Santana shifted in the bed to make herself more comfortable. She pulled the arm draped across her waist closer, taking the hand in her own and locked their fingers together. The body behind her instinctively moved closer, making sure she was protected. She smiled at the comfort; this was what she liked about being in a relationship. Feeling loved, feeling wanted and feeling safe. She took a quick glance at the alarm clock beside the bed – 3.48am. She sighed. This wasn't the first time she had woke in the middle of the night and been unable to get back to sleep. In fact, every night this week she'd woken up in complete darkness, thoughts of only one person running through her head. She would then lie awake for hours, just thinking.
She thought about how, for as long as she could remember, this was always what she had wanted. A relationship, consistency and familiarity. Ever since she had been a little girl Santana had always dreamed of being the popular in school, with the popular guy on her arm, people moving out of their way as they walked down the halls of school – number one power couple, not to be messed with. But deep down she really just craved any sense of love. She'd got everything she wanted and more. She always thought that being a cheerleader dating a jock, there was always going to be the doubt of 'he's just with me for sex and image' in the back of her mind, but with Sam it really was different. He'd caught her eye from the first day he came to McKinley. The way he walked through those doors as the new kid, and automatically made status for himself instead of fading into the background, Santana was hooked on him. She made it her goal to make sure that she had her way with him – not only because she wanted to maintain her perfect record of having fooled around with every guy on the football team – but because, for once, Santana actually had feelings for someone.
She'd made her move after the thing he'd had with Quinn fell apart, and they quickly fell into a relationship. It actually felt natural and that scared Santana slightly, but she would never let anyone know, she had an image to maintain after all. Their relationship was purely sexual to begin with, and Santana spent most nights at Sam's house, but after a while the dynamic changed. Instead of leaving straight after sex, Santana actually stayed with him and cuddled. What the fuck was that about? Even worse, she liked it. She had always thought that things were better without feelings – hell, she thought it was better without eye contact – but here she was being proved wrong time and time again and she was quickly moving from scared to terrified.
Sam proved his worth though. He put up with Santana when others wouldn't. He held her close and kissed her forehead after every time Sue ripped her apart with her words. He was a constant reassurance when she had solos to perform in Glee club, he managed to calm her nerves in a way no other boy could. He would show up at her house and surprise her, either just because he wanted to see her or because he wanted to bring her a present – a takeaway coffee or her favourite DVD and endless amounts of popcorn. The day before their 3 month anniversary he showed up with a necklace. When she asked why he'd given it to her then, and not on their actual anniversary, he just said 'it wouldn't have been a real surprise then, would it?' and smiled, reaching over her shoulders to put the necklace on. Santana actually felt her heart skip a beat when he did romantic gestures like that. She was becoming soft. Sam had managed to get under her skin and make her less of a bitch and more of a romantic. He'd done the impossible.
She let out a slight sigh. That's why she felt so guilty. Here she was, lying here in the arms of her boyfriend who treated her like a princess, gave her everything she would ever need and more, and who loved her. All she could think about was how he wasn't the one she loved. All she could think about was Brittany.
"Hey, babe! You nearly ready?" Sam shouted from downstairs.
"Be there in a sec, just grabbing a jacket!"
Santana had been pulling her wardrobe apart all afternoon. This party was just a glee club gathering at Rachel's house, but that didn't mean that she could show up looking anything less than perfect. She'd tried on dress after dress, mixing and matching different combinations of jewellery, shoes and bags trying to get the right outfit. Eventually, after about 30 changes, she'd decided on a blue dress that came above the knee. She knew she looked sexy, she knew Sam would love it and she knew that she would turn heads as soon as she walked in.
She grabbed her jacket and threw it on, taking one last quick glance at herself in the mirror before leaving the room and heading down stairs. Sam's eyes lit up as soon as he saw her and she felt slightly uncomfortable under his gaze.
"Wow. You..." he stumbled over his words, "you look amazing."
"Thanks, I just threw myself together y'know. Last minute preparations," Santana replied with a smirk, and Sam laughed at her sarcasm.
"You look amazing," he repeated and took her hand. He leant in and put a soft kiss to her lips. When he pulled away he just smiled and squeezed her hand. "You ready to go?"
Rachel's house looked empty. The lights were off, and there wasn't even the slightest hint of a party currently happening. Santana regretted coming immediately and turned to head back to the car.
"Give them a chance San, it might not be as lame as you think," said Sam.
"Babe, look at this. Where's the party, the music, the people? It deader than a graveyard here."
Just on cue, the front door opened a lively Rachel Berry emerged from the house looking rather pleased with herself.
"Good evening Sam. Santana. I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it! Well don't just stand there, come on in. Come on!" She stepped aside and motioned for them to come through the door. "Everyone's already here, down in the basement! My dads are out for the evening and didn't want the crowds trashing their house, so we aren't allowed to party anywhere other than the basement, okay? I think they overestimated my popularity though," she finished, in a slightly defeated tone.
Santana looked at Rachel and smiled. "Hey, dwarf. Santana Lopez is here. It's not about quantity, it's clearly about quality." She noticed how Rachel's face turned into a slight smile as she recognized the attempt of comfort, and she thought that this not being a bitch thing actually had its perks. Making people feel good gave her the same buzz as tearing people down, even making Rachel Berry smile made her feel good.
Downstairs, the party was far from underway. The rest of the glee club sat around the edge of the room looking uncomfortable, making conversation to pass the time. Santana walked down the stairs and scanned the room looking for one person, and one person only. Her eyes eventually found the blonde in the corner, sitting on Artie's lap, kissing and giggling away in a world of their own. Her heart sunk and she suddenly felt very awkward. Her body language betrayed her as she grabbed onto Sam's hand for comfort, reassuring herself that she had someone, even if it wasn't the one that she wanted.
