FROM ME: I'm in One of My Moods. Translation: ANGST TIME! I know I've been saying that I absolutely stay away from angst and all that, but when I feel like everyone hates me and I have to lash back and hate everyone in return, I churn out these lil ficcies that overflow angst. Very hypocritical, I know. But it shows I'm human. ::nods slowly:: So, for those who know me and knows of my tendency to shy away from anything not under the "happily ever after, totally unrealistic portrayal of life" category, lower those eyebrows. This is the product of a VERY bad day.
Rating: R
Warning(s): slight angst? But that's already a given since it's already been established this piece was written under the influence of the slogan "Life's Shit then You Die" AU-ish (fast-forward to the future). Btw, this may be a bit…disturbing. That's why it's R. Just thought I'd let you know.
Disclaimers: Slam Dunk doesn't belong to me. Blah, blah, blah. I'm not making any money out of this, but if you want to pay me, be my guest. I will love you forever if you do.
DEDI: to my friends…you assholes! Even though you all suck, I love you guys, shit and all. Much love and kisses! .
Forever and a DayBy Kuroi Tenshi
"Did you hear the news? God, how awful..."
"The team just won that tournament in America."
"Sshh! That's him. He's the one the fast one was seeing."
"I didn't expect him to be like that…sort of normal-looking. Heard Rukawa's heart broke when Sendoh left him for that…person."
"Rukawa's seeing that red-haired player, isn't he?"
"I feel awful for him. Look, he's not saying anything, just staring…"
"Must be shock."
"I heard they loved each other."
"Time to find a new one for him. It's over now."
The young man looked up when a blanket was draped over his shoulder. He gave him a small smile and looked back at the sea, a familiar feeling raging through his body. It was always like that. Sendoh never failed to arouse that fire from deep within his soul with the simplest touch that ignited the searing flames.
"It's beautiful," he commented, watching the undisturbed water reflecting the star-studded ink-black sky, the stars blinking and twinkling like fireflies in a field.
He didn't realize he had said the comparison aloud until Sendoh had spoken. "Catch me a firefly and we'll make a wish," he said, reaching for Koshino's hand and bringing it to his cheek.
He stared at the twin lagoons he envisioned himself drowning into more than a million times before. He smiled and pushed the damp hair away from his face and tucked it behind his ears. Sendoh's hair reached past his ears when it wasn't gelled to spike up. "I don't need to make any wishes. I have all that I will ever want right here." He placed a chaste kiss on his lips and gave him a shy smile.
The basketball player grinned and pulled him closer, settling him on his lap. "I'll miss the sweet words when we go to Okinawa for the game." His hands caressed the bare arms. "Come with me," he whispered against the dark hair.
Koshino closed his eyes, enjoying the sensations each touch brought him. "You know I can't. Chiaki's been assigned the story. Besides, deadlines are up." He leaned against the solid chest and reached behind him to touch the back of Sendoh's head, knowing how sensitive the other was of the spot.
"I wish you don't have to fly to Hokkaido for that interview assignment," Sendoh pouted adorably and Koshino chuckled.
"Catch yourself a firefly and make a wish," he breathed into his ear, tongue darting out a trace the shell lightly.
"How can I survive the week without you?" the forward asked, feigning despair. "I wish we'll always be together." There was something at his voice that made Koshino pause.
He took his face into his hands and stared into his eyes. Sky met Earth. "We are. We will be. Though miles apart, we'll always be together. Here," he drawled, kissing his forehead, "here," another kiss on the lips and the shoulders, "and here," he kissed his lover's chest, on the area where the heart was located. "Forever."
Sendoh nodded and pulled Koshino to him, his mouth meeting his in a tumultuous kiss. "Even beyond forever, till there are no more fireflies in our field…"
"The sea will always reflect the stars in the sky," he agreed huskily, his brown eyes darkening with desire. "I wish…want to be with you tonight. Right now."
Flashing him an impish grin, his own blue eyes darkening, his hands molding into his skin, he granted Koshino his wish. The "fireflies" at the dark field stood witness to the sealing of their promise.
The phone rang. "Will you get that, Seta?" Koshino Hiroaki didn't look up from the article he was proofreading. He was halfway through the alien story one of the staff writers handed in for the month's issue.
"It's for you, Kosh," Seta Kei said and Koshino looked up, startled, at what the intern had called him.
