FIXATION
::
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world
-Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol
::
Chapter One
He watches her.
Every day.
He doesn't get tired of doing it.
And he thinks he'll never be.
He's obsessed.
He's hopeless.
Every day, he waits for her.
…waits for her outside her school until she comes.
And wait again until she leaves.
It's been like that for the past two weeks.
He watches her.
Her.
Mikan Sakura.
Her long brown hair,
Her big amber eyes,
Her genuinely sweet and dazzling smile…
Just everything about her mesmerizes him.
He craves for her every day.
And he wants her…
so fucking badly.
::
::
"Mikan Sakura! Are you even listening to what I've been saying for the past fifteen minutes?"
Sleepy amber eyes abruptly snapped wide open at the sound of her friend's irate voice. Mikan straightened her back from slouching on her chair and guiltily turned to the woman sitting next to her.
"Sorry, Sumire. I didn't get much sleep last night but I was listening to you, I swear!" The brunette said sheepishly at the green-haired lady.
"Oh, yeah? And what was I talking about if you were really listening? You were practically sleeping on me while I was pouring my very fragile heart out here!" Sumire screeched.
Mikan rolled her eyes. Her friend could be such a drama queen sometimes.
"You and Koko broke up again because you caught him at the video rental store with another girl. And before you gave Koko the chance to explain, you punched him in the face and then slapped the girl. And then you walked away and left and, uh … that's about it." Mikan finished complacently. "Did I miss anything?"
"Yes! You missed the part where that stupid woman was all over my Koko! She was linking arms with him!"
"I still think you should let Koko explain, love. All of these could be just a big misunderstanding on your part." Mikan tried to rationalize but looking at her friend's furious form, being rational was the last thing on Sumire's mind.
"Oh, I am not misunderstanding anything, alright. He lied to me, Mikan. He freaking lied to my face! He said he can't go out that night because they were having this family dinner at their house. But he wasn't at his house and that woman was definitely not family!" Sumire retorted furiously as tears began rolling down her cheeks.
Mikan didn't know what to say to appease her friend or how to make light of the situation. Mikan never had a problem like this with her boyfriend before. She and Ruka almost never fought or argued with each other, actually. Nevertheless, she hated seeing her friend hurt like this. Koko and Sumire were both dear to her but if this really wasn't just a big misunderstanding then she'd have to skin Koko alive the next time she sees him.
Mikan moved her chair closer to Sumire and wrapped her arms around her friend's sobbing form to comfort her. Good thing there were only few people left in the cafeteria and most of them were too occupied to take notice on the broken hearted and hysterical Sumire.
"Don't you and Koko always get back together whenever you guys break up? You two always fight but you work things out again with each other sooner or later. Is that not possible now?" Mikan asked softly as she gently rubbed Sumire's back.
"I don't know… I've thought about it and realized that compared to this, the things Koko and I had fought about in the past are all really petty and shallow. They weren't big like thisone. I mean, for the past four years that we've been together, Koko had never cheated on me until now. It just goddamn hurts." Sumire said in between sobs.
Mikan tightened her embrace on her friend and let her weep in her arms. This was the first time Mikan saw Sumire so torn like this.
However, Sumire's tear-filled moment was swiftly interrupted by her Blackberry's loud ringtone.
"It's Koko…" Sumire muttered after she pulled away from Mikan to check the caller. The green-haired woman stared at the device on her hand with mixed emotions as it continued on ringing.
"I think you should answer it. Listen to what Koko has to say, at least give him that." Mikan stated reasonably.
Sumire nodded and then wiped the tears from her eyes. She let out a long anxious sigh before pressing the answer key on her phone. Sumire distanced herself from Mikan as she took the call and after a brief moment, she was back. Mikan watched her as she grabbed her bag and frantically rummaged through it for her hairbrush and the small pouch containing her make-up.
"So…?" Mikan prompted as Sumire begun fixing her hair and reapplying make-up on her face with great speed.
"Koko's here. He's waiting for me outside the school. He asked— no, begged me to listen to him first before I finally cut him out of my life." Sumire then carelessly chucked her things back in her bag hurriedly after she was done with them. She turned to Mikan and asked,
"How do I look?"
