillow and wrap it around her neck "– you're something."
And then she winked before slipping a sleeping mask over her eyes, effectively cutting off the conversation. Alex huffed, unhappy at the fact that she couldn't defend her case and also flustered at the fact that she couldn't defend her case. Honestly, she almost wanted to make a sign to bring everywhere with her so people would know that she wasn't dating Sam.
Apropos of that, she glanced down at her phone, seeing no notifications whatsoever apart from her sister who wished her safe flight and demanded her to call as soon as she landed.
They couldn't land quick enough. Once landed, there was still the wait to get off the plane and the people who just seemed to have something against her because they were worse than turtles on land. Once out of the plane, she pushed past everyone, hanging onto her carry-on and phone, still hopeful that Sam would text or something. Instead, all she got was a curt message from Lena, directing her to the appropriate exit where a driver would be waiting for her.
"Lexa!"
The yell was so loud that she paused in her brisk pace to check what the commotion was about. When she turned, she watched the blonde who had been sitting next to her just now running past everyone else in a blind direction, until she collided with a lanky brunette, almost toppling both of them over if not for the brunette's firm footwork.
The brunette laughed, pressed her lips to the blonde's temple, and spun around with the girl in her arms. Her face was lit with joy and absolute adoration, as if nothing could make her happier than the girl in her arms.
Alex had to stare. Had to wonder if that face was what everyone else saw when they witnessed her with Sam.
5.
The second she walked into the bar and laid eyes on the jukebox – more specifically, who was standing at the jukebox – she wanted to flee. She wanted to hightail it out of there and just grab a six pack at the drugstore just down the street and be done with it.
But instead, Alex chose to look away, pretend she didn't see her, and head towards the bar. Joe, the bartender, nodded at her with a friendly smile and held up two fingers with a questioning look, to which she offered a nod of affirmation. She reminded him to keep her tab open for the night before slinking away for the usual booth.
She couldn't help but sneak glances at the general direction of the jukebox, though, heaving a sigh of relief when she saw that there was no one occupying it anymore. Still, her eyes wandered the space, looking for the one figure that had been her sexual awakening only four years ago. It wasn't that difficult to find her, crowded by those Maggie used to call her friends before she decided to transfer and skip town.
She didn't have much time to ponder and stare like an absolute creeper before her vision was interrupted by her companion for the night. She looked up and offered a genuine smile at her friend, glad to see that she was in better shape compared to two months ago, when she had been absolutely devastated and barely spoke a word for a total of a week. Alex didn't think she had ever been so worried.
She stood up and gave Sam a big, long hug before they sat back down. The presence of Sam alone had completely eradicated all lingering thoughts on her ex-girlfriend, which, a joking voice in her voice said, should say something about the girl's status in her life. She quickly shut that voice down before it could get any ideas.
"You're late," Alex commented with a teasing smile, sliding over the beer bottle that Joe had brought to the booth earlier.
"Lena wanted to talk to me," Sam replied vaguely, rolling her eyes, as she lifted the bottle to her lips.
Alex tried to avoid doing it, but she ended up zeroing in on the way the girl's lips wrapped around the mouth of the bottle, sipping in appreciation. Clearing her throat, her own bottle found its way to her own lips to distract herself from the sight.
They soon cleared out the fries and chicken wings that were their usual meals whenever they decided to come to the bar. And the clock indicated that it was almost bedtime if they wanted to make it to class fully awake tomorrow, so Alex excused herself to head to the bar to make her payment.
"She seems nice."
Four years ago, Alex's heart would have stuttered and her skin would produce goosebumps at hearing that voice. She would have blushed red hot and her nerves would be jittery at the closeness between her and the owner of that voice. Well, that was four years ago.
Now, all she felt was déjà vu and could-have-beens. Familiarity and what-ifs. A part of her wanted to feel those things again, those four-years-ago things, it would have been much simpler. But then the rest of her, the heartsick and passionate part of her, understood that it wasn't possible. Those things now exclusively belonged to the girl still sitting at the bar.
Alex was many things. Once upon a time, she would have been one to deny her own feelings. Really, before she met the blonde on the plane and saw the way she was so in love with the brunette in DC, she still would have been one to deny her own feelings. But currently, she knew enough to finally admit that Sam was more than just a friend. Not that the girl would ever know.
Alex sent Maggie a smile. "She is," she replied. "You're back," she added.
Maggie shrugged and leaned sideways against the bar. "Just for a visit."
"Could have called."
"Wasn't sure if I should. Believe me, I thought about it."
She believed her. They had an amicable breakup, sure, but it certainly wasn't beautiful. Alex could still remember the classes she skipped and the number of six-packs she drowned herself in for almost a month until her sister and mother staged an intervention.
Maggie also hadn't bothered calling even though they promised to keep in touch. Two months after the breakup, tired of always checking her phone for the text and call that would never come, she made Kara delete Maggie's number from her phone, determined to not make the same mistake everyone else made when they were too hung up on an ex.
