I felt terrible; I felt shame and sorrow. I couldn't cry nor laugh, though thinking about it sounded truly amusing to me. My head was raging against itself like a self-assassination. The little thoughts I still could bring out were as evil as anything that happened to me lately; all that I kept hearing was "Leave your body, let me take over" as a mantra commanding me to. All I tried was screaming 'it' out of my head without any success. I crawled over the floor reaching to anything I could see. Everything in my sight was eventually dragged to the surface.

I was clawing the wall until I realised that my nails were not nearly sharp enough to cling onto the wall itself. I 'imploded' into a sphere of human, and pressed by hands to the sides of my head as 'it' started to sting. I turned manically around myself, trying to find anything that had even the smallest chance to help.

Then I noticed it. So shiny, so tempting. I grabbed the pair of scissors that my mind was fixed on, and slowly a plan to bleed all sorrow, shame and the rest out began to form. I held it -a bit shaky though- above my arm. The thought of releasing the demon in my head filled me and I pressed it intensively on my skin. Goosebumps formed as I felt the cold metal touching me. I turned the scissors around and stroked the 'back' across my arm a few times as it felt like it was trying to comfort me. Then without noticing I started crying out. Something between a roar and scream filled the room as tears fell upon my bloody arm. The salty tears only increased the pain, but I ignored it and stroked the metal an inch more across my arm. Drops of blood and tears fell on my earlier ripped up clothing. Another moan was to be heard as every second the wound grew as I kept sliding the sharp scissors down my arm. The movements silenced and so did the voices for now...

The emotional pain vanished (temporairily) as I lied there on top of a few ripped shirts and 2 pairs of pants, with blood still leaving my arm slowly like lava leaves a volcano what flowed over a harmless innocent village, but instead the blood flowed on the clothes here. The idea that this wouldn't be the last time this happened drafted through my head like a breeze floating through a cracked house. Except that the voices were gone for the moment, there was no actual fear; I already fell asleep while my wound was covered in blood. My mind was building up a nice dream to forget the event that just occured. Peace returned by pain.

EPILOGUE

Wait... Did I mention that Tori was standing in the opening of my door the whole time without me noticing? Guess not... The only feeling now is either compassion for her, seeing me like that probably is extremely intense or anger, as she came into my room... Oh well...