Ah. So a nice lengthy angsty one shot. Sorry but this might be kind of confusing coz I'm trying to write in 2nd person. Okay maybe a lot of confusing and it might give you a headache, I'm sorry but third person is just annoying sometimes when you keep repeating their name and such.
And a lot of grammatical errors and such.
Songfic to Linkin Park's song "Leave out all the rest".
Disclaimer: I don't own Linkin Park, the song, iCarly, and or any of the characters
Okay so thoughts are in italics. And flashbacks are underlined.
Oh and their 25 but in Freddie's case 26.
She woke up, panting. She just had a dream… that had a great possibility of being true. She closed her eyes and thought about the dream again.
Everybody was dressed in black… all standing under a pretty large tent at the cemetery during a overcast rainy day on Seattle… everybody was there… even the people she would have never thought would come. The people she knew despised her because of all the things that she has done to them… But they were there... standing over a white casket. Everybody… Carly, crying, very, very hard. Her one hand gripping her sides as she tried to pull herself together, and the other massaging her slowly showing belly. Gibby, standing there, along with Jeremy, Rip-off-Rodney, the friends I made over the years… everybody was there… everybody except for him. Somehow he didn't attend the funeral service. He did not even come to hold his pregnant wife and try to sooth her while she was mourning for her best friend. But no, he wasn't there. He was nowhere in sight. She couldn't believe that he wasn't there.
Soon a very stunning girl stepped forward, a few steps away from the mourning crowd. She was around average height, with her silky blonde hair falling down on neat, flowing curves behind her back. She was wearing a plain white dress, to which might be the uniform color that everybody was wearing, that went up to her knees and kept her shoulders and back bare. Her bright blue eyes were sparkling with tears, her usual happy demeanor gone from her angelic face. In her hand was a yellow lily.
She took a few more hesitant steps towards the casket. She took a very shaky breath as she stood in front of the closed casket. She placed the yellow lily on top of the casket and walked over to the podium.
She opened her eyes again, gasping for breath. The rest of the dream still playing on her head, as if on loop. Tears started to fall from her eyes as she hastily wiped them. No, I will not break down. She thought determinedly. Her mind wasn't working with her body tonight, as tears still started to flow.
She tried her best to shy away from her dream that was acting as if to enclose her into a tight box, suffocating her. She placed a hand over her chest. It was aching now, as if something was constricting around her heart.
She attempted to take deep breaths but they just came out as pants. She took her other arm, that wasn't clutching her chest, to reach for the cup of water at her side table. Her hand was shaking badly but she managed to be able to get it to her mouth. She drank the water until the last drop was gone from the cup. She has calmed down a bit by now.
She placed the cup back gently on the side table and just sat there for a moment… contemplating. She already knew what was happening to her, she didn't need a doctor to tell her that our old family companion was doing his job. Our family's Silent Killer.
She remembers the day when it all started…
She was on her way towards her boyfriend's apartment. It was their two year anniversary. She was happy, very happy. She and her boyfriend have been dating since their senior year on high school, when he finally got the guts to go and ask her out.
To tell you the truth she was so impatient with him and she was about to ask him out at around the same time he was too. They're just starting their sophomore year on college by now. Just a couple of months in from the school year. His dorms were closer to the buildings, since he was one of the honor students, he got the better dorms.
She sighed, she did well enough to get into a great school, along with her two best friends in the whole world, but the two of them still got honors so they are now presently on the same dorm building. Try more of a hotel. She remembers chuckling to herself as she made her way towards the elevators to his dorm.
She was extra happy, because this girl from her class said that there was a rumor that he was going to propose to her tonight on their second year anniversary, sure a lot of them said that they were too young but its not like they're getting married, it's just an engagement.
She smiled. If the rumor was true she was going to be engaged! And if it's not… well then things won't be too easy for this little rumor girl then.
She was beaming when she opened his dorm door using the spare key he gave her, only for her happy expression to turn into a shocked one when she saw her two best friends sitting on the couch, waiting for her.
"Hey guys, what's up?" She remembered asking them as she stood by the door. The air was thick of anxiety.
"Sam… please sit. We have to tell you something." She remembered Carly telling her.
