Story takes place one year after the end of season 2, so everyone's only a year older. Tai and the olders are around 15, Daisuke and the youngers are around 12. Inner monologue (for lack of a better word) are written in italics. Also, if you don't understand some of the stuff I'm talking about, you might want to read the edu-notes at the bottom of the fic. The first half of this chapter is structured around Japanese funeral and burial customs.
Disclaimer: *insert usual disclaimer here* ex: I do not own didly squat. (Yama: Thank the gods for that!)
I sit here, waiting. And as I wait, I try to play with my bangs. Gods I look pathetic. I feel pathetic too. My hair is all tossled, like it doesn't have a care in the world. I guess it really doesn't, but that doesn't help. Now I'm wishing I had at least made myself look a little more presentable for when he would find me. Yes, I'm sure he will be the one to find me.
I reach out again in a vain attempt to brush the loose strands out of my face. As I do, the door to my room creaks open, and he's standing in the doorway. He takes one look at me and promptly runs out to the phone. I can hear him in hysterics, trying to talk to the person on the other end. Then, he races back in to kneel at my bedside. His cries, pleads, and screams fill the air.
"Please, Yama! Open your eyes! Tell me it's all just a joke you're pulling on me!...Please wake up...Yama..."
It's too late, Tai, I'm already dead.
Love After Death
akaisakura
Chapter 1: So This is What it's Like...
The Burial. The rites are done, all the sutras have been read, I'm supposed to be going now, but here I am. Guess I'm just here to say my final farewells. I'm perched in a tree close to my family's grave, the rain passing through my non-existent body as I take a look around. There are so many people here, most of them are friends of my parents whom I have never met, or don't remember. My parents are holding onto each other, as though each were with the only other person left alive. Things must be really bad of they're comforting each other. The only other time they've even come close to holding each other since the divorce was when Vandemon tried to take over the world and the sky was torn apart. Mom, Dad, I'm sorry I never gave you an explanation, and this must have seemed so sudden, out of the blue, but...I don't know what to say. I just hope you guys can forgive me for what I've done and all the pain I'm causing you two. I move on, mostly because I really just can't look at my parents any longer.
I look around, and I see them -- they're all here, new and old, even Mimi. I'm kinda happy to know that they care so much to show up, even if I hadn't talked to some of them in the last few months of my life. Jou looks incredibly guilty, like it's somehow all his fault, and Miyako looks like she's going to create more than half the rain that's falling to the ground. And poor Koushirou -- he just looks perplexed, saddened, but perplexed. Sora and Mimi are comforting each other, though I get the feeling that Mimi's doing more of the comforting. My death must have been hard on Sora. I don't know for sure, but I don't think she ever got over that crush she had for me. Iori... life's not fair, is it little one? You lost your father already, and you shouldn't have to go to another funeral when you've only lived one-tenth of your life.
I guess it's really not fair for Ken either. He's here too, standing next to, and holding hands with his beloved Daisuke. Gods how I envy those two. No one else knows, and they don't try to show it, but it's so obvious in the way they treat each other when they think no one's watching. It's nice to see that Ken's better now, and in good hands.
*sigh*
And that brings me to the little cluster right in front of the stone. Hikari, my brother, and Tai...
Tai is walking up the small steps with a small urn to where he will bury my bones. Hikari's holding an umbrella for them as Takeru tries to keep Tai going. Tai's shoulders are shaking as he cries. There's a pain in my heart, and I want to say it's concern for Tai, but right now, I'm inclined to say it's jealousy. I wish I could be the one to hold Tai up, to reach out and brush those tears away... No. I won't think about that now. I'm here to say my good-byes. I'll have the rest of eternity to think about it...
Out of the three, Takeru seems to be taking it the best, but I know that when he's alone is when he grieves. For now, he seems to be the only thing holding Tai up. It's amazing how much stronger he's become in the last couple of years. The latest adventure seems to have solidified his confidence and leadership skills somewhat. I'm happy for that much at least. I remember when we first went to the Digital World how much he cried. I'm inclined to say he was the biggest crybaby I've ever seen...well, I guess that wouldn't really be fair, since he was only eight then, but still... *sigh* I'm reminiscing again.
Hikari, you always were the supportive one, and I know you've grown up a lot, just like Takeru. Take care of your brother for me, will ya? I wish I could stay here and help, but rules are rules...my time is up, and I've got to go to that place...
Hey, cheer up, little bro. You always wanted me to be happy. Now, all I want you to do is to move on, and to continue helping Hikari and Tai like you have been for the past month and a half. I know Tai's going to be stubborn, as always, so you're going to have to get it through his thick hair and head that there was nothing you two could have done to help me. I know you guys knew I was depressed, but it's my own fault -- I chose to die. I don't think anyone could have stopped me...
Tai...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I never thought my death would hurt you so much, but the pain will go away, soon. You're strong, you'll make it. I'm sorry I never told you what I was most depressed about. You helped me so much this past year when I started to get depressed. I told you almost everything, but I didn't tell you one thing. If I had, maybe it wouldn't have had to be like this. No, who am I kidding? If I had told you, I would've lost you, and I would have still killed myself. I think I'm in a better situation now, so please don't cry...
There's a path of bright light in front of me, and I want to go now, but before I do, I still have one person left to say goodbye to. So I close my eyes and concentrate. I see the oddly colored sky and the lush vegetation, with so many spots it looks like someone generously sprinkled whiteout on everything. I see the glitter of water and the rainbow of butterfly wings. And then I'm here.
I only figured out I could do this a few days ago when I was wondering how Gabumon was doing, and I ended up in the Digital World. He looked so happy to see me, until he ran straight through my body. When he got up, I knew that he knew I was dead.
