The Fool's War
File #1: Splashdown! or Hey, This Beats Watching The WWF!
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Disclaimer--No, I do not own the main characters, but the accessories, yes. And the imagination that put this together--but there's no way any amount of suing can get you that, so HA! Some of the characters are Gundam Wing's, not mine (Bansai and Sunrise, however the guys with the rights call themselves), but Val is definitely original. I do this for fun, or I wouldn't be in grad school trying to get a more paying job!
Notes: it hints slight 6x9, but that could just be wishful thinking. Part of a grouping I'm calling "Reunion Days", which means it can be a sidefic to anything, being but snippets of the two during quieter moments (heh heh-- quiet, surrrrre). . . from the point of the poor Alumni Committee leader for the Graduating Class of AC 191 of Lake Victoria. Humor more than anything else. . .
I couldn't resist.
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It's that time of year again, you know.
Hell, we had better have ambulances on hand, and a couple sturdy fire trucks, because God only knows what's going to happen! Those two. . . ARGH! And it's entirely my fault, you know. I really never should have gotten that idea into Noin's head. . .
But then, maybe this was what kept them alive through the rest of the wars. You never know. Maybe I did them a favor. Maybe I did something for the good of humanity?
Yeah right.
I think I can hear the others already cursing me, even if they aren't here.
Yeah, well, it's too late now, guys. Shut up already! /I'm/ the one who has to make sure they don't level Lake Victoria between them, remember?
**Mutter mutter grumble** I never should have accepted the role of Alumni Committee Head of the Class of 191, though in truth, I think I got the appointment to this position by default. . .
Nobody else was stupid enough to give in when pressed.
Hmph. "Mission Impossible" indeed. . . Do I look like Tom Cruise to you?!? I've good right to pity myself. See the empty chairs here? That was the rest of the committee. Or is. Oh, they're coming to the reunion all right. It's guaranteed to be amusing if you're the one NOT caught in the crossfire. But plan it? They know better than to even try!
Unlike me, I guess.
Well, you're here, so maybe you'd be willing to lend a hand. . . All right, be that way. I'll manage on my own. I did every year before this.
**Sigh**
Reunions are a lot safer around those two than April Fool's Day. I should know--I've endured both. Even if they're half a world away, April Fool's is the best day of the year to snuggle back in your blankets--and hide /under/ the bed.
Trust me. . .
Because I helped with that first prank. Not that I intended to!
The more fool me. . .
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Noin watched the valedictorian stride off to his next class with a soft sigh, a sound of frustration that remained trapped in her end of the mess hall and probably never reached his ears. Or was politely ignored. Quiet, smooth, always proper and polite.
That shell had to crack.
//Or I'm going to grab those damn sunglasses and crack /them/, to get a reaction!// She propped her cheek on one hand, feeling glum. //I just spent a good half hour talking to him, and got /nowhere/! I'm friends with him, but that means we talk shop and little things, it seems. And that's a step up from "acquaintance", which apparently means he acknowledges your presence with the occasional nod and murmur and talks to you when he must. . .//
Dark eyes narrowed determinedly into empty space.
//That does it. Zechs is going to crack, or I refuse to graduate!//
Something flopped into a seat next to her, and a curious voice inquired unobservantly, "So Zechs is off to Advanced Theoretical Mechanics? Gods, if that's what it means to be top of your class, I'll stay lowly, thanks. There's more to life than studying. . . not that he seems to know, though. Our valedictorian seems to have about as much interest in mingling with the rest of society as in buying used earplugs."
Noin glanced at the short, plain girl in glasses next to her, taking in the slight smirk and sparkling grey eyes. //True enough. . .// "Yeah, well, I don't see /your/ nose pressed into the books more than necessary, Val."
A shrug moved wild mouse-brown hair. "There's /liking/ what you're learning, and then there's selling your soul to it. I believe in the Law of Moderation. All edible things are healthy if in moderation, and so for everything we /do/ with the rest of our bodies. And that means the work- play ratio. But your friend doesn't seem to do anything /but/ extremes."
Spreading her hands, Noin smiled wryly. "That's Zechs for you." //Zechs /is/ the extreme. I'm not sure I can endure it, either. But what choice have we?//
"In a nutshell, it seems. Hopefully not literally anytime soon, though. It would definitely drive /me/ nuts. . . How long is it now? A year? We've all just become second-years. Hard to remember that. . . ," Val mused, imitating Noin by propping chin on hand as well. "God help the teachers. And us! Anyway. . . Well, you're his friend. Maybe his /only/ friend. /Do/ something!"