She sat down on the spot beside Carly on the sofa and then turned towards the two of them with a questioning look on her face.
"Sam… I… we don't know how to begin this." Carly began softly.
Suddenly she felt as if the air was pressing down on her, not a good feeling. "What?" She asked once again.
"Sam… Carly and I…" Her boyfriend, Freddie began. "We've been hanging out a lot lately, but don't worry, we didn't do anything and such." He said the last part hastily.
She just nodded, she trusted her two best friends not to do that to her.
"Well… these last few days… we've game to a conclusion Sam. I… I'm just not over her, after all these years. And she knew that somehow she couldn't live without me either." Freddie said carefully, as if worried about hurting her.
Too late. She thought bitterly, but then her expression softened and saddened. It's what they want. They're obviously in love. She thought to herself, trying to fight back the tears. She went back to her blissful memories of when Freddie used to tell her that he loved her and such, but now he found out that it was just deep infatuation and the person he really loves is Carly. Of course. His sweet, innocent, PERFECT, Carly. She sighed. The tough thing is that she still loved him so, so much and she also loved Carly. She couldn't hurt two people that she loved. "That's… that's great you guys. I'm happy for you." She said with a small smile. She really wasn't angry just sad…and disappointment, love has changed her far too much.
She remembered Carly's and Freddie's confused expressions at that moment.
"Really?" They both said in unison.
She remembered having the most difficult time in her life to force a smile and tell them that she really was. Slowly, but surely, her heart was slowly falling apart.
She stood up from her bed, put on a sweatshirt and marched out of her room. She reminded herself to stay quiet because her sister was still sleeping in her room. That was the day marker of when her life started to crumble.
She made her way out threw the living room to the balcony over there. She was presently living at her sister's apartment in Florida. It had the most spectacular view of the ocean from her balcony. She sighed as she stepped out into the balcony, being greeted by the early morning air. She sat on the edge of the balcony, looking over the sea, and watching the sky's colors start to lighten shade by shade as the sun rose.
She took a deep shaky breath. It has been a year now since she moved in with her sister, over to the other side of the country. A lot of things had made her move here final.
One of them was Carly and Freddie's wedding.
They were at the reception hall, the wedding ceremony was just over. Her and Melanie were sitting on one of the tables drinking some champagne until Melanie decided to go and mingle with some of the people there. Mostly the boys. She flew all the way from Florida just to be at the wedding. She took a week off from her work.
She remembered sighing then chuckling at her sister, even though sweet and gentle she was quite the hunter. She sighed again, as she looked over and saw the happy newlyweds dancing in the middle of the dance floor. She had been Carly's maid of honor, of course she would be.
She just sat there, obviously giving off the signals that she wanted to be alone, since that the boys who wanted to ask her to dance just turned away when they got within 5 feet of her. Then suddenly somebody interrupted her by tapping into her shoulder.
"Hey." The groom said as he smiled softly at her.
"Shouldn't you be dancing with your wife right now?" She asked, a little surprised when he didn't even react over the term 'wife'. He tilted his head to the side and I saw Carly dancing with Spencer.
"Wanna dance?" He asked me tentatively as he held out his hand. She took it and she followed him to the dance floor. This has been the closest contact they had ever since they broke up that night.
They started to dance slowly and she couldn't help but notice the sadness on his face. "Hey, you just got married to the girl of your dreams, shouldn't you be happy?" She asked at the lightest tone she could muster.
He just shrugged.
"What's wrong?" She asked him as she gave him a don't-give-me-any-random-crap-for-an-answer look.
"Being married to Carly isn't just… what it I imagined it would feel like." He said softly. She froze, she opened her mouth angrily, about to protest when he cut her off. "I know it sounds bad but dancing with you right now is better than the whole wedding." He said as he gave her a sheepish grin.
With that she snapped. She stamped her foot, which was sporting high heels (Carly wouldn't let her wear anything else with her maid of honor gown). He winced at the tough contact though he kept a straight face. "What the hell are you implying Benson?" She said threateningly.
"Sam, I think I made a mistake. The largest in my life. I… I don't think I love Carly… as much as I did to you." He said shamefully as he hung his head low.
