Hello, can you hear me?
I've got something to tell you
I was lost, but you saved me
I'll go wherever you want to
'Cause I think that I've got to have you
I've had enough
I'm in love, it's true
So don't, don't take it away
'Cause I've got my eye on you
-Automatic Loveletter

I peeled off my crimson dress, drenched in a sheen of sweat from the sheer terror that tonight had brought. A quick chill ran down my spine. I put on pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt and walked a few steps out of my room into the bathroom.

As I flipped the light-switch, the yellow-white light stung my eyes. I placed my palms on the cool ceramic tiles and leaned into the vanity mirror. Staring back at me were mascara-stained cheekbones underneath damp eyes, wide with fear. I turned the stainless-steel faucet knob and splashed cool water onto my face. I grasped a pale orange washcloth off the counter and daubed my face with it.

I tried to avoid making eye-contact with my reflection because I wanted to avoid the guilty visage staring back at me. As soon as I glanced at myself, my eyes welled back up with tears. I forcefully wiped my face a few more times and tossed the washcloth into the sink.

"Useless." I muttered under my breath.

I tugged on a hair-elastic and waves of messy dark-brown curls flooded my face.

"What have I done?"

I crept back into my room and plunged face-first onto my bed.

"Stupid, stupid...stupid...stupid." The words trailed off as I gasped for breath.

I closed my eyes and heard Drew whisper, 'this crazy stuff never happened to me before you came along'.

Exactly.

He's the best thing I've had in my life and I'm the worst thing in his.

All I've done is cause turmoil in his life.
I'm the reason his relationship with Alli ended.
I'm the reason he took shrooms.
I'm the reason he lost the championship for the Panthers.
I'm the reason his mom doesn't trust him.
I'm the reason he was accused of murder.
I'm the reason he was beaten up by a gang.
I'm the reason he had PTSD.
I'm the reason his brother got shot.

I know confessing to the cops was the right thing. But I should have done it sooner. All of this trauma would have been adverted. I wish I could have left my past behind me when I met Drew. Sometimes, he makes me feel like it is possible. I need to put that love-struck fantasy behind me. I need to face the reality that the past isn't going anywhere. I can't believe I brought Drew into this. He doesn't deserve this. I don't deserve him. But I need him. "You're the one good thing I've ever had in my life."