Another fanfiction here from me, based losely on the spoilers we received last night...ish :))

Enjoy xx

[I've just the channel 4 dates by the way, not the e4]

I haven't stepped foot in here since that night; the night my life changed forever. The night that basically ruined my future and took away one of the only things that meant something to me. It was true when I shouted at the police, at the people standing around that. "My life is in there" and it was, and now I don't have one anymore.

Chez Chez holds all of my memories. Brendan was so invested in the club, spent most of his time there when we weren't together whether it be calculating how much money he'd made that night, helping out behind the bar, drinking his own profits in whisky or just sitting in his office continuously distracting me with his texts. I miss all of those memories. I miss him coming home at God knows what time, stinking of drink but still making me want to taste his Whisky-infested lips and him just holding me like he'd never let go.

The Club is Brendan, and that's why I need the club.

I walk in there now, looking around. Nothing has changed, few tables and stools have moved where obviously the police have been doing their detective shit, trying to work out what really happened that night. They didn't do a very good job though because there's a man locked up for a murder he hasn't even committed and I'm left here picking up the pieces of my life. I take a seat on the stool nearest to me on the bar, and I glance up and look at the various drink dispensers behind it, all full to the brim. I have lots of memories of this place, some bad but mostly good. It's where we both used to laugh, fight and kiss like no tomorrow. It was this exact spot where I'm sitting now where one very prominent memory comes to mind...

7th January 2013

"I brought ya some breakfast, don't say I don't do anything for ya" I shout as I walk into the club, placing the sandwich on the bar. I knew Brendan would be hungry, always is. I know how to make him work up an appetite first thing in the morning you could say...

"Well that is very thoughtful of ye Steven." Brendan replies, throwing his pen down by the mountains of paperwork he's obviously trying to get through. I don't plan to stay long. Wasn't even meant to shut the Deli up, but there's more important things in my life now than work ain't there?

Brendan looks me in the eye, walking around the side of the counter until he is leaning into me as close as he can. "There is something you can do for me Steven."

I can feel the tickle of his moustache against the skin of my ear as he whispers "Take off your clothes." It's that quiet honestly if he was standing the other side of the counter right now I wouldn't be able to hear a thing he's saying. But I can. It's inimate. It's us. But the club though seriously? Anybody could walk in.

"What in 'ere?" I reply. It sounds fun, I should probably just do it, go with the flow but what if somebody sees us...

"Nobody's watching."

I don't even reply to that. I can almost feel myself getting worked up, excited. The fact Brendan doesn't want to go into the confines of the office like we used to. He doesn't seem to care that anyone could see us. It's almost like he's proud to be seen with me now. I take my coat off reluctantly and let it drop to the floor, giving him sort of, not disapproving look, more of a 'seriously what are you doing to me' look as it falls.

"Somebody's obviously put you in a good mood today." I chirp up.

"Feel like spreading the joy."

It's then that he pushes our lips together, holding the back of my head for support, raking his fingers through it like he always has done. It's like we fit together, he's the missing piece of my jigsaw that I'd gone through all these other men to find. This is it for us now.

Then the door is forced open. In walks fucking Joel, obviously pissed off with something.

"Let me save ye the question, yes you're interrupting." I love him even more when he doesn't even defend our actions. It's obvious he's interrupted and Brendan doesn't even care that he's been spotted with me with half my chest exposed.

He rattles on about Theresa and Brendan takes him to one side. I can't really hear, but Joel walks out after a few mumblings and we carry on. He has me right there on the bar, our fluids all over it and he makes me late for the lunchtime rush.

Again.

I wake up from my daydream and I find myself smiling. It's the first smile I've actually had for weeks and it's genuine. I loved that moment, and I'll never forget it for as long as I live. It was that moment in time that I finally realised how serious Brendan was about us and how he didn't even hide the fact we were together.

I walk a few steps, passing my hand across the bar as I do, getting dust in my palms. I shake it off, before walking around the other side of the bar and grabbing a drink and leaning against the bar. I laugh, as another memory fills my brain.

31st January 2013

There's some song playing in the background, not a clue what is, more of a Cheryl Cole man myself, or Britney. I'm concentrating, trying not to spill the salt all over the place. Brendan always banged on when I was a barman here. "Don't waste my profits Steven" and even though I don't work here anymore, I'm still part of it and if I do spill or waste the stuff, I'm throwing my profits away too because we're a unit now.

I still get pissed off with myself though when I do manage to overfill one of the containers and end up with the bar covered in white. I put my hand on the edge of the bar and collect the remnants into my palm and fling it over my shoulder. "That's bad luck" I mumble to myself.

It's then that I hear Brendan make a noise.

I turn around, as Brendan has aswell, wiping his eyes. I open my mouth, shocked, not knowing what the hell to say. Crap.

"I'm sorry...I'm really sorry."

Brendan moves closer. I'm not scared anymore, there may have been one moment in time where he may have hit me over such a stupid accident, but I know he won't now. I've done worse things than spill that. Believe me.

"It's well... it's bad luck init?" I stutter, playing along.

He's face to face with me now, almost close enough that I probably could kiss him so I don't need to hear him moaning about almost being blind. It's then I hear a noise. Then Brendan moves his hand to the side of my head and I quickly glance.

Ice Cubes

Fucking cold Ice Cubes.

I know what he's gonna do before he even does it. It's freezing cold though right, end of fucking January. I shake my head, as if to tell him no, but in a way I want him to.

Then he pushes them down the back of my top, a whole hand full of the coldest ice ever. I open my mouth, because well how could you not? It's like I'm going to end up with pneumonia or something. The club don't even have any heating on?

Then he chuckles; the bastard. Always laughing at my misfortune.

More misfortune - Kevin walks in before we've even done anything. That's obviously why Brendan did it, trying to get me excited, trying to seduce me. He doesn't laugh as this blonde haired, barman, scally, good looking misfortune though.

"New kid in town isit?" I ask, although it's got an obvious answer. Yes, Ste yes.

"Mhm."

I walk off then, stuff to do.

"See ya" Brendan says, slapping my arse hard as he can.

A promise for tonight I suppose. I walk down the stairs, acting the 'call me' sign as I do.

There's a time when he wouldn't call me in the day. Relationship now though, I know he can't resist me for too long.

I've walked down to the cellar and perched myself on the table down there. Looking around I can't help but wonder what it would be like to call this club Mine. Steven Hay - the nightclub owner. I smile to myself, thinking of this. I need to find a way to make this happen. I'm hardly ever at the Deli anymore, I mean I literally went off for a month and didn't even tell Doug where I was going. This is something I really want to do though, I want to make Brendan proud. Almost as if I'm reminding him that he taught me things in the short space of time that we knew eachother. When I worked here he'd favour me over other people, for obvious reasons. My pants, or rather what was in them. But he passed his wisdom on to me, how to order stock, how to check stock, how to count money up at the end of the night. I can actually do this.

I look over to the far wall and chuckle to myself, our first proper kiss replaying in my mind. I grab a crate from the floor and carry it over to the wall, and stand there with my back against it, all that's missing in my scenario is Brendan.

October 21st 2010

I place the last bottle into the crate and pick it up. I know I fucked up the night before and I know I shouldn't have kissed my straight, married, Irish boss. He said he'd forgiven me, and then there he appears, door wide open. Brendan.

I smile at him, hopeful that that will remind him that we're okay now, we're mates again. Everything is cool. I'm shit scared though. He's looking at me, before turning around and shutting the door. I've got no way out now at all. I feel like I should run, I'm obviously going to get battered, but he'll catch me. He's stronger, more muscular and this is my job right. If I lose this then I'll have Amy on my back for not supporting the kids as I should.

"You're not going anywhere." He says. Definitely getting a beating then, I breathe heavy trying to prepare myself.

"Erm..." I really don't know what to say. Am I even supposed to speak? I back away, shaking my head and swallowing the gulps in my throat.

Every step I take back, he follows with his own ones forward, before my back hits the wall and I'm trapped. I turn my head away, trying to protect myself, not looking at him.

I can still feel his glaze on me though, and he doesn't move it for a few seconds, but then he does. He takes the crate from my hands, because obviously that's stopping him doing damage to me. He places it on the side and then moves back so our bodies are flushed together. This is obviously what I wanted last night I'm guessing? When I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing. I don't want it now though, I want to run and not look back and get out of here before he does something really bad. I'm nearly in tears right now, as I look into his eyes, almost pleading for him not to.

