Reasons (part 1)
Setup: Marguerite and Roxton are scouting around when they are attacked by apemen. While fighting, Roxton's leg receives a deep cut and he is bleeding heavily. Marguerite cleans it as best she can and bandages it to stop/slow down the bleeding.
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Roxton, looking around, spies a broken branch. "This should do nicely as a crutch. We've got a long walk ahead of us and it will be dark in a few hours".
Marguerite, trying to keep the concern out of her voice. "Are you sure that can make it that far"
"What do you propose? Do you think you could carry me back to the tree house?" Roxton replies with a laugh.
Marguerite ignores Roxton's remark and begins trudging through the jungle, back to the tree house. She is silent as she walks, thinking to herself "If he's not concerned, I'm not concerned. Just slow a little consideration and get laughed at! Fine, but if he thinks that I am going to slow down for him, he's got another thing coming!"
As she thinks, she begins to fume. She is angry, not so much at Roxton but at herself. She is angry for concerning herself over Roxton's injury.
Behind her, Roxton picks up on Marguerite's tension. "Are you angry at me for something?"
Looking over her shoulder, she sneers "My, my, my. Nothing like a little conceit. I wasn't even thinking about you". Her tone suggests she is not interested in conversation.
They continue on in silence. Each deep in their own thoughts.
Marguerite tries to calm herself. "OK, collect yourself. This isn't getting you anywhere. Just put him out of your mind. Concentrate on getting back to the tree house."
Finally behind her, Roxton broke the silence. "You know, not long ago, I thought that you were finally starting to be part of the team. But lately, you're back to being distance and beg my pardon for saying so, selfish".
"Huh" replies Marguerite. "This is after I tend your wounds. Some thanks!"
"I don't mean to seem ungrateful for your help. I'm not, truly", Roxton apologies. "But I just can't help wonder why the change?"
"Did you hit you head when we encountered the apemen" Marguerite queried. "I haven't changed!" Once again, her tone suggesting she is not interested in conversion.
"Great, just great! So I like to keep to myself. What's wrong with that?" Marguerite questioned herself. She had begun to think that maybe it was safe to trust someone. Maybe there was safety in numbers. That she was much more likely to stay alive, not get hurt, if she worked with the others. Then, little by little, she had begun to care about her fellow explorers. They were beginning to feel like she imagined a family would feel like. Challenger was like an uncle, a little remote, but always could be relied upon. Malone, the pain in the ass little brother. Veronica, the perfect little cousin, always good and usually right. How that annoyed her! Summerlee was just what she always imagined a grandfather to be. Wise, kind, considerate. He wasn't quick to find fault. He respected that people were entitled to different beliefs and outlooks, even if he didn't agree with them. Roxton was hard to define in family terms. He had the qualities she always imaged that a big brother would have. He was dependable, arrogant and protective. But she definitely did not have familial feelings for him for he stirred her like no one else ever had. To her, Roxton was a man she both wanted to know better and keep clear of. For she knew that when dealing with men, it was always best to keep a clear head and she found that sometimes difficult around Roxton. She supposed that in a family situation, she would be the stepsister. Not really part of the family but not a complete outsider. She started to think that not being completely alone, was not particularly a bad thing. She wasn't quiet ready to be a full-fledged member of the family but a step relative wasn't bad. What harm could come from concerning yourself about others?
She found out, the hard way, that there was actually a lot of harm with it. That day, when she watched with Veronica as the men fell, she learned there was a lot of harm in caring. Until that day, she had forgotten the lesson she learned as a small child. If you don't care about someone, it can't hurt when they leave.
Being alone, lonely, hurt. But not as much as losing someone you care about. She could not forget the feeling of helplessness that day by the bridge. The sense of lost was so intense; it was a physical pain. She and Veronica had searched diligently for the men. Each time they found one, the tightening around her heart eased a little. When they had found Roxton, she had wanted to shout for joy. She maintained her calm for she still wasn't completely comfortable with her feelings and she didn't want to expose herself to the amused glances of her companions. Her joy was short lived. For all in their party was not accounted for. Summerlee was missing and some of the tightness around her heart was back.
She missed Summerlee and wasn't sure how to grieve for having lost him. From the reaction she got from the others, they were also not sure how to express their feelings of lose. No one ever mentioned Summerlee. Was that how you grieved, by keeping everything bottled up inside? Why care about someone if your only suppose to forget about them and move on. She decided then that it was time to reevaluate this, One for all and all for one mentality. It was then that she resolved to put a little distance between herself and her explorers. If everyone could forget Summerlee so fast, just imagine how fast they would forget her.
"It's because of Summerlee, isn't it" Roxton interrupted.
"What?!" Marguerite spun around so fast she nearly collides with Roxton.
"I said it because of Summerlee. You blame me for losing Summerlee". The pain in Roxton's voice is clear.
"John, no one blames you that Summerlee is gone. No one. There was nothing you or any body else could have done".
"I should have done something. I not sure what I could have done but I feel responsible." Again, the pain in his voice is there but perhaps not as strong.
Marguerite notices that Roxton looks rather pale. "For all we know, Summerlee is in a better place then we are".
Roxton nods his head. "I'm sure he is"
"I mean who's to say that he didn't survive the fall", Marguerite continues.
"He fell over a water fall!"
"You were dropped by a pterodactyl"
"He was stabbed by a spear"
"I was stabbed by a knife". She silently cursed Mordrid.
"It was a superficial wound", counter Roxton.
"No one had a chance to closely examine Summerlee. For all we know his was a superficial wound. For all we know Summerlee is on his way back to civilization!"
"It's a long way back to civilization from the bottom of the water fall, assuming Summerlee survived the fall!"
"But provided he survived the fall, Tribune said that the water fall may be a way off the plateau. Summerlee would be able to treat his wounds. And it's not like we are the only people to explore the Amazon. He could come across a band of hunters. He could even be forming a rescue party right now!" The excitement was evident in Marguerite's voice."
"Whoa come down Marguerite!" cautioned Roxton. "Even if Summerlee survived, it would be some time before he could get a rescue party together. So don't get your hopes up. But I do want to thank you"
"What for?" questioned Marguerite.
"For easing a little of the guilt I've been feeling"
"J" Marguerite stopped short. She reminded herself to keep her distance.
Roxton warily looked around. "What's wrong, why did you stop?"
"I thought I heard something. But I guess it was nothing. Come on Roxton, we better get moving or we won't get back to the tree house before it gets dark". Marguerite turned and started walking away.
END OF PART 1