It's been a while, but we're in hiatus now so what the hey...
It's not the same.
It's not like he ever had this, exactly, with her. But in some ways he may as well have. They shared enough of their waking hours (more than most couples, some would say) and some of their sleeping hours too (more than was healthy for 'just' partners, others would say). They ate together, laughed together, watched TV and bickered and even though he could never take it further sometimes the feel of her unconsciously curled into his side while they shared a post-case drink on his couch was enough for him.
He can't begin to explain how much he misses that.
He knows he should be happy with Hannah. He is happy with Hannah, damn it. What he has with her is normal, healthy, what his 20 year old self dreamed of when he thought about his future. So why isn't it enough? Why does he feel like something is missing? That even after several months of being with Hannah, touching her, that she still doesn't feel familiar? That the curve of her hip, the softness of her skin and the feel of her hair is pleasant enough, but quite right?
Why does he feel like he is taking part in a betrayal?
The look on Bones' face as she leaves him and Hannah and his (no, their) apartment tells him everything he needs to know. He can't bear to see her so hurt. He is a hair's breadth from following her, and to hell with Hannah.
Hannah isn't her.
He knows it.
And she knows it too. At least that's what she told him before she left. And that's why he is driving to Bones' place now. That's why he's going to throw caution to the wind one last time, and he'll be damned if he's going to let her slip through his fingers again.
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