"Beautiful as ever." The brunette answered loyally and honestly.
"Good. Because I've already made my decision. I'm going to make Koko choose me over that bitch. And I'm ready to give him another chance and forgive him if he promises me that it will never happen again."
Mikan frowned and opened her mouth to protest. It seemed to Mikan that Sumire was only making an impulsive decision at the moment and was not really thinking things through. But before she could voice out anything, Sumire raised her palm to stop her and continued, "Because I still love him so much, Mik. I don't want to lose him."
At that, Mikan could only do nothing but give her friend a small smile. Sumire left and Mikan was on her own.
She started to lose herself in her own thoughts as she wondered what she would do if she was in a similar situation as Sumire. Although it seemed very unlikely for Ruka to cheat on her, Mikan couldn't stop herself from wondering. What would she do? Would she be willing to forgive him and then accept him wholeheartedly again?
A bigger part of her said she wouldn't, and that somehow surprised her. Good thing that would never happen because she knew Ruka would never do something that would hurt her. They'd been together now for three years and Mikan could only count in one of her hands the times she and Ruka had fought with each other. Everyone knew, or at least those people who knew them that Ruka was the perfect guy and he and Mikan were perfect together. They were undoubtedly compatible and their friends could attest to that.
Mikan was hardly an expert in the love department but she knew her relationship with Ruka was ideal. It was almost flawless, in fact. Ruka was her first, and most probably the last, boyfriend. Mikan could already picture herself married to him ten years from now with at least two children in tow.
She was happy with Ruka. With him, she had her fairy tale romance. This was what she had always dreamed of since she was a young girl. But there were times when it bothered her a little at how they were always on the same page with each other. Mikan wouldn't admit it out loud but she was slightly bothered when her best friend Hotaru once commented that she and Ruka were a boring couple. She didn't take it seriously but it still made her ponder once in a while.
But then again, when she really took time to think about her relationship with Ruka, Mikan knew she wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. She'd rather have a boring and simple life with Ruka than a drama-filled and complicated one with someone else. It was simply not her cup of tea.
"Mikan,"
The brunette was pulled out of her trance when a gorgeous yet stoic-looking woman appeared in front of her.
"Hotaru! I haven't seen you all morning. Where have you been?" asked Mikan as her best friend took the seat across from her.
"I attended a seminar. What are you doing here? Don't you have class at this hour?" Hotaru narrowed her amethyst eyes at her suspiciously, "You're not cutting, are you?"
"No, of course not; Jinno isn't around today so we have free period." Mikan answered and then stuck her tongue out childishly.
"You're twenty and yet you still act like a child." Hotaru remarked before taking a bite on her crab sandwich.
"I'm only being youthful, Hotaru my love." Mikan grinned at her friend but the latter merely rolled her eyes.
"You should get yourself a boyfriend, best friend; someone who can loosen you up. You're way too uptight." Mikan watched her friend with glee and then continued, "You know, like Hayate. That guy's absolutely crazy about you."
Hotaru glared at her irritably, "Shut up. Don't make me throw up on you."
Mikan chuckled and decided to start a different topic. Mikan was usually the one who talked while Hotaru listened, or sometimes pretend to listen, and would comment or share her thoughts if she felt like it. That was how their special friendship worked through the years, basically.
"Did you get your new ID yet?" Hotaru asked after a while.
"Yes, Finally! I got it yesterday. I can't believe getting a new ID here can be such a hassle. It took a long time to process, too, and also cost me a thousand yen." Mikan whined.
"That will teach you a lesson not to lose it again." Hotaru said offhandedly.
"It's not like I lost it on purpose." Mikan grumbled. She had lost her school ID two weeks ago and looked for it everywhere. She even checked the Lost and Found office several times but had no luck finding the said item. She was guessing that she must've dropped it outside school when she was running late one morning and she accidentally bumped into someone.
"Whatever. Where's Mr. Bunny Boy, anyway? Isn't he like your shadow or something."
"Ruka has class at this time but we're meeting up later." Mikan answered and then added reproachfully, "And you really should stop calling him that when he's around. It's a cute nickname but it really annoys him."