"What the fucking hell Freddie?!" She whisper shouted at him. "You asshole! You dump me for my best friend (he winced at how bad it sounded), you marry her, and you tell me that you love me more that you love her on your WEDDING DAY?!" She was about to lose her control.
"Sam, I…" He started but she cut him by pressing the heel of her shoe on his foot and digging her long nails onto his neck.
"What the hell is wrong with you Benson?" She asked him before she forcefully went out of his grip, walked over to Carly, told her some lame excuse, then left the place.
Melanie went home very confused at what happened, and she told her everything. She and Melanie had always been close, even if at times she practically hated her, but the hate was just out of jealousy, so they both knew that it wasn't true hate.
She remembered Melanie being the nicest she has ever seen her that night. And that's saying something. She practically had to restrain her sister from running out of the house and strangle Freddie.
Carly and Freddie had a 2 week honeymoon, doing what couples do. During that time period Sam was slowly getting over the edge. The depression and extreme sadness she had felt ever since Freddie broke up with her doubled since the wedding, and soon her heart couldn't take it anymore. She doesn't know why it's taking this much of an impact on her. He was just a guy. But there was something else there.
She had trusted him, loved him completely. She trusted him as much as she trusted her twin. And she probably loved him more. She had given him a large part of her heart and now he has taken it with him.
Melanie grew worried about her by that time, especially when her chest started hurting. It nearly made Melanie cry, because the last time they saw this type of behavior was when they were only little kids and their dad has died with the same illness as she now had.
A few days after the wedding, something happened that just pushed her through the limits.
The hospital was… eerie, there's no other word for it. Melanie held on to her as they waited for the news to come. Their mother, their only family left, was just in an accident, leaving their mother on a very thin line between life and death.
The twins just sat there nervously holding on to each other for support. Suddenly the doctor appeared out of the E.R. doors. He walked over to them and his face didn't help the twins.
"Would you two be friend or relative of Sarah Puckett?" The doctor said in a deep voice.
"Yes, she's our mother." Melanie said firmly.
The doctor sighed. "Her injuries were very fatal…" He said.
"Did she make it?" She said tearfully. She could already tell the answer from the doctors face. But she didn't want to believe it, she didn't want to believe that she lost another one that she loved.
"I'm so sorry… but she didn't." The doctor said gravely.
The twins burst into tears then. Melanie being more in control and held on to her twin who was breaking down.
Suddenly, in between tears sharp jabs were felt from her sides. She gasped, Melanie turned towards her worriedly.
Suddenly she screamed in agony. Melanie, shocked from the scream, accidentally loosened her hold on Sam and Sam slid to the floor screaming in agony, clutching her side.
All the nurses and doctors there, including the one who gave the news to them, immediately rushed over to her leaving Melanie cowering and worrying that she might lose her twin too.
That was the day of her heart attack. She told Melanie not to tell anybody, not even Spencer, Carly and more importantly Freddie. She clearly remembers not even being able to step into their old home, and Melanie offered to let her live with her.
Ever since then the roles have been switched. Melanie turned into the strong one and she turned into the weaker one. She was awed at her twin both of them have lost their family and her twin is still going strong and taking care of her.
But now she could already feel her time slipping away, she felt sorry for her twin. In due time she's going to lose her whole family.
She was happy that she left Seattle. She couldn't feel the constant pains whenever she sees their old house… Carly… Freddie… She almost chocked on sobs on the last name, no, she had to be strong, for Melanie.
Freddie somehow managed to keep all of his troubles hidden somewhere in him, deep hidden, she used to be able to do that, but no she doesn't know what happened. She had always been strong on the outside and vulnerable once you got through the exterior but somehow all the recent events her strong exterior was slowly crumbling.
She wanted so desperately to get Freddie's willpower to be able to just do that and be able to live the life he chose, but she couldn't. She just couldn't.
"Hey." A soft voice said form behind her.
"Hey." She said as she turned and saw her identical twin standing by the balcony door.
"What are you doing here?" Melanie asked as she took a seat next to Sam at the ledge.
"Mel… It's time." She said with finality on her voice.
Melanie's eyes grew wide and tears started to form in her eyes. "How much longer?" She whispered in a scared voice.
