Demons
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Sasuke, or the anime/manga series. Also, I do not own the song 'Demons' by Imagine Dragons. All rights belong to the respective authors and creators and bands and whatnot.
The gentle pitter-patter of the rain only served to darken and accentuate terribly moody and sullen atmosphere of the Uchiha dorm room. A pale, bordering on mal-nourished body was laid curled up on the white sheets, white that contrasted greatly with handsomely spiky hair that now just looked as depressed as its owner. The once leanly muscled body had gone and shrunk back to that of a weak, skinny one, where once thick, muscular arms and legs that the owner was so proud of had all gone to become lanky and fragile, almost. The pale, perfectly chiselled and aristocratic face was long gone, only to be replaced by that of hollowed cheeks and constantly chapped lips.
The paleness of the skin was no longer a healthy, handsome one. It had turned a complete hundred and eighty degrees, and only reflected on how ill and on the wrong side of the road its owner was. The striking pools of onyx were reduced to nothing but a sliver of what they used to be, and they spoke volumes about the person whom they were the windows of, something that couldn't have been declared more openly and announced even more loudly than by the expression of the eyes.
They were dead.
Worthless!
Pathetic!
Disgrace!
Clenching his eyes shut as tightly as his eyelids and migraine would permit, Sasuke's grip on his hair tightened, forearms covering and enveloping his anger-reddened ears, desperate to keep those harsh words and painful reminders out of his head, out of his soul, out of his life. The trembling hands visibly shook as they re-gripped the navy blue strands, and the tremulous shoulders hunched up, his body doing whatever it could to cover and shield its ears, to block out all negativity, block out all self-crumbling thoughts, trying its very best to tighten its grip onto its last strand of sanity.
Anger, disappointment, hopelessness, frustration, sorrow, desperation, and pain were the only emotions that were waiting, ready to embrace Sasuke. They were crowding around him, putting on a deceiving show of wanting to help him; that they still could and were there for him, but at the same time sucking his entire life away.
He couldn't breathe.
His head started to hurt even more, an insistent throbbing at the back of his head, slowly crawling its way upwards towards the crown and forehead, ready to shroud and blanket Sasuke from the outside world, to cloak him from all sorts of hope and faith and love that he could see, although they were so so distant.
Reaching out his shaky fingers towards the indistinct creatures, feelings that he so desperately wanted, yet he knew he couldn't have, Sasuke was rudely taken aback and reminded by the fact that no, he didn't, he could never have those, by the blackness cloaking and shrouding his mind.
What had he done to deserve to be the kicked puppy? What had he done to be treated this badly?
The familiar pain given by his eyes' sensitive tissues being ripped was coming back, and Sasuke could feel the next onslaught of tears making their pit-stop on his bottom eyelid, being hidden from the rest of the world by that thin film of pale skin. He could feel his tears making their way down his hollowed cheeks, yet his will to wanting to stop them, the tears which openly declared his vulnerability and weakness to the whole entire world, was diminishing.
Searching frantically about for that familiar feel of cool steel, Sasuke's hands grasped desperately about the hardwood flooring for his painkiller. Inwardly rejoicing when he felt his fingers close about the recognizable grooves and bumps of the plastic, Sasuke let out a sigh of relief when he heard the much-welcomed slide of sharp steel against plastic. That little, almost inaudible noise was enough to overthrow all self-loathing thoughts out of his mind, even for just a short while, and Sasuke welcomed it with a whole heart.
The prickle of pain, followed by the cool flowing of warm liquid down his unhealthily cold skin was that little step that Sasuke had to take in order to shut those thoughts up in his mind. The numbness that flowed throughout his entire body, licking and burning his insides and slowly but surely making their way towards the rest of his body was much welcomed, and Sasuke pressed the tip in deeper.
The deeper it went, the greater the numbness.
The greater the numbness, the lesser the pain.
However, the deepness's effect soon started to recede, and the pain was resurfacing. The pain of being left alone, of being shunned, of being thrown aside, all of it was coming back, towering and glaring down at him menacingly, ready to come crashing down all over him all at once.