"And I don't really care." The stoic woman said indifferently.
Mikan sighed and then brought up another topic and chattered away. Half an hour later, Ruka was out of his class and came to see her and Hotaru. Hotaru, despite having eaten snack just a while ago (and also because she was a gluttonous pig), wanted them to go to the newly opened restaurant that was just a few blocks away from the university. Mikan and Ruka could only do nothing but concede.
::
::
Aoi Hyuuga was brooding under the waiting shed outside her school as she waited for her brother to come pick her up.
She usually took the train or the bus on her way home but her fellow drama club members had decided to team up against her and made her the one to bring home the props. It was cruel, making a tiny girl like her carry all the heavy stuff; but they argued that she was rich enough to pay for a cab. She scowled. Next time, she wouldn't treat them out again for snacks. Being taken advantage of by other people was not on the list of things she wanted to achieve.
She thought about it and decided that taking a cab would cost her a lot, considering that their house was quite far from the university. She had the money but she didn't want to waste it just for her transport unless direly necessary. She could take the bus but she didn't want to walk at least a hundred meters to get to the bus station while carrying a huge heavy box; and even then, there was no guarantee that she wouldn't be standing inside. So the only best option she had was to text her brother and prayed to the angels in heaven that he was not busy and his mood was good enough to do her a favour.
The angels must have listened to her prayer because not a minute later after her text, her brother replied and said that he was on his way.
"Aoi!" A cheery voice suddenly called out.
Aoi turned around and smiled widely as she saw her senpai approaching.
Mikan Sakura was one of her favourite people in college.
Along with Mikan were her handsome boyfriend Ruka Nogi and her best friend Hotaru Imai.
"Mikan, hi!" She greeted happily. She turned to the brunette's companions and greeted them too.
"I haven't seen you in a while. What's up?" Mikan asked cheerfully.
"Yeah, I guess I've been busy with the drama club lately. I'm playing the lead role for the next play." The raven-haired girl grinned.
"That's so great, Aoi! I'll definitely go see it. Ruka will, too. Right, Ruka?" Mikan said excitedly and then turned to look up at her boyfriend.
Ruka smiled down at his girl, and then gently pinched her nose. Aoi noted at how the two looked so cute together, "Fine. We will." He turned to smile at Aoi and kindly said, "Save us the tickets, won't you?"
"Sure thing! You should also go, Hotaru." Aoi said to the stunning girl beside Mikan and then added mischievously, "Hayate would be ecstatic to see you. He's in the play, too."
As expected, Hotaru's face crinkled in obvious distaste. Mikan, Ruka, and Aoi laughed at her reaction.
"Why do you hate Hayate so much, Hotaru? He's not bad-looking and he really likes you a lot." Mikan said, playfully poking Hotaru on the side.
"And he compliments you every time he sees you. You're like, and I quote, the 'cool blue sky' to him." Ruka added gleefully.
"Hate to break the love, but I'm awfully hungry. If we don't get a table because of everyone's dillydallying, all of you will have to pay for my food every time we eat out for the next four weeks." Hotaru hissed, looking downright annoyed.
"Hungry? But you just ate." Mikan said to her best friend disbelievingly. Nonetheless, she turned to Aoi. "We're going out to eat. Wanna come?"
"Sorry, I can't go out with you guys today. I'm waiting for my brother. I asked him to pick me up because of all these stuff I have to bring home with me." Aoi pointed at the huge box on the ground behind her.
"I didn't know you have a brother, Aoi."
"Yeah, I do. He's—" Aoi got distracted when she saw the tall figure of her brother coming their way. "Ah, he's here." Aoi announced, somewhat surprised that her brother had actually stepped out of his vehicle. He didn't usually leave the car whenever he dropped her off or picked her up at school. He tried to avoid people as much as possible. He probably wanted to help her carry her stuff.
