What do you do when part of your soul is dying? When that one person, whom you love and adore unconditionally and irrevocably, is laying before you, their death imminent… and it's all your fault. Your fault entirely, and you realise this as emotions come crashing over you as the heart monitor bleeps on the desk next to where you are sat. He's now obscured by wires attached to his hands and face, helping him live them extra minutes, continue breathing in the hospital air – it breaks you.
Beyond the wires, he lies asleep, not peacefully as he jolts and turns every few minutes, nothing about his sleep is peaceful, the occasional whimpers and shouts, "Please, let me live, my daughter", accompanied by cries of despair, you know he is having nightmares. Problem is these aren't dreams of fiction, his cries are a remembering, the reality of what happened. You grimace at the thought, of considering the hell that they caused for him. How was he to know that they were your friends, how were you to know they were false, enemies hidden by masks intent on ruining both of you.
Truth was you were easily deceived.
You'd always imagined Harry would survive any attack; he'd survived Voldemort for heaven's sake! You didn't expect that you would be the one to cause his downfall. You'd always been wary, but the wizarding world seemed far safer, more carefree than it ever had. Voldemort's demise had resulted in a happier world, you had enjoyed the sunshine, the laughter, the fun. You'd stayed with Harry throughout, if not in person, in mind. He'd achieve his auror ambitions and headed the department, but you'd always thought his targets to be a doddle. You didn't imagine the intense research, searching, bugging was all in aid to find the boy you were friends with.
You hadn't envisioned this being your doing; Harry's determination to find this particular target, not only because his job required, but as a means of seeking knowledge. Information. Knowing why. Why were you were entangled in this illicit affair, more so when you claimed to be visiting family- majority of which, he knew to be at Hogwarts. Wanting to know were his relationship had gone wrong, and what had caused your deceit.
All Harry knew now; and what you know as well. You fit the image of a Potter woman, red hair, but missed the key ingredient. You weren't blood, Harry wanted a mother, but you were his wife. The only people he craved were by the name of Lily. His baby girl and his Mum.