Olivia and Fin were the only ones in the squad room at the moment. Seeing an opportunity to say what she had wanted to say since leaving the basement, Olivia said, "Thanks, Fin. For...saving me." She hadn't made contact; she was still ashamed of what happened. A brief silence followed.

Fin, too, finally said what had been on his mind since Sealview. "No, don't thank me. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner. It...it never should've gotten that far." "It was too close. Way too close," he thought.

She finally looked him in the eye. "No, don't apologize. I'm glad you got there when you did." In that moment he saw in her eyes that she was, truly, grateful. But rather than making him feel better, he only felt worse. Because at the same time he saw immense pain beneath the gratitude, and it was a pain he knew no one should have to bear. And he could've stopped it. If only he had gotten there before it got so close. So close.

She really was grateful for him; if he hadn't come when he did, she wouldn't be here today, at least not with much remnant of who she was before Sealview. Even now, when nothing had happened, she was struggling to move on. "Nothing happened. I wasn't raped. Nothing happened and I'm still so shaken by this. What's wrong with me? I'm not even a victim; why is this getting to me?" There was one more thing she needed to say, but she needed to say it in just the right way. It was very important to her that he agree to it. "I'd better just say it before anyone else comes in." "Fin?" she asked. "Would you mind if we kept what happened at Sealview...between us? I'd rather not tell anyone else at the precinct..." She looked away as she said this, busying herself making a cup of coffee.

Fin's instincts were against the idea; he could see she was hurting, and that she wanted to hide it, that she was determined to deal with it herself. He also noticed that she was determined to keep it from them, and so she would probably succeed if he agreed to keep this a secret. He wanted to say no, to make her get help by telling Cragen. But he knew that she wouldn't do that even if he did tell Cragen. And he also wanted her to trust him enough to talk to him if she needed to.

"Fine," he said. "But I know what you're trying to do, and I think you should talk to someone about it. No one here would think anything different of you if they knew. You know that, right?"

There was a pause; Olivia continued to busy herself with the coffee, and Fin stood a beside and a little behind her, in such a way that he could not see her face. But he did not need to see her face to know that she didn't mean it when she replied, "Of course I know that."

She walked away and he knew that was the last time they would talk about it, maybe even the last time she would talk about it, ever, which he shuddered to think about. But that was Olivia: she dealt with her problems on her own, and no one could stop her from doing that. And as much as he regretted facilitating it, he knew there was nothing he could do otherwise. It was pointless to stand in her way. He would just try to be there for her, even though she'd never come to him.

***

Olivia hadn't been herself all week, not since her run in at Sealview. Elliot knew something happened there, but he didn't know what, and she certainly was not going to tell him. What was odd was that no one else seemed to know either. Fin had been there, he knew, but he didn't seem any different than usual. Something was up, and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. She looked tired, increasingly so with each day. She was irritable, and sensitive, but almost imperceptibly so, as if she were controlling her emotions. Which, of course, Elliot knew she was. That was how she kept herself at a distance. It wasn't perfect, but it was her method of choice when something became too hard to handle. Most of the time it worked. Most of the time. He knew there were times when it didn't but no one would be around to see the break down. That was how she wanted it. Sometimes he got the chance to be there for her, but it had been a long time since she let him see her vulnerable.

"Nothing happened. I'm fine." That's what she'd said when he asked her what happened in the basement. It wasn't true, he knew that, but what really struck him was that she knew he knew it. She knew that he wouldn't buy it but she lied anyways. How had it come to this point? How did they arrive at this place where she didn't tell him anything? Sure, she always liked to keep her emotions to herself to a point, but she always confided in him if it was something really serious, and it was clear from the way she's acting that this was really serious. And yet she kept it from him; in fact, he was pretty sure she was keeping it from everyone. This worried him, nearly frightened him. He was concerned about her, but there wasn't a thing he could do for her without knowing what was wrong.

***

This, the squad room, the interrogation room, the job itself, was her domain. Here, she was in her element. She was in control. And she still was, for the most part. But when a case came to close to home, or if things got a little rough, she had to fight off the impending flashbacks. She hadn't had much trouble in doing that, at least not so anyone could see. But it came back to her later, when she was too exhausted to fight it. For now, though, she had things under control. It was getting a little harder to hold herself together, but she was needed to get through this on her own. She was powerless to stop anything down in the basement; she never should have let him take her down there. She knew better. So, this she needed to get through on her own, to reconcile it with herself. But if it got too out of control, she knew, she would have to talk to someone before her job suffered.

***

"Liv."

"Liv, wake up."

Olivia was asleep at her desk when Elliot came in to grab a case file he had forgotten. It was well past midnight, and everyone had left the station hours ago. Everyone except Olivia, it seemed. He didn't want to wake her; she looked peaceful, and he knew from the increasingly dark bags under her eyes that she hadn't been sleeping much. But he also knew that the squad room was not the best place to sleep, because falling asleep at your desk only led to a horrible backache the next day. So, he went over and gently began to shake her shoulder.

"Wake up, Liv. I'll take you home."

Olivia started as he grabbed her shoulder. "Let me go!" she shouted, yanking her arm from his grasp.

"Liv, it's just me!" Elliot was shocked and concerned at her reaction and most especially the look on her face; her eyes were glazed over and her jaw was set in fear-filled determination. It was as if she wasn't even there, like she was completely unaware of her surroundings. "Liv, are you alright?" he asked, but he didn't touch her for fear of frightening her again.

As she began to wake up and realize where she was and what had happened, she relaxed a little. "Sorry, El. I was...sorry. I guess I just fell asleep."

"You sure you're alright?" he asked. He was worried; the way she looked...she looked like a victim.

She could see he was concerned. Of course he was, she had just freaked out on him...he wasn't going to let this go. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. What time is it anyways?"

"Quarter to one." She was lying and changing the subject. He sighed. "Let me take you home."

"Alright, just let me grab my stuff." There was no way he would've let her go home alone after her outburst. She scolded herself for falling asleep in the squad room, where this was bound to happen. There was no avoiding it now though. He was going to take her home no matter what, so she knew it would work out more in her favor if she didn't argue. Hopefully he wouldn't be too persistent in trying to figure out what was up. In any case, she would appreciate his company for the time being. It was nice to not be alone this late, especially when the nightmare she was having was still fresh in her mind. At least now she felt safe.