First Kill
Characters: Luke, Mara
Time Frame: Post Union
Genre: drama
Summary: Luke and Mara discuss their fist kills.
Disclaimer: It all George's jungle
Autours Note: This is a dialogue only fic which actually leaves out the quotation marks as well. I hope you enjoy.
Do you remember your first kill?
Of course. Though, I'd like to forget it.
What was it like?
I really don't want to talk about this, right now, Skywalker.
Why?
I'd rather let my life as the Emperor's Hand stay in the past. No good can come of dredging up those old memories.
It would help me understand you better.
I think we understand each other just fine. Reliving my life as Palpatine's personal killer has no bearing on the fact that I love you. You know what I was. I am something different, now. Better.
No doubt about that. Do you want to know about my first kill?
Not particularly, but I think you need to talk about it.
I guess I do…
So?
It seems so silly in light of how many beings I've killed since then. Impersonal, you know.
I know what you mean. Though most all of my kills were very personal. Not in the sense that I knew the being, but they were intimate.
I understand that more, now. My first kill was a stormtrooper. Blasting a person dressed in white armor, when they all look alike, and your life is in danger, came quite easily. They could have been clones or not. I have no way of knowing; not that it makes a difference. A life is a life, right?
From a certain point of view.
We'll table that discussion for later. Anyway, when we finally escaped the Death Star, Ben was dead and I didn't care how many troopers were dead by my hand.
So, you were angry about Ben's death and rationalized the killing to make yourself feel better.
That's a bit of an over simplification.
Really?
Yes. I was angry and in shock. I wasn't really thinking about whom I'd killed. Rather, I was consumed with losing Ben. My aunt and uncle were dead and then the only other link to my previous life was suddenly gone as well.
You've told the story many times, but I've always wondered what made you think you could handle any of it? From Leia's message to Obi-Wan to her rescue, you charged headlong into…uncertainty and probable death. You had no training, Jedi or military, and, apparently no doubts about the fact that you would succeed. That's either very brave or…
…very reckless. I know. I guess I never thought about. I didn't have time to think, really. It happened so fast. There was no time to second guess or plan effectively. We just did it. It wasn't until we escaped that I time to catch my breath, to think about what I'd done.
I admit you were dealt tough hand, but look at you. Look at what you've become.
It wasn't just me. I had help.
Oh, I know.
You think I'm whining.
Not whining. Just venting. Feeling depressed?
Could be. My meditations in the Force have been more reflective lately.
Your father still bothering you?
No, that one is done.
Listen, Farmboy. People die in war. We kill, but not indiscriminately. There is reason for it.
Come on, Mara. I'm not the naïve farm boy that hitched a ride to the Rebellion anymore. I've very aware of the consequences of war. Maybe I'm just tired of killing…for any reason.
Don't be silly. The galaxy will always need Jedi. You are our leader. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be the man we know you are.
That's what I love about you, Mara…
Yes?
Your particularly endearing form of encouragement.
You married me.
I wouldn't change a thing. Well, maybe-
Skywalker!