Yes, I am starting with a sequel instead of a three-part-story (see my note in Redefining History) If you stumbled upon this and have not read Redefining History I suggest you do that now or all of this will not make sense. Probably. A short summary if you don't want to read the first part: Loki returns to earth but as a child with no memories. In the meantime Thanos wants the Tesseract and Loki (to punish him for his failure), lots of shit goes down, lots of hurt, torture etc. In the end Loki decides that he'll risk his life to save everyone else's and his faith is currently unknown.
If there is a hell, Clint's sure this is it. Somehow he's always imagined hell to be a place with a lot of fire everywhere and giant chasms all around, maybe some people, ripped to pieces only to be sewn back together to start the process all over again.
There's only darkness. Not even one little fire, no stench of amputated, rotting limbs or eyeballs rolling around. No eternal pain or damnation just black, pitch black.
Sometimes light flashes, like a lightning bolt suddenly coming down from the air, only there's no storm or thunder to accompany it. A flashing white light that's so sudden it blinds him all over again and it's only on those moments that he actually hears something. Hurried whispers and panicked shouts and sometimes he thinks he hears the buzz of machines but he's pretty sure it's all in his head.
Since there's not much to do, the only thing Clint can think of to do would be to try and remember. This is what he knows: the world was gonna end. He shot a staff instead of the actual enemy and then everything had happened so fast even his eyes hadn't been able to fully follow it.
Loki, he remembers Loki, he remembers the god-child, how he'd collapsed after Clint had fired his arrow and even as a non-magical being, Barton had felt it, not only had the wind stopped blowing the room had suddenly felt, empty like it was missing a person. Like it was missing a presence, only he'd never realized it was there, until it was gone.
Normally Barton knows how much time has passed when sitting in a dark room doesn't matter how disoriented he is, time, somehow has always been constant in his life, has always been that one thing he could rely on. You have two hours to complete that mission, report in three. Five minutes before a bomb goes off and rips you apart. Two milliseconds before that bullet pierces your skull and you're dead. Two seconds tops, needed to shoot a perfect arrow.
But now, and he's not even sure when now is, he doesn't know. Maybe that's also the reason this is hell. Eternal is still time, it's difficult to grasp but it is possible, in here it sometimes feels like hours have passed and then suddenly he realizes that's he's been counting seconds but that the numbers are all jumbled up in his head and he's not even making any sense anymore.
His eyes burn when another flash of white light comes out of nowhere and only a few moments (or hours) later another one comes down.
And then that darkness is gone and he sees a flash of red, before he loses consciousness once again he hears her speak.
"He's awake."
Another voice answers, at first he thinks it must be an Asgardian healer or something like that, doing his magic hocus pocus to patch him up but he recognizes the voice. It's Banner, Clint's pretty sure he thinks Clint's already blacked out.
"I don't think you should tell him already."
He doesn't hear Natasha's answer but he thinks it's something in the line of:
He deserves to, he needs to know what happened after all this time.
XxXxXxXxXx
When someone asks him, he's working. No one's asking of course. And he's actually working so there's not really a problem at all. Except that he can't sleep, that even when he's not sleeping he can see them.
At first it hadn't fazed him. Nightmares, they're there all the time, he almost can't remember a time when he didn't have them. But then, he started seeing things. Now that sounds like he's gone batshit crazy or something but Tony Stark is pretty sure he hasn't.
His mind still works, his genius brain does what it's supposed to do on most moments. On the moments it's not he can see her.
Pepper
She stands before him suddenly in his lab, she doesn't say anything she doesn't move and when he blinks a couple of times she's gone.
He's still afraid. He's so afraid what might happen if she does start talking. She's not real, she's in his head, she's his hallucination from post-traumatic stress but he's still afraid. Again if someone would ask him he would firstly deny that anything's wrong and then he'd say he isn't scared.
No one's asking though.
Tony had at least though saving the world from a Mad Titan would've given him some kind of peace. Naturally it hadn't.
