It couldn't be.
It simply wasn't possible.
How could they be so stupid?
Eyes, like two black voids on the young detective's face, stared with a seamless mixture of confusion and contempt. How could they make such a critical mistake? His gaze traced the oversized computer screen a dozen times, but it still did not add up. No matter how many times he replayed the video, he could not fathom that his adversaries were capable of such thoughtlessness.
After everything, it's going to end like this?
Before him played video footage that had the potential to sentence Light Yagami and Misa Amane to an apt death sentence. L replayed the video, watching as Light commanded Misa to write a name in her Death Note. With sickeningly compliant obedience, Misa scribbled down a name and a cause of death. Today's obituaries confirmed the death. It was more than enough evidence to convict them both.
And for some reason, L was not happy.
An unsettling feeling of incompletion had fallen over him, as though he'd won an intense tennis match by forfeit at the last minute. He'd counted on a narrow, close victory; what he had on his hands was something completely different. His inner child was not pleased.
The door swung open, and a head of bouncy blonde locks on an equally vivacious body skipped through. L quickly exited out of the offending video, busying himself with other work. Misa pranced over to the raven-haired detective, giggling.
"Ryuuzakiiii," she whined through the lollipop in her mouth, "You're always on that stupid computer. Come play with Misa!"
"Go play with Light. I believe today is his day off, correct?"
"Yes, and he's being totally lame! He said 'Misa, today is my day off, so I'm going to get some rest. Do not bother me.' He's not even going to play with Misa on his day off!" With a dramatic flail, she tossed her arms around L.
"Misa…"
"…Ryuuzaki isn't going to leave Misa alone, too, is he…?" Misa cried, her voice small and squeaky.
L's lips turned down slightly at the corners of his mouth. Certainly, the girl was unfathomably bothersome, and had caused him more than his fair share of lost work time. Yet… he'd acquired a sort of grudging admiration for her. More than anything, he sympathized for the innocent heart within her that had fallen for a homicidal madman. He'd always wondered, distantly though, so as not to attach himself to an enemy, what would have happened if he'd only met her before she'd had a chance to find Light. He only entertained such thoughts for fleeting moments—but now, as she smiled her lipstick-laden smile, asking him to play, he wished with every bit of himself that his and Light's roles had been reversed, if only for a day, so that he'd been the one to secure Misa's devotion.
"…No. I'll play with you, Misa. My work…is done. For today, I mean. What would you like to do?"
Misa's eyes widened with disbelief. "Ryuuzaki means it?"
L sighed wearily. "Yes. I'll do whatever you want with you, Misa. I owe you that much." Before I send you to your death, he finished silently, bitterly.
Misa squealed with delight and grabbed L's hand, pulling him from his seat.
"You said anything. That means Misa can get you into some clothes that are actually stylish!"
How can a killer be so childlike?
****
Night clawed at the day, and the sky bled a beautiful twilight. Misa and L sat together on a park bench amidst bright pink flower blossoms tinted orange by dusk. L wore a spiky black choker around his neck, a tight black tank top covered in skulls, and tight black jeans held up by a studded belt. Black bandages covered his left arm, and his right hand was stuck in a red fingerless glove. Somehow, Misa had convinced him out of his comfortable clothes and into this ridiculous clown attire she'd deemed 'cute'. A day of embarrassment in exchange for a young girl's demise.
They both licked at ice cream—sea salt flavored—and silently enjoyed the serenity of this scene in their lives.
Ironic, L noticed, that her final days should be carried out in the season of beginnings. It's spring, and the cherry trees are blossoming. Maybe I should wait until winter, when everything is dying. It seems unfitting that a flower such as she should die when all the rest—
L gagged on his ice cream, suddenly conscious of his own thoughts. Wasn't it he who'd so diligently sought out Kira, risking everything in the name of justice? Justice was black and white, impartial. There was no room for gray areas—sympathy—in justice.
