It was a normal day in Abhorsen's House: Sameth was making pink bandoliers, Sabriel was figuring out how many licks it took to finish a lollipop, and Lirael was—well, just being weird.
Mogget: I really think Lirael's lost it now.
Dog: Why?
Mogget: She's going around and sharpening all the chopsticks in the House. She says that she might need them to poke Sabriel.
Dog: Why does she want to poke Sabriel?
Mogget: I have NO idea. She's just being, well… Lirael.
Dog: Ah. I've never quite figured out why Lirael is always so nutty in people's fanfictions… oh well…
Meanwhile…
Sabriel (to Touchstone): I think I've figured out how many licks it takes to finish a lollipop!
Touchstone: Oh. How… um…
Sabriel: It's 1,782! But maybe it varies with different flavors…
Touchstone: …
Sabriel: So I've only been trying grape. I think I'm going to buy some cherry ones now. Anyone need anything? Cause I'm going to the store.
Lirael: I could use a packet of ladybugs!
Sabriel: Okay, Lirael.
Sameth: And I need more nylon! I've decided to make more than bandoliers; now I'm making panpipe pocket-protectors!
Sabriel: What color?
Sameth: Sort of a yellow-ish gold, you know, the same color they paint schoolbuses.
Sabriel: Okay.
Elsewhere…
Sameth: Wow! I've just made my 1,782 bandoliers! I think I'm going to embroider lollipops on them now…
Elsewhere…
Dog: MY COOKIES!
Mogget: No way, dog breath.
Dog: Why, you little… MOGGIE! MO-O-O-O-GIE!
Moggie Mogget: NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT … THE NAME!
Dog: MO-O-O-O-O-O-GIEEEEEEE!
Mogget: Fine! I surrender! Just not the name… ROOFUS! ROOFUS!
Dog: MOGGIE MOGGIE MOGGIE!
Mogget: ROOFUS ROOFUS ROOFUS!
glare at each other cookie lying innocently on table
Lirael: walking in Hey, look, a cookie! grabs cookie Yum!
Lirael receives death glare
Lirael: What did I do? Oh, I get it… you wanted one of those calcium chews! Here you go!
DEATH GLARE DEATH GLARE DEATH GLARE
Meanwhile:
Sabriel: I'm ho-o-o-o-ome!
Lirael: Did you get my ladybugs?
Sabriel: Yup.
Lirael: Thanks! tears packet open
Sabriel: Not in the house! MY LOLLIPOPS ARE IN DAAAAAANGER!
Sameth: Hey, Lirael. I just finished 1,782 bandoliers and I've embroidered lollipops on them! Here you go!
Lirael: Oooh! I WUV lollipops!
Touchstone (thinking): The weird just get weirder…
Lirael: MUAHAHA! gets chopsticks POKE! POKE! POKE!
Sabriel: HA! brings out lollipops Parry thrust, parry thrust!
Lirael: Feel the might of my CHOPSTICKS! lollipop snaps
Sabriel: …………………………………………………………………………………………
Touchstone: Hooooooooooooooooo boy.
Sabriel: MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY CHOPSTICKKKKKKSSS! screams loudly ARRRGHH! STAND AND FIGHT, LITTLE MISS CHOPSTICKS! tackles Lirael
Lirael: POKE… POKE… POKE…
Meanwhile…
Sameth: Lirael didn't like my bandolier! She was LYING! I have …to make… voodoo… dolly! hammer hammer
Meanwhile:
Dog: We have to band together to get Lirael!
Mogget: Of course. After that incident, I couldn't do anything else. Those calcium chews are stuck in my thoat…
Dog: But how?
Mogget: Let's buy fake bells and send her into death!
Dog: Great idea!!!
Things aren't looking to good for Lirael now, are they…?
END!
(Well, maybe)
Author's Note:
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