It was almost 7 P.M. Erin Lindsay was sitting on the couch, reading a book and enjoying her day off. Everything was unusually quiet around her – too quiet for an apartment in downtown Chicago. She had been reading for half an hour, when the unusual silence was broken by the sound of heavy steps on the stairs. She didn't pay attention to it – maybe one of her neighbours was in a hurry. She kept on reading, but then she heard someone call her name, and a loud bang on the door. She jumped, recognizing Kelly Severide's voice. "Erin! Erin!". She threw the book on the floor and stood up, while he kept banging. His voice was cracking. "Erin, open the door!". She rushed to the door and opened it; Kelly immediately put his arms around her and his head on her shoulder, and broke down in tears. Erin completely bewildered, but she knew she had to do something to calm him down. "Kelly... Kelly, what happened?" she stroked his back, while he kept holding her tighter. He was shaking and sobbing so violently that he couldn't breathe. "What happened?" she repeated, and closed the door with a foot. He pushed her against the door and kept crying and screaming, his mouth on her shoulder. She was terrified, she had never seen him cry that way before. She stroked his back and hair, and then noticed that he was still wearing his rescue squad's uniform, and his fireproof pants and boots; his face was covered in black dust. He had probably just been on a call, and that was even more confusing and frightening to her. "Baby, calm down. Please, tell me something" she said, with her calmest voice. Kelly banged his head on the door and held Erin so tight that she couldn't move. "Shay..." he tried to say between the sobs, taking small breaths "Shay..." he banged his head again and he rested it on her shoulder, wetting her neck in tears.
"Shay? What happened to Shay?" she whispered.
He kept crying, shaking in her arms, and then she heard his faint voice repeat "She's dead. She's dead".
Her heart stopped beating. "What?" she exclaimed.
Kelly suddenly raised his voice, frightening her "She's dead! Dead!" and then he broke down in tears again, unable to speak.
Lindsay managed to walk him to the couch, and let him sit down with her. His head was on her lap, and he was holding on to her left hand, almost crushing it. She kept stroking his back and hair, unable to think or say something. She couldn't process those two words: "She's dead". Leslie Shay was dead. That thought was floating around her, but it couldn't get into her brain. It was heartbreaking to see her boyfriend like that, and the only thing she could do was to calm him down; he couldn't stop shaking and crying, his skin was burning hot, and she was worried.
"Baby..." she said, and Severide started speaking again, but it was hard to understand, his voice was too low. "What happened?" she asked.
"I don't know, I don't know" he whispered, lifting his head from her thighs a little bit "We couldn't save her".
Erin let him cry as long as he had to and, putting together the small sentences he said between the sobs, she could finally understand the horrifying situation the whole 51 had been into. Propane, fire, explosion, unconsciousness, a beam came down on Shay, Dawson, Casey and he tried to do a CPR on her, she was already dead.
"While I was trying to save her, I saw the first day we met. It was like a flash. I wasn't in the building anymore, I couldn't see or hear anything. The only thing I could see was her smile when she came up to me, after meeting Dawson and Casey. 'I've been looking for a roommate' she said, and... we connected. Immediately. I felt something for her, I can't tell what" he finally said, sitting on the couch. He had stopped crying, but he was still shaking. Lindsay was looking at him, holding his hand, unable to do anything else besides nodding. She still couldn't believe it. She didn't know Leslie Shay too much, but she was a nice girl, she helped Kelly in his darkest moments, and he loved her more than anything. It was like she lost a good friend as well. "Do you know what she told me, then?" he briefly smiled "'Put it back in your pants, I'm not your type. Do you have a vagina? I'm gay' and then we started talking about Tequila" Kelly faintly laughed, and then his smile faded away again. Erin pulled a smile: Shay was such a funny type, she was never afraid to speak her mind. "And do you know the last thing she told me? 'I love you. We'll figure this out?' and I said 'Always'. We promised we would be there for each other, always. Always" and his voice cracked again, letting the tears run down on his smoky cheeks. Erin hugged him again, and whispered in his ear "You did. You have always been there for each other".
"But I couldn't save her!" he suddenly screamed, scaring her again "I was there, but I couldn't save her. I failed".
"Don't say that. You did your best, Kelly. Leslie knows that, wherever she is now".
Erin was used to helping people with the loss of their loved ones, being a detective she had been there too many times, but this time it felt different. She wasn't helping a stranger, it was her boyfriend. She knew him too well, anything could make him break down and make mindless moves. He couldn't control himself when he was suffering, and he had just lost his only anchor, besides her. She was afraid for him, she didn't know what he would do. She had to protect him.
Suddenly, a voice came out of his radio. "Severide! Severide!". It was Chief Boden. "Severide, where the hell are you? Respond!" and Kelly took off the device from his suspenders and threw it against the wall. It cracked open, and the batteries fell on the floor.
"I can't go back" he said in a whisper.
"Kelly, you have to tell the firehouse where you are. You can't disappear like this. They have already lost..." she tried to say, but he stood up and yelled "I don't give a shit of them! Of anyone! Leave me alone!" and he ran towards the door. He slammed it open and sped down the stairs, leaving Erin speechless on the couch. "Where are you going?" she screamed, but he was already outside the building.