"Ryuuzaki-kun! Are you all right? Did you get a brain freeze?" Misa cooed.
"I'm fine, Misa. I was just eating too quickly."
Misa sat back in her seat, looking at the sky.
"It's really beautiful today, isn't it?" she said airily, kicking up a pile of cherry blossoms with her toe. With a subtle, impossible to detect movement, Misa scooted over so that her shoulder just brushed against L's.
"I've seen something more beautiful," L muttered, instantly regretting his words.
"Really?" Misa cried, instantly fascinated. "Was it in England, where Ryuuzaki used to live?" A bit of blue ice cream lingered on the side of her lip.
"No," he mumbled. "Right here in Japan." Stop it. She's a killer. She's a murderer.
"Is it Mt. Fiji? Is it in Okinawa? What's it called?" Misa implored, leaning a bit closer in her earnest.
"Her name is Misa Amane, and she's the most beautiful thing I've ever been privileged to see." With this, L gave way to impulse for the first time in a long time, and cleaned the edge of her mouth with his lips.
Just as Misa's brain intercepted the fact that there was a foreign object on her lips, her cell phone rang. Ignoring the sudden kiss, she pulled the phone to her ear and began chattering, leaving L wondering what the hell had happened.
"Light-kun! You called Misa! Oh, Light, you do care!" She squealed, leaving a sickeningly tight knot in L's throat.
"…Yes, Ryuuzaki's here. We're at the park! …Yes, the one with all the sakura trees in bloom… You're here too? Great! We're near the lake… See you soon!"
Misa hung up the phone and place it back in her bag…and suddenly frowned.
"…Misa is having an issue, Ryuuzaki! She'll be right back!" Misa gathered her things and stood. L watched her, perplexed.
"An issue? What sort of issue?"
Bright red dotted Misa's cheeks, and she forced an awkward smile. "A feminine issue, Ryuuzaki. I'll be back in a little bit. If Light gets here before Misa does, don't let him leave!"
Leaving a slightly embarrassed L behind, Misa skipped off with as much vigor as someone in her position could.
Light Yagami stood from a bit away, watching his girlfriend skip away from the only man that really mattered. Once she'd faded safely out of sight, he stepped out from behind the tree where he hid and approached L, bearing the fake smile he'd long since perfected.
"Hey, Ryuuzaki," he called in a friendly voice, waving.
L stood to greet him. "You're looking especially fake today, Yagami."
"That's an interesting statement, coming from you," Light responded breezily. "Nice outfit. I didn't coin you as the Gothic Lolita type. You look ridiculous."
He really, really liked the outfit.
"Your girlfriend seems to have a preoccupation with skimpy clothes, on both herself and others."
"I can't imagine why you felt obligated to indulge her."
"Perhaps because you never do," L responded curtly, and Light was temporarily caught off guard by his directness. There was silence between the two of them, both standing awkwardly. Light broke it with a sigh.
"You're quiet today," he muttered, mostly to break the uneasy gap of speech.
"I've been faced with a terrible decision. I may soon lose something very precious to me."
Light bit his lip subtly. What could he possibly mean?
"Don't feel the need to respond," L said abruptly, cutting short his thoughts. "You couldn't possibly know what it's like, to actually care for something." His voice was twisted, bitter. Light was again caught off guard. L never showed such raw emotion. For some reason, L's words cut deeply, and he was overcome with the urge to defend himself for reasons other than keeping up his image of an innocent college student.
"You're wrong, L," he said, his voice low and dark. "You have no idea how wrong."
"Just shut up," L hissed venomously. "Quit the façade, Yagami! It's over! You don't have to pretend anymore."
The tone of L's voice was instantly sobering. Whatever was troubling him had to be intense. Light's internal danger senses rose, telling him it was time for less of Light Yagami and more of Kira—something was definitely up. And yet… the look in L's eyes distracted him impossibly. For a moment his defenses were rendered completely incapable, and he let himself be Light, regardless of whether it revealed more about him than it should.
