Wow, it's been a while! Welcome to my first non-seddie story here on FF. net. This one is here because the tenacious Invader Johnny turned another year older yesterday(of course my computer decided to shut down), and requested it...and since he's such an awesome fellow fanfictioner (did I just invent a new word?) he gets this for his birthday. Good news, you guys get to read it too. Just do a favor and leave a review at the exit.
Disclaimer: I tried to get this story approved by Nickelodeon, but when I rolled up the the NOS studios, the guard had me searched by his very "nosy" German Shepherd. When he finally asked my business (after waiting a full six minutes for him to stop laughing), he told me that I'd have to submit it by post. I pulled the shoulder down on my sweater hoping that that might help but apparently he must be gay or something (It couldn't possibly be me?). So the moral of this story is no matter how hard I tried, it's still not Nickelodon or Schneider Bakery approved. (Yeah, none of that really happened, but It's still only my manipulation of some great characters.)
Carly paced back and forth waiting for her feisty blond friend, yet again.
"She'll be here. " Freddie said as he made a few last minute camera adjustments. "She always is."
He handed the camera to Gibby in preparation for the show. Sam burst into the room at the last minute leaving Carly to breathe a sigh of relief. Somehow Sam always made it, but she hated when it was cut this close.
Sam took her place next to Carly. "Let's hurry and get this Chizz done, I'm starving!"
"What a shock!" Freddie rolled his eyes. He had just turned to go back to the tech cart when he was beaned in the side of the head by a sticky crumpled object that was hurled at him.
"Eww, Gross!" Freddie wiped the goo off of his face and smelled it. "What is this?"
"I don't know," Sam shrugged. "A hobo dropped it in front of me on the way to school this morning."
Freddie let out a scream. "Ahhh, IT'S BURNING! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!"
Carly rushed over to get the wipes (a recent addition to the tech cart due to Sam's sudden fascination with strange sticky objects). "What have I told you about maiming the tech guy with sticky foreign blobs?"
"That I could put his eye out, and then what good would he be?" Sam answers back blandly. "And…?" Carly asked as she wiped the stuff off of Freddie's face.
"And that I should apologize…" Sam sighed deeply.
"Well…?"
"Sorry Freddie."
"You should be!" Freddie scolded. "Who knows what that…"
"Anywaaay!" she interrupted. "You know what really sounds good right now? A Space Burger!"
"Like from the space Pod?" Carly wrinkled her nose and then tossed the gooey wipes into the trash.
"Eww, Gross!"
"You mean from that fancy restaurant at the top of the Space Needle?" Gibby chimed in.
"Yeah, like they'd let me in there again." She thumped him on the head. "Beside's that's the Sky Burger, butt knuckle!"
"I think she's talking about the Burger from the 'Germs' episode of Invader Zim." Freddie shook his head.
"What's Invader Zim?" Carly asked as she readjusted the furniture to prepare for the show.
"Are you serious?" Sam turned her head quickly in shock.
"Only one of the greatest animated shows ever!" Gibby stared at her with her mouth agape.
"I swear, girl, your animated culture knowledge is embarrassing." Sam turned to Freddie, "The bigger question is; how does a schlub like you know about Invader Zim?
Freddie chuckled. "I'd catch it every now and then, but I had to stop after my mom walked in when I was watching that episode. After she found out that it didn't have germs, she called NASA every day for 6 months to try to get her hands on the Space Meat. She was sure it was a conspiracy."
Sam shook her head. "Wow, Dude, your mom is a real peach!" She walked up next to him and asked him softly, "So did she find out where they keep the Space Meat?"
"Sam!" Carly chuckled. "Come on, it's about time to start the show.
Freddie pulled on a blue sports jacket, tossed Sam the remote, and counted down. "In 5…4…3…2..."
"I'm Carly,"
"And I'm Hungry for Space Meat!"
"And this is iiiiiiiiCarly!"
Gibby followed her with the camera as Carly swung around a small table littered with teen magazines.
"Last week in home room, I forgot my book, so my friend Ella loaned me her celebrity teen magazine and found a fun little quiz on page 44. So tonight, we decided to amp that up a bit and create for you a new game called…"
A soundtrack of 70's game show music played under the announcer who said, "It's the 'My BFF is better than your BFF' game!" Sam pushed the button to add the sound of canned applause under the same game show music. The announcer continued, "With your host, Freddie Bensoooon!"
Freddie did a little dance onto the stage, "Hey there everyone! Welcome to the game show where we find out how much best friends really know about each others. The team that answers the most questions correctly, doesn't win anything except for the chance to rub it in the other team's face!" More applause is heard courtesy of Sam's button.
"So let's meet our contestants." Freddie stepped aside and the announcer continued.
"These two met in 2nd grade. One hosts a web show in her attic, and her spunky friend holds the record for receiving the most detentions in a single period. Meet Carly and Sam!" Carly and Sam dance out of the back room to a little couch while the applause is going.
