Author's Note: This was originally posted on my AO3 right after Civil War came out in May 2016. I'd been having a lot of feels about Howard's death and how I feel Peggy would've been close to Tony which made me wonder why Tony wasn't at her funeral in the movie (but that's another story I guess). Also the title of this fic might sounds familiar because it comes from the John Donne's Meditation 17, the same one that the title of For Whom The Bell Tolls came from. Specifically the line, "never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." Enjoy!
Peggy's sitting in her office, filling out paperwork that Howard was too lazy to do himself, when she gets a call.
She leans over and looks at the caller ID. The number's unfamiliar and she debates about answering it. It's too late in the night for it to be any senator's office and no one but the janitor and Howard even know that she was staying there that late.
For a moment she thinks it might be Howard, perhaps calling from an airport payphone, since she did ask him to call when he landed. However, Peggy knows that Howard has one of those "cellular" phones and he normally contacts her from it.
In her moment of hesitation the call ends before she can answer and so she resumes her paperwork, feeling if it's important whoever called will call again.
A minute later her phone does ring again only this time it's not the same number. It's the number of Howard's cellular phone.
"So would you say December in the Bahamas is better than December in D.C.?" she jokingly asks when she picks up the phone.
All the joking goes away when the voice on the other line isn't Howard's. "Um, is this...Peggy?"
Peggy sits up straighter in her seat. "Yes, it is. Director Peggy Carter of S.H.I.E.L.D. May I ask who this is and why you have this phone?"
"Ma'am, I'm Deputy Robert Weatherly of the NYPD. I found this number on a piece of paper in the wallet of Mr. Howard Stark."
"Is he alright?" The question comes out of her mouth as fast as lightning.
There a moment of silence as the deputy tries to find the right words to say and already Peggy knows something is very, very wrong.
"I hate to be the one to tell you this, ma'am, but both him and his wife were in a car crash and...well...they were dead on arrival."
Suddenly it feels like the world is spinning at only a fraction of it's normal speed and tilting too far off it's axis. Peggy steadies herself against her desk as she slowly stands up, trying her hardest to stay focused on what the deputy is saying.
"Ma'am we're trying to get in contact with Tony Stark but we're not getting any answer. Would-"
Peggy cuts him off. "I can get a hold of him. I'm a family friend. He...he might take the news better from me."
One hour later, Peggy's taking her seat on an airplane heading for New York City.
X
When her taxi pulls up to Howard's mansion, Peggy can't help but feel a tinge of sadness wash over her. She remembers the day he let her and Angie move in, remembers him showing her around once he got back to town.
"And if you ever get to missing me, pal, you can just look to the wall on your left. Got a portrait in every room."
He gives her that grin, that classic Howard Stark grin of his as she just shakes her head.
She won't see that stupid grin again she realizes and her eyes tear up but she quickly pats them dry as she heads to the door. She has to be strong during this, especially for Tony.
So she takes a deep breath and heads to the door. She's had to do this before, usually to the family of agents, but not to someone so close to her. Normally, she was the one getting such news delivered to her.
When the door opens, Peggy's greeted by a groggy, robe-clad Tony Stark. It's Howard's robe, she notes, the same one she always remembers him lazing by the pool in. Looking at him in it, Peggy can't believe how much he looks like his father did all those years ago.
"What do want? It's like two in the morning," says Tony. He immediately jolts up when he notices it's Peggy. "Aunt Peggy? What are you doing here? Weren't you in D.C.?"
"...There's something important I need to talk to you about, Tony. May I come in?"
Tony nods. "Uh, yeah, sure." He moves out of the doorway as Peggy steps in. The mansion is trashed and Peggy knows Tony's been partying. Probably has a girl upstairs. More like a young Howard, than either he or his father would like to admit.
Peggy clears off a chair and takes a seat while Tony plops down on the couch.
"So, what's up?" he asks. His voice is cautious, as if he feels something's wrong but doesn't want to jump to conclusions just yet. Peggy knows the feeling all too well.
"Tony, love, this will probably be hard to hear but I want you to understand that I'll be here with you through all of this. Okay?"
Tony leans forward in his seat, his expression growing even more fearful, as he waits for her to continue.
"Tony...the NYPD called me earlier tonight. They said they tried to get a hold of you but you wouldn't answer...they-they told me that Howard and Maria...they were in a car accident and...and they were found dead on arrival."
Everything's quiet for a moment and Peggy can tell from the look on Tony's face he's trying to process it all. She slowly gets up and takes a seat beside him as she softly places her hand on his back.
"I know it's a lot to process, love, but it'll be okay. We're going to get through."
Tony finally starts to cry and Peggy gently pulls him into a hug, as if he was a small child instead of a grown 20-year-old.