A couple of months passed and then she randomly met Sam at the café when they had to share a table because the place was too full. She met Sam Arias and suddenly, everything didn't seem to bleak anymore.
"California treating you well?"
"You won't believe the kind of shit I see there almost on a daily basis," Maggie said with an indulgent roll of her eyes and then shrugged. "Apart of that, yeah, it's been good. How are you?"
"Graduating at the end of the semester. Well, hopefully."
"Oh please," Maggie scoffed, nudging her shoulder good naturedly. "You know you're gonna end up first class." Alex snorted with a playful wink, displaying crossed fingers. "Well –" her ex-girlfriend smacked the bar top and pushed away from it, waving at Alex "– I gotta run. See you around, Danvers."
The playful grin on Alex's face dissolved into a more melancholic one at the reminder. They had a good run. She nodded and said, "See you around, Sawyer."
She almost turned back around to finally avail herself to give Joe a generous tip when Maggie's voice stopped her. "And hey." She paused and looked back to the girl she had thought would be the one she would spend the rest of her life with.
Maggie threw a meaningful look at Sam who still seemed rather oblivious to their interactions. But one glance at the taller girl and Alex could see the stiffness in her shoulders and the curious tick of her head, like she was struggling to not stare. Of course, no one else would be able to notice. Alex fought a smile at that and waited for Maggie to say more.
"I knew you'd be happier with someone else one day," Maggie commented. This time, she didn't sound all that mischievous. Instead, the look on her face was peaceful and eager, like she was profoundly glad that Alex moved on.
Alex chuckled and didn't even bother anymore. She just nodded and said, "Thank you."
+1
"Do you remember when we met?"
They were strolling down the pier. It was a routine just between the two of them. Whenever and wherever they hung out, they would always take a stroll down the pier and allow sea air into their lungs before they retreated back to their respective halls.
Before Sam, it was just her. And then she met Sam and she realized the other girl had the same habit too. So it became a habit of theirs. She had tried doing this with someone else, like Kara, but it just never felt the same. Turned out she'd much rather do it alone than with anyone else other than Sam. Her sister took quite an offense on that, but was easily persuaded to forgive Alex with Chinese takeaway.
The way to Kara Danvers' heart is her stomach.
"Yeah…?" It sounded more like a question than a confirmation, tentative and wary.
"When you asked me out?"
Sam grunted and covered her face with a hand, an impatient smile on her face. "Oh my god, you promised to never bring it up again!" she exclaimed, lowering that hand to smack Alex's arm. "Like I said, I didn't know you just broke up with someone. And you can't exactly blame me for finding you attractive! Have you seen yourself?"
Alex fought a blush at the compliment, firmly telling herself in her head that she was going somewhere with this. "You know that girl at the bar just now? The one you were pretending not to notice?"
The other girl stumbled in her steps at being called out. She cleared her throat and offered a nervous smile. "Who's that?"
"My ex."
This time, Sam didn't stumble. She entirely stopped in her tracks and stared at Alex, gob smacked and hiding a range of emotions that a stranger wouldn't have noticed. Except Alex Danvers wasn't a stranger. She was one of the two people who knew Sam best and had unwittingly memorized all of Sam's body languages and expressions over time – hadn't even noticed she did that, honestly.
"Your ex."
"My ex."
"Like the one –"
"Exactly the one."
Sam looked away and nodded to herself as her feet led her to the railing and leaned her body against it. She looked out at the sea, keeping her back towards Alex. There was a long stretch of silence broken only by the sounds of waves crashing and occasional pedestrians doing the same thing as them. Alex stared, uncertain as to whether she was doing the right thing.
For more than two years, Alex had relished in the friendship she built with Sam, unaware of the happiness she found with the girl that was unlike any other happiness she had ever experienced – not even when she and Maggie were dating. For the lack of better words, she had taken advantage of Sam's presence in her life, thinking that it was there to stay and the girl would never leave. She could be secure in this tentative bubble that was deliberately architecture by Alex because she was afraid.
Seeing Maggie today, however, had broken that bubble. It made her remember the bliss she had felt when the two of them were together. The similar confidence she had in their ever after. Until the other girl had broken it off because of her ambitions. It made her realize that no matter how much she wanted to keep this thing between her and Sam behind the line that she had drawn, the feat would be impossible if she wanted to avoid what happened between Maggie and her to happen to them.
Kara had told her so. Lena had told her so. Her mother had told her so. Hell, even a random classmate had assumed so. The only thing was that Alex had refused to acknowledge it for years, all because she was scarred and afraid. Well, no more. This was it. Once and for all. Laying all the cards out on the table.
Sam made a move two years ago. It would only be fair for this to be her turn.
"I think I'm –" Alex took a deep breath.
Keeping her head above water was safe and secure, she stayed alive like that, but it wasn't a way to live. If she kept her head above the water all the time, she'd never be able to see the beauty and mystery underneath, the entirety of the world within her reach. And there was a world within her reach. It had been within her reach since she looked up from her textbook and locked eyes with a lanky girl with a friendly smile and a nervous twitch to her body language.
