Originally written for Winter In Panem on Tumblr
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight
Snow blankets the ground the day the Capitol falls. Peeta thinks the newspapers would have a field day with that: "President Snow falls, just as the snow covers the ground." Or "A different kind of snow rules Panem now" or something along those lines. Something just as stupid.
Peeta sees the snow, but he also sees the flames. Everything is shiny. The shiny images in his mind are warring with the shiny images before him. For the first time, he wishes all of the shiny images were in his mind, and not real. But this was one wish that couldn't be granted.
He is staring out the window of the psych ward when Dr. Aurelius found him. "How are you feeling Peeta?"
Peeta just shrugs in response, not bothering to hide his disgust, his anger, his pain.
"I'm sure there are a lot of things going on in your mind right now. Some real, some not. Are you sorting those out ok?"
"Yeah. Unfortunately."
The doctor looks at Peeta with some sympathy. This boy is so young to have lived this life. But the only thing anyone can do now is pick up whatever pieces are left and try to fit them together as best as they can. Peeta is like the rest of Panem in that regard.
"How's Katniss? Where is she?"
"She's taken care of Peeta. She's safe."
"But how is she?"
"You know I can't discuss that with you."
"Yeah," he sighs. No one has ever discussed anything with him in the past; why start now? And he turns his head away, signalling to the doctor that he is finished with this conversation. He absently rubs his hand where she bit him.
It's a day later when Haymitch walks in. "Boy."
"Haymitch." Peeta is still not over his anger with the man. Some of it is irrational, he knows, but some of it is very, very warranted.
"I brought a chess set. Want to play?"
"Sure. I guess," he shrugs. Peeta remembers sitting in Katniss' kitchen in the Victor's Village playing chess with Haymitch, trying to figure out the older man's strategy. He's impressed that it all seems to be coming back to him.
"Haymitch," Peeta asks after moving his piece. "How's Katniss."
"Well, your doctor won't discuss it, but I can. She's not good Peeta. I think she expected to die, and now they've got her locked up. She's in limbo, in a way. Who knows how long it will take for them to get a tribunal together to hear her case. Until then, she's safe. She has food, medicine, and shelter. But that's about it. I guess we just wait." the older man says in resignation.
Peeta can see the pain in Haymitch's eyes as he says all of this. He knows how important Katniss is to Haymitch. So he decides maybe he can add some sympathy for the old man along with the anger. And maybe, after some time, that anger will start to wane and go away.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on
Our troubles will be miles away
"She won't get out of bed," Peeta says to Haymitch. They're sitting in the old man's kitchen. Sae has taken it on herself to clean his house too, so at least Peeta knows that the cup he drinks from is clean.
"You know how it is kid," Haymitch responds, with sympathy in his voice.
"Yeah. But it's still hard to see her this way."
"You should have seen her before you came back. Sae and I wondered if she'd ever get up. She lost all will, you know? But then you came back. You know she's getting better, right?" he says to encourage Peeta. "You know she's coming around?"
"Yeah. Yeah she is," although he seems unconvinced.
"Just be there for her. It's all you can do." Haymitch says as he claps the boy on the shoulder.
Peeta thanks his mentor, and heads out into the night. It's snowed a bit since he went over to Haymitch's. It's amazing how clean the fresh snow makes The Village look. By morning light there should be a good foot on the ground.
Once he gets inside the house, he stokes the fire and makes some warm milk, with spices and honey, like they serve in The Capitol. It's one of the nice things that both Katniss and Peeta still enjoy. He climbs the stairs with the two mugs in his hands, and opens the door to their room. Katniss stirs for what seems like the first time in days, and sits up. The love and sorrow warring with each other shows on her face.
"Peeta." It's all she can get out before the tears fall.
Peeta puts both mugs down on the dresser and crosses over to the bed.
"It's ok Katniss. It's ok" he says. He climbs into the bed next to her, holding her.
Once the tears subside, he gets up and brings the hot milk over to the bed. "Look at that! It's just the right temperature. Perfect timing," he says with a small smile, hoping to lighten the mood just a bit.