The trepidation that the thought caused showed itself in a form of a racking shiver that worked its way all over the Uchiha's body, and Sasuke immediately took to breaking his skin horizontally. The feel of his skin making way for a thin sheet of metal, and the way red liquid oozed and coated the liquid only reiterated the fact about how much Sasuke welcomed it. The skin was not cowering away nor resisting its enemy, the one which was defiling it, and the blood that oozed out was only coating the blade, almost in a friendly gesture of a hug.
Even his body welcomed it.
The sense of the cool steel gliding over his skin like that made Sasuke experience a sense of euphoria like no other.
And Sasuke loved it.
Sasuke nearly shuddered at the bright, blue gaze that was locked onto him, searching him, looking at and through him. The intensity of those blue eyes that he loved so much was overwhelming, and Sasuke's weakened mind and soul were still not used to being on the constant receiving end of it.
"Sasuke..." The gentle, soft voice that left the lusciously pink lips was nothing but a remedy for Sasuke's wounded soul, but when filled with such raw emotion, such plain yet sharp emotions of pain, sorrow, desperation and confusion only succeeded in skilfully cutting and slicing the tender, healing wounds up and apart again.
The raven refused to gaze up and meet the eyes of the one person whom he loved truly and deeply. He couldn't fathom and stomach to see that uncountable amount of emotion, the two most prominent being pain and hurt screaming from those cerulean orbs that Sasuke loved to get lost in. He couldn't bear to see the way the blond eyebrows would scrunch together towards the centre, that little nose crumbled and pink, peachy lips being worried by pristine white teeth, all because of the blond's worry for his raven counterpart.
Sasuke could already imagine how Naruto would look like, with every single crease and line on his face screaming out his agony and desperation for Sasuke to talk, to speak, to open up and not close himself off once and yet again.
"Sasuke... Look at me, p-please." The silent plea-like demand broke through the recesses of Sasuke's mind, cutting through the cloudy haze of negative thoughts and painful whispers that kept rebounding off of his walls, and he immediately came crashing down to reality.
Taking deep, steadying breaths and a few gulps of air, Sasuke tried his best to swallow around the gigantic and constantly expanding lump that formed and made camp down in his throat. He couldn't bear to face Naruto, he couldn't bear to look into those dimmed blue eyes, knowing that he was the cause of the veil of pain and sorrow that clouded his love's eyes. Brazing himself for the onslaught of emotions that he would be faced with, like a tidal wave, Sasuke glanced up.
The amount of emotion and pain that were rolling off of Naruto did not suit him whatsoever. It hurt Sasuke deeply because it was he who had allowed his Naruto to be enveloped by such negative emotions, emotions that should never be related to Naruto in any way or form. Such emotions should never have been associated with the blond ever since he had met him, yet Sasuke was the cause of it.
The raw desperation, sorrow, and pain that were swimming about in those blue eyes cut through to Sasuke like no other blade had done, and before long the feeling of guilt had started to make its malicious way up his spine and down his stomach, sitting there like a huge block of lead.
"Sasuke, I know that something's wrong but I won't be able to help if you don't tell me anything, so please, talk to me!"
He broke their gaze.
"I'll get us some food."
Swiftly walking away from their secluded booth, Sasuke didn't catch the way blue eyes filled with tears nor how a sob ripped through pink lips. All he had heard was his own thoughts, and nothing more.
I'm doing this for you Naruto. Please, understand that.
As time went on, the feelings that constantly shrouded Sasuke were no longer being pushed aside or not looked forward to, but were slowly being called upon, slowly being welcomed.
Anger, pain, sorrow, frustration, disappointment.
Sasuke had woken up a few days after meeting up with Naruto, after the extremely painful dinner date, that he realized that these were the only emotions that were bare and laid out for him; the only emotions that were allowed to be near him and allowed to be with him.
He couldn't find happiness, faith, belief, joy, peace.
