I've
been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe
my soul's on the other side
All the little pieces falling,
shatter
Bella
was a ghost. Nothing could help her now. Edward was gone, and
perhaps never coming back. It was like her worst nightmare coming to
life. Every day without him was just her walking around, doing what
she had to, and then sitting around. All the little pieces of hear
heart, all over the place, so she couldn't place where any one
piece was. He left her right when she needed him most, right when
her heart was its softest.
Shards
of me too sharp to put back together
Too
small to matter
But big enough to cut me into so many little
pieces
I try to touch them and I bleed, I bleed, and I breathe, I
breathe... no more
She tried many times to get herself back together. But as long as he wasn't there, there was no point. There was no point in being happy, having fun, or even talking to anyone. She was struggling on just…being. It wasn't easy. All the pieces of her heart fell out one by one, slowly though, so it didn't seem to matter. But every time she stepped on one, it hurt. Like glass. A heart of glass? That would be good; it would mean she were one of him. A vampire. To anyone else, this would have seemed crazy. But to Bella, it was all she ever dreamed of. Every time she found one, a shard of her heart, it meant another cut. Another shard to permanently scar her. She didn't want to breathe. So she avoided it. She just bled. All of her heart, spilled in front of her, and she bled.
Take
a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well
Yet again you
refuse to drink like a stubborn child, ah
Lie to
me
Convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this
will make sense when I get better
She tried to convince herself that things had always been this way. He was never there, and that this was just….her. And when she gets better, so will everything else. Her father was concerned. Months had passed, and she hadn't done much of anything. She'd tried. She'd wanted to be better. She'd wanted to act like it didn't matter. But she had no spirit. Where was it? Hidden away… just away for good? She'd never know. She didn't want it until he returned. Until he came back to her, and gave her some crazy excuse. She didn't care what it was, she'd forgive anything. She just wanted him back. Back in her arms every night. She wanted his Silver Mercedes to pull up in front of her house and pick her up for school. She wanted Mike to glare at them being a happy couple. She wanted it so passionately, she almost needed it.
But
I know the difference
Between myself and my reflection I just
can't help but to wonder
Which of us do you love?
So I bleed,
I bleed, and I breathe, I breathe no...
Bleed, I bleed and I
breathe, I breathe, I breathe, I breathe... no more
And now she thinks. Did he ever love her? Or did he just love what he thought she was? Or even, what she once was. Is she to much of a trouble? To…annoying? She knows the difference between what one may see on the outside, and what's going on on the inside. Her mirror is broken. She wants to see something true. Something….close to what she is. She wants him to see that! She wants him to never have loved her. What did he see? Certainly not what she is. So she bleeds, on each shard of her heart, spread on the floor in front of her. She does not take in anything but what she wants to, and sits still. For you see, she is afraid that if she moves, she will bleed even more. And maybe that would be good. Maybe it would bring him back.
Or maybe she'd just bleed, bleed, and breathe no more.