She just had to reach out and grab it. Never let it slip.
"I'm telling you this because…you know when you look at someone you love, and you just can't help smiling and your stomach empties out and you can't see anyone else but that person?" When Sam nodded, still not looking at her, Alex ploughed ahead. "Well, I used to feel that with Maggie." She clenched her jaw when she saw the way Sam's shoulders tightened even more. "When I looked at her just now –"
"Hey." Sam finally swung around, mustering a brave smile, but there was a tremble to her chin, an indication that she didn't actually want to do this. "If you're still in love with her, you should tell her."
"Sam –"
"You deserve to be happy. I want to see you happy. And if she – if Maggie –" Sam said her name like it was poison "– makes you happy, you should go after her. Don't –"
"Samantha –"
"– let her slip away again. She's here and you're here and that has to mean something. It has to mean something. So you should –"
"Samantha Arias!" Alex shouted, bulldozing forward to grab the other girl's arms and shake her thoroughly so she'd stopped talking. To its desired effect, Sam stopped her tirade and Alex's heart ached at the sight of the tears running down her cheeks. Well, she was never really good at hiding her emotions. "Just listen to me, okay? I wasn't done talking!"
"Okay," Sam whispered brokenly.
"What I was trying to say," Alex said between gritted teeth, keeping her eyes locked with Sam's so the girl would understand the gravity of her words, "is that when I looked at her just now, I didn't feel all those things. Not anymore." The dimness in Sam's eyes brightened slightly, filled with tentative hope. "When I look at you though, my stomach doesn't empty out and I don't see just you." That hope disappeared again. "What I feel is – I feel like there's a million possibilities when I look at you. I don't just see you; I see a future with you. I look at you and it's like…like there's a galaxy in my body. Like there's nothing I can't take on if you're there with me."
Sam blinked a few times, finally getting ahold of the message Alex was trying to tell her but still seemingly confused. She frowned. "What?"
Alex couldn't help but laughed. The hands on Sam's arms traveled upwards, caressing skin and bones, admiring structure and architecture, until they reached Sam's face and cupped her cheeks. The redhead took a step closer and rested their foreheads together.
"I love you," she whispered, allowing herself this one privilege that she had denied herself for years. She nodded in affirmation when Sam opened her mouth. "I am in love with you. That's what I'm trying to say. I want to be with you. I want to love you. I do love you. Do you understand?"
Sam gazed at her a prolonged moment and Alex gave her the time to grasp everything she had just told her. After all, it wasn't everyday that one had love professed to her. But then again, for someone like Sam, Alex wouldn't be surprised if she did have love professed to her every day. She was a goddamn catch.
When the other girl opened her mouth, Alex expected words to come out. But what she got was so much better. What she got was the kiss she had been dreaming about for so long, fantasized about at the most inappropriate times.
The press to her lips was warm and rough. Impatient, like it had been a long time coming. And now that it was here, there was no more waiting and no more gentleness. This was a beast that Alex welcomed thoroughly, wrapping her arms around Sam's waist to pull their closers, colliding with the railing behind Sam with a loud clatter. But they didn't give a shit. They couldn't care about anything but each other.
"I love you too," Sam whispered before biting down on her lower lip, tearing an indecent moan from Alex's chest as she pressed closer.
This bordered on public display of indecency, but if they ended up behind bars together, they'd just do the same thing there. It took a couple of wolf whistles for them to break apart, and even then, Alex didn't break away from Sam as she thrusted a middle finger in the air to whomever had done it. She just grinned against the girl's lips and pressed another chaste kiss there before drawing away.
The same hand extended forward to brush a strand of stray hair behind Sam's ear and cup her cheek. "I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it out."
Sam shook her head vigorously with a happy smile. "I never expected this, to be honest."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she reassured. "It's okay."
Alex leaned forward to lay her lips on the girl's cheeks and then nuzzled behind her ear. Eventually, Sam managed to tuck her head under Alex's chin despite their tall difference, but Alex willingly wrapped her arms around the girl's torso to keep her safe.
She felt incredible. She felt invincible like this. Nothing could stop her now.
"You know our friends are going to have a field day," Sam muttered against the skin of her neck.
Alex had to fight a shudder from crawling up her nerves at the sensation. She laughed and tightened her arms around the body tucked into hers. "As long as we face them together. Why not?"
At that, Sam only laughed. "Yeah."
there's just not enough agentreign fics out there smh what are y'all doing get with the program and sate my thirst
also, the 'i'm cold' scene was stolen from tumblr if you haven't noticed. and if you noticed the tiny bit of clexa, congratulations, i accept you.
now, i am a broke student just trying to live her life day to day so if you wanna contribute a little to make my life easier or show your support for my writing, you can buy me a coffee at my ko-fi page, which is colenign. thank you!