Missing things are just as important
As those which are there
They often tell you more
Than the things that are there.
Lizzie doesn't see Lydia's tears
They are missing and Lizzie isn't searching
Lizzie only sees the too big smiles and too short words
Lizzie sees Lydia as a partygirl with no control
Lizzie doesn't see that Lydia really needs a hug
Lizzie doesn't see Lydia wants her approval
And maybe to stop being her third choice.
Lydia is Wickham's first choice
For a few months
He doesn't think she needs fixing
He thinks she is perfect
He even reads her a poem by a Lord Byron
It was for someone as special as her, he says.
He calls her beautiful and peach
He says it gives them a closer bond
Mary says it's easier than risking calling her another girl's name
Mary is wrong
Mary only knows about books and boys who look for Alaska
Even with Wickham something is missing
He never says I love you
Maybe he is waiting
For the right time
Or when she needs to hear it the most
So it still means something when he says it
Lydia likes that thought.
He makes her laugh loudly and genuinely
For a few months
It wasn't worth the tears that followed.
Lydia cries in the safety of her own room
She stays in her room
She blankly stares at the screen
Hoping, if she believed in something she would have prayed,
His face would pop up
Telling her it was just a cruel April's fool.
All that ever appears on the screen are the numbers
Getting smaller with every breath.
She wants to hate him
But she remembers the good moments
So she hates herself
Because hating George Wickham shouldn't be this difficult.
Lizzie finally sees the mascara stained tears
Lydia almost wishes she doesn't
Lydia is always okay
It's what Lydia does
However now there are no more Chapstick smiles
To hide from the world her cracking inside
Lydia gets the hugs she has wanted along
But there are no stars or life changing feeling
Just a wish for numbness.
Days fly
And black is no longer a pretty colour
Pink and red are, they are bright and strong
Just like her
She is tired of wearing a veil of sadness
She is wasting her tears
Mary tells her she is strong
Not because she keeps her tears to herself
Because with a smashed heart she manages to smile.
Lizzie and Darcy are together
And Bing and Jane are too.
Lydia and Lizzie are no longer rivals
That spit snide comments
They are sisters that love and chose the other first
She has lost a lover
But won a sister.
It is optimal because it is finally a good day
To feel good.
This is for the lovely and wonderful Irma and C/P's fic exchange. This is my first attempt at writing LBD, so I hope you like it, Irma. Please tell me what you think. I may write more LBD.