"I can't believe it," he begins between sobs, "Mom-mom's gone. She's gone. She can't be gone. Mom. Mom."
He hugs Peggy a little tighter as his words become gibberish and she begins rubbing his back.
She realizes that he never says the word 'dad'.
X
Peggy helps him with the arrangements just like she said she would. She doesn't know if it's a good or a bad thing but she's done these things so many times she knows just what to do. Michael. Steve. Her father. Her mother. Dugan. Angie. Ana. Daniel. Jarvis.
Plus between handling the lawyers and the press, she knows Tony's probably too tired to deal with the funeral home and the church anyway.
She does ask for his help in picking out the clothes for the burial and so the two of them meet in the mansion to go over it.
"What about this for your mother?" asks Peggy as she pulled a light blue skirt and jacket combo out of the closet. "She always looked pretty in blue."
Tony gave a soft smile as he nodded. "It was her favorite color."
"Then it's settled," began Peggy as she laid the outfit on the bed. She then turned her attention back to the closet. "Now, what about your father?"
She can hear the bed creak as Tony gets up from it. "Bury him in a potato sack for all I care."
"Tony," begins Peggy as she turns to confront him but he's already out the door and heading down the hall.
She lets out a sigh. She'd known for a long time how broken Howard's relationship with Tony was; Howard often shared his thoughts about it with her. She remembered one of their conversations from not to long before he passed.
"I swear Tony's going to have to get out of the mansion if he's really going to make something of himself. He's got so much potential but he won't stop with the parties and the girls and-"
"And who does that remind you of?" asks Peggy.
He gives her a look that's not yet a glare but certainly isn't happy. "Don't start, Peg."
"Howard, you can't really be upset with him for being so much like you, can you? I mean he's a genius who just so happens to have a weakness for booze and women. Exactly you when I first met you."
"Look Peg-"
"Don't even start, Howard Stark. You know I'm right." She takes a step toward him and puts a hand on his shoulder; he looks her in the eyes. "Look, Howard, if you keep being so hard on him then one day you're going to push him so far away he won't come back. Is that really what you want?"
He sighs. "Of course not. I love Tony. He's my greatest creation."
Peggy smiles at him. "Make sure you tell him that, Howard."
As Peggy turns back to the closet she assumes from Tony's reaction that he never did. She keeps flipping through the clothes and that's when she finds Howard's favorite jacket. A sad smile comes across her face as she thinks about all the memories she has of him in that jacket.
After moment of staring at it she starts to hang it back up; as she does so she notices a piece of paper sticking up from the inside pocket.
Peggy plucks the paper out and realizes it's a picture, folded up to the point it's permanently crinkled. She carefully unfolds it to reveal a picture of her and Steve and Howard during the war.
She's in the middle with the two of them on either side, Steve's arm around her waist, Howard's around her neck. All three smiling for the camera. The longer she looks at it, the more it feels as if it's from a different universe.
Peggy folds it back up and opens his jacket to put it back but stops before she does and places it in her own jacket's pocket.
Something tells her he'd want her to have it anyway.
X
Tony asks her to give the eulogy and she tells him it would be her honor. She sits around all night trying to find the right words to say. It'll be a huge funeral, and while the press won't actually be in there with cameras, they will be in there with paper and pens writing down whatever is said.
Peggy debates for a moment whether she should be truthful or just say something nice and pleasing. But she then she thinks about the one person this is really for, the one person who she's really speaking too and she knows being truthful is the way to go.
She arrives early to the funeral the next day and finds Tony there alone, standing beside his mother's casket. Peggy hangs around in the back for a second, just watching him. Tony's been like a second son to her and it breaks her heart to see him so sad, so beaten.
"The church looks beautiful, love," begins Peggy as she walks up to him.
He turns to look at her and nods. "It does. Only the best for mom."
Peggy almost ask "what about your dad?" but stops herself. She just puts her hand on his shoulder and smiles. "They'd be real proud of you, Tony. Oh how you handle everything; oh how strong you've been."
He gives a small smile too. "Thanks, Aunt Peggy. But I couldn't have gotten through this without your help. You know if you ever need anything I'm here."
Suddenly it's Howard's face she's looking at, standing with her in the church after Daniel's funeral.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Peg. Daniel was a good man."
Peggy looks down at the now closed casket as she wipes the tears from her eyes. "I thought for the longest time I'd never love anyone after Steve. But I loved Daniel so much. We would have been married 39 years this September. It-it's hard to believe he won't be there anymore."
She starts to cry again and Howard pulls her into a hug. "You know if you ever need anything I'm here for you, pal."
Peggy just nods. "Thank you, Tony. I'm here for you too, love."
