Heart of the Home
by Sevenstars
SUMMARY: Reflections of Slim's four friends during the episode "The Fugitives." Thanks to Katy for beta reading.
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Jess
I ain't a man that enjoys killin'.
Seen my share of them as does—in the war, and since. Never could work 'em out. Always gi'me a chill to watch 'em, or to know 'em—and seems as how I can always tell one when I meet'im. Slim always said I wasn't like that, and it's true. Done killin' enough in my time, I know. Never enjoyed it, though. Never knew it to set easy on my mind. Never done it for fun, or for—what's Slim's big word, expediency—or even for money; if a man's lookin' to hire somebody to flat out kill someone, he best not look my way. Always it was them or me—or them or somebody else. And always it seemed like it cut a piece out'a' me, somehow—even when they wasn't much better'n snakes.
Used to say there wasn't but one man alive I'd kill and be glad of it—Frank Bannister.
But now... this time... if Greevy don't tell me where he left Slim at...
I'll kill him then, and it won't trouble me one little bit.
Never reckoned on hearin' myself say that. But it's how I feel, and it's what I'll do.
Took three of 'em to pull me off him... well, next time I'll see to it there ain't three of 'em handy.
They don't understand. They should. Ain't like they was plumb greenhorns. A country this big, with law spread as thin as it is, and not hardly all of it as straight as Mort neither, loyalty to a friend, dead or alive, is just—necessary. Without it, without the knowin' that if you wrong a man, or hurt him, or kill him, you got his kin or his pards to deal with, ain't nobody'd be safe. It's what makes some men think twice 'fore they do somethin' that can't be mended. I ain't hardly the only man that'd be thinkin' like I am, in this same fix. Shoot, I'm pretty sure if it was opposites around, Slim'd do the same for me. He might complain to the last, but he'd go ahead with it just the same. He growed up out here, he knows.
Ain't never felt this helpless since the day the Bannisters come. Not even that time Slim come up to Parkison Town after me, when the old man and his son took me hostage. 'Least there, when he faced 'em, I knew if he died, I could take blood for him.
Can't do that now, not without I know where to look for him, where to be sure how it is with him.
What makes it worse is I know he could already be dead.
No, I'd know. I'd feel it. Wouldn't I?
I got to find him. Got to get him home. And ain't but one man can tell me where he is.
And if I can't get the truth out of Greevy in time—I said I'd track him down and kill him, slowest way I know. And I'll do it. 'Cause I'll have to. 'Cause I'll owe it to Slim.
He was the one turned my life around. Took me in, made me his friend, his partner... his brother. Saved my life more'n once, maybe my sanity a time or two. Give me a home, somethin' I hadn't had in so long I couldn't hardly remember no more. Give me all I got, all I've become in Laramie. Wasn't for him, reckon I might not'a' lived to now.
Daisy calls him 'the linchpin of our household.' And she's right, he is. But more. He's the heart of our home. He made it, the rest of us just kinda... fell into it. We wouldn't none of us be there, wasn't for him.
That's what Greevy's maybe took from us, and his life ain't hardly enough to pay for it.
But maybe, just maybe, there won't have to be no payin'. Not if I can get to Slim in time.
You hear me, pard. I'm gonna find you. I'll think of a way. I ain't give up yet.
You just keep that big tough heart beatin', 'cause I'll be comin'.
Mort Corey
Times like tonight, I get to thinking maybe I'm a little bit old for this game.
And I'm not such a fool I don't know that if the others hadn't been there, Jess might have had his way. I know he respects me and counts me a friend. I know if he ever had to draw down on me, he'd regret it, every second. But next to Slim... next to him, in Jess's life I don't even rate number ten.
I look at those two, sometimes, and I wonder how it happened the way it did. They're not the least bit alike, except for being stubborn as Army mules... and loyal... and brave as lions. And for believing with all their hearts in what they feel to be right. And for caring about each other, and Daisy, and Mike, and Andy. And...
Who am I fooling? They're alike in all the ways that really matter. They're closer than any pair of brothers I ever saw. It's gotten to where I can hardly even think of them except as a unit—"Slim-and-Jess." And if one of them were to lose the other... I don't like to think about what that would do to the survivor.
Jess... there's a warmth in him, a capacity for—call it love—that probably no one ever saw from the day he lost his... what Slim calls his 'first family'... till the day he found this one. And out of that warmth comes everything else that's good about him—his loyalty, his humor, his compassion, his devotion to justice; everything that makes him a man I like and respect, a man I'm proud to have side me when I need it, a man I trust with my town when I have to be away from it and would willingly trust with my life. But until he met Slim, he hadn't dared let that warmth show; he couldn't afford to, or else maybe he was afraid to, afraid if he let himself feel, he'd just get hurt again. It was Slim who taught him he didn't have to stay on the path he was following, didn't have to go on being what he was. Taught him there were other ways to live and be... or maybe just reminded him of something he'd already known.
