Summary: M reminisces about the past few months home and wonders about the
future. Warning: bad angst!
Disclaimer: Don't own the X-Men or GenerationX. The 2 poems in the beginning are "Young And Old" by Charles Kingsley and an excerpt from Maud Muller called "Of All Sad Words Of Tongue Or Pen" by John Greenleaf Whittier.
Round The World Away
When all the world is young, lad,
And all the trees are green
And every goose a swan, lad,
And every lass a queen
Then hey for boot and horse, lad,
And round the world away
Young blood must have its course, lad,
And every dog his day.
When all the world is old, lad,
And all the trees are brown
And all the sport is stale, lad,
And all the wheels run down:
Creep home and take your place there,
The spent and maimed among
God grant you find one face there,
You loved when all was young.
- Young and Old
Charles Kingsley
. . . Of all sad words of tongue or pen
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
- From Maud Muller
John Greenleaf Whittier
Sometimes I think Sean and Emma were wrong to send the children to my home. Of course, my family couldn't be more happy to have Artie, Leech, and Penance stay with us. Artie and Leech, of course, have been a handful. Penance is always off in her own little world. And my . . . brother is still in his comatose state. Lord knows when or if he'll wake up.
Nicole and Claudette are different stories. Nicole has settled down since she was released from Penance, but she's so excited to see us all again. Claudette is just so quiet. The experience of Penance was so hard on her.
The past few months we have had to buy new furniture for the children, plus new furniture that they've ruined and new furniture that has been Penny-proofed. I see her, even now, sitting in the grass with her magazines as butterflies swoop dangerously close. Leech and Artie join her and Artie draws pictures for them in the air. Not that they were ever without each other, but now the two of them are even more inseperable. I suppose they're homesick for Massachusettes because they have recently adopted Penny into their exclusive group. Nicole is forcing herself in, but I suspect she is beginning to fancy one of them - at least she will once she hits puberty. I suspect it's Artie because he seems the most uncomfortable around her.
And how am I dealing with all of this? . . . Pretty well, I suppose. I haven't cried in three days. That's right. The great, stoic M cries. But only when no one knows. It's not a big deal. Everyone cries sometimes.
There go Artie and Leech with Penane. I think they may be coming inside now. She still acts so cautious, as if she's being watched. I'm watching her, I know, but she knows I won't hurt her. It's like she knows of someone else who is. She turns and looks behind her at the magazines she's left on the dew-drop grass. I'll get them for her later.
The issue is an old one with a picture of Sugar Kane, or whatever that Britney wannabe is named. It's one Jubilee must have bought for her because I know I would never buy one. We have a subscription for her to two teen magazines, so why is she reading one of Jubilee's old ones? And why has she taken such good care of this one?
I know the answer. I am, after all, a telepathic genius. No arrogance intended, only honesty.
I sugh and turn the page in Northanger Abbey. It was a birthday present for me when I was fifteen. I've only now gotten to start it. They had such simple lives. Why did they view them as so traumatic? Because they didn't know any better. The people in Bath never heard of a mutant.
Flash forward to a few years later, where will I be? Dreaming about a bookworm from Kentucky? A British Goth? A fashionably-challenged mallrat? A smart-ass from the L.A. Barrio? And the most wonderful, kind, perfect boy? A boy I'll never see again? I had one chance, and I lost it. I don't miss chances. I don't lose anything. I win, I gain, I conquer, I understand. So why can't I win, gain him back, conquer this sadness, understand why he left me? Why couldn't he hold on a little while longer? Why couldn't I run a little faster? Why did I have to lose them all?
Why cna't I ever really conquer? I pretend I can, but being a mutant is nature's way of saying, "Here's a little something to make life harder. You'll have bigger problems and more of them. And maybe, if you're lucky, you'll find someone who you can spend forever with."
Yeah, well, forever was too short because I lost him.
Jubilee has Logan. He looks out for her. The two can't be separated for long. Paige has Jono. They somehow always find their way back to each other. Of course, they always find their way apart, too. Paige and Jubilee are inseperable. Jubilee, Paige, and Jonothan . . . They'll find their way to each other, someday. And as for me, I'll be okay. I'll make sure of that. It's Angelo I'm worried about. He knows what he's doing, though . . . I hope. He has a flare for being a smart-ass. Dangerous in the hands of a teenage mutant. He needs to pick his battles better.
And Emma. She's an X-Man I hear. Sean is off at home, brooding and drinking. I haven't heard from him in a long time.
Paige, Jono, and Jubilee will be together again . . . someday. Sean will get help from Professor Xavier. Emma will probably turn back to her old self. Professor Xavier, though, has a way of keeping people in line. Skin . . . where is he off to? Will he have the same fate as so many others?
My questions are far too many. Every answer opens three more questions.
And as for me . . .
I suppose I'll attend high school, go to a good college, and have a well-paid job in politics. Mutant rights, anyone?
Scenario one.
Scenario two is I stay here, for an eternity, watching Penance age with her yellowing magazines, watching Leech and Artie grow into fine young adults and staying mischievous but a little less innocent, Nicole will grow up to make us all proud, Claudette will stay forever young, Marius and Father will die, and I . . . I will turn the pages in Northanger Abbey, not really reading, dreaming about what might have been . . .