Katniss smiles slightly in return, and scoots over. A silent invitation to Peeta to climb in beside her, which doesn't go unnoticed.
Before he climbs in, he hands her her cup. Once he's settled, he puts his arm around her and they sit there, sipping on their warm milk. "Thank you Peeta."
"No problem Katniss."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more
The second year after the end of the war, Peeta invites Annie and her son, and Johanna to District 12. Of course Haymitch is there as well. Can't keep him away when there's free food involved! He knew it was a hard time of year for Katniss, and he thought maybe the presence of friends would help save her from the dark days.
They are a motley crew. Johanna is as brass as ever. Annie is soft spoken, but having the baby seems to have been good for her. He grounds her, keeps her focussed on the present.
Peeta loves having the little boy around. He loves reading to him. When he's in the kitchen making cheese buns, he gives the boy his own dough to work with. He makes him dough men, just like his father did for Peeta and Delly when they were younger. Delly. He should have invited her too, but she's off in the Capitol, learning to be a teacher. She hopes to return to 12 when training is finished. She plans on starting a school here. Maybe next time.
Peeta heads out to the back porch for a breath of fresh air. He's sitting on the top step when he notices Johanna coming out. She sits down, joining him.
"Well blondie! How have things been back in the backwater?" she says, putting her arm around him.
"Fine Jo. Just fine," he leans in to her. Even though she's smaller, she's still older. She's still a mother-hen to him, just like she was when they were held captive in the Capitol.
"And Katniss? How's she?"
"She's good. It's good. We're… good." He adds, not really knowing what else to say.
"It's nice to see her. I admit I wondered if we would. If she'd be up for visitors."
"She's better Jo. It's just a tough time of year for her. For all of us, but her especially."
"Tell me about it. But this is nice. Just us here. No one trying to talk about the 'Glorious Revolution!' It's bullshit. But the problem is, we're the only ones who realize it."
"Yeah. I know. That's why I invited you guys. Figured we could ignore Plutarch and the talking heads better if we were all together."
"Always said you were the smart one!" and they share a small laugh between them.
Later that night, after everyone has gone to their separate rooms and Haymitch has gone home, Katniss and Peeta sit in the dark of their room, a soft glow from the lamp beside their bed keeps the shadows at bay. "Thank you Peeta." Katniss says, her eyes glowing as she looks over at him.
"I thought it would be a good thing. That's all."
"It was. It is. A good thing, that is. Let's do it again next year."
Through the years
We all will be together
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
It becomes a tradition, that second year after the war, to have the Odairs and Johanna come. It's the one time of year they know they can always depend on each other to keep the darkness away. They gather at the Mellark's. The food is plentiful, the friendships stronger than ever.
They decide they all do better with the support of each other. It's less dark when they're together.
Johanna never brings anyone along with her, but she always has a story to tell about a man or two (and occasionally a woman). Seems she's just not the type to settle down.
Annie and little Finn travel along with her. Jo goes to 4 before they all make their way to 12. Jo looks out for Finn like she would her own son. Where Jo lacks in commitment to another, she more than makes up for it with Finn and the others. Annie is always ready with an excuse when Jo gets a bit out of hand. But no one faults Jo, or Annie for that matter. This is the one time of the year when they can all be just who they really are. No false hope, no pretenses. Just a group of Victor's who depend on each other.
Now that she's back in the district, Delly joins them. While she isn't a Victor, she's still had losses. She was with them all in 13, they all know each other. And she knows just how far Peeta has come in his recovery.
"Peeta, thanks for thinking of me!" Delly says as she comes into the kitchen to help with some clean up.
"Of course Delly!" Peeta turns around from the counter to look at his friend. "You're one of us, you know. A survivor."
"Not like the rest of you." she says shaking her head back and forth. She's never felt like she was 'one of them', even back in 13 when they'd all end up eating together in the cafeteria. They were the Victors, the soldiers, the ones that everyone looked to for guidance. She was just Delly from 12. She knew Peeta before the hijacking, she could help the cause in that way, by helping him. But she wasn't one of them, she was just a secondary player in the war, and she knew it.