And if Slim dies, all that good in Jess may die too, because he'll have to kill Greevy. Have to because, according to the code he was raised by, it's... the right thing to do. An obligation, a matter of his own honor, of balancing accounts for—not just a friend, but—someone who's about as close as he has to a brother. And even if he can escape a noose for it, that will undo everything he's become here, everything he could be in the years to come... I've often thought, when I finally decide to retire, he'd make a good successor for me. He'd hardly be the first rancher to wear a badge on the side...
I told Greevy, just like that I can be plain Mort Corey. I'm tempted. I really am tempted. Not just for Slim's own sake, though that's important, but for the others who depend on him, who look to him as the head—no, the heart—of their home.
If they lose him, nothing will ever be the same for any of them. Oh, they'll try to carry on, for the sake of his memory. They'll feel obligated to, Jess maybe more than the rest. But something will go out of him, something that was just beginning to get properly set and rooted. He'll blame himself for Slim dying, because he'll keep thinking there should have been some way he could have gotten Greevy to talk in time. And it'll eat him up, a little at a time. Until that true, valiant heart of his goes cold as a stone, because he's lost the half of him that woke it up out of its sleep.
Sometimes I do wonder what the Lord was thinking about when He made men like Greevy.
You hear me, Slim—wherever you are—you hang on. Jess needs you... bad. Needs that big, loving heart, that gentleness, that unwavering honesty, that patience and good humor. Needs it all to balance him.
You keep going, till he can find you.
Daisy
Poor Jess, look at him. He's exhausted. He can't have slept a wink all last night—and he's wound too tight to try to catch up now. He's never taken well to confinement—that's why he makes such a terrible patient, grousing and complaining and, as soon as he gets strong enough, wheedling Slim to help him out onto the porch so he can get some clean fresh air into his lungs. And now he's trapped in the bunkroom, unable to venture out of it for fear Mr. Bates might hear him stirring around, or catch sight of him through a window. If he could get out into the yard and chop some wood, or something, at least he could work off some of what he's feeling—anger, grief, guilt, self-recrimination... apprehension...
It must be a terrible thing, to know you had to turn on one friend to save another. Jess hasn't had a great deal of luck with friends, from what Slim has told me; that's why he places such a high value on the ones he's made since he came to live here. Slim above all of them, of course, because he was the first, because his inviting Jess to stay was what made all the rest of those friendships possible.
And Jess respects Mort Corey, very deeply. He doesn't say so, but I can tell. A mother knows such things about her sons... and that's what he and Slim and Mike have come to be to me, sons to take the place of the one I lost.
That's why I can't tell him... I can't burden him any further...
The wound itself wasn't all that bad; the bullet was deep, and it was a struggle to get it out, but it was clean, and the joint wasn't damaged. It even encouraged me, a little, that Slim had enough strength left to give Jess such a hard time holding him down. But he'd lost a good deal of blood; probably the only thing that kept him from bleeding out entirely was that it was so cold last night. And worse, there was the weather. The rain a little after sunset... he was out in that, with no shelter to speak of. Then it froze... a soaking, a chill... he could so easily come down with pneumonia.
And I daren't send Mike for a doctor. Mr. Bates wouldn't do anything to stop him riding out; he might think that Mike was going to wherever Jess was hiding, but he has his orders and he'll stand by them. But if he knew that Slim is here, he'd know there was only one person who could have brought him, and he'd search. If Jess were cornered, especially now, when he knows it's up to him to find Greevy and bring him back in... there's no telling what he would do.
At least, as long as he's in the bunkroom, I know he'll keep watch on Slim, and that frees me to do other things. To see that I have enough of what I'll need to treat pneumonia, if it comes to that.
Slim is so strong... I know how he'll fight to live. He has already, surviving last night, out in the rain and the cold with a bullet in him, losing blood. But I've seen pneumonia in the hospitals, and I know—sometimes even the strongest man can't stand against it.
What would we do without him? The head of our "little family of strays," the one who made it possible... the linchpin of our household...
The heart of our home.
If that heart ceases to beat... at the very least, it will kill so much of Jess—there'll be nothing left of him but a ghost, a shell of what I've come to love so dearly.
Slim, darling, you must keep on fighting. I know it's hard, I know you're tired... but you must live, for all of us.
For Jess, most of all.
Mike
Aunt Daisy says Slim's gonna be okay. Maybe she even believes it, but I don't think so. I think she's thinkin' of somethin' I don't know about, somethin' she don't want Jess to know 'cause he's got so much to worry about already.
He's gonna go after that Greevy. I know it, and Aunt Daisy knows it. That's how come he sicced Adam Tolliver on Greevy, had Adam hide near the jail when he went to break Greevy out. He knew Greevy would run, and he knew he had to go after Slim first, so he couldn't take the time to be chasin' him.