"Any chance of getting a party started in here Berry? Y'know – music, alcohol?" Santana hinted, hoping there would be something to help her drown the feelings that were threatening to take over, that she so desperately wanted to ignore.
"Let me be your knight in shining armour Lopez," Puck piped up from behind them. He held up a well stocked bag of alcohol, and not just the soft stuff. He had a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of vodka and a few bottles of shots. Santana smiled into herself, knowing the night was about to get interesting and was also now going to be much easier to get through.
"Thanks Puckerman, you've just made Santana one very happy girl," she said, walking towards him and taking the bottle of vodka from the bag.
The night had went from 'boring Rachel Berry get together' to 'craziest party of the year' pretty quickly after that. Everyone was wasted, the alcohol was in steady flow and shots were being knocked back left, right and centre. Brittany had managed to strip down to pretty much nothing other than her underwear, and Santana was throwing back shot after shot every time she got a glimpse of Brittany's perfectly toned body. She knew she had stepped over the line from 'drunk' to 'wasted', and she knew she would regret it in the morning but right now all she could think about was numbing herself from her feelings for Brittany.
Four sambucas, two vodkas and another bottle of beer later, everyone was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room. Puck had suggested they play a game of spin the bottle, thinking it was the only way he was going to get any action out of anyone in here tonight. Everyone had jumped at the chance and they were now in a circle on the floor, laughing and screaming as Tina and Quinn were just pulling out of a kiss.
"That was hot! I think this game was the best idea I ever had!" Puck shouted to the now blushing girls.
"Hey, what happens at Rachel's, stays at Rachel's!" Quinn threw back, scared that her rebellious side would get out and ruin her perfect image.
"If you keep doing that, I'll learn to keep quiet, " Puck replied with a smirk, pleased with how the evening had played out. He'd just seen some girl on girl action, a guy can't complain. "Right Santana, your turn, spin!"
Santana put her hand out and spun the bottle quickly. She watched it going round, wondering who it was going to land on. She only had one person in her mind, only one person she wanted it to stop at. It was going slower and slower, almost stopping. And then it was still. Santana followed the neck of the bottle like an arrow to see who it had landed it. As soon as she looked up her heart skipped a beat as she saw those blue eyes staring back at her, face beaming with a smile.
"Britt," she said softly, and took a breath to steady her thoughts. The room erupted with shouts of encouragement, the boys were visibly excited about seeing the two hottest girls in school make out in front of them. No-one was more excited in that moment than Santana. They'd kissed before, actually they'd done a lot more than just kiss before, but this was different. They hadn't kissed since Santana had got with Sam because, to the surprise of everyone, she'd somehow developed a conscious and didn't have the heart to cheat on him. This was different because it wasn't until Santana got with Sam that she realised she was in love with Brittany. Every other making out session was just that – two people making out. But this? This was Santana about to kiss Brittany for the first time since she discovered her feelings. This was kissing someone you were head over heels in love with, and to say Santana was nervous was an understatement.
Santana was snapped out of her thoughts by Brittany's hand on her cheek. She hadn't noticed Brittany making her way over closer to her and she was now very much in her personal space. Her breath hitched in her throat, as her gaze snapped between Brittany's eyes and her lips. Santana brought a hand up to Britt's back and pulled her closer. They were millimetres from each other now, with literally nothing left to do other than kiss. Santana knew everyone around them was shouting and laughing, she knew there was music playing in the background, but she couldn't hear anything. She was completely lost in the moment.
Brittany made the first move and pressed her lips lightly against Santana's. Santana closed her eyes at the touch and completely committed herself. Britt pulled away, adjusted herself slightly and moved in again, this time with a little more force. Santana parted her lips, deepening the kiss and Brittany automatically mirrored her movements. The kiss started off slow and sensual, both girls being reminded of the familiarity of it all, and how natural it felt to them. Slowly, things began to get more heated. Brittany brought her other hand up to Santana's face so she was now cupping both her cheeks in her hands, while Santana ran fingers through Brittany's hair. They were breathing heavily now, breaking apart ever so slightly every now and then just to get some air and to change position. Santana could swear that in this moment there was no-one other than her and Brittany. She forgot about Sam, she forgot that she had everything she wanted in a relationship; she forgot that she had someone who loved her. All she could think about was how she loved Brittany, and she was kissing Brittany and how Brittany felt like home.
And just like that it was over. There was loss of contact and all of Santana's other senses quickly came into play again. She could hear everyone cheering, she could hear the music again, she could hear Puck saying something about how he'd died and went to Heaven. She opened her eyes and saw Brittany smiling in front of her, one hand still on her cheek. Brittany leaned closer and pulled Santana into a hug, bringing her mouth up to her ear.
"I love you," she whispered, and pulled away to reclaim her place in the circle.
Santana's heart stopped. She didn't know if it was the alcohol talking, but in that moment everything seemed to make sense. In that moment everything changed. In that moment Santana knew that that 'I love you' wasn't in a friendship sense; it was more. Santana knew that she had a connection with Brittany and she needed to act on it. In that moment she knew that every kiss she would ever have from there in on in, she wanted to have with Brittany. She knew that she always wanted to open her eyes and see blue looking back at her. She just knew.
Thanks for reading! Any reviews would be great as this is going to be my first multi chapter fic so I'd like to know what you guys think!