Bad Dream
By Palmtree
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Cheers ended and I was left lying on Julie's sofa thinking about Sam and Diane.
Why didn't my Julie invite me into her bed? Her bedroom was so private it should have had yellow police tape across the doorway. What secrets did she hide under her pillows? Why couldn't she let me in?
Never mind why. Too much thinking hurts my head. But it's a pain I gladly endure for her. She's a puzzle I have to figure out, and nothing she does can drive me away from her.
She doesn't know it yet, but I love her.
Oh, she knows I love her the way a shepherd loves his lamb. But I love her as a man loves a woman too. I want her to know this, but she won't say anything, and keeps me at a distance.
Why, Julie? Why do you have a barrier, even with me?
It must be related to your painful past, but still...it seems so unfair for you to do this to yourself-to shut love, and trust, and life out-just to protect yourself. You're missing so much. Me, for one thing, and what we could have.
I want to take down your wall, sweetheart. One brick at a time. As slowly as you want. I want you to heal. Whatever that takes or whatever that means to you, I'm willing to take the time and do whatever, say whatever, I have to, to help you.
Yes. I ponder all of my heroic intentions in the dark while the next program comes on.
She has relegated me to the sofa. Nowhere near where I want to be with her. Cast in a different room away from her like one of her magazines or throw pillows.
It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It means it's as close as she can allow love right now.
Mr. Gone.
Invading my twilight space.
Since when did you get to be an expert on Julie? I'm the one who loves her and will do anything for her. You're the one who torments her with riddles and insinuations and pieces of what you call her truth-
A cry in the dark. Julie's cry.
I leapt off the sofa and ran into her bedroom, where she lay huddled on her side with the sheet bunched under her chin, her eyes closed tightly, curled into a tight coil.
Nightmare.
What was she dreaming about?
She hugged at her pillow, so I carefully walked over to her and sat on the side of the bed so as not to frighten her. I took her into my arms so she could hug me instead of the pillow.
"There, there," I told her as I stroked her hair. "Everything will be all right. I'm right here. You're okay now. Just a bad dream."
She clung to me.
"Huh-how did you know, Maxx?"
Oh, by the light perspiration on your back? The way you tremble like a trapped animal?You're not aware that you cried out?
"I've had bad dreams myself."
Let me in, Julie. Please God, let me in. I want to help you. I love you.
And then.
My own, sounding a lot like Gone's in my head.
Shut up. You can't push her. She'll bolt.
She hugged me tighter. This time even gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Goodnight, Maxx. Take an extra blanket with you back to the couch if you want."
I tucked her in, and got off her bed.
In your time, princess.
In your time.
End