I heard 'em this morning, in the bunkroom, talkin' about it, after they got Slim to bed. Well, a fellow's got a right to know what's goin' on with his family, don't he?
They're worried about Slim. Only Jess is showin' it more'n Aunt Daisy is, maybe 'cause he's wound up tight as my pa's old watch.
They're scared he might die, even still.
When Andy was here for last Christmas, he told me, man-to-man secret, about how him and Slim used to go at it, back before Jess came. About how tired he got of havin' a big brother that seemed to think he was a father instead. About how sick he got of soapin' harness, and doin' chores, and changin' teams on stages goin' all the places he wished he could go. About how Jess comin' here changed all that. How Slim learned to stop tryin' to be Andy's pa, and to just be his brother. Andy didn't mind that so much, 'cause when he was real little, younger'n I am, Slim was his hero, and he never really forgot that time.
And when Slim and Jess got me, Slim remembered that, and he didn't try to take Pa's place—not in my feelin's, and not in my life. He just decided to be my big brother, same's he'd been to Andy.
I never had a big brother, let alone two of 'em—well, three with Andy, even though he don't live here most of the time. I like it.
And I wouldn't have two, let alone three, if Jess wasn't here, and he wouldn't be here if not for Slim—Andy told me about that, too.
Aunt Daisy wouldn't be, either. I call her aunt, but she's more like what a grandma must be, and I never had one of those, either.
All of that, and this home, and my friends in town and on the other spreads, and my horse Giant, and even Ember who'll be mine when my legs get longer—yeah, it was Pa who traded work for him, but it was Jess who found him after he ran away from the Indians... all of that, I've got on account of Slim.
Jess don't seem to think about it, but for as far back as I can remember I was 'most as much a drifter as he used to be. 'Course me and Ma and Pa had a place we meant to end up, even if we never got there, so maybe it don't exactly count, but still, the only time we had a solid place to be that wasn't a camp was when we'd stop in some town for the winter, or so Pa could earn money for when somethin' went wrong, like the time Ma got sick.
I got kinda tired of that, after a while.
It's not I blame Ma and Pa. I know they wanted what they reckoned was best for us. But bein' here—this is so much better, even if I had to lose 'em to get it.
And Slim... he's kinda the heart of all that.
He's got to be okay. He's got to.
He was so awful pale, when Jess carried him in, and so limp, like Danny Calloway's little sister's rag doll that she's been draggin' around everywhere ever since she could walk good. And there was so much blood on his shirt... Aunt Daisy didn't even put it to be washed, like she mostly does when one of 'em gets hurt; she just tore it up to make rags and threw the bloody part away.
And he's lyin' on his bunk so still and so pale... I saw, when I took Jess in somethin' to eat.
Jess said he'd be okay. Aunt Daisy said so too. I think they're tryin' to convince themselves of it as much as they are me.
But I sure hope they're right, 'cause this place wouldn't be what it is without him.
This family wouldn't be what it is.
I think maybe I'll go around behind the feed shed and make sure Traveller and Alamo are okay. And while I'm there, I think I'll have a talk with God.
Jess
Well, it's done. And I reckon I'm still me, 'cause I didn't take no pleasure in killin' Greevy. It was more like... well, what you might feel if you had to shoot a mad dog.
I'd of took him in alive, if he'd give me the chance. He didn't. In a way, I can almost understand that.
I'm sorriest for Myra. I didn't want her to have to see her brother die, worthless as he was. Nobody should have to see kin die—be killed, I mean. Done it myself—I know.
But she's a strong lady. She'll get past it. And the reward for the money they stole—if that's offered to me, I'll give it to her, the way I gave Dixie's head-money to Julie, couple years back. Maybe she can use it to go someplace she ain't known, make a new start, try to forget.
Wasn't sure I'd be able to keep myself out of jail, though. Figured if I could get Mort laughin', I'd have a chance. Just good luck for me he swallered that molar, like he said.
Good luck we ain't got a dentist in Laramie yet.
Now the only worry on my mind is Slim... Daisy thought I didn't know, but I did. Seen pneumonia myself, in the war.
Let's go home, Trav.
And just hope it's still got its heart.
**SR**
"Jess! Jess, you're back!"
"Yeah, Tiger. I'm back."
"Did you get him?"
"I got him, Mike. And—and I'd rather not talk about it just now, if that's okay."
"Sure. That's fine. 'Cause I know somethin' you'll wanta know."
"Slim?"
"He woke up. 'Bout 'n hour ago. Aunt Daisy's in with him, feedin' him soup 'cause his arm don't— Hey, Jess!..."
**SR**
"Slim?"
"Hey, Jess..."
"How're ya feelin', pard?"