"Delly, you lived through the bombing. Saw your parents die right in front of you, yet you kept it together enough to make it to 13, raise your brother, and end up becoming a teacher. You're a survivor just like us." He says to her, reassuring her that she belongs there with them, just like the rest.
Delly smiles at this. Peeta always knows what to say.
"Hey Delly," Katniss says as she comes into the kitchen with an armload of dishes. "I'm glad you came tonight. You always help make it as nice of a time as it can be."
"Oh Katniss! Thank you for inviting me! I never would have thought, when we were in school together, that we'd end up as friends when we grew up. Of course, who could have imagined everything that's happened since then." she says, a bit too bubbly, a bit too gushy.
"Well, I'm glad you're here tonight." Katniss manages with a small smile, looking down she walks out of the room. The enthusiasm is a bit too much for her tonight.
"I'm sorry Peeta," the girl says, looking to Peeta after Katniss leaves. "I never seem to know what to say to her. It all comes out wrong."
"Don't worry Delly" he smiles back. "She's fine. I'll bet tonight she'll be saying the same thing to me! She likes you Dell. She likes you a lot."
"Really?"
"Yeah. She's just not good at saying it. But, you'd sure know if she didn't like you!" he says with a knowing smirk.
"Ugh Peeta. I always mess things up" Katniss says as she gets ready for bed later that evening.
"What now?" He answers, with a bit of a chuckle.
"Poor Delly. All she does is try to be nice to me and all I do is cut her off. She's truly a nice person. I guess I just don't know how to handle nice people." She climbs into bed, next to Peeta.
"You want to hear something funny? She was saying the same thing about you. That she never knows what to say to you."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. Invite her over sometime when I'm not here. Force yourself to talk to her."
"I guess I can do that." Katniss begrudges.
"It'll be worth it, for both of you. Trust me." He says as he puts his arm around her, bringing her closer to him.
"I do, Peeta. I'll call her after the others go home."
"Good plan."
And they settle down for the night.
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now
It's been 20 years since that first time they all gathered together. Peeta stands in the doorway looking at the joy and mayhem in the other room. The dark days still come, even though they aren't as hard as they used to be. They have their children now. They've given them both a new lease on life. He sees their joy and excitement as they are with the people who love them the most. Now that 'little Finn' isn't so little anymore, Johanna seems to take his son under her wing. He seems to soften her in a way no one else could. Peeta wonders if Johanna wished she'd somehow had her own children. But he also thinks that if Johanna wanted a child, no one would have been able to stop her. Johanna. She always has a 'friend' to keep her company, but they never seem to get much closer than that. It seems Johanna has the people in her life that she needs. No more.
Annie and her son still come. "Little Finn" is a man now, with his own family. All of the Odairs come to visit. It's a good thing the house is large, because with a wife and a newborn of his own, they add to the ruckus that is their celebration. Peeta and Katniss' daughter is there to help with the baby. Now that she's been a big sister for a few years, she thinks she's an expert.
Delly and Katniss have become inseparable after all these years. Delly watches out for the children at school, always filling Katniss in on the local gossip. Katniss was the first to notice Thom paying more attention to Delly, and did her part to play matchmaker. She and Thom hit it off. It was the two of them who started "Town Meetings" about 15 years ago, and through their work together they just naturally drifted towards each other. They're in the other room now, Delly looks about ready to pop. She's that close to her due date.
Peeta surveys the crowd, this motley crew of survivors that have pulled together through thick and through thin. He stands amazed at all that's happened in the last 20 years. A war ended, he and Katniss grew back together, stronger than ever. They've raised a family, and have seen a District come back to life. It's all kind of overwhelming when he stops to think about it.
Haymitch passed away, just after their son was born. It was a bittersweet time for Katniss and Peeta. To say goodbye to Haymitch was harder on Katniss who had to say goodbye to her mother a few years before. They were never close, after the war, but they were family, and they were all each other had.
But, as their life had taught them, people come and people go, but love remains forever.