He hadn't been able to find not one of them for the last decade of his life.
So what made it any different now?
The emotions that he had needed so badly, the emotions that he had spent ten years of his life scavenging and hunting for, with all last bits of hope and faith and courage that he could pull and gather from every fibre of his being, he could not find.
The emotions that he had needed to help survive, to help escape the hell hole that he was dug and put so deeply in, were nowhere to be found.
What would make them want to appear now or in the future, when they already so openly declared that they didn't want to be found nor owned by Sasuke?
Throwing all caution to the wind, Sasuke slowly but surely started opening up to the negative emotions, to the emotions that he had once so badly wanted to get rid of, to the emotions that he once so terribly despised and loathed. He opened up his heart and mind, welcoming those emotions and feelings, wanting to feel their presence around him, shrouding and enveloping him in their cold but much-welcomed company.
Because why throw away the one thing that you had for the rest of eternity?
"Sasuke, please!" The shrill cry brought Sasuke out of his musings, and he glanced emptily down at the blue before him. The azure orbs were brimming with controlled tears, crystal water which the owner refused to let go of, but the control that Naruto had on them was slowly breaking and cracking as soon as his own eyes matched and glanced up at onyx.
Onyx orbs that looked dead.
Wrapping a small, tiny tan hand around a thick yet bony pale wrist, Naruto pushed himself towards the 6'4" stature of his boyfriend, burying his 5'4" frame into the vast expanse of lanky build that his boyfriend provided, and bringing up his free hand to clench as a fist on the chest of the raven.
The onyx orbs that were once so full of life, amusement, joy, and peace had none of those emotions or feelings any longer. Instead, they were filled with only sorrow, pain, and just raw sadness, but these emotions were not enough to overshadow the large emptiness in those onyx orbs.
Where had his Sasuke gone?
"Please, talk to me." The first few tell-tale signs of sobs were inching and crawling their way up Naruto's throat, and his sensitive eye tissues were starting to hurt from being held as controlled and still as possible, because Naruto knew that one slight and uncalled for movement would be all that it took for him to lose it and break down.
"I-I know that you're h-hurting, so p-please, just sp-speak, be-because it's k-killing m-m-me, too."
And Naruto lost it.
All those months of being thrown aside and being shut out by his own boyfriend had taken its toll on his mental and physical health, and it was killing Naruto gravely by being indirectly told that he was not trusted enough by his own boyfriend, his own counterpart, his own other-half that he couldn't take it anymore.
All those months of being with a Sasuke that was not the Sasuke that he knew, not the Sasuke that he had grown up with, not the Sasuke that he had fallen in love with, had hurt.
Had hurt so so much.
All those nights of staying up and having to fret over Sasuke because he didn't know what was going on in the Uchiha's mind, having to worry over what Sasuke would have been doing, what he was thinking of doing, having to worry about losing Sasuke.
Those thoughts and nights had been the worst.
Naruto had spent so many of his days and hours just panicking and being cloaked by anxiety because he didn't know when Sasuke would reach his breaking point, when Sasuke would reach the point of no return, when Sasuke would lose himself, that he had lost count. Naruto was constantly worried 24/7 and he had no idea what to do about it and how to make it go away.
All those attempts at attempting to talk to Sasuke and doing his best to coax him to tell him what was wrong, about what he had done were all fruitless and rendered futile. Those countless attempts at begging Sasuke to just open up and speak to him were all ineffective, and Naruto knew then that Sasuke had shut him out.
It hurt.
Letting out a sob, the start of many more to come, Naruto clutched desperately at the black cotton that was draped over Sasuke's torso, and he finally let out all the bottled up frustration, sadness, desperation and pain that had crawled into his life and secured his heart and mind in a vice grip, refusing to let go.
