This is my take on how Sam would react when she had her first erection. She is about 13 or 14 years old. No pairings just plain humor. Dedicating this story to Destroyer of Cities and Knifeinback. Rated M for language and something that may disturb some readers. If you have read 'iPoke' or 'Different' you should know what I am talking about. If you haven't read it and you like this theme, READ IT! The creator of this theme is Destroyer of Cities. Don't worry. I didn't steal anything. I had permission to use this theme.
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, Disney channel, Suite life on deck, or the theme... but I wish I owned iCarly.
Nothing in this world can fathom how fucking bored I am right now.
I'm laying in my bed at home alone watching Disney channel. What? Yeah I watch Disney channel, got a problem with that! Yeah I didn't think so, asshole. But I am still bored out of my fucking mind because I am watching 'Suite life on deck'. The show was so much better when they were in the hotel. What the hell is the point of putting them on a boat anyway? I hate boats. All they do is make you sea sick. Damn you, boats! Damn you to hell!
Anyway, I'm waiting for Carly, Spencer and Fredlumps to get back here from the airport with my prissy sister Melanie. I didn't want to go and neither did my mom. We were way too lazy to leave the bed at the moment, but now I am starting to wish I went because I am fucking bored. I grab the remote and start flipping through channels to see if I can find anything worth watching because I am tired of this shit.
"No. No. Nope." I mumble as I go through through the channels. I start to feel sleepy and I can't stop my eyes from slowly closing. I stop at a channel as the remote slips out my drowsy hands. I was just about to fall into my dream land that consists of bacon and fat cakes when I here moaning and a series of banging noises coming from my T.V. My eyes instantly spring open and then I am siting up, staring at the T.V. Oh my fucking god. That is...
...FUCKING HOT! I don't want to give too much of an explanation but it evolved two girls, 10 cans of beer, and a, um, I think its called a strap on. I wouldn't need one though. Wink. I was so engrossed in the show that when it was over I was still staring at the T.V. with wide eyes like I had just seen an alien. Or worse, Freddie with a girlfriend! After I came back to earth and realized the show was over sleep started to over come me again. I turned the T.V. off. I laid down on my back and was about to be over come by sleep when I heard the door downstairs open. It must have been Carly, Spencer and Fredichini. How many fucking times am I going to be interrupted when I am about to go to sleep! All though the first thing that interrupted me wasn't that bad. Wink.
The door causes me to spring my eyes back open. That's when I see something poking out from under my sheets. And it was practically on top my crouch area. I slide my finger down it and it twitched as if it was... alive. FUCK! There's an animal under my sheets! What if the fucker bites my dick off?! I jump out of the sheets as fast as I could without tripping over them. Not that I was scared or anything. Because I wasn't. Oh fuck it, I was scared as shit! I grabbed the nearest heavy object which was the school textbook I was doodling in earlier. I slammed it against my sheets on my bed until I was sure the asshole ran away or better yet, killed. I stopped my repetitive slamming and then swung the covers off my bed and onto the floor. I started stomping on the sheets hard, determined to kill the damn thing. I muttered things like "Die you bastard." I finally halted my actions after I was sure it was dead. Ha! Take that asshole! No one messes with mama. To claim my bed back, I do a celebratory belly flop on it. That's when I feel pain, and something else that I can't explain, in my lower region.
"Ow! What the hell?!" I turn on to my back. My eyes bug out of my head and my heart starts pumping faster. The same exact tent that was in my sheets is now in my boxers. Holy shit! The beast is in my boxers and the bastard bit me! That's it! No more mercy for you! I grab my textbook and position it over my head getting ready to slam down on the little punk. Then my door opens.
"Sam what are you doing in here. I heard a bunch of thumping and poun-" It was Melanie. I look up to see her looking at my with a confused expression on her face. Probably because I have a school textbook in my possession. Soon, she realizes the position I have the book in and looks down to see the tent in my boxers. Then her face changes into panic. I don't know what she's scared about. It's not like the animals in her pants about to bite her dick off. Even though she doesn't actually have one. Yep, that's perfect Melanie for you.
" Stand back Mels'. I am going to kill this thing if it's the last thing I do!" I bring the book down as hard as I can and bring all the anger and hatred I have for the thing also. That's a lot of force. But somehow something tends to stop my movements. I look up to see Melanie gripping the book in my hand, stopping my actions. What the hell is she doing!
"Mels' , let go so I can make this damn beast go to hell!"
"Sam unless you want to end up crying for the first time in your life I suggest you don't do that!" One: I've cried before. She made it seem like I had no emotions. I have a soul thank you! And two: What the hell is she talking about?!
"What the hell are you talking about?"
" It's your penis, Sam" Well that was blunt.
"What?"
She lifts up the stretchy part of my pants just enough for me to see. What I saw wasn't an animal at all. It was my penis. It was standing up straight and it looks a bit bigger than usual. It looks to be standing about six or seven inches tall. Damn!
"Why is it standing up like that?" I ask curiously.
"Your having an erection."
"What's that?" Why did that ask that?
" Well, it's when-"
" You know what, never mind. I don't feel comfortable talking about my privates with you. It would just be an awkward conversation."
"Come On Sam, where family and we look exactly alike. I won't be awkward."
"Um, any conversation regarding my privates sounds pretty awkward to me sis."
"Sam, there's nothing for you feel awkward about. It's just going to be a little more information for you about se-" I Knew exactly what she was going to say. I mean come on. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. I brought my palms up to cover my ears.
"Blah, blah, blah, blah..." I say this repeatedly as I jump out of the bed and run out of my room to the living room. Damn it! I seriously wish I hadn't because Spencer, Frednerd, and Carly are there. They stared wide eyed at the bulge in my boxers.
This was really not how I planned to tell my friends to that I have a penis. I can't believe I avoided an awkward conversation just to get myself into an even more awkward conversation.
Why the hell does the world fucking hate me!
Well, there it is. I hope it was worthy enough for you to have spent your time reading it. I sure had a lot of fun writing it.
PLEASE REVIEW and COMMENT! I would also like to know your favorite part or line.
P.S. Remember to read iPoke and Different if you like this theme.