I take a look around at the scenery as I wander around looking for my partner. It's strange, but today, the Digital World looks dark, the clouds cover the sky with sadness, and the plants look like they're drooping. And what's this? There's a line that stretches for at least a mile ahead of me. Rather than wait, I'm going to find out what the big fuss is over. Every digimon I pass seems to be crying for some reason. There's Centarumon, and the Geckomons, and even Ogremon! Something big must be happening, so I speed up my jog.
I can't really fly or float. I guess that ability comes when you go to that place at the end of the path of light, wherever that may be. In the meantime, I get teleportation, which I guess is pretty nice. Of course, there's a catch -- I have to be able to envision where I want to go. So right now, I'm getting the short end of the deal. Ah well.
The end is in sight, and it's a good thing too. Who knew you could be out of breath, even when you're dead? As I get to the beginning of the line, the digimon recognize me and look at me with a mysterious look on their faces, but they let me pass as they form a pathway. Standing at the end of the pathway is Gabumon.
"Hey, Gabumon."
"Hey, Yamato."
"So, what's up? What's with the sad faces?" There's this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm not going to like the answer I'm about to get.
"...They came to give their sympathy...and... to..." Gabumon is looking down at the ground.
"...and?..."
"...and... to say good-bye..."
"What?!" I don't understand! I'm dead, not Gabumon! What's going on?!
"I'm going to dissolve, and what's left of my data and energy will disperse throughout the Digital World..."
...And I'm thoroughly stunned...
Yama: NOOOO!! Gabumon!!! How can you do this, akai?? (starts choking the author) How can you kill him off?? It's bad enough I'm dead, but what did Gabumon ever do to you??
akaisakura: Ack!! He's not dead yet...I can save him...I promise... *can't breathe*
Yama: You'd better! And it had better not be in a cheesy way either. You created this mess, so you'd better clean it up!
akaisakura: *gasp wheeze* Ok, ok! (thinking to self: Yeesh...Gabumon's not even dead, and he's already acting like this... -_-;; )
Yama: And no glaring plot holes either!
Tai: (prying Yama from the author's throat) Ok, Yama...I think akai's got the idea...now let's move on to something else...
Yama: Alright...*grumble* (reads fic over again) ...And another thing. I would never play with a dead person's hair...that's just gross...
akaisakura: Not ever your own...? We all know how vain you can be... ^_^
Yama: Um...well...
Tai: Enough said. Now I think I'm going to go throw up...
Yama: Aww...Tai...come on...I'm not that vain... (chases after Tai)
akaisakura: *sweatdrop*
Story Notes:
-Yama's dead...the problems he was talking about were your average general teenage angst, a dash of problems within the band, a splattering of relationship problems with Sora (who he dated to be nice, in my opinion :P ), and a whole lot of something else, which I'm sure you all can guess *coughtaicough*...add all that to the problems Yama had from before, and you've got a recipe for depression.
-Yama also seems to have developed the skill of teleportation. Sort of a thingie I added in for convenience. Sides, when you're dead, I figure you can do all sorts of physics-defying things...and I even put a limitation on it...so it's not all that powerful... Poor Yama...Traditional Japanese ghosts don't get wings, but they do get to float and all that wonderful stuff ^_^
-The burial - This part was interesting to write, since I didn't realize I was writing everyone in character or with irony attached until after I had actually written it. Jou's always the responsible one, so he would feel responsible for the welfare of everyone. Iori's all about fairness and justice, and life is just not fair at all, etc. I think the characters are starting to take residence in my head... @_@;;
-Why can the digimon see Yama, but people in the real world can't? It's kinda like how some people can see ghosts and others can't. I guess it's also kinda like how animals instinctively know when something bad's about to happen, like an earthquake, or how pets can tell when their owner's about to have a heart attack. Animals have heightened perception to these sorts of things...
-How did Gabumon know when Yamato was going to leave?...read on...it's explained in the next section...
Ok, on to the educational notes (since we all know I'm a nut for them...see what playing Carmen Sandiego when you were little does to you?)
Japanese funerals and burial:
Ok, all my info comes from these three sites...I took a little liberty in letting Tai be the one to bury the urn...
http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2060.html
http://www.sekise.co.jp/sougi/eng/eng1.html
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Island/6653/ohaka.htm
There are a lot of details about the funeral that I am leaving out, since this scene was mostly the burial, but if you're interested in reading about Japanese funerals and burials, I suggest reading these three sites on your own. They're very informative.
-Japanese funeral services are held in a Buddhist style. This includes certain rituals and sutra (or Buddhist scripture) that are performed and read.
-The urn, which contains the left-over fragments of bone after cremation, is put on an altar at the family's house for 35 days, though it's also said that the end of the mourning period can coincide with the 49th day (depends on who you ask, and whether they're Buddhist or Shinto, since in Shinto, the mourning period ends on the 30th day and the 50th day...don't ask me where this ambiguity comes from -_-; ). Incense sticks (osenko) are burned there around the clock (special 12 hour sticks for the night exist). After the 35 (or 49) days, the urn is buried at the family tomb (ohaka).
-The soul of the deceased stays in the real world until the 49th day of death (The day the urn is buried). After the 49th day, it's said to leave for eternity, until it's called back during special holidays and ancestor worship.
So it impresses Yama that everyone came to the burial, considering it's been a month and a half since the funeral. And why he's especially sorry that he hurt his parents and Tai so much, since they are obviously still very emotional over his death.
By the way, if you don't know what a Japanese grave looks like, watch the episode where Iori's grandfather talks to Oikawa. There's a scene where he's standing in front of the Hida family tombstone. Or, you can go to the third page I listed above. It has a picture of a tombstone.