Sasuke glanced down at the blond mop of hair before him, where small, rounded shoulders that were peeking through a sweater much too large for him (borrowed from Sasuke) were quivering and shaking with each wretched and despairing intake of breath and sob. He could hear the painful, pitiful cries and whimpers that were resounding off of Naruto, and suddenly the sobs were much too loud and hurt Sasuke's ears much too greatly, that he couldn't bear it anymore. The constant dampening of his shirt was another indication that Sasuke had been the cause of Naruto's distress, that Sasuke was the one person who managed to bring down and break the one person whom he believed to be the strongest person whom he knew.
Sasuke had broken Uzumaki Naruto, the one person he loved and the one person whom he had left.
Feeling his own eyes well up with tears, tears of so much self-loathe and self-disappointment once again, Sasuke wrapped his arms around the quaking shoulders of his beloved, and buried his face into vanilla-scented gold.
Oh how desperately Sasuke wanted to scream everything out, how desperately he wanted to just let it all go and get it out of his system, get rid of everything and lay them all out barren in front of the one person who wanted it the most, in front of the one person who meant the most.
But he couldn't.
He couldn't let Naruto, the epitome of sunshine and joy, be brought and shackled down by such negativity. He couldn't let Naruto, the one person who was able to radiate happiness and joy all around the room by just being in it and smiling, be dug into the dirt because of Sasuke's own emotional turmoil.
Naruto didn't deserve that.
You deserve so much more Naruto, so much more than me. So please, I'm begging you, try to understand because this is for you own good Naruto. I can't—no, I won't let you go through what I'm going through. I love you too much for that.
Here lies Itachi Uchiha, a beloved son and brother.
That was the last straw.
The only other person who had stood up for Sasuke for the first ten years of his life, up until the point of time when he had been shunned, ridiculed, thrown aside into the dirt, and had for a countless number of times been spat on and kicked about, was gone.
The only other person whom Sasuke had shared a much treasured bond with, the only other person whom Sasuke could have declared that he had loved with all of his heart and soul, the only other person who had been there for Sasuke for the first decade of his life, when he was vulnerable to the world, when he was nothing but a plain white sheet, easily stained and tainted.
Itachi Uchiha, Sasuke's older brother and pillar of strength, was dead.
No matter how terrible or strong those emotions were before, they were much stronger now. The past form of the negativity could never compare nor fathom to ever live up to how great and how much they were manifesting on Sasuke now.
Anger, pain, sorrow, frustration, disappointment.
Compared to before, these emotions were much more tremulous, much more demanding, much more sinister, much more malicious. They were crowded around Sasuke, glaring and mocking him, showing a side of them that Sasuke, the hunched over, trembling boy in the middle, had never seen before. They were much too tall, much too big, much too great for Sasuke to handle and take them all on his own, to bring them down and destroy them.
They were back at square one.
Only this time, Sasuke did not bother fighting back, nor did he bother to search for that one sliver of hope and love amongst the throng of evil-reeking bodies around him.
Instead, he gladly welcomed them.
And he gladly welcomed the shroud of complete and utter darkness and blackness to drown him.
Sasuke Uchiha was in far too deep, and it was going to be a nearly impossible feat to come back out alive.
Naruto Uzumaki could do nothing but stare hopelessly at the prone figure before him. The thin, gaunt body was much too skinny and emaciated to be able to support that tall of a build, and the paleness of the skin had only gotten worse. It was no longer the pale that it was a few months ago. It was no longer as healthy as it had been, for now it was much, much worse. The skin looked dead.
The black cotton and skinny Levi's seemed to be swallowing Sasuke whole, having been too big on him and accentuating just exactly how sickly and unhealthily-skeletal the Uchiha had become. The lanky arms had thinned out much more, being nothing but a mere whisper of the size that they had been once before. The long arms and legs were visibly shaking, consistent and unrelenting tremors coursing through Sasuke's whole entire body, being extremely prominent on his limbs.
He was nothing but skin and bones.
However, the anatomy of the raven's body that sucked all air right out of Naruto's lungs and had him nearly crumbling and losing his sanity, was his head.