He's put Jarvis on mute, he's put Jarvis on mute for a long time now and every time he wants to unmute him, to talk to him again he stops himself. And then he feels even more pathetic than he did before because if he can't even face his self-made artificial intelligence computer how is he ever going to fear an actual person?
His hands start trembling and stabilizer he's building falls out of his hands and he doesn't even have the will to pick it back up.
It rolls around on the floor. The chair he's sitting on is scraped back and when he gets up he almost feels like sitting back down but he doesn't.
He goes upstairs in a pace that would make a ninety-year-old-man seem like a star athlete.
His fingers linger over the button, when he presses it he can almost feel the house come back to life as Jarvis wakes up.
Tony is glad that the A.I. stays silent, like he knows this is not the right time to talk.
"Show me her." Tony asks.
A zooming noise is heard as systems that haven't been online in a long time start to flicker back to life.
On the screen she appears, and this time it's not an illusion.
Her beautiful hair if tied in a bun, she's sitting at the desk in Stark Industries running his company like she should. It pains him to admit it but he's never seen her this relaxed even in a job as stressful as the one she's taken on.
If he could only ignore the S.H.I.E.L.D. file in the right corner of the screen, just to remind himself, to wake himself up he drags the file in front of him, it obscures Pepper wholly and he can no longer see her.
He rereads the report, even though he probably knows it by heart by now.
Pepper Potts
Current location: Stark Tower
Current condition: Under surveillance.
Mission: constant surveillance
Objective: Insurance of remaining of the Memory Wipe
Pepper Potts, the love of his life.
Doesn't even remember that she loves him.
XxXxXxXxXx
"Captain, we await your orders."
Rumlow looks eager to jump off the plane.
Steve shakes his head, his mind had wandered again, in the middle of a mission.
"Go!" He says and then he does as he just ordered and jumps out of the plane.
It's only a few seconds before Rumlow somehow catches up and screams way to close to his ear.
"YOU FORGOT YOUR PARACHUTE AGAIN!"
Steve presses his arms even more to his side and gains enough speed to leave Rumlow behind once again, especially since Rumlow does have a parachute.
"DON'T NEED ONE!" He yells and he tries not to sound too proud but he can't help but smile because Rumlow can't see him anyway.
Once he hits the water he quickly boards the ship, he almost curses his slip of falling in the water, as that must have made quite some noise but no one had awoken.
The mission is almost too easy and within five minutes all the enemies are gathered on the deck and the information they need is safely stored in Rumlow's suitcase.
Steve Rogers a.k.a. captain America congratulates his men before boarding the plane again. On the way home it sneaks up on him. Sometimes it's suddenly there, other times it goes slowly and although he tries to stop it, it never works.
The despair, regret and loneliness, the sorrow and anger all catch up on him eventually and every single time he wrestles though it but after every single time he has trouble remembering why she's still struggling so hard.
After what happened, to Barton. What had to happen to Pepper because she would've gone insane if they hadn't done what they did. What happened to Loki, what happened after all this time.
What happened to Bucky, what happened to Peggy, the Howling Commandos.
When he's alone at home, in his weird apartment because he doesn't want to live in Stark Tower like S.H.I.E.L.D. had suggested, he can't help but think.
He can't help but wonder why he's still here. Bucky's gone, Peggy's gone, the only things that had happened since he had woken up from a sleep that lasted seventy years had been horrible things. Death and destruction and suffering.
But then he's jogging at Central Park again or he's visiting another museum to catch up with what's he's missed and he sees the people around him. He sees some kids recognize him and stare at him with mouths wide open he chides himself for ever having such moments of doubt. He's here for them. He's here for everyone, for anyone that needs him.
And then he smiles but he knows that for one reason or the other, his smile almost never reaches his own heart.
XxXxXxXxXx
"Tasha."