At another time and another place, he could hear his laughing voice calling after him. "Yo, Kosh, c'mon, I was just kidding—you really didn't think I kept his number, did you?" Someone grabbed his arm and he pulled it back, stalking toward the door. "Come on! Hiro-kun? Koshy-luv! You know you're the only one…I LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU, KOSHINO HIROAKI!"
He scowled and the younger man looked down. He made it clear time and again he was to be called Koshino, nothing else. Picking up the black receiver he returned to the article and grunted, "Koshino."
"Yo, Kosh-man!" the familiar cheerful voice boomed from the other end of the line. "How'd ya been? Still can't believe you work for that magazine."
He sighed. It was Sakuragi Hanamichi. If someone had told him twelve years ago that the loud-mouthed, conceited redhead was going to be one of the select few he considered friends, he would've clobbered that person senseless. But as fate would have it, they become close during college when Sakuragi had chosen Creative Writing for his elective. It wasn't that he was an aspiring writer, as Koshino was then, but he figured it was better than Cultural History.
It was Koshino who had helped him pass the course and it was Hanamichi who had helped him cope with his growing feelings for the college varsity's basketball captain. Even after graduating (in Sakuragi's part, dropping out) they remained close friends. The basketball player was one of the few people who knew where Koshino was and what he did to pass time.
"Yeah, well, I discovered mainstream's not my thing," he replied. And it was partially true. About a year or so ago he was working for the sports magazine Hikoichi's sister edited. But after the incident he privately called The Tragedy, he decided he couldn't handle being in the same place that brought so many memories. He had to get out.
So he packed his belongings and left. It wasn't until three months later his family and friends received their first missive from him after his disappearance. He didn't tell them where he was until much later, but he assured them he was fine and they didn't have to worry about him.
He had settled on a small town few hours outside Kanagawa and he was working as a junior editor of a tabloid. It was different from what he was used to, but he liked it that way. He wanted everything to be different. He didn't want to be reminded of how things were. The more bizarre the story, the more the weekly sold. It was great. Koshino wanted to lose himself to the peculiar and unrealistic. He didn't want to face reality.
"Hiro-kun!" He whined, stamping his feet as he did. "You promised me you'd watch the championships!"
"Sorry, but the editor assigned me to cover the tennis championship," he apologized, feeling wretched. He wanted to refuse the assignment but he knew doing so would mean he would be delegated copier for a month at least. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. We'll party after the game."
"I'll win it for you," Sendoh stated with a smile that made Koshino weep inside for the unfairness of it all. It was Sendoh's second season as a professional basketball player and Koshino had just landed his job in the sports magazine he always wanted to work for.
"You do that and we'll celebrate after, just the two of us," he promised, brimming with happiness. "I'm sure Sayaka wouldn't mind if we made use of her summer house in Sapporo. It'll just be the two of us. We can even…" He deliberately trailed off, giving his lover a saucy grin.
The fact that they had been together for eight months and counting still seemed surreal to him. How he managed to have someone like Sendoh to love him as much as he did was still a mystery. But it was something he didn't take for granted. Having Sendoh in his arms like this as he imagined himself countless times before was like a dream he never wanted to wake up from.
"I'm sorry I can't make it to your game," he apologized softly, taking his face into his hands, his thumb stroking the smooth cheek. He stared into his eyes and wasn't disappointed when something in his stomach fluttered, as it always did when he was with the taller man. Overcome by the tenderness he rarely showed, he kissed him softly and murmured against his lips, "I love you."
"And then he said I love you," Hanamichi concluded his tale, sounding embarrassed yet pleased at the same time. "He's sweet that way. Oh, Kae-chan said he's joining us for dinner, by the way. Said he hasn't seen you in a while."
Koshino let out an inward sigh. He had conveniently forgotten their scheduled monthly dinner was up. Since he started the new chapter of his life's book, one that excluded majority of the previous ones, the athletic couple insisted they meet once a month for dinner. At first Koshino had refused, but he knew it was pretty useless when faced against the redhead's tenacity and Rukawa's silent pleading. Rukawa's looks and monosyllables that spoke volumes he could deal with, Sakuragi's persuasive wheedling (and when that didn't work, aggravating whining) he could not.
He had no doubt they would try to convince him of going back to the city in their subtle way. Rukawa's at least. Hanamichi would most likely bribe and threaten again.
"Was that for tonight?" He ignored the exasperated sigh from the other end of the line. "God, what an idiot, but—"
"You have another meeting with the staff you can't possibly postpone," the other cut in. There was no ignoring the hurt that laced the statement.