The once shiny, navy-tinted hair was no longer as it had been, having turned a sickly blue-black, and were coated in grime and dirt. The pale forehead was constantly beading perspiration, and had lines and creases on it that were never there before. The pale, pink lips were constantly chapped, and Naruto noticed the amount of the times little puffs of breath seemed to leave them, indicating the rapid and unsteady breathing that the Uchiha was experiencing.
But the eyes, oh God the eyes.
They were so empty, so gone, so dead.
Unlike the past, when they had at least some form of emotion, some form of other feeling that took up some space in those onyx orbs of Sasuke's, this time around they were completely void of all emotion. They were completely shut off from the whole entire world, completely and utterly sealed and locked away. They were no longer open windows to Sasuke's soul and mind, for they had been shut, closed, and locked down.
They were no longer any emotions that could be seen, not a single one could be seen swimming in those orbs and Naruto was petrified.
Naruto was extremely terrified because Sasuke had completely sealed himself away from the world, he had completely isolated himself from all of humanity and Naruto had no idea what to do.
In the past he could have at least seen just a glimmer of what was going through Sasuke's mind, about whether he really was thinking or having thoughts relating to suicide but right now, with Sasuke all locked and closed up, Naruto was given no chance or hope to know or be given any single idea has to what was going through his boyfriend's mind.
He was scared.
Naruto wouldn't know how Sasuke would have been doing. Naruto wouldn't know about whatever that was plaguing Sasuke's mind and thoughts. Naruto wouldn't know when Sasuke was going through really extreme emotional turmoil, when he would accidentally let slip a few raging and burning, emotions that were screaming at Naruto that Sasuke needed help.
Naruto wouldn't have any of that, because Sasuke had completely locked himself away, had completely isolated himself from the rest of the world, had completely just...
Gone.
Sasuke knew he was killing Naruto inside. He knew how much pain and sorrow he was causing and inflicting upon Naruto by not speaking to him, by not indulging him with whatever that was causing himself his own load of pain. He knew how much pain he was causing Naruto by shutting him out of his life.
But Sasuke couldn't change—no, he wouldn't change.
Sasuke wouldn't allow himself to bring Naruto down with him. He wouldn't allow the one person whom he loved so dearly to suffer and roll about in the dirt, being kicked upon and swallowed whole by darkness and pain itself with him. He wouldn't allow Naruto, his angel, to be brought down to hell with him.
Naruto was his angel, and he belonged in Heaven.
Not down in the depths of Hell, with Sasuke.
But Sasuke knew how much Naruto was hurting. He had wanted and will continue to stand by Sasuke's side, no matter whatever happened to him. Even through all the shit that Sasuke had thrown his boyfriend's way, Naruto still stuck through, insistent on wanting to be there with Sasuke, to always be standing next to him.
And with every single silence and breaking of gaze that Sasuke brought with him, Naruto hurt just a little bit more.
Naruto was hurting, because of Sasuke.
No angel deserved to be hurt by a demon.
Yet Sasuke had hurt his.
And it hurt him.
I'm doing it for him, yet he's hurting. Fuck, I'm hurting myself by hurting him. We're hurting each other, all we do is inflict pain on each other. I love him too much to see him hurt, Naruto doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve whatever shit I'm putting him through.
I don't deserve him.
"W-what?" Bright, blue eyes widened almost impossibly, and a thin veil of crystal tears coating and shielding them away from the harsh reality of the world. Blond brows were scrunched up towards the centre, petite shoulders hunching over as the first signs of incoming heavy sobs made their debut. The bright red, plump bottom lip was being held back by a straight row of front teeth, and the tan chin was quivering, desperately doing its best to keep still, so as to not let any form of sob or whimper out, to openly show that its owner was at his most vulnerable.
"Naruto, please, I-I have my reasons... okay? I—We don't work, we-we're not compatible alright? I-I'm sorry, but please, please understand me." For the all the times you didn't, please, just understand me now. Sasuke could feel his own eyes welling up with tears that he had never wanted resurfacing again.