X
Peggy takes a deep breath before she heads up to the podium. The church is packed, some people Peggy knows, many more she doesn't. She spots Tony in the front row and gives him a reassuring smile.
"Good afternoon," begins Peggy. "I'm Director Margaret Carter of S.H.I.E.L.D. Some of you know me as Peggy. Howard always called me Peg.
"I was very close to both of the Starks. I've only knew Maria for the last twenty-one years but the minute I met her I knew she was a good women. She was the only other person I knew who could keep Howard somewhat under control."
The audience laughs a little at the comment and Peggy smiles as she continues. "Maria was a strong but soft women. She was gentle and understanding but wouldn't let anyone bother her or her family. I think that's why she was such a good mother to her son, Tony."
Peggy looks over at Tony who wears a sad look on his face as he glances toward his mother's casket.
"Now, Howard I knew much longer. We knew each other for over 50 years. When I first met him I was completely shocked when Colonel Phillips told me this man was a genius. He was the complete rich, playboy stereotype. But when I started working with him I realized he was much more than that.
"Many people think they know Howard Stark but he was much more complicated than any one stereotype. Even in the end I don't think I truly knew everything about him. But I feel I was lucky enough to see all sides of him."
She looks directly at Tony as she continues.
"He wasn't perfect, not in the least. He wasn't a perfect father or a perfect husband or a perfect friend. I don't know how many times we bickered over the years about everything from what color to paint the office to what should be done about a mission. But despite his flaws I like to believe that he tried and that he cared.
"He cared about his friends, his wife, and most importantly his son. Even when it didn't feel like he did, he did. Maybe that's the reason I stuck with him for all these years. Maybe that's why I gave him a chance to show me he wasn't just so bad."
She can tell from the way Tony's looking at her so attentively that he knows she's talking directly to him. So, as if they're the only two people in the room, she finishes her statement.
"It might take time but please try to understand that he was more than what you thought he was."
She then turns back to look at the whole crowd.
"Howard and Maria will be deeply missed by all of us. Thank you."
X
After the entire funeral is over and the people from the cemetery are beginning to put the dirt back over the graves, Peggy goes looking for Tony again but can't find him. She assumes he's headed back to the mansion to take a breather from all of the day's events. She could go after him but decides not to. Sometimes one needs to be alone to really process.
So Peggy starts off down the street toward a bench so she can wait for a bus back to her hotel. She'll head back to D.C. tomorrow evening; Christmas is only a few days away and her children will start flying in soon.
As she walks she looks up at the sky. Bright and clear, the sun tricking people into thinking that it's hotter than 25 degrees outside. It doesn't really fit well with the mood and yet Peggy can't help but smile at it. It makes her think of 21 years ago during Christmas in L.A. at Howard's mansion. Sitting outside, drinking whiskey, chatting away about life as his staff prepared his house for a Christmas party.
"You know I don't think I've ever experienced a Christmas where it was so hot you could swim before."
"That's the magic of the west coast, pal. You and Daniel really never spent Christmas in L.A. when you lived here?"
Peggy shakes her head. "No, we always flew back to New York to celebrate with his family."
"Well, then here is to an L.A. Christmas," he says raising his glass for a toast.
They swig the drinks and as he pours more she continues. "So how is Maria?"
"Fine. She's starting to show so people are starting to talk. I guess it's time to announce it. Howard Stark is going to be a father."
Peggy chuckles. "I never thought I'd live to see the day."
"I never thought I'd live to see the day," he begins. "We're old, aren't we, Peg?"
"Perhaps but at least we've lived long enough to get old." She stared down into her drink as she thinks of Steve. "Some of us weren't so lucky."
Howard nods in agreement. "True...you know something, pal?"
"Hmm?" she asks.
"When I die, I want it to look just like this," he begins titling his head up to stare at the sky. "Just about every funeral I've been to it's been raining. Fitting I guess but I don't want it to rain at mine."
"Why not?"
He smiles at her. "Cause I'd hate for anyone to be sadder than they already were. You, Jarvis, Maria, my kid. The least they'd deserve is to have the sun shining. Brighten things up. Maybe it'd help them not to miss me so much."
"Who say's we'd miss you at all?" she jokes to lighten up the somber mood.
Howard just laughs. "Please, Peg, you'd miss me the most of all."
Peggy pulls out the picture from her jacket's pocket of her and Steve and Howard. She has to admit that out of everyone at the funeral she probably is the one who misses Howard most of all.
She's lost both of them now, she thinks as she looks at the picture. She's lost everyone now, she realizes.
It's almost like she's lost a final piece of herself.
Oh, what she'd give to have it back.
Reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated!