Desire

Summary: Roxas has to watch Axel with his girlfriend every day and, as he tries to keep himself together, he knows he is not alone. [AkuRoku. RikuSora].

Disclaimer: Roxas, Axel, Riku, Sora and all other characters belong to Square Enix. Except Pluto. Pluto belongs to Disney.

Prologue

The day felt darker than yesterday, and the day before that, too, even though it was hotter and clearer than before.

I was tired and so, so gloomy. I'll admit it now, I was sulking. And I sulked even more as I watched Axel lightly kiss her nose, and then give her a little peck on the lips before teasingly ruffling her hair. My eyes narrowed as she hugged him quickly, stealthily, just after the bell rang, like sharing a secret moment. She turned to leave and he pulled her by her wrist, spinning her around and circling her waist, bending to kiss her deeply. My eyes caught motion of his tongue inside her mouth, and I unconsciously bit my own lips. She playfully hit his arm and giggled like she was deeply in love before waving goodbye and rushing off to her classroom.

God, I hated her.

What made things worse was that she actually was a good person. She was pretty, but in an undramatic way. I mean, it was natural, she didn't even have to try, with her long black hair flowing over her back and her dark eyes like onyx. She was smart too (amongst the 5 top of our year; I checked) and good at sports. Not to mention her large chest. She was the exact opposite of me.

Axel came strolling to my desk, a goofy smile on his lips. He looked so stupid I wanted to punch him. Luckily, Riku was there, and he spoke before I did anything that would make me regret it later on.

"You could use some discretion, Ax. Not everyone here wants to see you swapping saliva with Tifa," he said jokingly, flicking his long bangs away from his face.

"Nothing you say will get me pissed, Riku. You're just jealous that Tifa likes me instead of you," Axel said, flopping down on top of my desk like it belonged to him. I won't lie; my eyes flickered quickly to his ass before going up to his face, a momentary panic overcoming me. Luckily, Axel was indeed on cloud nine, and he didn't even notice where my eyes had been.

"Oh, yeah, Tifa has always been my secret crush," Riku answered sarcastically, rolling his impossibly aquamarine eyes before grinning.

Here's what I know: Riku, Axel and I have always been friends. We were in the same class since kindergarten, and now that we were on our last year of high school, I'm pretty sure we have beaten some record for longest lasting friendship in the whole city. We always did everything together: studied, watched movies, played and even showered together (but let's not go there. We were kids at the time). On one of our adventures at my house, Riku met my cousin Sora. We were about eight at the time, and ever since I remembered, Axel had always been my favorite person in the whole world. I was too little to understand what that meant, but I was thrilled to know that Riku felt the same thing as I did.

I was embarrassed to tell anyone about my feelings for Axel, because I kept thinking if the three of us were always together, how come Axel was different from Riku? But Riku was the one who approached me first, and said something like this:

"I think Sora is the most beautiful person in the whole world. He is special."

So I gathered my courage and told him that I thought the same thing about Axel. He wasn't disappointed, and by some sort of unspoken agreement, we never told this to anyone else. It was the first secret I ever kept from Axel.

A few years later, when we were old enough to understand what the birds and the bees meant, I realized that me and Riku weren't normal. I mean, while most teenage guys (including Axel) only thought about women, me and him often got together and whined about our lost causes. I had always known Axel liked women and, as for Sora, we were pretty sure he had his eyes on Kairi, his neighbor. She was a good kid, but I'm sure Riku hated her for the same reasons I hated Tifa: they had gotten effortlessly what we could never get.

Axel and Tifa had been together for about two months now. Their relationship progressed quickly. By their first date, they had already gotten to third base (remember when I said that there were no secrets between us?), and homerun was only a matter of time after that. I almost died when, one Monday, Axel showed up with the most stupid and satisfied grin on his face. I wanted to die. God, I hated baseball.

But Tifa was, by no means, his first. There had been others before her, and many repetitions of stupid, satisfied grins. But Tifa was different. Axel really did like her. I saw it in the way he pulled her by the waist and smiled fondly when he thought no one was looking. Or in the way he went nuts thinking about what to get her for her birthday, even though they had been together for only two weeks.

I was going crazy.

Back at the present, I twisted my body and looked at Riku, who was sitting behind me and somewhat glaring at Axel, who was going on about how awesome his last date with Tifa had been. His eyes flickered to mine for a second, and I begged him for something I could never have. He nodded, discreetly, in an action I would've missed if I hadn't been watching him so intently. And then I turned back around to Axel, who was using a whole lot of innuendos and embarrassing hand gestures when describing his last adventures with Tifa in his car.

And then my savior showed up. Our chemistry teacher entered the classroom, a tired expression on his face and impossibly black circles under his eyes. Axel jumped up from my desk and went over to his, all the way across the classroom. Riku snickered behind me and made some comments about how our chemistry teacher surely used chemistry for other illegal uses that certainly did not involve teaching young minds. I laughed softly, with half of my mind somewhere else and the other half trying to hold together that pieces of me. I was so in love with Axel, I was pretty sure I was doomed.

When classes broke off for lunch, Axel sprinted faster than half of the track & field team. I was just getting up when I noticed that he was no longer in the classroom. Riku didn't say anything, and instead just quietly accompanied me to the rooftop. We usually spent time there, where we could be alone. The door to the rooftop was always locked due to unfortunate accidents that happened a few years ago (desperate students make desperate decisions), but a copy of the key was kept with the students council president. Riku often said that it was a few of the benefits of being the president, so he fished the key out of his pocket and pushed the heavy door open.

The sun hit us straight on the face, and we were blind for a few seconds before shutting the door behind us and sitting heavily on the floor. I got my lunch and offered half of it to Riku, who accepted it without questions.

"Your mom always makes the best food," he said lightly, resting his head on the door and looking up. I admired how the sun made his hair look yellow, but not egg yolk yellow like mine; sunshine in a bottle yellow, and how his skin always glittered when illuminated. I smiled fondly, chewing slowly.

My mom was a cook. She was awesome at that, and always made the best food. Before Axel learned how to appreciate food made by whichever girl he was dating at the time, this used to be his line. He always complimented my mom's lunch, and often ended up eating most of it. But now it was just me and Riku, and he had taken up the role of cheering me up. I wondered how he dealt with it, considered that my cousin was already a handful of problems to him.

"So your house or mine?" He asked suddenly, referring to out after school activities.

"Mine," I said quickly after I swallowed. "Mom is working today and my dad will only come home after ten."

"Got it. Your house is better anyway. Mine has stupid Pluto that won't leave us alone," he said with a fond smile on his face, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"I like Pluto, he is funny. Wish I had a dog, but with dad's allergy and all that, it's all but impossible."

"Yeah, well, I'd give you Pluto if I could. Stupid dog doesn't know when to back off," Riku said, clearly annoyed, but I knew deep inside that he loved that dog. I remember when he got it from his parents as a birthday present. The joy he felt that day was amazing, and he couldn't stop talking about how little and cute the dog was. Yes, he named it Pluto after the planet, because that's what we had been studying at the time, and he thought it was fitting.

"Don't be mean to him," I lightly punched his arm and he just grinned, eyes half closed and face turned up to the sky. I often asked myself why Riku loved looking up when the day was clear, like this, with few clouds. But everything went crystal-clear when, one day, I overheard him telling Sora that he had eyes the color of the sky.

Did Axel think the same thing about me? Because Sora's eyes and my eyes were exactly the same color, and I always thought Axel's eyes were chrysolite.

Probably not.

"So how's the preparation for the expo going?" Riku suddenly said, attracting my attention. I wondered, briefly, how to answer that.

Truth was, I wasn't even halfway done. I had barely started, and so far I hated how it was turning out. The expo was in a month, and that's all the art club was talking about. I could barely stand it. I guess that's why I had skipped practices for the last two weeks.

So how were preparations going? I just shrugged, unable to tell him that it couldn't be worse.

"I could help you, if you want. Well, not me, but Nami could. She has some really good ideas, once in a while." He offered, aquamarine eyes looking briefly at me.

I smiled fondly, remembering his little sister that had more talent than I could develop in three years of club activities. "Namine is a genius, Ri, but I think I want to do this on my own, you know? If I suck, then I'll know I'm not cut for this."

"You're obviously cut for this," Riku said, flicking his bangs away from his face. "You're just having a block. An artist's block. Is that even possible?" He asked teasingly, nudging me with his elbow.

I laughed, punching him again. "Shut up, Riku!"

We finished the food in silence. In the distance, we could hear the other students all the way down, laughing and playing and yelling. How happy were they, I wondered briefly, when their biggest worries were grades and graduation coming right up? Were any of them as broken hearted as me and Riku? What was their escape route?

Riku leaned his head on my shoulder, in comfortable silence, and I just let him, knowing full well that our minds were elsewhere. How unfair was it. What if the whole world could choose who they'd love? There'd be less suffering, less fights, less people like me and Riku who tried to pick our pieces together and glue them into something that remotely resembled us. I wished I could just close my eyes and nothing of this would be true. Maybe we'd all be better off if we hadn't met each other. I would never have fallen in love with Axel, and Riku would never have met Sora. Was it all my fault?

I sighed deeply, and felt my arm twitching lightly, my fingers clutching around air. I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

And then Riku suddenly spoke. "How do you think Sora is doing?"

It had been three weeks since they last saw each other. Despite living fairly away from each other, Riku and my cousin always found room to meet up. They became good friends very quickly, and even I was amazed with how compatible they were. I breathed slowly, thinking on what kind of answer Riku wanted for that question.

"Happy. I think Sora is happy. He is always happy. What do you think is his secret?" I answered, my eyes fixed ahead. Even without looking at him, I knew Riku was smiling. I felt so nostalgic.

"He is with the love of his life."

"How do you know Kairi is the love of his life? She might not be the one," I said, frowning lightly. "Anyway, Sora was happy before he met het. He was happy even after he met her and before they got together."

"Well, he has always been happy because he liked her at the right moment, when she was already head over heels for him and all he had to do was ask her out. Everything worked out ok for him."

I didn't answer. I knew what kind of answer he was waiting from me, but I could never lie to Riku, so I just pretended that it was fine if I didn't speak.

Instead, I said something else.

"Do you think it'll work out ok for us, too?"

Riku couldn't lie to me either.

When class ended, Axel quickly came over to my desk, an anxious yet guilty smile on his handsome face. Only he could make these kinds of expressions.

"Hey, Rox! Listen, I know we haven't hung out a lot these past weeks, but," he leaned over my desk, his voice dropping to a whisper, "Tifa called me over to her house today. I can't say no to her. I promise I'll make up to you later this week, ok? You, me and Riku at my place with a bunch of movies. Just like old times. Ok?"

His face was so eager, so excited, he was a child with the newest toy, a businessman with a fancy promotion, he was my whole ground and every tug on my heart. How could I deny him anything?

"No problem, Ax. Go on and have fun. I already had plans with Riku, anyway," I said with a light shrug, putting on the best smile I could.

His green eyes flickered quickly over to Riku before setting back on me. He smiled as well, his sharp canines touching his bottom lip. "Right. So next week, ok? I'll tell you the day!" He didn't wait for my answer before turning back and rushing out of the classroom. I could see her silhouette outside of the classroom, waiting for him. He grabbed her hand and planted a hard kiss of her mouth before walking away.

My mouth felt bitter. Riku touched my arm lightly when he got up, and I followed him without a word.

The walk to my house was silent. I lived close by, about 10 minutes walking, but on days like these, it felt like an eternity. I wondered if Riku felt the same thing. He didn't say anything, eyes always ahead of him. With each and every step, all I could think of was red. I wondered if all he could think about was the sky above us. I didn't feel guilty about it all, and I knew he didn't, either. We were just trying to hold each other together.

My house was quiet as we got in. As we took off our shoes, I called out for my mom and dad, just to make sure we were really alone.

"Hey, do you want water or something? Are you hungry?" I asked casually, following our carefully planned script. I tried to act as normal as possible. I was detaching my mind from my body.

Riku shook his head lightly. "No, it's fine."

I smiled, stepping inside. Riku followed, and his fingers gently brushed mine. I bit the inside of my mouth, and let him tug me up the stairs, all the way to my bedroom, recreating the steps we have taken so many times before.

He quietly shut the door behind us, and looked at me for a few seconds, his hand brushing my face almost gently. I closed my eyes, and before I could take an intake of breath, his lips were on mine.

His mouth was soft and warm, like I remembered it, and his tongue traced my bottom lip for a second before going inside me, brushing against my teeth, the roof of my mouth, my bitten cheek, my tongue.

He was nameless now. I was nameless. We were just being, inside my bedroom, alone, in a world where what happened outside didn't matter.

He calmly took off my jacket, dropping my bag and his on the floor on the process. I sighed quietly, tongue battling against his. I took a step towards the bed but he stopped me with a hand on my waist. It didn't stay still for long, and soon it was roaming over my body, going over my chest, my neck, the back of my head. My warms wrapped around his neck, pulling him close, just wanting to feel. His hands were on the bottom of my shirt, fluidly pulling it over my head with lots of practice. I shivered against the cold, but soon his arms were there to warm me.

His hands travelled up my chest, soon finding the hard peaks on my chest. He played with them, tugging and twisting gently, but urgently. I moaned lightly, pressing harder against him. "More," I breathed, throwing my head back.

He didn't waste any time, and his lips found my neck, sucking gently, biting, licking, kissing. It was almost tender, and I shivered. I quickly grew impatient and roughly tugged his shirt off, discarding it on the floor along with mine. His chest was warm, warmer than mine, and I embraced him tightly, my nails digging on his back when he bit my neck in a particularly hard way.

His hands found the button of my pants, and he quickly unmade it, pushing the zipper down as well. The sound briefly filled the quiet bedroom, and I clutched his hair in my hands. He dropped my pants to the floor, and pulled my lightly with him, effectively getting me out of them. His hand rubbed my thighs, sending shivers down my spine and causing goose bumps to arise. I moaned quietly again, biting my own tongue to keep quiet.

"Bed," I whispered huskily, already feeling my blood rush south. He chuckled lowly, groping my ass quickly before running his hands down and lifting me by my thighs. I circled his waist with my legs and, still clutching his hair, brought his face down to mine, kissing him roughly, the familiar hunger starting to overcome me.

He kissed me eagerly, battling me for dominance, taking a few steps across the room before landing on my bed, setting me down almost gently before towering over me. We broke the kiss briefly, and he looked over me for a few second, his eyes searching mine. I don't know what he saw, but I saw chrysolite.

My hands ran over his back, finding the new crescent moon bumps I recently made. I continued downwards, finding the denim fabric of his pants. My fingers circled his waist just as he bent down to my neck again, licking and biting and sucking all over again. I found his desire through the thick fabric, and he moaned as I squeezed him. He was already as hard as I was.

"You're teasing," he whispered, his voice a growl of desire. I smirked, squeezing him again. As a reaction, he bit my shoulder particularly hard, and I knew he had just broken the skin and drawn blood.

My fingers started shaking as I undid his pants and started lowering it with his underwear. He didn't waste any time, and got away from me in order to finish undressing himself. He also moved his hands over to my waist, swiftly pulling my underwear out as well.

I should have felt embarrassed, being as exposed as I was, but I wasn't. It was comforting, especially seeing that he was as excited as I was. He climbed slowly up to me, planting ghost kisses on me as he went up, on my knees, the inside of my thighs, my hips. My heat was so close to his face I could feel his breath ghosting the little trail of hair I had there.

He chuckled lightly when he saw me twitch and, before I could say some nasty comment, he got to business. His tongue traced a line from the base of my erection all the way to the tip, where he put special attention the slit, his hands going to the rest of the length and jerking me almost lazily. I closed my eyes, squeezing them hard as I let out a loud moan. He hummed jokingly as he swallowed me, creating pressure as he went up and down, slowly, like we had all the time in the world.

I was feeling the familiar heat on my skin growing fast, my stomaching getting knots and twisting crazily. It hadn't been that long, but I was so frustrated. I wasn't going to last long, especially considering how good he was, so I clutched my hands on his hair, hard, and called to him, breathlessly.

"H-Hey," I stammered, my voice low even to my ears. "Wait! W-Wait," I called again, and gave a particularly rough pull on his hair.

"Ow!" He said, kind of annoyed, but I was just glad I got his attention. I smiled sheepishly, and motioned for him to come closer. When he was on my eye level, I put my legs around his waist and, in a quick movement, inverted out positions.

"Eager, are we?" He teased, thumb gently stroking my cheek.

I wasn't eager, I was frustrated. I couldn't handle this anymore. I just wanted to forget. I smiled at him again and gave him a light peck on the nose, then on the lips, before lowering my hips on his.

He hissed and closed his eyes, and I saw that he was biting his tongue in order to keep quiet. I loved having this power over him. I wiggled my hips slowly, feeling his length stroke against mine. He was bigger than I was, and his warmth was impossibly delicious against me.

"Scream for me, and I'll scream for you," I said teasingly. That got his attention, and he opened his eyes to look at me. I grinned, and thrust hard against him. He moaned loudly, and I followed closely.

His hands clutched my hips, surely causing bruises. But I didn't care. The pleasure was way stronger and more important than the pain of his fingers on my skin. I thrust again and again and again, going blind with his moans filling my ears. I was pretty loud, too, and soon his hips were imitating my movements, going against me. My stomach twisted and turned, taking me over the edge.

He bit my shoulder when he came, spilling on our stomachs, and I briefly followed him, only adding to mess.

I was exhausted after, my legs shaking, barely able to hold my weight, and I fell on top of him. My skin prickled with my post orgasm, and his arms pulled my close, resting against my back.

I knew that, in that moment, we could pretend that I was his sky and he was my flame.

Why, hello there. Long time no see, huh?

I was in the mood to write some angst story. I think Riku and Roxas are the perfect pair to do this, don't you?

But don't worry; this story still has some twists and turns of its own, though I don't plan on it being very long.

This is just a prologue. If everything goes along with my plans, I'm pretty sure the next chapters will be longer. Hopefully.

Well, tell me what you think! Hope you all liked it.

Kisses, hugs, and play safe!

Tangerine.