"These two have been friends since last Tuesday when they were assigned a project together in Mr. Henning's class. One's got the campus 411 and the other was voted most likely to make a body part disappear. Please welcome Wendy and Malikaaaaa!"
A puff of smoke suddenly appears as Malika bursts in. Wendy followed coughing through the smoke. "Uhh…We're not really friends!"
"Too late we're already rolling," Freddie smiled his fake host smile as he escorted the guests to their sofa.
"Fantastic!" Freddie turned back to the camera. "So, before the show, we e-mailed each team member a series of questions. They don't know each other's answers, and we have their responses ready. Let's see who is the better BFF's." He turned to the contestants. "You all ready?"
The contestants all shifted in their seats, anxious to start.
"Alright, guests get the first question." Freddie pulled a blue index card from a small pile and read the question. "Wendy, what is Malika's favorite song?"
Wendy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Ugh. I don't know, but it's probably something stupid like 'Abracadabra' or something like that."
Malika slouches way down into her chair, "No way Biotch! Homie straight up Gangsta in the Hizouse." She started singing. "Cruisin' down the street in my 64, Jockin the…"
"ALRIGHT…"Freddie quickly interrupted. "That was clearly not a match. Let's go to the next question then. Sam?"
"Dweeb?" She returned.
"What place would Carly most like to visit?" Freddie read off of the card.
"For Carly, it's the city on the water…Venice, Italy." Sam said proudly.
They suddenly heard a bell dinging and canned cheering as the monitor showed a photo of canals and a gondolier.
Carly screeched and hugged Sam. "Yay, and you're going with me!"
Freddie then turned to the other team. "Malika, who is the person that Wendy would most like to kiss?"
Malika thought for a second then looked over toward the camera. "What's his name? The guy on the camera?"
Freddie looked over. "Gibby?"
"Yes. Gibby," Malika smiled. "He's the one."
Wendy's face started to turn red. "I never said I wanted to kiss Gibby!"
A confused look came over Malika. "You actually never said you wanted to kiss anyone. I just assumed so since you watch him every time he comes into the room and your face turns…the color it is now, actually." She cocked her head. "Was I not right, sometimes I misread interpersonal interactions."
"No! You were right," Wendy growled. "But couldn't you go with someone a little less… in the room…like Justin Beiber!"
A buzzer sounded indicating the wrong answer. The camera angle dropped toward the floor as Gibby looked up to give Wendy a little smile.
"Uh, Gibb…" Freddie tapped Gibby on the shoulder to remind him that he had a job to do. Gibby quickly got the shot back and Freddie continued the show.
"Sorry, Malika, that was the wrong answer." A booing audience sounded through the studio. "Moving on to Sam and Carly's team. Carly…Who did Sam say is her celebrity crush?"
Carly smiled. "Well, Freddie, that would be Weiner McDougal, the mascot for Howie's Hotdog Hamlet."
"Oh Yeah, Baby!" Sam smiled dreamily.
Freddie looked over toward Sam. "I'm not sure that a stuffed dog actually qualifies as a cele…"
Sam stood up and stood nose to nose with him and said in a calm deep voice. "It's Weiner McDougal."
Freddie gulped and quickly announced. "And the correct answer is Weiner McDougal!"
The bell sounded and Sam sat back in her chair. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for a Scottish accent."
Freddie shook his head before turning to the other team. "Wendy, what would be Malika's dream pet?"
Wendy sat up straight, confident of the answer. "It has to be a bunny."
The buzzer sounded again, followed by the boo.
"Ohhh, sorry Wendy." Freddie looked over for the correct answer. "Malika tell the audience your dream animal"
"Actually, it would be a Centaur." She said proudly. "They'd be really useful and a perfect companion, don't you think?"
"What the Fig…" Wendy turned at looked at her team mate. "It's not even real, you crazy…"
"Let's move along, shall we?" Freddie stepped in camera. "Sam, what is Carly's favorite piece of clothing?"
Sam thought for a moment. "I'm pretty sure it would be her light blue 'Help Me' Bra."
"Sam!" Carly smacked her on the arm.
"What?" Sam giggled. "Come on, I can always tell when you're about to go on a date."
Carly whispered through clenched teeth, "I can't believe you just told everyone that!"
"Well it's true, isn't it?" Sam watched Carly fold her arms over her chest and slump back into the chair. "Alright then, what did you say your favorite piece of clothing was?"
"My pink and purple puppy sweater that my Nana Georgia knitted for me." Carly pouted.
"That thing?" Sam chucked. "You shoved it in the back of the closet as soon as you got it. You called it a fuzzy nightmare!"
"It has sentimental value, Sam." Carly gave her a warning with her eyes.
"Oh, Gotcha! Sentimental value…" Sam winked. "Hi Nana Georgia!" Sam waved into the camera as Carly just buried her head in her hands.
Freddie turns to the camera and waved too. "Ok now, Moving on…" He pulled another card. "Malika, this one is for you…Malika…?" He looked over to see the girl busy levitating an apple from the table in front of her.
"Hmmm?" she answered distractedly.
