Hi! This is my first fan fiction!
Disclaimer: I do not own The 39 Clues or Potter Puppet Pals.
Starring:
Dan Cahill as Harry Potter
Amy Cahill as Hermione
Ian Kabra as Professor Snape
Jacob Cahill as Ron (Jacob is my made-up O.C)
Allistair Oh as Professor Dumbledore
Hamilton Holt as Neville
And The Man In Black as Voldemort
* * * * * * *
The Cahill Puppet Pals
In:
Cahill Swears
*Our story begins on a bright, sunny, day. Amy and Jacob walk along, looking generally bored. Suddenly, Dan runs toward them out of nowhere holding a list.*
Dan: Guys! I found Aunt Grace's original will! I don't know why she didn't use it. I didn't know Cahills had swears.
Amy: Of course they do, Dan, They're called Cahill Swears!
Jacob: Oh, like Ian's Bum!
Dan: Really? That's adorable.
Amy: Oh, there's worse then that. Read some, Dan.
*Dan looks at list.*
Dan: Let's see…Son of a Kabra. That's useful.
Amy: That Rick roll link on Youtube- That's MY favorite.
*Suddenly, Ian enters the scene.*
Ian:*Clears throat* Do my ears detect foul-mouthedness?
Amy: Oh, no Ian-
Dan: Natalie's Ass!
Ian: *Looks furious* EXCUSE ME!? I refuse to have my sister talked about in that way, Daniel. I-
Jacob: Allistair's Burritos!
*Everyone looks at Jacob.*
Dan: I think we better run. *Turns to Ian.* Mai ROFLcopter it goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi!
*They all run away. Ian watches them go, ominously muttering under his breath.*
*Cuts back to Amy, Dan, and Jacob all running and laughing.*
Dan: That was fun! *Notices someone unseen.* Oh, hi Hamilton.
Hamilton: Hello Dan, Amy, Jacob. What's up guys?
Jacob: We're saying naughty Swears!
Hamilton: *Gasps* my dad forbids me from swearing.
Dan: Well, your father hits LIKE A GIRL!
Hamilton: *Long Gasp*
Amy: He doesn't mean it, Hamilton. We're just trying out some Cahill Swears.
Dan: I mean every word I ever say, because I'm. Dan. Cahill.
*Thunder rumbles in the distance.*
Hamilton: *Slowly backing away.* I'm telling Uncle Allistair. This is against the rules.
Jacob: You're such a prune-head!
*Hamilton is cornered by Dan.*
Dan: I can't let you do that, Hamilton.
Hamilton: N-no, no, I don't want to swear, my dad wouldn't want me to swear.
Dan: Are you a Holt or not, Hamilton?
Hamilton: I AM a Holt!
Dan: Then try it. Here's the list. Say anything.
*Hamilton struggles to say one of the listed swears.*
Amy: You can do it, Hamilton.
*Hamilton writes down a word.*
Amy & Jacob: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!
Dan: You sicken me, Hamilton.
Hamilton: b-b-but it's on the list-
Dan: Jonah Wizard is ten times the man YOU'LL ever be, Hamilton.
*Hamilton is stuttering and on the verge of crying.*
Dan: *Dramatic music plays in the background.* Leave the Cahills, Hamilton Holt. NEVER come back…
*Hamilton walks off.*
Amy & Jacob: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!
Amy: You're quite the hellion today, Dan.
Jacob: Yeah, you're rife with boyish attitude.
Dan: Now, let's do a prank call.
*Phone Rings, and is picked up.*
MIB: Man In Black speaking.
Dan: *Screams like a little girl into the phone.*
MIB: What- you kids- If I ever find out who's calling me-
*While MIB continues his rant, Ian and Uncle Allistair approach.*
Ian: THERE they are…
MIB: -I will make sure you're thrown in a high security prison, and I'll kill you, because I'm the Man In Black! Stop calling m-
*Dan shuts off phone.*
Allistair: Mr. Kabra would like a word with you three.
Amy: Oh, nuclear turds!
Ian: THAT is the sort of…Vulgarity…that I want to eliminate from this family. The traditions must be upheld and protected, the founders surely-
Dan: Oh, shut up, Ian!
Ian: WHAAAAT!?
Dan: You rotten, evil, *Expletive Deleted*!
*Everyone stares at Dan in shock.*
Jacob: Irina's Sock.
Ian: Allistair, I URGE you to get rid of these monsters.
Allistair: Oh, Ian, let them have their fun.
Ian: But you're the one who banned the words in the first place!
Allistair: I don't even remember five minutes ago. Go back to your stalking- I mean, skulking.
*Ian storms off.*
Amy: Thank you, Uncle Allistair.
Allistair: You're welcome!
*There is a pause.*
Dan: Uncle Allistair, you're exceedingly old.
Allistair: Yeeeeeeeeeees?...
Dan: Do you know any olden time, lost-to-the-ages Cahill Swears?
Allistair: Well, there is ONE…
Jacob: I want to hear it!
Allistair: The Madrigal Swear. You must never repeat it.
Amy: We won't, Uncle Allistair.
Allistair: All right, here it is…….YOUR MOTHER IS A*beepbeepbeepbeep*FSBGFBSHF*beepbeepbeepbeep*GKHSGGHKSHHT*beepbeepbeepbeep*agrkhrobbng*beepbeepbeepbeep*HIPPOPOTAMUS*beepbeepbeepbeep*REPUBLICAN*beepbeepbeepbeep* -ING DANIEL RADCLIFFE*beepbeepbeepbeep*WITH A BUCKET OF*beepbeepbeepbeep*IN A CASTLE FAR AWAY WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU*beepbeepbeepbeep*SOUP*beepbeepbeepbeep*WITH A BUCKET OF*beepbeepbeepbeep*MICKEY MOUSE*beepbeepbeepbeep*WITH A STICK OF DYNAMITE*beepbeepbeepbeep*MAGICAL*beepbeepbeepbeep*ALAKAZAM!!!
*There is a long silence…*
Jacob:…WOW.
Allistair: Now you know. You must never, EVER, repeat it, Ok?
Dan: We won't, Uncle Allistair.
*Suddenly cuts to Amy, Dan, and Jacob surrounding Hamilton.*
Amy, Dan, & Jacob: YOUR MOTHER IS A*beepbeepbeepbeep*FSBGFBSHF*beepbeepbeepbeep*GKHSGGHKSHHT*beepbeepbeepbeep* AGRKHROBBNG*beepbeepbeepbeep* HIPPOPOTAMUS-
The End.
Well, that's it! Tune in next time for…The Ultimate Coraline Parody! (Coming April 2010!)
P.S: For those of you who didn't understand the Ian's Bum and Natalie's Ass jokes, Ian was bit on the butt by Allistair's dog in the 3rd book, The Sword Thief. And there's a lot of DanXNatalie going around sooooo…. I thought I'd help by putting that in as a little reference gag.