"Sorry. I've been thinking about nothing but this dinner, too," he lied; at least it was only a half-lie. It had been occupying his mind of late. "But you'll be pleased to know I'm actually going out. I promised this person I'd spend the evening with him and I just can't take that back. Say I'm absolved?"
There was a sigh, but it was considerably lighter than what was expected of the hurt/disappointed/frustrated one he anticipated. He knew it was due to the fact he wasn't going to spend the night alone. Koshino knew they worried about him, living all alone in a new city where he barely knew more than a handful of people. They had also been getting on his case about his monk-like style of living.
"You're paying next week and we choose the Resto," the redhead finally replied after a few seconds of silence. "And you're going to tell me all the gory details," he added.
He might sound as if he was teasing, but Koshino knew better. Hanamichi wanted to make sure he was happy with someone. And he was.
" 'Kay, see ya next week and you'd better bring him with you," Hanamichi threatened before he replaced the receiver and turned to his lover sitting at the other end of the couch, reading a sports magazine.
"Fork over the five bucks you owe me," Rukawa said without taking his eyes off the interview of a star-player who now helped coach the national team. "He cancelled."
"He's going out with the guy I told you about," he answered, pouting when Rukawa held up his hand for the money he owed. "Haven't met him yet, but he seemed pretty involved. I get the feeling Kosh doesn't want us to meet him. He's had plenty of chances before. He always finds an excuse."
He put the magazine down and let out a sigh. Ever since the accident that robbed Sendoh Akira the capability to play basketball again, and after Koshino moved out of the city, Hanamichi had been forever fussing over the latter's well-being. He understood and shared the concern, but he figured Koshino would be better off braving it on his own. They would be there for him of course, but he knew it was the writer's way of dealing with things.
"Maybe because he doesn't want us butting into his life like unwanted meddlesome females? Let him have a romance of his own, Hanamichi. It's good he's starting to see that there's more to life than aliens and Bigfoot."
Koshino's choice of topic worried them at first. He was making a name for himself as a sports journalist when he took off. The abrupt change in publication and theme sent them careening to worry and bewilderment. Koshino had been devoted to his career, why was he throwing all that away?
The brown-eyed writer merely shrugged it off and said he wanted Change. And change he did. He became more irritable, and Rukawa had no doubt there were already countless voodoo dolls out with Koshino Hiroaki's name on it. He became more involved with his work than before, throwing himself to fictitious tales of the fanciful and far-fetched. Until they got wind of Koshino's new boyfriend, he lived only for work.
"But I wanna meet him and see if he's good enough for Kosh-man," he complained. "After what's happened—"
"We ought to thank the man," Rukawa interjected. "Don't you see? Koshino's finally moved on."
"Isn't tonight Dinner Night with your friends from Kanagawa?"
Koshino shrugged out of his coat and smiled, greeting him with a kiss on the lips. "I begged off, saying I have a prior dinner engagement I can't possibly get out of." He slipped on his slippers and padded toward the kitchen, sure the other would follow. As he got himself a drink, the young man living with him started heating the food he prepared earlier that evening. It was customary for them to eat evening meals together, no matter how late.
"It's sukiyaki, you're favorite."
He noticed the burn on his right hand. "I told you to be careful," he said, examining the injury. When he was finished, he brought it to his lips and grinned. "There, all better?"
"Better than any doctor or medicine."
He brought the hands to his face and held them against his cheeks, closing his eyes. After his loss before, he didn't know what he'd do if he lost him.
The familiar hands stroked his face and, as if reading his mind, said, "I'll always be here. I'll always wait for you at the end of each day and we will have dinner together as we always do. When you sleep, I will be beside you. When you wake up, I will be next to you, watching you open your eyes for another day. And while you're away, I will be here, counting the seconds 'til you open the door by nightfall. And I'll be ready to greet you with a kiss and we will do it all again. There will be variations, but one thing will remain constant through it all: I will always be here."
"I love you, please don't ever leave me…"
"Silly boy. I already told you, I never will."
"Will I have to stalk you to find out where this boyfriend of yours live?" Hanamichi demanded as they waited for their food. The redhead was teasing him, but Koshino caught the censure beneath the words.
"Actually, he's out of town," he replied nonchalantly, sipping the glass of champagne.
His friend rolled his eyes. "Either that or he's busy with work. Why do I have the feeling you don't want us to meet him?"
"Would a urine sample suffice instead?" he bit back. He knew Hanamichi meant well, but he also knew that he was itching to act like the overprotective brother he didn't get much chance to be, seeing he was an only child. He had no doubts as to his interrogating his boyfriend until he confessed to shoplifting a comb back in junior high.