Everyone turned around to see Aoi's brother coming towards them. Aoi heard a couple of girls standing near them let out audible gasps as they shamelessly ogle at her brother. Other girls in the vicinity did double takes at seeing the raven-haired man and threw lingering glances. Aoi couldn't really blame these women for having such a reaction; her older brother was very good looking. She was somehow relieved that Mikan and Hotaru weren't the type to drool over handsome guys; probably because Mikan already had an equally handsome boyfriend while Hotaru was just simply Hotaru.
Aoi hoped girls wouldn't start flocking around his brother or try to hit on him. She was aware of how horrible her brother's temper could get. He also had no patience with women who annoy him.
When Natsume reached their little group, Aoi immediately took control of the situation.
"Guys, this is my older brother Natsume. Bro, these are my senpais. This is Mikan and her boyfriend, Ruka, and this is Hotaru." Aoi introduced rather quickly.
Her brother's face was blank and uninterested. Ruka gave a friendly smile and greeted, "Hey, man." Hotaru merely nodded in acknowledgement. Mikan, however, being the friendliest in the group, extended her hand to Natsume and said in a loud, cheery voice,
"Hi! It's nice to meet you! You're so lucky to have a sister like Aoi. She's such a sweetheart."
Natsume stared down at the brunette's smiling face; although his face was blank but at least he wasn't glaring like what he usually did when a random woman tried to talk to him. He then turned his gaze down at her extended hand that was still waiting for a handshake.
For a brief moment, Natsume merely stared at Mikan's hand. The brunette waited for him to take it. Aoi only stood there uncomfortably. She knew her brother didn't like to be touched.
Natsume brought his eyes back to Mikan's face again before he wordlessly turned his back on her, ignoring her outstretched hand. He proceeded to pick up the box on the ground and walked away from them as he returned back to his car.
Mikan blinked a few times, realizing that she had just been ignored. She put her hand down and then pouted like a child before muttering, "That was rude."
Aoi cleared her throat awkwardly.
"I'm so sorry about my brother. He's just, um… not really good with people." She said apologetically, her face turning slightly flushed.
"It's okay, Aoi. Don't worry about it," Mikan smiled sympathetically, "I think you should go after him now. Maybe he's just having a bad day or something. Ruka gets real grumpy too sometimes, especially when Hotaru blackmails him with his photos." At that, Ruka groaned while Hotaru smirked. Aoi couldn't help but laugh.
Aoi was somehow relieved that Mikan didn't seem that offended by Natsume's rudeness and simply opted not to take him seriously. Ruka and Hotaru also didn't seem fazed at all by her brother's behaviour.
"Yeah, I should probably go now. It was nice seeing you guys. Bye!" Aoi excused herself and hurriedly followed after her brother.
::
::
She didn't remember him.
She didn't remember him at all.
He was annoyed.
…terribly annoyed.
And that blonde guy standing so close to her,
Natsume wanted to beat him up until all of his bones are broken.
He had wanted to do so ever since the first time Natsume saw him with Mikan.
That bastard is always with his Mikan,
And Natsume hated every second of it.
He's agitated whenever the blonde and Mikan act so intimate with each other.
No other man should be so close to her like that.
No one other than Natsume,
…Because she belongs to him and no one else.
::
::
"Hey, girlfriend."
Mikan lifted her face up from the book she was reading and smiled when she saw Sumire taking the vacant seat at her table with an iced chai tea latte in hand. They were at a coffee shop just across the university where Mikan decided to finish reading the book for her literature class while she waited for Ruka.
Mikan immediately noticed the blissful, glowing look Sumire was emitting. "You're happy." Mikan remarked as she placed her book down on the table. "I haven't heard from you the past couple of days, but I'm guessing everything went well with you and Koko again…?"
Sumire's grin widened and said sheepishly, "You were right. Everything was just a big misunderstanding."
Mikan raised a brow as she sipped on her caramel frap. "'told ya… And then? What was that drama all about? And who was the woman you saw with Koko at the rental store?"
"It was his aunt! Koko's mom's cousin from Osaka came to visit them—"
"Oh, my god. What? That means you slapped Koko's aunt!" Mikan interrupted, unable to stop herself from bursting into laughter.