Agent Romanoff doesn't look up from the pad she's holding, showing her the statistics of her partner's body. She moves though when Clint tries to swing his legs over the bed.
Her hands press his chest back down insistently and she's almost tempted to strap him down with those blue straps that hang limply from his bed but decides against it for the time being.
Barton presses his hand against his head and scrunches his eyes shut, groaning.
"What happened?"
So much she wants to say, instead she says: "The end of the world almost did."
Clint opens his eyes, only to immediately narrow them in her direction.
"Oh so you tell jokes all of the sudden?"
"Just because you're injured, doesn't mean I won't strangle you."
A smile tugs at the corners of his lips before his mouth is set in a thin line.
"Tell me what happened."
Natasha opens her mouth to answer when suddenly Bruce Banner comes in.
"You're awake." He states.
"Thank you for that diagnosis doctor." Clint mumbles sarcastically.
Bruce frowns.
"I should check up on you." Bruce says.
"That can wait-"
"-no it can't."
Natasha's face doesn't betray it but she's surprised Banner actually interrupted someone. She can see Clint is too.
"What?" he asks in disbelief.
"Look I know-"
Banner ignores him blatantly and turns to her instead.
"Do you mind? I work better if I'm alone with him."
She leaves but not before she hears Clint complain.
"Why are you my doctor anyways? You're not even a medical doctor."
She allows herself a small smile when she hears the obvious pout in Clint's voice.
She walks down S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters until she's in the communications room.
A very big image of Fury occupies the screens and as usual it doesn't look happy.
"Agent Romanoff." He says.
Natasha nods.
"Director."
Fury looks at her for another moment before he looks down at the paper in front of him.
"I hear Barton is awake."
"He is."
It's silent again, like Fury isn't sure whether to pretend his agent isn't talking to a nine feet tall image of his face.
"How is he?"
Natasha doesn't like that question.
"He's awake." She says again and that's it. Fury frowns but then his face returns to his normal angry expression.
"Did you speak to him?"
Natasha almost snickers.
"You must have had a talk with Doctor Banner."
Fury sighs and shakes his head. For a second she can see the fatigue on his face, the weight that's on his shoulders almost crush him.
"He'll find out eventually it's better if we tell him now, the situation is unstable as it is, if Clint thinks we're keeping secrets…" She shrugs.
"Well more secrets than usual we might lose him. Especially now."
"I do not need a reminder of Coulson or Clint's affliction to him." Fury bites.
She doesn't feel sorry.
"You're not telling him-"
-"I'm not. Don't worry, he needs to know what everyone else knows and nothing more."
Clint does deserve to know.
About Pepper. About Loki.
If she has to do it this way than so be it.
Fury sighs again, rubbing his forehead for a second before resting his hand back on his desk.
"I leave it up to you, agent Romanoff to find the correct timing to tell him."
"Thank you, sir."
When Fury's face disappears from the screen she dials Steve.
"Hello." The voice of Steve asks uncertainly.
"Hey Popsicle."
"I never liked that nickname."
"You like Captain Spanbutt better?"
"Did you call me to remind me of all the horrible nicknames Tony ever created?"
"Partially." Natasha says, she almost smiles. Aside from Clint Rogers is the one she likes the most in their 'Avengers'. He's almost the polar opposite of herself. He fights for righteousness and he himself is more of a saint than actual saints. She's the one that's working for S.H.I.E.L.D. and won't even manage to wipe out half of her sins after working for them for a lifetime.
"I just wanted you to know, Clint's awake."
A moment of silence.
"How is he?"
She repeats the same answer she's given Fury.
"Awake."
"Should I-"
"-No. Not yet. Not until I've told him everything."
The moment of silence that comes next stretches out for a long time.
"You sure?"
Natasha nods even though Steve can't see her.
"Everything."
It's a lie. Steve doesn't know. Tony doesn't know. Bruce doesn't know. She doesn't think Clint should.
XxXxXxXxXx
"How about taking on someone of your own size?"