Rukawa snickered and his boyfriend shot him a disgruntled look. He quickly covered it by reaching for his glass. Koshino smiled. He had always known they would end up together. Though he started to doubt it a little when Rukawa and Sendoh got together at the last year of college, somehow they wound up practically married with the way they were. Sakuragi's always had a crush on the brunette and when they ended up roomies at a basketball program their coach forced them to attend, fireworks sizzled and exploded. He recalled Rukawa had just broken up with Sendoh then because he suspected the spiky-haired youth's heart lay elsewhere.
Koshino's eyes clouded when he remembered the times before when he and Sendoh were acting "lovey-dovey" as the couple with him now was. He absolutely detested public displays of affection, but it was hard resisting when Sendoh did silly, romantic things that ended with them kissing for the viewing pleasure of all. Sendoh Akira had been the Great Love of his life.
"I'm sorry."
"That's it? You can't do this to me—to us!"
"Things have changed, or can't you see? We can't take long walks down the beach anymore, play one-on-one when the mood suits us—it's over."
"I don't care about those! Shit, is that all there is in this relationship?"
"I don't want you to look at me with pity in your eyes."
"And I won't. I love you. We can make it together." He couldn't stop the tears from flowing. "Akira…"
"I can't even stand up to wipe your tears away."
"You promised forever."
"This is the end of forever."
"No, Dammit! Forever means beyond legs that will never move again and dreams lost. Akira, God, don't do this. I don't think I can live without you…"
"I'm sorry, Hiroaki. I'm setting you free."
"Rumor has it he keeps him in his house." Koshino opened an eye and scanned his small office, a little bigger than a coat closet and realized the voices were coming from the cubicles outside his open door.
"Is he ashamed of the guy? It's not at all uncommon nowadays, you know," was the whispered reply, which still carried all the way to where his head rested on his desk. He recognized the voices belonging to the intern and the copier.
Both his eyes were open now and his ears straining to hear more, his cheeks scalding. How had they gotten wind of the lover he kept at his home? A virtual prisoner, willing, but a prisoner nonetheless.
"Oh, I'm not sure if you recall, but there was this rumor some time ago about that basketball player who lost his legs then disappeared completely—did you know he was linked as Koshino's lover?"
"Really? Wasn't the guy's name Sendoh? I never would've imagined—him and Sendoh Akira?"
"Yeah, unreal! Mr. I've-got-a-stick-up-my-ass Koshino and Super Sports Star."
"No wonder the guy wanted to disappear. What, after losing his career because of an accident, he also has to deal with someone like Koshino? Can't say I blame him."
"It must've been such a relief to finally be free of him."
"I'm home."
"What's the matter?"
Nothing. Life is perfect. People think Sendoh could have only been too happy to be rid of me after The Tragedy. My friends finally stopped worrying whether or not I'm on the verge of being suicidal because of heartbreak, now they're badgering me to give everything up by letting them into our lives. Everything.
"Bad day at work?" He reached out and led Koshino to their room. They could always eat dinner later.
As they were lying together on the bed, Koshino asked, "Do you regret being with me, locked up in here most of the time?" He was getting tired of the secrets. He wanted his friends to share his happiness, but he knew they would never understand. Their love was special.
"No. Your coming home to me every night is enough."
"Don't you miss life outside? The old life? I shouldn't have forced you to live with me like this. You deserve to be out in the sun, but…. I'm sorry I forced you to stay with me this way."
"I'd rather have this one, with you beside me, than another way of existence without you by my side."
"Don't you find the changes queer? The city, the tabloid…"
"The life we live is queer. This is what we are."
He could feel himself slipping to Sleep. "Will you stay with me forever?"
"And beyond."
"Koshino, open up!" Hanamichi pounded on the door, grinning to his lover, who was leaning against the wall. He wrinkled his nose at the foul stench. It wasn't strong, but enough to irritate the senses.
"Maybe he's working," Rukawa offered after another minute lapsed with no response. They didn't tell Koshino they were dropping by, hoping to surprise their friend on his birthday. They planned on kidnapping him for the day, and picking up Koshino's elusive boyfriend as well. It was high time they met him.
"Called the tabloid before we came here, he's not in. Didn't even call to say he's not gonna come," the redhead replied, rattling the doorknob impatiently. "Yo, Kosh! Open up, man!"
"The ice cream's melting," the fox-eyed man commented. "Maybe he stepped out for a bit? Bought something, whatever." He shrugged.