"L…I may pretend a lot. Hell, you and I both know most of my entire life is pretending. But there's one thing I could never make up—and that's how I feel about you." He grabbed L's hand—anything to take that tortured look off his face—and pulled him a little bit closer to himself.
"Kira can fake almost anything. But the one thing I can't do is imitate this feeling. I love you, L."
To Light's dismay, L's eyes became cold and he pulled away his hand.
"Too little too late, Yagami."
He turned on his feet and walked away, leaving Light Yagami questioning the very ground he stood on.
****
L didn't sleep that night.
In truth, he rarely slept, but it was typically out of genuine disinterest in the idea of sleep. He always had so much to do, so many ways his mind needed to be used, that he rarely even gave sleep a second thought.
Today, however, he craved sleep. His mind longed for rest after such an emotionally ravaging day, but he was not so privileged. Every time he closed his eyes he was faced with the agonizing image with a beautiful fair-haired girl and a dirty blonde college student hanging from an executioner's noose.
At last, he sat up and stared at his alarm clock, which said the numbers '3:00' in glaring red numbers. He sighed bitterly, as finally it donned on him the impossibility of the situation he'd become muddled in: I've fallen in love with the most dangerous human beings on earth.
Preceding taking on the Kira investigation, L had given it careful consideration from every angle. He had weighed every danger and thought of every possibility. He'd been certain he'd known all the risks involved; sure he was aware of every peril. He hadn't counted on this.
He sat awake for a long time, until finally a peace came over him about his decision. He knew what he had to do.
He stood to his feet and walked to his door, opting to take action quickly, lest he change his mind. His heart was set. He knew, above all, he had to be true to himself.
He opened the door—and was surprised to see Misa and Light, standing sleepy-eyed before him in pajamas. L caught his breath. They both held black notebooks in their hands.
"Lawliet," Light breathed. "L Lawliet."
Light shoved past L into the bedroom, and Misa followed. With trembling fingers, L closed the door behind them.
"You know my name," he whispered. "It's over."
Misa giggled. "We've known your name for a long time, Lawliet."
'Misa and I were aware of the video evidence you have. We staged it for your camera."
L furrowed his brow, confused. "For what purpose? And…why am I still alive?"
Light smiled a small, crooked smile. "Because I wasn't lying today, Light. I love you. You are the most important thing in my world. More important, even, than being Kira."
"Misa loves you, too!" Misa squealed. "That's why we want you to be Kira with us! You can reign forever, with Misa and Light!"
"What?" L gasped.
Light nodded. "We're giving you an opportunity, Light. Neither of us wants to be the one to write your name in the Death Note. We want you to be on our side—we can be together, L! Just think! With our brilliant minds, we'll be unstoppable. I don't want to have to kill you, Lawliet. I want to be with you."he
L blinked several times, taking this all in. Finally, he said, "I feel the same. What must I do to prove my loyalty?"
Misa grinned and held out her Death Note. "Write the names of all the members of the Task Force, here. That way, you'll be Kira, like us! We'll make the world better, and none of us has to die!"
L inhaled—a sharp and bitter sound. He knew what he had to do. He took the notebook from Misa's manicured hands and held a pen between his forefinger and thumb.
Light and Misa watched with anticipation as L scribbled something down in the Note. L's expression was grim.
"Goodbye, Misa and Light. Regardless of everything, I love you," he said, his words choked and distorted.
"Lawliet, what the hell are you talking about?"
"L, you're scaring Misa!"
None of three was ever to speak again.
****
Their bodies were found three days later, one atop the other.
The investigative team that discovered the notebook in L's position found the following as the last entry in the Death Note:
Misa Amane, Light Yagami, L Lawliet
Die consecutively of heart attacks in the name an impossible wish.
Happy Birthday, Leahlove.
You're made of win and epic.