His fist slams into the bully standing there with his mouth still open from surprise. Before he can recover he quickly kicks him in the gut and pushes him away from Steve.
The bully scrambles away as fast as his fat legs manage to carry him. For a fat kid he's surprisingly fast.
"I could've taken him."
Bucky huffs.
"Sure you could, I mean after you played dead for an hour or so."
He sets Steve back down.
"You were getting heavy anyway." The brown-haired boy smiles.
Steve pulls a face.
"Ha ha, very funny Bucky."
They walk silently, Bucky wants to speak but somehow he doesn't find the words. He opens his mouth and closes it again.
"Don't you dare say it." Steve warns.
Bucky rolls his eyes.
"Steve you're ten and you still want to fight someone three years older."
"It's not like I want to fight." Steve protests.
Bucky's eyebrow is raised as his voice drips with sarcasm.
"For someone who doesn't want to fight you get into a lot of fights."
Steve shoots him an annoyed look.
"He was bullying some kid."
And that's it. Steve would rather have himself being beaten into a pulp than some other boy who he doesn't even know. But they're both ten so the conversation quickly changes into more pleasant things.
They joke about stupid things and tell each other about these great war stories they've heard or other things that really don't matter but they like them anyway.
And then that memory suddenly changes. Out of nowhere the world turns black and Steve turns around, his hands grip metal and the wind slaps him in the face.
They're standing on a train.
Steve is holding a metal railing, and beneath him is the giant chasm, Bucky is next to him and he tries he desperately tries to be there in time.
"Hang on!" he hears himself say. Bucky's grip on the metal bar, Steve can see it loosen.
In an act of desperation he hold his hand as far as he can.
"Grab my hand!"
But Bucky can't grab his hand.
And Bucky falls.
And Bucky is dead.
Because of him.
XxXxXxXxXx
The ground shakes as he lands. At first mortals all around him are screaming but then they recognize him and suddenly all he sees are these mobile devices called cellphones pointed at his direction.
Thor doesn't care.
Thor doesn't care about anything anymore.
He's here, on the place he so cherishes yet he feels no joy or relief.
The only thing is the heavy tugging at his heart, the weight of grieving and sorrow drowns all the other emotions.
Loki, his brother.
He had expected the Man of Iron to be there first.
Instead he sees the red-haired woman walking towards him, next to her is Captain America and behind them he sees an army of agents.
He knows they're not hostile but for some reason seeing those agents make him angry. All the sacrifices he made, his brother had made and how did the mortals show their gratitude.
Somewhere in his mind he realizes of course that their actions are nothing but logical but still he cannot shake his feeling of anger and resentment.
He lifts himself up until he towers over most of the people before him, Mjolnir heave in his hand. He takes a deep breath. This must happen, he needs them, now more than ever.
At first he narrows his eyes as he sees no one else is coming.
Agent Romanoff shakes her head silently. It shall wait then.
Director Fury comes up from behind them and stalks toward Thor with a steady pace. If Thor cared he would've noticed the exhaustion on the face of the mortal leader but he doesn't really care so he doesn't really notice.
Silence.
In the background there's a lot of commotion but again Thor cannot bring himself to even care a little bit. His thoughts are with his brother. His thoughts are with the things that happened in these last few months. How he had felt like he abandoned his brother even though Loki couldn't possibly know, when he went on diplomatic and necessary missions. He had wanted to stay in Asgard but his father wouldn't allow it. A prince has his duties and Thor had yelled at him and screamed but after that he had felt so empty and the months had passed by agonizingly slowly yet far too fast.
When he finally remembers that he's been standing like this for a few very awkward minutes he takes another deep breath.
"Citizens of Midgard." He nods to agents Romanoff and Steve Rogers. "Avengers, Asgard requests your presence." His mouth feels like it's filled with ash.
"for the Death declaration of Loki Laufeyson."
Please bear with me, I love a good cliffhanger.