Hiya peoples! Yes, the title is a ripoff of Men in Black. Don't ask where this came from. I'll look at you oddly and giggle. Disclaimer at the bottom.
Fangirls on Sugar
Chapter 1: In Which Our Main Characters Are Introduced
Rowan was bored. Rowan was bored, bored, bored. Rowan was very bored. Did I mention the fact that Rowan was bored?
Rowan's parents were driving to a science fiction convention. This was just fine and dandy, except for one thing. They were taking her and her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother with them. And it was a six hour car drive. Six hours sitting next to her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother, with either classic rock or no music at all. Did I mention the fact that her little brother was annoying?
There were three things making this six hour drive sitting next to her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother. The first thing was M&Ms. The second thing was M&Ms. Do you know what the third thing was?
Random Reader: M&Ms?
Nope! Her best, best, best friend Meg was going to be there. Yay! Meg liked anime. Meg liked video games. Meg liked LoTR. Meg was a rabid Legolas fangirl. But Rowan didn't hold that against her. Meg was her best, best, best friend. Did I mention that they were best friends?
Random Reader: -_- Yes, you did.
^_^ Good! For a minute there I thought I'd forgotten. Anyway, Meg was going to be at the science fiction convention. They were going to eat sugar and watch anime and eat sugar and listen to Clam Chowder and eat sugar and run around singing the song that never ends at the top of their lungs and eat sugar and reenact random LoTR scenes and eat sugar and reenact random Harry Potter scenes and eat sugar and reenact random anime scenes and eat sugar and run around singing the coconut song and eat sugar and swim and eat sugar and did I mention that they were going to eat sugar?
Random Reader: >_
^_^ No! Anyway, that was what was making this six hour car ride sitting next to her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother even vaguely bearable. Rowan was bored. Rowan ate some M&Ms. Rowan was bored. Rowan poked her annoying, annoying, annoying little brother in the arm. Rowan was bored. Rowan ate some more M&Ms. Rowan was bored. Rowan started singing the song that never ends.
Random Reader: *is mewling* Oh, no...
Rowan's parents told her to shut up or else. Rowan sulked. Rowan ate some more M&Ms. The car ride finally ended.
Rowan ran through the spiffy spinny doors and then ran into the lobby and jumped up and down, looking for her best, best, best friend Meg. Little did Rowan realize that she was jumping up and down on top of a run-on sentence, but even if she had known she probably wouldn't have cared; she had left an even larger and smellier one in the car.
Suddenly she spotted her best, best, best friend Meg. She skipped up to her best, best, best friend Meg and yelled, "Sister! Do you have FEET?!"
Everyone within twenty feet of those started edging away.
You have to remember that Rowan had been eating M&Ms for the past three hours. She was very hyper. Meg, her best, best, best friend, had likewise been drinking orange soda and grazing in the con suite for the past three hours. So she was very hyper too.
That's why her reply was "Sister, do you like CHEESE?"
Everyone started edging away faster.
"Yes, sister, I DO like cheese! Tell me, sister, do they have CHEESE in this place?"
"What a ko-inky-dink that you asked, sister! They have cheese just upstairs, in a crowded room!"
"Why then, sister, let us go get some CHEESE!"
Very suddenly there was a clear path some thirty or forty feet wide to the elevators. Absolutely oblivious to this, the two hyper fangirls skipped to the elevators (and since real children don't skip happily to places unless they're on drugs, this proves that sugar is indeed a drug).
"Behold, sister, a miraculous device! You need but enter this small room, press a button, and you emerge on whatever floor you desire!" That was Meg.
"Verily, sister, it must be an object of greatest magic! Let us make haste to this crowded room that you say contains CHEESE!"
And so they did.
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
In the meantime, over in the Undying Lands (or wherever the Maiar lived), a very annoyed Maia by the name of Evil Mary Sue Author stalked to her rooms. She was returning from a meeting of the Maia Organization of Badfic, where she had been outshined by absolutely everyone, even Evil Slash Author. (She hadn't known some of those things were possible, let alone commonly done.)