"I don't know… maybe until tomorrow…" She whispered. Melanie let out a sob and she wrapped her arms around her twin. "Sh… Mel… I won't be gone. As long as you don't forget me I'll never be gone." She whispered comfortingly.
Melanie sobbed and nodded.
That day the twins kept closer to each other than they have ever been. They talked about old times, laughed at some memories, while cried over some others.
It was already late at night and Melanie was getting tired.
"Go get some sleep." She muttered at her sister. She was still fully awake.
Melanie looked at her as if she had just suggested cutting off an entire forest.
"I'll wake you up." She muttered. Melanie gave her another worried glance and then slept with her head on her twin's lap.
She didn't get any sleep at all, she stayed up all night thinking about how everybody would react to her loss.
She thought, and thought, and thought until she saw that it was sunrise again. The idle pain on her chest all morning was now getting more pronounced. She nudged Melanie awake and all Melanie needed was take one sleepy look at her twin's face to burst out crying.
"I want you to stay here. Okay Mel? I'll be at the beach." She said as she hugged her sister. Her sister sobbed into her shoulder and nodded her head. "Bye Mel." She whispered, tears coming out of her own eyes.
"Bye Sam… I love you."
"I love you too sis." Sam smiled. "I'm glad that you're my twin."
"Me too." Melanie smiled sadly.
Soon she stood up and walked towards the exit of her sister's apartment. She could hear her sobs until she closed the door behind her.
She walked up to the beach, she took one last glance at the apartment building and saw that Melanie was watching her at the balcony. They gave each other small waves and she turned to the sea.
The pain was increasing now. It just kept on increasing and increasing, she tried very hard not to scream, Melanie was going through enough pain already.
Soon she fell down on her knees… on all fours… spread eagle… and then everything went black.
It was like she was dreaming again. She saw that she was back in Seattle, not really there. And there was a funeral, she came closer and saw that it was exactly like her dream had been, Carly was sobbing, alone, clutching herself and her slightly showing stomach… she smiled a little there, There's going to be a little Carly or Freddie soon.
She looked around some more and she saw everybody there. Everyone she used to torment, people she didn't know, Mandy, some of her college friends, her friends from her old job… but again, he was missing. She looked up front and saw a white casket and Melanie standing in front of it, placing a yellow lily on the top. Suddenly she realized that she was there, inside that casket, resting peacefully, finally untroubled.
Melanie stepped up towards the podium and took a shaky breath.
"Sam… she was probably the most amazing person I have ever known. She was always there for you, even when she appeared not to be. She was a very strong person, both physically and mentally. But even through this she was still really sensitive. This will probably shock all of you since I doubt you all know this… but Sam had a heart attack, two to be exact. The second one had killed her." Melanie paused as tears fell down silently on her face. She noticed that Melanie's voice kept breaking whenever she said her name and on the word 'killed'.
She looked over at Carly and saw that her eyes were wide as saucers. Carly was most definitely unaware of this fact.
Melanie took another shaky breath as she continued. Melanie was looking at the casket now. "I chose to gave you a yellow lily Sam, because yellow flowers are something you give to someone who is very close to you, that's why it is usually used to symbolize friendship, but sometimes it could be something more…"
There was a lot more to Melanie's speech but suddenly it was as if she was being sucked into a vortex and suddenly she was standing next to Freddie. He was at the fire escape. The fire escape on Bushwell Plaza. The place that held so many memories for the two of them.
She carefully looked at his face, his face was distraught, probably the saddest and guiltiest expression anybody has ever seen.
The look on his eyes showed the fact that he knew that it was all his fault that she died, but another part of his eyes showed that he was still unaware of this.
She sighed and reached out to touch him, but once her hand was only an inch from his shoulder she couldn't do it. Not because there was a barrier or something, but because she just couldn't.
She looked at him one more time and whispered, "I'm so happy for you and Carly… and also for your new little guy." and with that she left, going through a road that went… on.
I apologize for all the grammatical errors and headaches this might've caused. I just needed to vent. And usually when I vent its just me writing and letting the words flow out… so yeah. Lol.
Oh and the Silent Killer is a name for the illment that is more casually knows as high blood pressure. It's a cardiac illness that is really fatal unless being managed well.
Leave out all the rest: Linkin Park
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on this surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are