A lot of this comes from the book and the movie and it summarizes many things just a different take on the outcome.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.
Background
Katniss was really in love with Peeta. The love they showed for the cameras was real for both of them. Starts when District 13 rescues Peeta, Annie, and Johanna.
Broken Love
As soon as the words leave Haymitch's mouth I am running to the hospital behind Finnick. Annie is the first one I see and he rushes towards her. It's not loving like I thought it would be. Instead she almost screeches his name and curls into a ball. The closer he gets to her the more hysterical she gets. I don't take much notice though, my mind is focused on finding Peeta.
I see Johanna, and Gale. Both seem okay, injured but alive.
Where is Peeta?
Haymitch guides me towards Peeta's room. He seems almost as excited as I do, to see him.
"Peeta!" I gasp as I see him and he comes towards me. Happily, I move closer to him expecting a loving embrace, maybe a kiss even, but I get his hands around my throat, and the world goes black.
I wake up in a hospital bed, believing it must have been a nightmare, that only something so horrible could happen in a nightmare. Unfortunately, the pain in my throat and my inability to speak force me to see reality. Plutarch, Beetee, and Haymitch explain to me about hijacking.
Hijacking.
Apparently Snow hijacked Peeta and conditioned him to fear me, hate me, want to kill me even. He did the same to Annie. Except Annie didn't try to kill Finnick, she just got so afraid and hysterical, she isn't functional with him around.
I see exactly what Snow did. He didn't have Finnick or I within his grasp but he still managed to manipulate us, still managed to take away our lives, in an indirect way.
Plutarch seems hopeful about a recovery, but I know Peeta or the Peeta I once knew, the Peeta who loved me above everything else, is gone. The best case being he can get back to a normal life, but since it is so centered around me, I doubt it will ever have me in it. I have no hope he will ever love me again.
My heart breaks, and I don't hide the tears that slide down my face. I know I will never be the same again.
Later that night I wake up to Finnick sitting next to me.
"He won. Snow won." Is all he says, and I can't help but agree with him.
His arms rest on the side of the bed and he puts his head down on top of them shaking it back and forth. I squeeze his shoulder in an effort to give him some comfort, but really, we both know, there is nothing to reassure. Nothing can be said.
A few days later the swelling goes down in my throat enough so I can talk, but really there is nothing I want to say, nothing worth saying.
Haymitch comes in and wants me to see Peeta, they thought of something to try. I dutifully go with him and watch as they bring in Delly, and I feel a bit of betrayal when he greets her happily, even though I know it's not his fault. Snow did this, not Peeta. I watch as Peeta blames me for the attack on 12, calls me a liar, a mutt, and a murderer. My heart breaks and tears fall down my face but I can't look away. He hates me, doesn't even think I'm human.
I may be human, but everything else he was right about—maybe he is finally seeing me for who I really am.
Plutarch and Haymitch have to drag me out. All I can do is walk away in a daze. Eventually I find the only person who could possibly understand, Finnick. He's watching Annie sleep through a window similar to the one in Peeta's room.
"He's right." I finally say out loud.
"Who is?"
"Peeta." I take a deep breath, though it doesn't steady me, "He told her I was a liar, a murderer, responsible for the attack on 12, a mutt. He's right."
Finnick doesn't try to tell me I'm wrong or that he's sorry like someone else would and I'm thankful. He just pats my back.
I watch with Finnick as Annie wakes up and a doctor goes in to talk with her and she's fine until he brings up Finnick and she flinches. The next time he does she covers her ears and rocks back and forth.
The look on Finnick's face tells me what I already know, that this is torture. So, I drag Finnick out much like Haymitch and Plutarch did me and I head down to special weaponry. I feel the need to shoot something.
We pass Gale and Beetee on the way and Beetee shows Finnick the trident he made him. I get to shoot a target but it's not the same as being out in the woods. I show Finnick a few pointers on a bow after he plays with his trident some.
Plutarch finds me and wants me to shoot a propo.
"If you want me to be your mockingjay, I can't stay here."
"Where do you want to go?" he asks me.
"The Capitol." I say feeling the venom in my voice as I say it. I feel like I have nothing left to lose. And I don't, my mother and Prim are safe and fed, and now Peeta is back and he won't love me again. All I want to do is take that out on Snow.
"I can't. We can't go to the Capitol until we've secured all the districts and we still need District 2."
"Then send me to 2." He does. I take advantage of being above ground and hunt in my spare time. I push all the pain and heart break away until I'm numb, almost unfeeling but it's better than the pain. Gale joins me weeks later in an effort to help crack the nut, which he does, and I'm shot.
I'm back in District 13, in the hospital again. Johanna visits me and so does Finnick.
"Any change?" I ask him. He doesn't say anything and that tells me all I need to know.
I'm getting discharged and Finnick is waiting with me when Haymitch finds me and takes me to Peeta, claiming they've had a breath through. Finnick comes with us. This time they send me in.
Once I'm inside the room I expect Peeta to freak out but he doesn't, "I watched you die," he says, "You look terrible."
For some reason, it bothers me, maybe because the real Peeta wouldn't say something like that, "You've looked better."
"You're not even remotely nice to say that to me now."
"I was never the nice one, you were."
"When I saw you die I remembered something—about the bread."
Instantly I feel hope course through me, he remembers the bread!
"I remember you in the rain and I burned it on purpose to give it to you. I remember my mother hitting me, I was supposed to give it to the pig."
"That was the first we'd eaten in days."
"Why would I take a beating like that for you?" Peeta asks me.
"Because you were kind and generous, and you loved me." I tell him hopefully.
"People say you love me?" I'm not sure if he is stating it or asking.
"I did, I do love you. That's why Snow tortured you, to hurt me."
"Snow says everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. All I know is that I would've saved myself a lot of suffering if I'd just given that bread to the pig." He sneers.
Any hope I might have gotten slips away and crashes and burns with my heart. His words sting worse than any whip and cut deeper. All the pain I pushed away comes back flickering against me like an open flame.
I can't even defend myself, because he is right, once again. I am the reason he's suffering. I destroyed the boy that I love, it's only fair if he destroys me as well.
Frozen, I stand in front of him until the door opens again and Finnick starts to lead me out.
"Be careful Finnick," Peeta calls to him, "She'll destroy you too."
I'm surprised when Finnick stops and faces him, "I wouldn't have believed you could be so cruel to anyone, even someone you hated if I didn't just see it with my own eyes."
Finnick continues to lead us out and as we get to Plutarch, Plutarch smiles, "At least he didn't try to kill you."
"Sure," I manage to offer him, but he sure did wish me dead, I add in my head. Hell, it would have hurt less if he did try to kill me.
Over the next two weeks I find myself watching him, checking on him. And as much as his words break me a little more every time they run through me head I can't help but be thankful he is alive, even if he does hate me.
Peeta is out of the hospital and he joins us for lunch, sitting across from Finnick. I'm sitting between Finnick and Gale.
"I've been visiting Annie, Finnick." Finnick looks up, "She doesn't want anything to do with you, but she's happy to spend time with me. Hope you don't mind. She's really very sweet, I see why you love her, she's easy to love." Peeta smiles a true smile.
Finnick and I both freeze up at that. He can so easily love someone else like I was nothing. I guess to him I was nothing.
Peeta turns to me, "I remembered something else Katniss. During our first games, when you pulled out the berries."
"Did you?" Is that hope I hear in my voice again?
"You refused to kill me, and I wouldn't kill you so you pulled out the berries."
"Yes, and it worked. We both got to live." I tell him.
"As soon as you threw your bow down I should have killed you. I missed another opportunity to save myself."
The spoon I'm holding clatters to the floor as his words cut through me, "Maybe you should have."
"Don't play the victim Katniss, I know you are just trying to find someone else to dig your claws into."
My mouth drops open a little and I wish he would kill me or that he had succeeded in killing me the first day he was back, it would hurt less and maybe he would be happier knowing he did something about it finally.
"I didn't think I would ever say this, but I'm thankful Annie won't talk to me." Finnick says pulling me up, but I don't budge, unable to get my muscles to cooperate.
Finnick seems to understand and he picks me up from my seat and carries me out. I'm not sure how long I stay frozen but Finnick doesn't let me go.
Eventually I manage to talk, "He says all these hurtful things but that's just it—they aren't lies. He sees me for exactly who I am now."
I don't expect Finnick to say anything but he does, "You know, you don't see yourself very clearly."
I snort, "Peeta used to tell me that, he used to remind me of how he saw me."
"Annie thinks I'm a monster that she has to scream and hide from. Do you think I'm a monster Katniss?"
I consider his question, and no matter which way I think of Finnick monster does not come to mind. "No Finnick, I think you are a survivor. You're a guy who did what he had to do to keep going."
"Just like you aren't a lying, evil, murderer. You kept fighting, and did what you had to do to survive, for you both to survive. You are a victor, victors are survivors. Nobody survives the games by accident after all."
Remembering what he said in the arena, I add "Except Peeta, and Annie."
"She was always too good, too pure for me." Finnick says.
"You could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy." Haymitch's words play through my head and I know they are the truth. I repeat them to Finnick.
"Maybe, maybe they deserve each other." I see the haunted look in Finnick's eyes and how much it pains him to say the words, just as much as it pains me to agree with him.
We sit together in understanding. Both broken beyond fixing, knowing the person we love could never love us back. Understanding that our lives are changed forever, but hoping that they will find happiness. I realize then that that is the important thing, that Peeta is alive and that even if I'm not a part of it that he will be happy. I love him enough to want more for him. Maybe, he will be happy enough for both of us.