"About the way you'd expect... no, Daisy, that's enough for now, honest. I think I... need to talk to Jess alone, for a while."
"Well... all right, dear. But I'll be back later to check your dressing."
"Doc had a look at you yet?"
"Yeah. Was here this morning. Bill went... and got him, after you... slipped through his fingers... Jess?"
"What?"
"Jess, what don't... I know? Why was Bill here?"
"Aw, well, you know how it is, pard. Both of us gone, and then you hurt... chores gotta be done... neighbors rally around..."
"Jess—!"
"Huh?"
"I said, 'you slipped through his fingers.' He was here... watchin' for you... except you were... right under his nose all the time, apparently. Why was he doin' that?... And stop playin' with your hat, you know that always gives you away."
"Pard, it... this ain't a good time. You're hurtin'. You need your rest."
"How much of it... d'you think I'm gonna get if... if I think you're in some kind of... trouble? C'mon, Jess. Give."
"Ain't in trouble."
"Jess..."
"Look, Slim, I got chores to catch up on—"
"Jess, you talk to me or... so help me I'm... I'm gettin' out of this bed and..."
"A'right!... You ain't gonna like it, but a'right."
"What did you do, Jess?"
"Killed Greevy, 's what I done."
"Killed him? Why? When?"
"This mornin'. 'Cause he wouldn't surrender."
"You mean you'd all been... lookin' for him all this time?"
"Uh... no. Not quite."
"Jess..."
"He was in jail. Night 'fore last. I got him—found him ridin' Alamo. He reckoned I hadn't spotted him. He was wrong."
"So you took him in?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
"And he—he claimed you'd bushwhacked him. Said he shot you in self-defense. Said he took Alamo so's he could go find help for you."
"Huh. Only part of that... that's the truth is... he shot me."
"That's what I reckoned. So I... well, I... made it plenty clear to him he better tell the truth."
"Did you? How?"
"Well... No, don't get up, pard. I'll tell you. But you won't like it."
"I already don't... like it, the way you're... dancin' around the question. Jess... whatever you did, it... it can't be much worse than I'm... startin' to imagine..."
"I took at him. In Mort's office. Dang near fetched the stovepipe down when he hit the wall."
"Mort didn't... like that much, I'm guessin'."
"Took him and two others to haul me off that snake."
"Did he... tell?"
"No. Not then. He kep' on tryin' to use you for a bargainin' chip. I went and fetched Myra, thought she could maybe get through to him, but she couldn't. All he'd say was he'd swap where you was for his freedom. Slim—you gotta understand, pard. It was dark, it was rainin', I knew it'd freeze before mornin', I had to find you 'fore it was too late and I didn't have one notion where he'd left you. I figured your tracks had to be plumb washed out, all I had was knowin' that Greevy could tell, if he would. So I... I done the only thing I could. I broke him out."
"Out? As in out of jail?"
"Yeah.—An' might's well tell you, I hadta hit Mort to do it."
"Oh, Jess..."
"I hadta! It was th'only way I could think of to save you! He wouldn't talk, and time was on his side. Slim, it don't matter what you think of me, as long as you're alive to think it—I didn't have no other choice. Not one I could'a' lived with, anyhow. You believe that or not, but it's true."
"Is that why... Bill was here?"
"Yeah. I found you, fetched you home, Daisy got the bullet outta you, and a couple hours later Mort showed up with a posse. Reckon they must'a' lost Greevy's track and figured if they couldn't get him I'd do near as well."
"How didn't they... find you, if you'd brought me here?"
"That ain't my place to say. No! I ain't tellin' you. It wasn't nothin' I done, and that's all you need to know just now."
"Sounds like... you're not the only one I... need to talk to."
"Slim. Now you listen to me. There ain't one of us on this place don't owe you way more'n we can ever pay. So when the chance comes up to put a little against that debt, we do it. Maybe it won't always be a way that you like, but we got to make do with what we get. Pard... ain't you ever understood what you are? You—you're the reason everythin's the way it is. None of us, not one, would be here if wasn't for you."
"...I guess I... never thought about it that way.—Jess?"
"Yeah."
"Don't look... at me that way. I'm not... mad at you. How could I... be mad at you for... savin' my life?"
"I know maybe... maybe it was wrong, what I done. Sooner be wrong than have you dead. Sooner that a hundred times."
"Jess. I'm not mad. I understand."
"Times a man ain't got no choice but to do somethin' that's wrong, to keep a worse wrong from happenin'. Lettin' you die when I could save you—that'd be the worst wrong I could think of. I wouldn't—"
"Jess, it's all right."
"It don't matter so much about me, but Daisy... and Mike, and Andy... I—"
"Jess. Be quiet and listen."
"...Yeah?"
"Just two words. The only ones you... really need to hear. Thanks, pard."
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