He knew that it was for the best. Naruto had constantly been bound to him, bound to his demons and darkness that his own light was diminishing. Naruto was losing his light, his life, just by being with Sasuke, just by being near him. Naruto had been constantly weighed down by Sasuke's own demons that he was on the verge of losing himself entirely as well.
Sasuke had allowed himself to be selfish, but this was his limit.
He would no longer bind Naruto to him like that anymore. He would no longer hold Naruto down with him, no longer have his wings shackled to the ground and stripped of their use. He would no longer tie Naruto to him and strip him off of his freedom.
He was going to let Naruto soar, he was going to let him venture onto the areas where people like him were supposed to go. He was going to allow Naruto to leave, to go to places that were filled with happiness and joy, with peace and tranquillity. He would no longer bind Naruto to himself and suffer in the darkness and depths of blackness down in hell with him.
He was going to let Naruto set free. He was going to let his angel fly after countless months of not doing so.
He was finally going to let Naruto go, because it was for his own good.
And Sasuke let himself be cloaked in darkness once again, no more having that little bit of light with him anymore.
I'm back where I belong.
Hell.
That was the only word that Sasuke could use to describe how his life had been, when he had absolutely no one to lean on. He had lost his last hope, his last gleam of light, and was now completely enclosed by darkness, by his own personal hell.
Being completely surrounded and encased by his own demons had never been more painful. The darkness and blackness that he had once welcomes with open arms had finally had the courage to overthrow their master. The negativity and all the emotional turmoil that Sasuke was experiencing was far too much, and he had no idea when he was going to break.
Pathetic!
Worthless!
Disappointment!
Waste of space!
Being constantly reminded and having such words thrown about his mind, rebounding off of the walls and just being imprinted on the back of his eyelids, Sasuke was on the verge of losing that one strand of sanity, on the verge of letting go and falling into the deep, dark depths of lunacy, and he would continue to fall and drown, because the weight of his demons that was shackled to his ankles were much too heavy to allow him to swim upwards, much too tightly bound to his ankles that he couldn't get rid of them.
He was suffocating.
If Sasuke thought that he had experienced hell before now, he would have honestly killed himself. Nothing was worse than this. Nothing was as terrible or painful to bear as this.
Being constantly bombarded by thoughts of his worthless being, statements being thrown his and every which way by his own demons that he himself bound to himself, Sasuke was losing it, he was losing himself.
Sasuke needed saving.
He needed his angel.
"S-S-Sasuke?" The soft, alluring whisper leaving chapped, terribling chewed lips brought Sasuke out of his reverie, and he was glancing down into red-rimmed, pain and sorrow filled deep cerulean, which were now hosting a more prominent emotion; surprise. The little button nose was scrunched up, constantly snivelling, no doubt holding back sniffles of pain, of sorrow, of dejection.
"H-help me."
It was with lots of tears and sadness that Sasuke had finally let everything out. He told Naruto everything that he was feeling, from the start and to the end, never leaving out any single event or emotion that he had experienced and felt, and what was the main reason behind his latest actions.
"Your eyes, they shine so bright, and all I wanted was to save that light."
"S-Sasuke..." With tears of happiness and joy, no longer sorrow or pain, Naruto held Sasuke close, hugging him towards his chest, letting Sasuke hear his heart beating, heart beating for him, that Naruto was alive for him, and that he would always be there for him, and that they would work things out together.
A chaste kiss to the lips and a much grateful smile was promise enough that they would fight off the demons together.
That Sasuke wouldn't be cloaked in darkness anymore.
Because Sasuke finally had his angel back.
And that was all that mattered.
Author's Note: Hey guys! Thank you all for reading, it's my very first one shot and very first song fic. I'm not entirely pleased with how the story progressed somewhere in the middle, because i kinda like... drifted a little bit. Hahah. Anyway I know i should be working on YHMHIYP but URGH PLOT BUNNIES (or something, i'm not too familiar with FanFic Language xD). Anyway thank you so much, so please do kindly drop a review or two to tell me your thoughts on 'Demons'. :) Thank you so much!
Yours Sincerely,
ByakuSharingan