Late into the night I still don't leave Finnick's arms, and he doesn't let me go.
I spend the next several months training with Finnick and Johanna to go fight in the Capitol. Whenever we have spare time Finnick and I automatically seek the other out. We have a connection that started during the Quell, and continued from being in similar circumstances. We understand each other like no one else could, we don't have to try and explain how we are feeling, we know. Being together provides more comfort than being alone with our thoughts.
I see Peeta around District 13, sometimes he is with Annie, sometimes he joins us for lunch. He seems happy and friendly to others most of the time but he has a special glare reserved for me and more often than not hateful words to follow. I knock on the door to his room and hear him say come in. When he turns, he has a smile on his face but when he sees me if falters and I know he was expecting someone else.
"What are you doing here?" He sneers. For a moment, I think maybe it wasn't a good idea to come here without any witnesses but then again if he kills me, so be it.
"I came to say goodbye. I'm leaving. I'm glad you're alive, but if I am going to be any help to the war, I can't stay here and watch you hate me. I hope you get the life you want, and I'm sorry you've suffered so much because of me." I tell him and turn to leave.
But his words stop me, "I hope you don't die in the war."
His words surprise me and I turn back to him, raising my eyebrow in confusion. I catch that bit of hope like always, is it possible he doesn't hate me?
And like always he pulls the rug out from under me, "A quick death is too good for you. I hope you live a long miserable life remembering all the death and suffering you are responsible for."
For a moment, I just look at him, looking for any glimpse of the boy I love, the boy who loved me, and find none. In that moment, I let him go. Accepting that I'll never be a part of his life. That he will never stop hating me. And I hope that he will live and be happy.
A single tear falls down my face, "I hope you find peace Peeta." I tell him, "You won't have to see me again. I won't seek you out."
I turn and leave and when the door closes behind me I feel myself start to break, acceptance doesn't make it hurt any less. Just like letting him go didn't stop me from loving him still.
Suddenly I come face to face with Annie.
"Katniss? Hi." She starts.
"Take care of him, please." I tell her and she nods.
I make it to my room before I break down. When Finnick finds me, my tears have dried but I clutch onto him, like he's my life line, and really, he is.
I'm not sure who starts it but the next thing I know we're kissing. And it's not loving, or passionate, but it's comforting and almost familiar and it's the first thing in a while that has made me feel something other than pain. So, I give myself over to the kiss and so does Finnick.
Instead of waking up feeling alone and broken, I wake up in Finnick's arms and though I am still broken I don't feel so alone.
Five years later…
It was five years ago, that I had last spoken to Peeta. Finnick and I survived the war together, but we lost so many others, Prim, Gale, Boggs, and many more. The list of those who were dead or suffered because of me kept piling higher and higher, weighing me down.
Finnick never left me. We would seek comfort from each other physically and emotionally. I'm not sure what you would have called our relationship at that point. Looking back now I know I loved him then but at the time I didn't know it. It wasn't the same way I loved Peeta, not at all.
In the end, we captured the Capitol and I promptly killed self-appointed interim president Coin and was banished to District 12. Finnick came with me, so did Haymitch.
Peeta did get better. He managed to live a mostly normal life, he was happy but he never stopped hating me. At least that is what I heard from Haymitch.
It was several years before I admitted to myself that I was in love with Finnick. That our relationship had become more than comfort and familiarity, that it became more than just a way to feel anything, at some point it had become about love. When I first realized, it I freaked out and took off to the woods for a few days. How could I love someone else? In my mind love was associated with pain. I still love Peeta, but my love for Finnick was different. Things weren't easy in the beginning but I couldn't survive without him and it scared me.
A few months ago, we got a letter from President Paylor, she pardoned me and I was now free to travel within the districts. Finnick begged me to go to District 4, just to visit so he could see the ocean and I could see my mother.
The reunion with my mother was hard. It was another reminder that Prim was gone and I was thankful to be out of her house. I walked down to the ocean with Finnick behind me.
In front of me, down by the water was a blonde, blue eyed man, holding the hand of a young child who couldn't be more than 2 or 3. They splashed in the water and the child released the man's hand and ran to a woman with bronze hair laughing. The man was looking at them, the way he used to look at me. There was no denying he was happy.
Frozen to the spot I stood I watched them, they were happy. Here was the boy who I gave every piece of myself to, the boy who then shattered each of those pieces, although even that was my fault, Snow's fault. Snow tortured him so I would suffer and he succeeded.
A warm hand pulls me closer, and I accept his comfort and offer him my own. The man who was just as destroyed as I was. The man who took my shattered pieces and managed to reshape them into some form of myself. The man I eventually let myself love.
"Let's go home." He says looking into my eyes, and I can see my haunted look reflected back in his eyes but I can also see his love for me. And that love is enough for me to keep going, keep living, even if it is broken by the love we have for two people who destroyed us.
"Yes, let's go home." I tell him and we walk away from the happy couple.