II've lied to you, the same way that I always do.

"Pein…what am I to you?"

"You are my angel, the bringer of peace. A beautiful seraph that brings light in a time of darkness, sent from the heavens to aid the savior."

"Why me? You could've picked anyone."

"Because I love you"

This is the last smile, that I'll fake for the sake of being with you.

I smile down at her, our lips almost meeting as we lay together in bed. Can she tell that these emotions are fake? That I in fact feel nothing?

The sacrifice of hiding in the lie. The sacrifice is never knowing why I never walk away.

"Pein, I'll be your humble servant, ready always to bend to your will. Please promise me that you'll allow me to stay with you always."

"Konan, I'll never leave you, never walk away from you. My cherub, I'll protect you always."

Why I play myself this way.

A smile, a laugh, a loving gaze. So much energy spent to create for her this illusion. But it's worth it, I tell myself. Someday, it'll all be repaid, and it'll be worth every second of the lie.

Now I see, your testing me, pushes me away.

"Pein, do you love me?

I don't feel love. "…Yes."

"How much?

All too little. "Too much."

I've tried, like you, to do everything you want me to.

You want smiles, loving grips and words. You want me to feel so much for you, to need you. No matter how hard I try, how long I work at it, I can't. So I pretend.

This is, the last time, I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you.

"Pein, why are you so distant? Sometimes I think you don't even try to care about me."

"I'm sorry, Konan."

The sacrifice of hiding in the lie. The sacrifice is never knowing, why I never walk away.

Every day is an opportunity, a chance. I almost tell her so many times, I can't even count how many. She's a part of my past, something to hold on to. It would be best to leave her behind, as the past should be. But I can't, and so I stay here with her.

Why I play myself this way.

"Pein, my savior, I want nothing but to please you. Please…tell me if I do wrong, if I fail at this."

"You aren't, Konan. You make me happier than I've ever felt."

Now I see, your testing me, pushes me away.

From her questions, her comments, it's obvious she knows. The distance between us increases every day, and she tries to stop it. Her efforts just push me farther away.

The sacrifice of hiding in the lie. The sacrifice is never knowing, why I never walk away.

"Do you remember, Pein? The day you became what you've become?

"Yes, I do."

"Why did you keep me? Why didn't you leave me when you entered your new existence?"

I don't know. "Because I love you."

Why I play myself this way.

I know, deep down, that nothing will become of this. That I'm using her, lying to her, and that it'll never be worth the effort. But I tell myself it will be. And I keep on pretending, lying now even to myself.

Now I see, your testing me, pushes me away.

"Pein, come back."

I can't. "I never left.

"Yes…you have."

I know. "I haven't."

"…Alright."

Pushes me away.

How long has it been? Since I last felt emotion? I don't know…too long for me to remember. She wants what I can't give, and so I drift further and further away from her, every time she tries to save me. Neither of us will admit the lost cause, and so we stay in silence, pushing each other away.