And Crossover had some drivel about Draco having Elvish ancestry, and dear Humor pulled out an absolutely awful parody - something about Center-Earth, I think - and Evil AU had something I don't even want to think about, and what did I bring? she thought bitterly. 'Just another typical Mary Sue.' Pfft. They should try finding a non-stereotypical teenager to drop into Middle-Earth.
Sighing despairingly, Evil Mary Sue Author (who will hereforth be referred to as EMSA) sat down at her very ostentatious and unoriginal crystal ball and prepared to scry this world for as long as it took to find a new type of Mary Sue. Or until she got bored. Whichever came first.
After many long hours of searching (it was actually more like five minutes, but many long hours sounds cooler), she came across our two main characters. Captivated by their antics, she settled down to watch them.
(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Meg and Rowan had visited the con suite and consumed much CHEESE. They had also consumed much SUGAR. (SUGAR, not sugar.) They had gone beyond mere hyper, now; they were high. (See, all you junkies? Sugar and lack of sleep will do the same thing as many odd drugs out there, and they cost a lot less!)
They had just finished reenacting the scene with Harry and the Basilisk, where Harry (Rowan) had dropped the big heavy sword (pen) and run around screaming his head off, while the Basilisk (Meg) had accidentally impaled itself on the sword (which had convienently been left edge up. Important safety rule, kiddies.) Much more believable than the book; swords are not very light.
Random HP fan: But it was Gryffindor's sword, it was special-
Shut up, you. Anyway, our two main characters were now sitting around wondering what scene to reenact now.
Suddenly Rowan leapt up and said "Mooooo. Moooooo. I am Saruman the White, head of the Istari. I hereby propose that we reenact a meeting of the Istari."
"Mooooo. Mooooo. I am Gandalf the Grey. I second the proposal that we reenact a meeting of the Istari."
"Hurry, Gandalf! We must summon the other Istari! I will send for Radagast the Brown and Ragna the Urple."
"I will bring Manfred the Slightly Ecru."
"We must also summon Calvin the Baby Blue-"
"But weren't there...I actually don't remember how many Istari there were."
"Me neither."
"In that case, I will also bring Willem the Hot Pink."
"Don't forget about Nick the Tie-Dyed and Ryan the Camouflaged."
They looked at each other and giggled maniacally.
Over in the Undying Lands, EMSA was almost ecstatic.
Rowan sat down and was throning. "They all file in chanting 'Nine is the number that is fun-"
"I think they should be chanting 'Moooo. Mooooo.'"
"I think they should be chanting the Fellowship jingle."
"I think they should be chanting Moooo."
"Fellowship jingle."
"Moooooo."
"Fellowship jingle."
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Fine, they file in chanting 'Moooooooo. Moooooooo.'"
"And they sit down in a circle holding hands."
"With their hands on each others' knees."
"Shoulders."
"Deal."
What happened next will never be known, for over in the Undying Lands EMSA activated the interdimensional impressive-sounding portal thingy and dropped our two main characters into Rivendell (because that's where Mary Sues always appear, and EMSA has no originality), at the beginning of the council, with the three eavesdropping hobbits.
"You shall be known as...the FANGIRLS ON SUGAR."
DUN DUN DUN!
What will happen next? Will our current protagonists crash the Council with their exceeding oddness? Will Meg glomp Legolas? Is that even a question? Find out next on...THE FREAKY CHANNEL!
*blink* Oh. Hi.
Yes, Rowan and Meg are me and my bestest friend. Yes, those are our real names. And yes, I do know that there were five Istari that departed the boat. But remember, they were on a sugar high and very hyper besides. (Rowan and Meg, I mean, not the Istari.)
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. I do not own the M&M company. I do not own MIB. I do not own Harry Potter. I do not own the Fellowship jingle. I do not own the following Istari: Saruman the White, Gandalf the Grey, Radagast the Brown, Manfred the Slightly Ecru, and Ragna the Urple. I do own the Fangirls on Sugar, the Maia Organization of Badfic, and the following Istari: Willem the Hot Pink, Calvin the Baby Blue, Nick the Tie-dyed, and Ryan the Camouflaged.
And by the way, if you want to know about the Fellowship jingle, go read The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth. Very good fic.