Noin snorted. //Uh, huh--just tried. And failed. Good luck.// "Like what? That egg's so hard to crack it may as well be set in stone."
Another smirk, and a sly smile answered her. "Well, they say if you change the temperature really fast, stone cracks like glass. . . There's got to be something."
Light bulbs went off in Noin's head, and she straightened, staring at the far wall as if jolted by a cattle-prod. //By God, that just might do it!//
"Ah. . . Noin? Are you alright?"
"Val, I owe you." With that, Noin leapt to her feet, smiling slowly, and hurried towards the door of the cafeteria.
"Hey--Noin--wha. . .? Hey--Noin! If it has anything to do with Zechs, I don't WANT credit! The man's a fish!" the startled shorter girl called. "And becoming a piranha at that!"
"Exactly!" Noin yelled back before vanishing out the door.
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I remember wondering what the hell I just started.
Then I decided that I was probably better off not knowing.
God was I right!
Ignorance /is/ bliss. . .
IF you can keep some idiot from blowing it!
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Noin passed me the binoculars with an impatient sigh. I just looked at her.
"Why am I using these, again?" I tried, for the fifth time. I couldn't fathom why we were here. No, correction--why /I/ was here. I could feel something was up. Considering Noin was involved, and rumor painted the window under observation as Zechs's, it had to be big.
And that meant I was probably safer anywhere /except/ here.
"Here" consisted of a picnic table bench in the park just behind the dorms.
Hell, I was curious. How could I stay away? I had a trusty camera on the table next to me, and a strong feeling that this was going to be a Kodak moment. Well, probably one Zechs would kill us for. . . I never knew anyone else with so strong an antipathy for visual documentation.
I was currently running on the same rush of adrenaline that the film-crew of Nature documentaries probably felt when trying to get intimate shots of rather hungry man-hating big cats. . . But they always go after the Narrator of those things when riled, right? And Noin was definitely narrating this. . .
Noin finally replied, "I wanted you to see my success." She stole the binoculars from my hands again.
Success. Erm, well, this was Noin, so success was normal. She was, after all, our valedictorian's only rival. Or, best put, his only /serious/ rival. The rest of us were a joke in comparison to the pair of them: toy soldiers. Some of the others liked to pretend they were the real thing-- the rest of us saw no reason to waste our energy.
"Success at what? And why /me/?" I really wanted to know what the heck I was waiting to observe. True, the valedictorian was rather hot, but usually I'm not the peeping kind.
It never felt fair. And I believe in reversed chivalry for the sex-wars. You should give the weaker side a /few/ concessions, after all!
To tell the truth, I never thought /Noin/ was the peeping-kind, either, for that matter. . .
"You gave me the idea for this. Just watch," she told me.
Noin's confidence was /not/ very reassuring. But her words implied no forbidden shows. Not that I'd have minded, but there's cracking an egg, and then there's blowing it up in your own face with TNT. Had Zechs caught anyone peeping at him, my guess his reaction would be the latter. And untraceable back to him as a suspect. Pissing off the perfectionist of trained killers rather screams of suicidal intent, after all. The authorities would probably write it off as such, too.
"Um. . . would it help if I asked just what I'm expected to be looking /for/?" I tried, reaching to pull the binoculars from Noin's grip to peer through. My turn.
She smirked, shook her head, and surrendered them. "It should be any minute now. He's like clockwork."
"Do you mean clockwork, or time bomb?" I countered grumpily. I hate secrets. More so, I hate suspense. Especially when the results could leave witnesses like me permanently silenced.
Thinking about that while I stared into Zechs's bland living room, I sighed. It left a lot to be desired (like a personal touch, something out of place, heck, even a hint of occupation!), but it left one a lot of room for thought while performing surveillance-duty.
On the bright side, if anyone could save me from or valedictorian's wrath, Noin could. And she'd be his first target, not me.
Or so I hoped. Because it also meant she was better at /hiding/ from him than me!
I needn't have worried about the suspense, though. It didn't last long.
Someone screamed.
It took me a minute to realize that the sound was managing to echo through Zechs's closed window. It /sounded/ like it was next to our ears, though. It took me another /five/ to realize that the voice behind all this was, indeed, that of our normally-terse, quiet valedictorian.
By then, he had begun shrieking almost rhythmically in another key that I hadn't thought possible with a male voice-range, let alone one as deep as his.
And you could hear his voice change pitch just about every other half- minute, like clockwork, as Noin had said moments earlier. Speaking of Noin, she was trying to rip the binoculars from my frozen hands and babbling something about wanting to watch. I clung to them with my jaw hanging open and eyes bugging into the lenses.