"I know!" Sumire started laughing hysterically as well. "I can't believe I slapped my boyfriend's aunt! And Koko wasn't lying to me either. He did have dinner with his family including his aunt, and then they went to rent some movies after and that's when I saw them. Koko's sister was with them that night, too; only she went to the convenience store next to the video rental store that's why I didn't see her."
"If only you let Koko explain first before you went Mike Tyson on his ass, you wouldn't have to bitch slap your future aunt-in-law."
"I know, I know! But I really wouldn't have thought she was Koko's aunt. I mean, she's hot, Mik! She looks younger and she's only eight years older than us. Apparently, she's also getting married. That's why she's here in Tokyo right now; she's shopping for her wedding gown…" Sumire went on talking about the recent progress in her relationship but Mikan got side-tracked when she caught a glimpse of the tall figure of a familiar raven haired man near the cashier. His back was on her so Mikan couldn't be sure who it was. But when he made a halfway turn to his right, Mikan had a view of half of his face and she was certain it was Aoi's brother. It was only two days ago when Aoi introduced him to her so Mikan hadn't forgotten what he looked like yet.
"Hey, that's Aoi's older brother, the guy in navy blue shirt." Mikan said in a low voice. Sumire glanced over her shoulders to look and her eyes instantly widened when she saw the man.
"That's Aoi's brother? Oh, my God, Mikan. I think my ovaries just exploded." Sumire whispered in awe, her gaze fixed on Natsume. "What's his name?" Sumire then asked interestedly.
"Natsume. And may I just remind you that you have a boyfriend that you love and that you just recently made up with him after you falsely accused him of cheating on you?" Mikan threw her friend a disapproving look.
"Relax. I'll never cheat on Koko no matter how yummy the other guy is." Sumire ogled for a few more seconds before finally tearing her eyes away from the oblivious man.
"I wonder if all Hyuugas are hot." Her friend mused.
Mikan giggled and said, "He's a little strange, though."
"Oh? Strange how?" Sumire asked curiously.
"He ignored me, Ruka, and Hotaru when Aoi introduced him to us. And then he left without saying anything."
"That's rude." Sumire commented.
"Yeah, but we don't really know him. Maybe being sociable isn't his thing, which is kind of funny because his sister is a social butterfly."
"Hmm, maybe…" Sumire mumbled as she checked the time on her watch. "Damn. I almost lost track of the time. Sorry, Mik, I have to go now. Koko invited me to dinner with his family tonight. I still have to get home to change clothes. He's also going to formally introduce me to his aunt, and shit, it's making me nervous. I've been working on this long ass apology since last night. Koko actually found it amusing. That monkey." Sumire grumbled anxiously.
Mikan chuckled, "I'm sure you'll be fine."
Sumire stood up, picked up her hand bag and her still half-full Latte. "Wish me luck, babe."
"Good luck," Mikan said and blew her friend a kiss. She watched Sumire until she was out of the door. Her gaze then shifted to the counter and saw that Natsume was still there, waiting in line. She didn't realize immediately that the man was also looking back at her until their eyes met.
Mikan was slightly taken aback at being caught staring but she quickly recovered. Instinctively, Mikan smiled and waved her hand at him. She didn't know what to expect when she did that, but she was still a little disappointed when the raven-haired ignored her for the second time. He didn't give her any kind of acknowledgement before he looked away from her.
Maybe he didn't remember her anymore. Mikan sighed and chose to let it go. She decided to get back on her book and continue where she left off earlier before Sumire came.
A few minutes later, Mikan was engrossed in her book when she was interrupted once more from her reading. She was startled when a slice of strawberry cheesecake was put on her table. She looked up and was more surprised to see Natsume standing in front of her.
"To apologize for my behaviour last time," Natsume stated casually in a deep, masculine voice.
Mikan stared at him and it took her a few seconds before she realized that he was referring to the dessert he placed on her table.
"Oh." So he did remember her. "That's okay. You didn't have to get me anything." Mikan smiled and was genuinely amazed when this time, the man smiled back, albeit very faintly.
"Take it. I did get it for you." Natsume said, looking at her directly from where he stood.
