ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: So this angsty drabble is dedicated to dearest Laura of Miss Fenway, who blows my mind every time she updates Little Hollow. While this is the shortest thing I've ever posted, it's chock-full of Logan angst that I hope you will all enjoy.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush, Logan, or any other characters mentioned.
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Logan didn't quite understand where this all was coming from, exactly. Hell, he didn't even know why he was so upset about it.
It's funny, really, how much a person's words can affect you. There's always been that old saying to live by: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Logan had actually been a firm believer of that, or something like it. Though when he wanted to let one know that their words didn't affect him, he always had to do it in sort of a smart-ass way, saying things like, "That might have affected me if I respected your opinion at all, but because I don't, you can go screw off." It had always worked before.
But now he couldn't even say that, let alone the traditional saying. He would rather have sticks and stones thrown at him full force than face those words again.
"My money's on Logan." James said, and Logan gave him a look. Logan knew he was just kidding, because that's how he and James were, but maybe he wasn't kidding. Maybe he actually did think that Logan had the best bet of being kicked out of the band.
"So you kicked Kendall out of the band? My money was on Logan." Griffin told Gustavo.
"Well you would have LOST!" Logan retaliated. Why does everyone keep saying that? He had thought to himself.
Because you're a failure, a voice told him now. You may have a brain bigger than the Pacific, but face it; you're nothing out here. You're useless. You can't dance, you can't sing, and you just got lucky that your career wasn't ended today.
Logan pulled at his hair, willing the voices to shut up. He felt like such an idiot, sitting here locked in his room. What the hell was wrong with him? He shouldn't be this affected by a simple bet.
You're this affected because you know what James and Griffin said were true. You are the best bet in matters of getting kicked out of the band.
No, Logan reassured himself. If he were the best bet on being kicked out of the band, than Gustavo would have already kicked him out. There was no doubt that the man didn't care about him; he would have no problem sending him back to the harsh weather of Minnesota.
But that seed of doubt was still there. Still giving him a glimmer of doubt that he might not be good enough, that he might be sent packing because he was not as good as everybody else.
It scared the shit out of Logan, that doubt. Because no matter how small it was, it had the power to consume him. Then Logan would be out of control, something he had always taken pride in having.
And now he was losing his mind.
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ONE MAN WRITING GAMES NOTE: So this is pathetic, really. I promised an angsty drabble and we come out with this. I'm going to have to write a much better Logan angst one-shot, and it's gonna be over 500 words and it will be AWESOME. Sorry Miss Fenway; this is poop. ):