Good thing, too, or I'd have missed seeing a pale blur dive out of the bathroom like a cat with it's tail on fire, only to slip and slam face- first on the carpeting with a boom that even we could hear.
I winced. That would leave bruises.
"What was that?" Noin demanded, still ripping at the binoculars in my hands.
Like hell I was going to give them up now! "Zechs just smashed face-first into the living room floor. He's trying to get up now. . ."
She snickered.
I had this sudden feeling that Zechs had a lot more coming.
The whole /dorm/ did, actually.
Suddenly, all the sprinklers popped up, and with their activation, every fire-sprinkler in the building before us went crazy. Water gushed out of every open window in the building.
It was an all-male dorm, so of /course/ I was laughing my head off!
I finally let Noin have the binoculars, and grabbed my camera, snapping off shots with barely an attempt at focusing, listening to her laughing commentary amid shrieks of "HOT!!! HOT!!!" followed by "C-cold--COLD!!!" Too bad the background cries were drowning out Zechs's pitiful moans and yelps and the reverberating impacts from his struggling attempts to escape the carnage.
"He's managed to get all but jacket and boots on--he looks like a soggy cat!"
"Whoops! Lucky he didn't break his leg hitting that table there!"
"WOOO! Hey, the man can do the splits, Val! Maybe not /voluntarily/. . ."
Yes, life was good.
Sure, we weren't likely to live past his finding out, but hey, it was worth. . .
Wait a minute. She said it was /my/ idea?!?
I lowered my camera and grabbed the binoculars in a death-grip. "Noin, we have to get the hell out of here before he finds us!!!"
Wise girl, Noin. She laughed, but the pair of us took off for parts unknown. Probably just in time. Going through my photos later, she found one of a soggy-looking Zechs storming down the staircase with frighteningly purposeful steps that had a time listing for right when we grabbed our things to run. I'm glad we didn't see it then. I think I would have fainted--which isn't helpful if you're trying to escape!
Oh, Noin had succeeded--we even had evidence now! The emotionless, quiet, polite mask had cracked.
But Zechs had looked royally pissed.
Ah well. You only live once. May as well make that life count for something big.
And it was for posterity, right?
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More to come! File #2--Zechs doesn't get mad. He gets even. And April Fool's Day prank rules be hanged!
File #1: Splashdown! or Hey, This Beats Watching The WWF!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer--No, I do not own the main characters, but the accessories, yes. And the imagination that put this together--but there's no way any amount of suing can get you that, so HA! Some of the characters are Gundam Wing's, not mine (Bansai and Sunrise, however the guys with the rights call themselves), but Val is definitely original. I do this for fun, or I wouldn't be in grad school trying to get a more paying job!
Notes: it hints slight 6x9, but that could just be wishful thinking. Part of a grouping I'm calling "Reunion Days", which means it can be a sidefic to anything, being but snippets of the two during quieter moments (heh heh-- quiet, surrrrre). . . from the point of the poor Alumni Committee leader for the Graduating Class of AC 191 of Lake Victoria. Humor more than anything else. . .
I couldn't resist.
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It's that time of year again, you know.
Hell, we had better have ambulances on hand, and a couple sturdy fire trucks, because God only knows what's going to happen! Those two. . . ARGH! And it's entirely my fault, you know. I really never should have gotten that idea into Noin's head. . .
But then, maybe this was what kept them alive through the rest of the wars. You never know. Maybe I did them a favor. Maybe I did something for the good of humanity?
Yeah right.
I think I can hear the others already cursing me, even if they aren't here.
Yeah, well, it's too late now, guys. Shut up already! /I'm/ the one who has to make sure they don't level Lake Victoria between them, remember?
**Mutter mutter grumble** I never should have accepted the role of Alumni Committee Head of the Class of 191, though in truth, I think I got the appointment to this position by default. . .
Nobody else was stupid enough to give in when pressed.
Hmph. "Mission Impossible" indeed. . . Do I look like Tom Cruise to you?!? I've good right to pity myself. See the empty chairs here? That was the rest of the committee. Or is. Oh, they're coming to the reunion all right. It's guaranteed to be amusing if you're the one NOT caught in the crossfire. But plan it? They know better than to even try!
Unlike me, I guess.
Well, you're here, so maybe you'd be willing to lend a hand. . . All right, be that way. I'll manage on my own. I did every year before this.
**Sigh**
Reunions are a lot safer around those two than April Fool's Day. I should know--I've endured both. Even if they're half a world away, April Fool's is the best day of the year to snuggle back in your blankets--and hide /under/ the bed.