"Okay, thank you very much for this, then. Strawberry cheesecake is actually my favourite dessert." Mikan said appreciatively. Natsume watched as she took the plate toward her and then she noticed the brewed coffee he was holding in his hand.
"You wanna share table? You can sit here if you want." Mikan gestured at the chair that Sumire had just vacated not long ago. Mikan was pretty sure he was going to decline, but he surprised her with his actions once again when he placed his coffee down on the table and occupied the seat across from her.
Well, this was interesting.
"Um, so, are you waiting for Aoi?" Mikan started conversationally. She began to dig in her free dessert.
"No. I was just in the area." He answered nonchalantly.
It was somewhat unnerving how the man kept his eyes on her, but Mikan chose to ignore it. Maybe he was just strange like that.
"What were you reading?" Natsume glanced pointedly at her book.
"Oh, it's for my lit class. I need to make a book review. It's The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Are you familiar with it?"
"No. I don't read fiction." Natsume answered briefly. Mikan was thrilled that she was actually conversing with him, although his answers were short, it was better than none at all.
"Eh? So what do you like reading?" She asked, trying to make the conversation flow, and at the same time, interested at getting to know him. Mikan couldn't help but compare but his personality was very different from his sister's. He seemed more reserved and serious.
He seemed to think about her question for a second and then answered, "Newspapers,"
Mikan couldn't help giggling, "Figures,"
"I read the newspaper too, but only the comic section." She said with a grin.
"Figures," Natsume mimicked. Mikan laughed. She was actually enjoying herself talking to this man. The same man who flat out ignored her when they were first introduced to each other.
"Are you still in college, Natsume? I didn't know Aoi has a brother until you came to pick her up a couple of days ago."
"I've graduated a few years back. I'm a photographer." He answered with his crimson eyes fixed on her. Mikan noted how he and Aoi had the same eyes but while Aoi's were more warm and lively, Natsume's were kind of dark and intimidating. If Mikan weren't used to socializing and facing all types of people, she would feel too daunted to make eye contact with him.
"Really? What kind of photos do you take? Pictures of people, like celebrities and models?" Mikan asked naively. She felt a little impudent for asking him a lot of questions but he didn't seem to mind so she went on and asked anyway.
"No, not people. Just… things I'm interested in." He replied simply before taking a sip of his black coffee.
"Ah…" Mikan slowly trailed off, slightly nodding her head. The side of Natsume's lips tugged upwards, forming a smirk, as he watched her.
She was about to ask another question when her cell phone beeped. She fished for the device inside her bag and saw a new message from Ruka. She quickly read the text.
"I'm sorry, I have to leave now. Ruka's class just ended. I'm meeting up with him." Mikan said apologetically when she turned to Natsume again, the smirk gone on his face and was instead replaced by an unreadable expression.
"Where are you meeting him? I can give you a ride. I don't mind." He offered.
"Oh, no, thanks. You don't have to. We're just meeting at the school library." She grinned, grateful for his kind offer nonetheless. "It's really nice talking to you, Natsume. And thanks again for the cheesecake." She said as she gathered her things before she stood up from her chair.
Natsume remained seated. He looked up at her and nodded his head.
"Bye!" She smiled before she walked off to the door.
On her way to the library, Mikan couldn't help thinking that Aoi's brother was surprisingly a nice guy; still a little strange but not rude as she first thought him to be.
And Mikan was pleased at her new discovery.
::::
Author's Note: Yes, Natsume is a stalker and yes, he's a bit crazy in the head. I was planning to post this fic next year but decided to have it posted today instead… because I want the date stamp to show 11-11-11. (Yep, I'm shallow like that.)
I know I should finish my other stories first before starting a new one, but please be patient with me. Momma ain't plannin' to abandon those shit. (Except maybe for Enemies with Benefits; I'm still thinking about it, because my old laptop crashed a few months ago and lost all the files. Now I'm using a new one but I no longer have the copies of the deleted chapters of EwB. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have deleted them in the first place. Anyhow, I learned from my mistakes.)
Second chapter will be posted on Natsume's birthday (Nov. 27) if I get enough reviews for this. Teehee. I'm a shameless review whore, you guys.
Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice doesn't belong to me.