As he drove, Nick reached over to take Jess' hand in his own. Feeling her cool fingers intertwine with his naturally, he sighed deeply, so thankful that he caught her before she drove herself home. He turned his head to catch her eyes for as long as he dared; she had her head leaned back against the seat and was watching him, too. Silently, he thanked Winston for the push, and considered his father's role in his recent behavior. Remembering his words so many years ago, his advice to not think too much, as well as the pattern of running away he'd inherited from him. He wondered if his dad hadn't passed, if he and Jess would be on this path now. Thinking about him so much (and how short life is) had made Nick take risks recently that he didn't think he would have taken a year ago.
He reveled in the fact that Jess had made the move to keep this thing going, and that he'd not foughtagainst the magnetic pull of his body to hers. She was such an amazing, beautiful, enormous part of his life now. Tendrils of self-doubt started to creep in as he realized there was still no resolution to his "messiness," but he glanced at her again, taking in her tired but true smile, and her luminous eyes, swollen from crying. He told himself to suck it up and believe that she must see something in him and a possibility for them, to have been upset at the idea of calling it. Don't overthink this, Miller. Don't think your way out of a good thing. Some pretty fantastic stuff is happening lately when you stop thinking so goddamn much.
Jess was quiet as well. She closed her eyes, exhausted by the emotional events of the day already, and even more so from crying. The euphoria she experienced when Nick didn't say no caused adrenaline to course through her body, however, and though she was physically tired, she was nowhere near falling asleep. Being kissed by Nick Miller touched all of her nerves, made her feel more grounded than ever and out of her own body all at once. Their undeniable passion was more than she'd ever experienced with anyone before, and while it scared her a little to think of moving forward, she felt sick momentarily, realizing they almost let it go. Who are you kidding, Jess thought to herself. You know it doesn't matter what he does, what he wears, what your Dad thinks. You know you've been falling for him slowly for a long time. She started thinking back through her feelings over the past months, acknowledging her jealousy over Shane...then realizing it went beyond that. You know you didn't like him with Angie, either. Or Julia. Or Caroline. Was it just that you thought they were all wrong for him? She decided it might not be so cut and dry, but her feelings had definitely evolved over time from those of a roommate, to a friend, and somewhere along the line, to a blurry definition mixing a best friend with someone she was deeply attracted to, the one person she couldn't picture her life without.
Jess' thoughts were interrupted as Nick squeezed her hand and the car started to slow. She opened her eyes to discover that although they'd made no plans about where to drive, they were at a beach, secluded and dusky. "Nick?" Jess looked at him curiously.
Nick was still holding her hand. "It's been awhile since I was the guy who didn't hold the wallets. I felt like another trip to the beach with you."
Jess smiled but held his eyes apprehensively. "Schmidt gave me strict instructions to not just wash this sari, Nick. I don't know if I'm supposed to get it wet!"
"Then don't wear it in the water, Jessica." Nick's eyes smoldered and he held her gaze for another long moment, before finally letting go of Jess' hand long enough to open the door and make his way around the car to let her out.
"Nick, we're at a public beach. Anyone could walk by at anytime." Jess laughed as he opened her door. She turned to face him and he leaned against the frame, reclaiming her hands.
"That's true. And we don't want sand getting anywhere hard to reach, either. Still, I feel like taking a walk with you." Nick drew her up and started walking toward the beach with her. He noticed her sari dragging, turned and scooped her up easily.
Jess laughed again and put her arm around his neck. She stared up into his face, remembering what happened the last time he carried her like this. Calm yourself down, Jessica. He just told you earlier this evening, it's not like we're in love. Yeah, we uncalled it, but he still hasn't told you how he feels, so stop staring at him like he's the only person you ever want to be with again. Jess gulped and pressed her face into Nick's neck. Her eyes wide, she felt her heart starting to beat faster and her thoughts started flying. Right? Because that would be crazy. You haven't even been able to talk about what this is. Yes, there is amazing physical chemistry and he's your best friend. That doesn't mean this is going to work out. Don't you dare fall for him yet.
Nick's breath caught as Jess tucked her face against him. He tightened his grip and enjoyed the feel of her in his arms, the beat of her heart against him, the scent of her hair and the ocean intermingling for what he thought might possibly be the nicest smell he'd ever experienced. Easy there, fella. She might have just asked you to not walk away from this, but we don't know what this is yet. She is quite literally the most perfect thing in your life and the best thing you have going for you, so don't mess it up. You have to tell her how you feel before she gives up on you for good. There's a good chance she'll walk away when she hears it, because you have nothing to offer her and you're already way too deep. But better sooner rather than later; it'll only get harder to watch her leave the more you fall in... Nick stopped abruptly. "This looks like a good place, whatdya think?
He lowered Jess to her feet gently and shrugged off his jacket, spreading it out for her. Then he sank into the sand and she settled onto Schmidt's worst suit jacket, leaning into him as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. She reached for his hand, but the silence of their walk made her apprehensive, and she turned to look up into his eyes nervously. "Thanks for the walk, Nick. It's beautiful out here tonight."
He swallowed hard as he nodded. "There's no one I'd rather be with tonight than you, Jess." Her eyes searched his, and he took a deep breath, chuckling nervously. Do it, Miller. Don't let this opportunity go. She's waiting for you. "In fact, I have a confession. I've been thinking it over, and I want to tell you what I wrote on my valet ticket. I'm ready."
Jess opened her eyes wider and sat up, turning more to face him. She opened her mouth to say something, but Nick, afraid to lose his courage, looked down and pressed on. "'A leap of faith with the one person I can't live without.' That's what I wrote. Honestly, Jess, I'm really scared of ruining our friendship. I know I'm not good enough for you and I'm terrified of what happens when you realize I'm not enough. But from the moment I met you, there's been something between us. And the more time passes, the more time I spend with you and the closer we get - I just can't let anything hold me back anymore. I want to be good enough for you and I'll do whatever it takes. I have some ideas already. I just...I can't go back to the way things were before I allowed myself to start falling for you." He decided to stop before he rambled all night and finally met her eyes, taking another deep breath and preparing himself for the worst.