"Think we should break in?" There was a mischievous glint in his brown eyes and Rukawa figured if Koshino was indeed out, they could make use of his bed while they waited.
They were in the apartment in less than five minutes. The smell was stronger from inside and Hanamichi made a face. "He's been too lazy to take out the garbage. Eww."
Rukawa went to the kitchen to put the goods they brought in the fridge. He followed Hanamichi to the master's bedroom and was surprised when his lover gripped the doorframe and he seemed to be struggling not to throw up.
"What's—oh, God."
Lying at the side of the bed next to the recliner, Koshino slept as still as death, his left hand clutching the sleeve of the jacket of the padded chair's occupant.
Rukawa felt sick, but it was soon washed away by the overwhelming melancholy the picture presented. Sendoh had disappeared from the hospital a year and a half ago, few weeks after breaking up with Koshino and the latter moving out of the city. Because of the almost illegible scrawl that had been pinned at the center of his pillow saying he was going to be fine, he just needed to be alone with everything that's happened, they hadn't been alarmed. And they received reassurances every now and then, all coming from different places, indicating he was traveling.
Koshino had borne it all with tightly reined control and they had left him alone, as he had requested, seeing he needed to come to terms with the changes happening. The possibility of them living together, if you could call it that, never crossed their minds.
He pulled Hanamichi to him and closed his eyes, feeling the tears slip and trail down his pale cheeks.
Dressed in his basketball uniform with the signature black jacket and shoes, the decaying body of Sendoh Akira sat on the recliner, his head inclined to the side, toward the bed whose occupant, Koshino Hiroaki, held his jacket's sleeve with one hand, the other holding a picture of them together during their holiday in Sapporo few years ago. Scattered by Sendoh's feet were postcards of different places and random pictures of Koshino and Sendoh from adolescence to the last few years they had been together. One particular picture caught Rukawa's eyes. It was a picture with both Sendoh and Koshino standing by a river bend, tiny specks of light floating around them, fireflies honoring a whispered promise of years past.
Fin
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Okay, I hope that wasn't too much. I know, very disturbing, sleeping with rotting corpses? ::shudder:: but hey, this is what shitty days do to people. Read and review? I would really like to know what you guys think of it.
NOTES: (I know some are a bit confused…)
I know it's a bit confusing in some parts…or is it? There's the case of how Sendoh ended up there and the postcards, blah, blah, blah...but I answered most of that in the story, did you catch it? If you're still confused and want a firmer grasp of the story, feel free to email me with your questions, or even just to talk about the fic or some stuff. However, some questions I decided to leave unanswered, and no one will get an answer from me. Like did Koshino force Sendoh to live with him, taking him from the hospital? There's room for both yes and no, but for me, I'm leaning towards abduction, with Koshino apologizing about how he "forced you [Sendoh] to stay with me [Koshino] this way." How much longer did Koshino actually outlive Sendoh? No idea. Draw your own conclusions. However, Sendoh's already been dead during the time Hanamichi called Koshino for the monthly dinner, hence his already decaying state when Koshino just died in his sleep. How did he die? Again, it's up to you.
Oh, the part about the corpse in the bedroom, I borrowed the idea from William Faulkner's A Rose for Emily. Read it, it's really nice (a bit…weird, but I really like the story). In Faulkner's story, (SPOILERS!!!!!) Miss Emily slept beside the corpse for a number of years. Real freaky. I couldn't do that, so I made Sendoh sit on the recliner instead. Being in the room's bad enough, sleeping next to him… ::shakes head:: Actually, it wasn't until I was more than half-way through the story I decided I'd have Sendoh in his fester-mode in the room with Koshino. The idea was pictures and stuff, just to show he's not over him and he's slowly losing (or already lost) his mind. But I think this works better. Shows the extent of Koshino not being over the guy.
As an ending note, I beseech you. Tell me what you think.
P.S. I just noticed I have a penchant for killing Sendoh off and leaving Koshino half-crazed with grief. ::nods thoughtfully:: Yeah, I remember Koshino from my other KoshSen fic. Does this mean every time I'm in One of My Moods Sendoh will die and Koshino will be committed to the mental institution?
Oh, yeah, I forgot. Shameless plugging time. I decided to revive my old fic Spill the Beans. Please, please, please check it out? It's becoming something like my current pet and I'd love to know what you think about it. I've just updated it and I absolutely love Rukawa there, all hentai and psychotic. Give it a read, neh? ::gives large doe-eyes::