A/N: I haven't actually read Gaiden beyond the odd chapter or so, so pardon me for anything that doesn't gell.
Inalienable
When they lost Goku, that's when the light went out in Konzen's eyes and he gave up, gave up the fight and the fire.
He'd lost his sun, and with that all willpower and spirit, fading to a pale shadow of what he was even before he met Goku.
Tenpou didn't like seeing his friend so unhappy, but there wasn't anything he could do. Hell, survival and hope was the last ship sailing out of the harbour, and futility was the only thing left on shore.
Still, it was a complete shock to check in on Konzen after he didn't appear in the morning, only to find that he had decided he didn't want to live if Goku was gone; Tenpou's sword tainted with regret and sorrow.
Tenpou always thought he was strong mentally but it had been a lot of stress and strain on his system for the past week, and it was to nobody's surprise but his when his knees gave out and he fell to the floor, tears welling behind his eyes.
Kenren was the strong one this time; pushing aside his shock and sadness with the presence of mind to gently support his superior and to pull him out of the room.
Tenpou took a deep, shuddering breath as he tried to steady himself with a slightly shaky hand on Kenren's shoulder. He saw the brimming concern in Kenren's eyes and tried to smile, painfully, forcefully, failing hopelessly. But before he could force out some fake assurance of his well-being, Kenren's lips were on his, firmly; shutting off all falsehood, and gently; trying to comfort and Kenren's hands were cupping his face, transferring warmth to his skin devoid of blood and colour.
He tried to lose himself in it; he did succeed for a second or two, but in the corner of his eye he caught the mass approaching, a dark belligerent hue bearing closer towards them from the distance through the window. That's when he knew all was lost. Driven by impulse, he did the last thing he had to do. The master strategist never failed to make use of every opportune moment that presented itself to him.
Kenren was acting on impulse; he'd never seen Tenpou lose his composure and that had shaken him more that the painful scene that greeted them in the morning. His first thought was to stop the trembling hand, to stop the tears he could see were going to spill.
He could feel Tenpou's skin under his fingertips, cool and smooth; feel his lips responding, his neck slightly tilted, lost in a world of sensations and smoothness as he shut his eyes. He did also notice Tenpou's hands snaking around his waist and groping about the side of his waist.
Then, without warning
Tenpou grabbed something,
and suddenly he felt lighter.
He felt Tenpou's hand retreating fluidly and rapidly after shoving him away
before he could even snap open his eyes-
that awful sound.
He opened his eyes in time to catch him falling, sinking to his knees with him. There was blood everywhere, too much blood, blood staining white lab coat, white shirt, white pants crimson. His gun lay guiltily, having fallen to the ground with a heavy thud, abandoned.
This is all wrong, his mind raced blindly as he tried to hug Tenpou closer to him, wondering what to do with all the blood, it was gushing wildly away from him. Somewhere someone was screaming Noooooooo! until he realized it was coming from his head. The utter horror of the situation left him reeling; he felt so detached, like he was just watching the scene, the general on his knees cradling the fallen marshal. It wasn't happening, no, not happening, he wasn't there.
The marshal fixed his emerald on him with a snide smile, and noted, "Guess I'm going first."
Kenren couldn't tear his eyes away from the dull emerald and couldn't say a word in response.
"I'm selfish. I didn't want to be the last one left."
He could hear the unspoken lines in that- I didn't want to see you go. I didn't want to lose you. So I'm leaving first. Always controlling. It had to be done his way, or nothing at all.
"I'm……sorry. But we both knew it was going to end this way."
He wanted to say something. Anything. To hush him, tell him to stop talking, shush, it's ok, just stop talking, hush, there, there. Or maybe release all the screaming in his head. Or just to blabber on, blabber sappy stuff like please don't go and I need you and finally, I love you. During such a situation it was acceptable, he supposed. But nothing came out of his mouth. He could only keep staring at the fading jade and pulling him closer, knowing he was slipping away all the same.
"You know, I love you. Loved you." Sardonic smile hiding the sadness.
And that's when he knew he was losing his marshal; the marshal who was full of surreptitious smiles and knowing winks for his eyes only, fugitive gropes and passionate love-making under the cover of the night, companionable silence and full silent support, but never anything as blatant, as maudlin as this. He shut his eyes briefly for a second, wanting to sear the image of those intense, dark emerald eyes, teasing, erudite, smiling, sly, angry, lusty, cunning, all of them, into his memory. Already bright emerald was turning mossy.
He recalled a lazy afternoon some months ago under a sakura tree, where Tenpou was admiring the sight of cherry blossoms drifting down to earth, eyes soft for once trying to take in the beauty of the scene and Kenren was gazing at the man, admiring his beauty. Tenpou had felt his gaze and had turned around and focused his eyes on Kenren and Kenren felt the other man looking into him, looking through him, the easy smile never leaving his face. Then Tenpou had raised his cup at Kenren and took a sip of sake, eyes never leaving him. That was when Kenren pounced, unable to resist any longer. (Tenpou had asked, bemused, "Why would you have lube?" He'd replied with a smirk, "Never know when I may get lucky. Like now." Tenpou chuckled lightly in response and wanted to comment further but Kenren's skilled fingers ensured Tenpou was soon neither capable of chuckling or commenting any further.) It had been in broad daylight and in open public but it was a beautiful scene and damn if Kenren wasn't going to make full use of it. What he remembered most was the emerald fixated on him, until right before the moment when his eyes slammed shut and his face was twisted with pleasure, ecstasy etched on every line.
A soft sigh, always one to keep emotions in check. "I'll see you around down below then." And Tenpou knew he was trying to convince Kenren as much as himself. Would he still meet, recognize and know his general there? Even when all memory was erased? Would fates still entwine and curl around each other, the way their bodies, their spirits wrapped around each other perfectly as though made for just that exact purpose?
This would the final chance to say something, anything, if he had the inclination to. But still he couldn't, and Tenpou seemed to understand that too. Tenpou flashed him one last, quick grin, before those lovely emeralds would shut off from him forever. Or so he thought. A fission of understanding passed between them, the way they could read each other without the need for words, and he knew it was alright then, to not say anything, that Tenpou understood him completely.
He reached round and pulled him to his chest, tight against him, arms wrapped firmly around his lean body, and didn't let go till he could no longer feel the shallow rise and fall.
Then only did he uncurl one arm and reach for the gun that was going cold, while never letting go of Tenpou.
The army would burst in only to see two fallen gods. Or freed…perhaps.
He didn't know what to make of the sight. A man, darkly crimson from weeping wounds, dirty, disheveled and a total injured mess, lying in a heap on the ground, soaking in the huge puddle under him.
In future he'll sometimes wonder why he did decide to pick him up. It wasn't like him.
The truth was the one on the ground had lifted his head slightly at his approach and presence, and had opened his eyes. He had only a few seconds of a glimpse of emerald green, but it had sent a shiver down his back, something tugged at him from deep inside. He didn't know what it was, like a memory that was on the brink of waking up but had fallen back into slumber instead, sending out little ripples all the same.
After that, he couldn't not bring the man back into his house. Subsequently, he also successfully saved his life.
Perhaps it was an attempt to make up for some 500 years ago when, unbeknownst to him, he had failed. Closure, of sorts.
Perhaps.