And then he kisses me.

I don't kiss him back and I don't close my eyes, he must be playing with me. Wanting me to kiss him so that he's reminded why he needs to punch some sense into me.

Then he kisses me again. Longer. And I repeat the actions before.

The final one, I can see he actually doesn't want me to kiss him back, fierce. And I do, and it's the best kiss I'd ever experienced, up to that point anyway.

I don't think about what happened after that anymore, it's irrelevant. Before the shooting, Brendan had told me everything. He hadn't made excuses about why he'd physically assaulted me all those times, he still blamed himself. But I understood now, I understood why he lashed out, how he thought it was wrong the way he was feeling and how I was making him feel. So that's where that kiss finished. The cellar, and in my mind, although it may not have happened, I walked out of their absolutely fine.

It's dark down here now, even with the light on, so I climb the stairs. I haven't been in the office since Brendan left. It was his little sanctuary. It's where he went when things got rough, it's where he spent the night when we had stupid arguments that I wished we'd never had. But it's also somewhere that feels me with excitement and dread.

3rd February 2011

I barge into his office. I know what he wants. He knows what he wants. But he won't admit it.

Brendan looks up at me, before I close the door.

"What do you want?" He asks, probably doesn't actually care.

"Same thing as you." This is probably the first time I've actually decided to 'fight' Brendan back, stick up for myself. I'm tired of being treated like a mug. We want eachother, all day everyday.

"What you going on about?" He huffs, placing the book on the table.

I take a breath, here goes. "This is not about Rae. It's not about the baby. It's about me."

He looks away from me. "Get back to work."

"No." I retort back, moving closer and closer. "Go on admit it." I move even closer. "You want me." Even closer. "Just as much as I want you."

"One more word...Steven." Had to add my name in there, thinks it gives him power.

I laugh and smile, moving away towards the door.

It's then that I feel his hand clasped around my arm, and it's pulling me towards him. I look up at him, and he's looking at me too. It's almost like the look of...

Love? Lust?

He grabs the back of my neck, and crashes our mouths together, tongues colliding and I hold his waist.

He'd had me against the wall, and we were lucky the music was so loud outside because he makes me moan like no tomorrow. It's the little things he does. Tonight was different in a way, he'd been playful, but still the dominant one of course.

He's putting his shirt on now and I'm touching the back of my neck, it's what I tend to do when I'm nervous and building up courage.

I take a giant step towards him. "Don't go."

I don't want him to, it's true. I could stay cooped up in this office forever.

"I have to." He straightens his collar, and I know he has to go. People will be wondering where we've both gone off to. Obviously they'd never suspect that but still.

I shake my head, and move my head to kiss him.

"Don't." He pleads, but I silence him before he even gets to finish the word. I was under the illusion we'd go for round two.

And then Rae walked in and ruined the moment.

It makes me laugh looking back on that moment now. It should make me sad because Rae's gone, angry because I was stupid enough to not lock a door. But I don't feel either of those. I feel some sort of relief. It's proved to me, I already knew but, Brendan had changed, and he'd told me I'd successfully helped him achieve that. We'd become equals over the last two and a half years. We'd come so far and Brendan really had. We didn't need to sneak around in offices anymore, January had showed that considering we had sex on a bar that people actually put their drinks on.

I laugh to myself, Brendan had brought out the sassy minxy tiger in me, he'd taught me that I should be myself, and enjoy who I am. That's what I'm going to do.

I miss him every single day, of course I do. I feel like I'm mourning somebody who hasn't even died, but he kinda has. I'm never going to see him again am I? He said he wouldn't let me visit, and he's obviously going to get a long sentence however much I fight for him.

But Brendan loved this club so much. Him and Cheryl running it together, making it a success together and cementing it's place in the village together. He'd hate it to go to some random arsehole who will turn it into some place for all the youngsters to hold raves and tacky theme nights.

And that's why I'm doing this. I'm selling the Deli that I'd tried so hard to succeed with, and I'm going to buy Chez Chez. For Brendan.

Brady's will be mine tomorrow. Mine and Brendan's. And if ever a miracle does happen, Brendan will come back home to me and a fantastic club, that scally little Steven Hay has helped to keep as best as it used to when he was a barman and where his story started.

I love him, and I'm doing this for us.

Reviews please? :)) xx