Disclaimer: Don't own the X-Men or GenerationX. The 2 poems in the beginning are "Young And Old" by Charles Kingsley and an excerpt from Maud Muller called "Of All Sad Words Of Tongue Or Pen" by John Greenleaf Whittier.
Round The World Away
When all the world is young, lad,
And all the trees are green
And every goose a swan, lad,
And every lass a queen
Then hey for boot and horse, lad,
And round the world away
Young blood must have its course, lad,
And every dog his day.
When all the world is old, lad,
And all the trees are brown
And all the sport is stale, lad,
And all the wheels run down:
Creep home and take your place there,
The spent and maimed among
God grant you find one face there,
You loved when all was young.
- Young and Old
Charles Kingsley
. . . Of all sad words of tongue or pen
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
- From Maud Muller
John Greenleaf Whittier
Sometimes I think Sean and Emma were wrong to send the children to my home. Of course, my family couldn't be more happy to have Artie, Leech, and Penance stay with us. Artie and Leech, of course, have been a handful. Penance is always off in her own little world. And my . . . brother is still in his comatose state. Lord knows when or if he'll wake up.
Nicole and Claudette are different stories. Nicole has settled down since she was released from Penance, but she's so excited to see us all again. Claudette is just so quiet. The experience of Penance was so hard on her.
The past few months we have had to buy new furniture for the children, plus new furniture that they've ruined and new furniture that has been Penny-proofed. I see her, even now, sitting in the grass with her magazines as butterflies swoop dangerously close. Leech and Artie join her and Artie draws pictures for them in the air. Not that they were ever without each other, but now the two of them are even more inseperable. I suppose they're homesick for Massachusettes because they have recently adopted Penny into their exclusive group. Nicole is forcing herself in, but I suspect she is beginning to fancy one of them - at least she will once she hits puberty. I suspect it's Artie because he seems the most uncomfortable around her.
And how am I dealing with all of this? . . . Pretty well, I suppose. I haven't cried in three days. That's right. The great, stoic M cries. But only when no one knows. It's not a big deal. Everyone cries sometimes.
There go Artie and Leech with Penane. I think they may be coming inside now. She still acts so cautious, as if she's being watched. I'm watching her, I know, but she knows I won't hurt her. It's like she knows of someone else who is. She turns and looks behind her at the magazines she's left on the dew-drop grass. I'll get them for her later.
The issue is an old one with a picture of Sugar Kane, or whatever that Britney wannabe is named. It's one Jubilee must have bought for her because I know I would never buy one. We have a subscription for her to two teen magazines, so why is she reading one of Jubilee's old ones? And why has she taken such good care of this one?
I know the answer. I am, after all, a telepathic genius. No arrogance intended, only honesty.
I sugh and turn the page in Northanger Abbey. It was a birthday present for me when I was fifteen. I've only now gotten to start it. They had such simple lives. Why did they view them as so traumatic? Because they didn't know any better. The people in Bath never heard of a mutant.
Flash forward to a few years later, where will I be? Dreaming about a bookworm from Kentucky? A British Goth? A fashionably-challenged mallrat? A smart-ass from the L.A. Barrio? And the most wonderful, kind, perfect boy? A boy I'll never see again? I had one chance, and I lost it. I don't miss chances. I don't lose anything. I win, I gain, I conquer, I understand. So why can't I win, gain him back, conquer this sadness, understand why he left me? Why couldn't he hold on a little while longer? Why couldn't I run a little faster? Why did I have to lose them all?
Why cna't I ever really conquer? I pretend I can, but being a mutant is nature's way of saying, "Here's a little something to make life harder. You'll have bigger problems and more of them. And maybe, if you're lucky, you'll find someone who you can spend forever with."
Yeah, well, forever was too short because I lost him.
Jubilee has Logan. He looks out for her. The two can't be separated for long. Paige has Jono. They somehow always find their way back to each other. Of course, they always find their way apart, too. Paige and Jubilee are inseperable. Jubilee, Paige, and Jonothan . . . They'll find their way to each other, someday. And as for me, I'll be okay. I'll make sure of that. It's Angelo I'm worried about. He knows what he's doing, though . . . I hope. He has a flare for being a smart-ass. Dangerous in the hands of a teenage mutant. He needs to pick his battles better.
And Emma. She's an X-Man I hear. Sean is off at home, brooding and drinking. I haven't heard from him in a long time.
Paige, Jono, and Jubilee will be together again . . . someday. Sean will get help from Professor Xavier. Emma will probably turn back to her old self. Professor Xavier, though, has a way of keeping people in line. Skin . . . where is he off to? Will he have the same fate as so many others?
My questions are far too many. Every answer opens three more questions.
And as for me . . .
I suppose I'll attend high school, go to a good college, and have a well-paid job in politics. Mutant rights, anyone?
Scenario one.
Scenario two is I stay here, for an eternity, watching Penance age with her yellowing magazines, watching Leech and Artie grow into fine young adults and staying mischievous but a little less innocent, Nicole will grow up to make us all proud, Claudette will stay forever young, Marius and Father will die, and I . . . I will turn the pages in Northanger Abbey, not really reading, dreaming about what might have been . . .