Trust me. . .
Because I helped with that first prank. Not that I intended to!
The more fool me. . .
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Noin watched the valedictorian stride off to his next class with a soft sigh, a sound of frustration that remained trapped in her end of the mess hall and probably never reached his ears. Or was politely ignored. Quiet, smooth, always proper and polite.
That shell had to crack.
//Or I'm going to grab those damn sunglasses and crack /them/, to get a reaction!// She propped her cheek on one hand, feeling glum. //I just spent a good half hour talking to him, and got /nowhere/! I'm friends with him, but that means we talk shop and little things, it seems. And that's a step up from "acquaintance", which apparently means he acknowledges your presence with the occasional nod and murmur and talks to you when he must. . .//
Dark eyes narrowed determinedly into empty space.
//That does it. Zechs is going to crack, or I refuse to graduate!//
Something flopped into a seat next to her, and a curious voice inquired unobservantly, "So Zechs is off to Advanced Theoretical Mechanics? Gods, if that's what it means to be top of your class, I'll stay lowly, thanks. There's more to life than studying. . . not that he seems to know, though. Our valedictorian seems to have about as much interest in mingling with the rest of society as in buying used earplugs."
Noin glanced at the short, plain girl in glasses next to her, taking in the slight smirk and sparkling grey eyes. //True enough. . .// "Yeah, well, I don't see /your/ nose pressed into the books more than necessary, Val."
A shrug moved wild mouse-brown hair. "There's /liking/ what you're learning, and then there's selling your soul to it. I believe in the Law of Moderation. All edible things are healthy if in moderation, and so for everything we /do/ with the rest of our bodies. And that means the work- play ratio. But your friend doesn't seem to do anything /but/ extremes."
Spreading her hands, Noin smiled wryly. "That's Zechs for you." //Zechs /is/ the extreme. I'm not sure I can endure it, either. But what choice have we?//
"In a nutshell, it seems. Hopefully not literally anytime soon, though. It would definitely drive /me/ nuts. . . How long is it now? A year? We've all just become second-years. Hard to remember that. . . ," Val mused, imitating Noin by propping chin on hand as well. "God help the teachers. And us! Anyway. . . Well, you're his friend. Maybe his /only/ friend. /Do/ something!"
Noin snorted. //Uh, huh--just tried. And failed. Good luck.// "Like what? That egg's so hard to crack it may as well be set in stone."
Another smirk, and a sly smile answered her. "Well, they say if you change the temperature really fast, stone cracks like glass. . . There's got to be something."
Light bulbs went off in Noin's head, and she straightened, staring at the far wall as if jolted by a cattle-prod. //By God, that just might do it!//
"Ah. . . Noin? Are you alright?"
"Val, I owe you." With that, Noin leapt to her feet, smiling slowly, and hurried towards the door of the cafeteria.
"Hey--Noin--wha. . .? Hey--Noin! If it has anything to do with Zechs, I don't WANT credit! The man's a fish!" the startled shorter girl called. "And becoming a piranha at that!"
"Exactly!" Noin yelled back before vanishing out the door.
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I remember wondering what the hell I just started.
Then I decided that I was probably better off not knowing.
God was I right!
Ignorance /is/ bliss. . .
IF you can keep some idiot from blowing it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noin passed me the binoculars with an impatient sigh. I just looked at her.
"Why am I using these, again?" I tried, for the fifth time. I couldn't fathom why we were here. No, correction--why /I/ was here. I could feel something was up. Considering Noin was involved, and rumor painted the window under observation as Zechs's, it had to be big.
And that meant I was probably safer anywhere /except/ here.
"Here" consisted of a picnic table bench in the park just behind the dorms.
Hell, I was curious. How could I stay away? I had a trusty camera on the table next to me, and a strong feeling that this was going to be a Kodak moment. Well, probably one Zechs would kill us for. . . I never knew anyone else with so strong an antipathy for visual documentation.
I was currently running on the same rush of adrenaline that the film-crew of Nature documentaries probably felt when trying to get intimate shots of rather hungry man-hating big cats. . . But they always go after the Narrator of those things when riled, right? And Noin was definitely narrating this. . .
Noin finally replied, "I wanted you to see my success." She stole the binoculars from my hands again.
Success. Erm, well, this was Noin, so success was normal. She was, after all, our valedictorian's only rival. Or, best put, his only /serious/ rival. The rest of us were a joke in comparison to the pair of them: toy soldiers. Some of the others liked to pretend they were the real thing-- the rest of us saw no reason to waste our energy.