"Ready for your question?" Freddie watched as the apple dropped with a loud thud onto the table. "Well I'll take that as 'ready'. What is Wendy's favorite Pizza topping."
Malika gave Wendy a once over. "She looks girly and poofy. It's probably pineapple."
A bell rang indicating a right answer. Even Wendy was impressed and started clapping.
"Impressive!" Freddie smiled. "Ok, Carly coming back to you…" He pulls out the card. "What is Sam's most embarrassing secret?"
"Umm…" Carly unconsciously moved away from Sam. Better safe than sorry. "Oh, I know. Sam sleeps with a doll next to her bed…of me! That's pretty freaky right?"
Sam turned her body fully to look at Carly. "That's not really a secret, and why is that so weird?"
"Because…it's a little me, and it's creepy," Carly stammered. "Why would you have a doll of me next to your bed?"
"BECAUUUUSE, it's cool." She shook her head. "We had some dolls left over after the iCarly Awards, so Spencer and I put them together to make a few extra bucks." Sam shrugged.
"YOU SOLD THEM!" Carly freaked out. "Just how many people have these dolls of me?" She looked around in horror as everyone in the room slowly raised their hand.
"I don't know…We sold about 20 or 30," Sam said proudly, "So see, it's not so strange, and it never was a secret.
Carly collapsed back into the chair with her arms folded. "Well at least I didn't tell them about you being the girl from the Dapper Dan's Diaper commercials."
The room suddenly went silent and Carly glanced over to see a Sam's face growing redder than she had ever seen it. She knew she should be worried, but she was still annoyed that Sam outed her help me bra.
"Wait," Wendy finally broke the silence. "Sam was the messy pants girl! That Was You!"
"Oh My God!" Freddie jumped in. "It is you. I can so totally see it. How did I not notice before?"
"I Love that Commercial!" Gibby said before he and Malika started singing the Dapper Dan's Diaper jingle. "No muss no fuss, the poo stays on uuus…"
"Oopsie, I made a poopsie!" Carly joined in with a little girl voice. "So tryyyy Dapper Dan's Diapers." The group continued to sing.
Nobody noticed the little blond fuming on the couch, until Sam stood up and yelled, "ARRRGGGGHHH! HOW COULD YOU CARLY?"
The whole room stopped. Sam's voice went cold. "You knew how I felt about that. You swore you'd never mention it again!"
Freddie knew Sam well enough to recognize that this was about to get ugly fast. "Why don't we get back to our game? Wendy…"
"It's not that big a deal, Sam. "Carly folded her arms in defiance trying not to let her fear show. They'd argued before, but she secretly knew she'd crossed the line. "It was 15 years ago, I think it's time you got over it."
Suddenly the room erupted all at once. Sam launched herself at Carly only to be caught mid-air by Freddie. Carly wriggled herself over the back of the couch and Wendy and Malika ran over to hide behind Gibby, while Freddie held on tight to Sam to keep her from tearing the room apart.
Freddie struggled with Sam as he turned toward the camera. "Thanks for joining us on iCarly. Good night!" Freddie yelled to Gibby as he pulled Sam toward the elevator. …Cut the feed, Gibby! Cut the feed!"
Gibby reached over and pressed a couple buttons. "And we're clear!"
Freddie managed to get Sam into the elevator and hit the button just as Spencer burst in. "I heard the commotion all the way downstairs. What's going on?"
"Sam tried to attack Carly because of a question in the game show." Wendy explained.
Gibby pointed to the elevator. "Freddie took her out." Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
Spencer pat Gibby's shoulder. "Hey Gib. Why don't you go ahead and walk the girls out, Ok?"
"Oh, you don't need to escort!" And with a puff of smoke Malika was gone.
"So, Wendy," Gibby raised his eyebrows a couple times. "How bout I buy you a smoothie and we can discuss that whole kissing question a little further." He offered his arm to Wendy and she smiled as they walked out of the studio together.
Spencer chuckled as they left then turned to his sister. "You alright?"
Carly collapsed back onto the couch. "No! I knew that would hurt her and I didn't stop myself." She reached for a pillow and growled into it. "I'm just so frustrated. She says things all the time without thinking how it makes me feel. Just once I wanted to know what that felt like."
The elevator bell rang and Freddie got off. "You alright?" Carly asked worried.
"I'm fine." Freddie frowned. "Once the elevator doors closed she calmed down. She didn't say a word all the way to the lobby, and when the doors opened she just said 'Goodbye Freddie' and walked away. It's like she just shut down. I've never seen her like that."
Carly looked worriedly over to Spencer. "Hey, come on kid," Spencer gave her a reassuring hug. "You know Sam. She just needs time to cool off. "
"Yeah, I guess." She gave a half smile. "I'll talk to her tomorrow and straighten this whole thing out." She stared at the elevator. "…Yeah, tomorrow."
Wow, I feel rusty at this...or maybe it's just cause it's non-seddie and I have to think more of Carly. Hope you liked it anyway. Obviously it will be a multi chapter fic, so hope to see you back next time. (review, review, review)