"Success at what? And why /me/?" I really wanted to know what the heck I was waiting to observe. True, the valedictorian was rather hot, but usually I'm not the peeping kind.
It never felt fair. And I believe in reversed chivalry for the sex-wars. You should give the weaker side a /few/ concessions, after all!
To tell the truth, I never thought /Noin/ was the peeping-kind, either, for that matter. . .
"You gave me the idea for this. Just watch," she told me.
Noin's confidence was /not/ very reassuring. But her words implied no forbidden shows. Not that I'd have minded, but there's cracking an egg, and then there's blowing it up in your own face with TNT. Had Zechs caught anyone peeping at him, my guess his reaction would be the latter. And untraceable back to him as a suspect. Pissing off the perfectionist of trained killers rather screams of suicidal intent, after all. The authorities would probably write it off as such, too.
"Um. . . would it help if I asked just what I'm expected to be looking /for/?" I tried, reaching to pull the binoculars from Noin's grip to peer through. My turn.
She smirked, shook her head, and surrendered them. "It should be any minute now. He's like clockwork."
"Do you mean clockwork, or time bomb?" I countered grumpily. I hate secrets. More so, I hate suspense. Especially when the results could leave witnesses like me permanently silenced.
Thinking about that while I stared into Zechs's bland living room, I sighed. It left a lot to be desired (like a personal touch, something out of place, heck, even a hint of occupation!), but it left one a lot of room for thought while performing surveillance-duty.
On the bright side, if anyone could save me from or valedictorian's wrath, Noin could. And she'd be his first target, not me.
Or so I hoped. Because it also meant she was better at /hiding/ from him than me!
I needn't have worried about the suspense, though. It didn't last long.
Someone screamed.
It took me a minute to realize that the sound was managing to echo through Zechs's closed window. It /sounded/ like it was next to our ears, though. It took me another /five/ to realize that the voice behind all this was, indeed, that of our normally-terse, quiet valedictorian.
By then, he had begun shrieking almost rhythmically in another key that I hadn't thought possible with a male voice-range, let alone one as deep as his.
And you could hear his voice change pitch just about every other half- minute, like clockwork, as Noin had said moments earlier. Speaking of Noin, she was trying to rip the binoculars from my frozen hands and babbling something about wanting to watch. I clung to them with my jaw hanging open and eyes bugging into the lenses.
Good thing, too, or I'd have missed seeing a pale blur dive out of the bathroom like a cat with it's tail on fire, only to slip and slam face- first on the carpeting with a boom that even we could hear.
I winced. That would leave bruises.
"What was that?" Noin demanded, still ripping at the binoculars in my hands.
Like hell I was going to give them up now! "Zechs just smashed face-first into the living room floor. He's trying to get up now. . ."
She snickered.
I had this sudden feeling that Zechs had a lot more coming.
The whole /dorm/ did, actually.
Suddenly, all the sprinklers popped up, and with their activation, every fire-sprinkler in the building before us went crazy. Water gushed out of every open window in the building.
It was an all-male dorm, so of /course/ I was laughing my head off!
I finally let Noin have the binoculars, and grabbed my camera, snapping off shots with barely an attempt at focusing, listening to her laughing commentary amid shrieks of "HOT!!! HOT!!!" followed by "C-cold--COLD!!!" Too bad the background cries were drowning out Zechs's pitiful moans and yelps and the reverberating impacts from his struggling attempts to escape the carnage.
"He's managed to get all but jacket and boots on--he looks like a soggy cat!"
"Whoops! Lucky he didn't break his leg hitting that table there!"
"WOOO! Hey, the man can do the splits, Val! Maybe not /voluntarily/. . ."
Yes, life was good.
Sure, we weren't likely to live past his finding out, but hey, it was worth. . .
Wait a minute. She said it was /my/ idea?!?
I lowered my camera and grabbed the binoculars in a death-grip. "Noin, we have to get the hell out of here before he finds us!!!"
Wise girl, Noin. She laughed, but the pair of us took off for parts unknown. Probably just in time. Going through my photos later, she found one of a soggy-looking Zechs storming down the staircase with frighteningly purposeful steps that had a time listing for right when we grabbed our things to run. I'm glad we didn't see it then. I think I would have fainted--which isn't helpful if you're trying to escape!
Oh, Noin had succeeded--we even had evidence now! The emotionless, quiet, polite mask had cracked.
But Zechs had looked royally pissed.
Ah well. You only live once. May as well make that life count for something big.
And it was for posterity, right?
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More to come! File #2--Zechs doesn't get mad. He gets even. And April Fool's Day prank rules be hanged!